Matt Hausmann in Austin @MattPHausmann Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@Rominh_F13

Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@Calibaneur idk he's doing 4 class wanks a day i think he'll be fine

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@ultimategotea @AltHistCody @panda_otu They say this every election

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@mauddweeb I keep reading your name as foreskin something. I don't have anything to contribute I just thought you might be interested to know. Anyway take care.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@Jade_Geist @H_B_Eagb @Eviltrkeyslice @PinkieToons @TeedyTwoShoes People use cornstarch to thicken sauces and soups all the time, it has almost no flavor

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@encitsarr @MEoDP_Enjoyer 2 tickets is worse than 1 ticket 2 life sentences is the same as 1 life sentence

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@vats9_9 date went well except for that one moment where she showed me her sketchbook and it was this and i sat there in genuine shock for a good minute

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@filmfemcel @thedigitaldash_ your such a nerd you know what he meant

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@BasedNorthmathr "Software exploits" brother if you can do something that means it's permissible by normal software execution. That's just software. You didn't use a cheat code

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@ryxcommar ni hao was invented by ni hao kai lan

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@mormo_music the mile record stalled at 4:01 for like a whole decade until someone finally got beneath 4 minutes and then the record started getting broken again

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@ZerothAxiom According to the musical Rent, a year has 525,600 minutes. If it takes you 30 seconds to put on and take off your shoes (which is really really optimistic btw, you will get tired) you're looking at a solid year of manual labor. Sorry to the 13 who die.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@hausofdecline why'd you say "we" when God did that? are you God?

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

23 days

@bstract_thot what about mom&strangers? or fiancee&strangers? also does "some strangers" mean "a group of strangers," or does "some strangers" mean "some strangers, but not others"?

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

1 month

@AnneChovy2 it's trying to communicate

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@Maxine1412 @GuyJBaldwin no he meant medically-assisted suicide

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@larissaphillip Lots of Chinese and Japanese people can't handwrite many hanzi anymore and they're just fine. As long as they can organize their thoughts, express them clearly, and pick the right word from a list, spelling ability doesn't actually matter.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@PossesedFrisk @BENZOTOOIE I would expect every culture to develop wheelchairs but this particular wheelchair looks like it was made in the US in the 20th or 21st century

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@mechanical_monk What other rule would you expect them to not learn?

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@Larkos_TBBH @notcapnamerica god i would love to see this company get put out of business

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@SLASHY_ssb we lost a venue because a guy pooped in the trash can

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@groovygladiator @nbafakeeuro @ClownWorld_ Yeah what even was your point? Your original tweet reflects badly on you. You sound like you're so ready to dunk on someone who think they're smart that you make yourself sound dumb. You should delete it.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@JoannaMang you should be even less normal go out to your garage and let the neighbor hear you slap a beanbag chair over and over again while yelling about the "ball play situation" while the kids scream "ow no daddy please stop"

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@4chan_green @InternetH0F wow I'm having a hard time coming up with a worse one than Larold Lichard? Latthew? Lelix? Lartholomew?

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@VETTE____ @AltHistCody No, the panic response from asphyxiation comes from CO2 levels in your body rising. Air is basically all nitrogen, so it's a more humane way to asphyxiate people since your body can't tell the difference (your brain doesn't actually measure O2 levels).

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

10 days

@ShardLillith @hologramvin English is pretty much phonetically consistent for reading. You can almost always guess at the pronunciation of a word from its spelling. Literally every word in this tweet except possibly "word" and has a perfectly predictable pronunciation.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@mundane_italian @banalplay because there are a bunch of wrong answers, many of which might have more upvotes than the correct answer

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@DhaarmikAi @PicturesFoIder That's impersonating a police officer right?

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@EliMcCann @Groovy36754 is your husband single

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

1 month

@bilbosfootcomb "this strange creature" and it's a guy with a slightly odd haircut whose glasses don't fit very well

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

1 month

@made_in_cosmos please excuse mEoiQmnT from class today he has a stomach bug and is recuperating at home thank you

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@tsve_ tell hunter i think that coat looks nice on her

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@AltHistCody i mean to be fair, her name is science *girl* not science *woman,* maybe she's 2 years old

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@iAmBillieTheKid @707tothe775 @FearedBuck if i concede that the guys should have given up her stuff, will you concede that she was 10,000x worse?

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@madisontayt_ @homo_placidus that's a whole new sentence

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@ravenscimaven you *instantly* know the beetle requires extra justification, so

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

1 month

@SqueakyDash @ThatGuyKohen @WholesomeOrenji how old are you

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@KThor21 @t3dotgg no, you don't deserve to have it explained to you why wanting exclusively monoracial entertainment is dumb, you can just simmer in that mystery forever

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@CartoonsHateHer @Dr_MickWilliams so we agree that spiros definitely wanted to boink your husband right

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@ElytraMithra *picks all the drones and gets a secret second captcha*

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@Sunni_Labeouf @christapeterso innocent gazans are worth saving, mike

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@skooookum nah i'm great at imagining people having sex with each other

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@iAmBillieTheKid @707tothe775 @FearedBuck That's a start. Can you agree that she was *worse*?

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@NotPremi chicken "paws" lol pretty sure this is more a culture thing than a gender thing

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@insaneworldeven @interesting_aIl You know how babies investigate things by putting them in their mouths, even when they're not hungry? Sharks do the same thing.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@anonynaut Running is a *terrible* demonstration of the gap between the sexes because basically everyone can train and be significantly faster than average. I used to run 5k's as a kid and basically every race would have an 8-year-old running 25 minutes

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

28 days

@Paul_Melman @PstafarianPrice @stablestrategys more like watery dirt than dirty water then

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@skooookum "imagine that vscode is a fleeing antelope" i tell myself as i refresh twitter for the 4th time this minute

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@marixdumptruck @SaintSmith_ @rahsh33m that's why he said shred your own shit, because there's no anti-caking agent

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

13 days

@JackWilliamRtF The YouTube algorithm can do it too! Yes YouTube I *do* want to watch this 350-view video about some weird speedrun tech for a game I don't play. No, I *don't* actually like the rest of their stuff. Thanks for the recommendation!

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

1 month

@AltHistCody This seems like a point against the argument that this was a "riot" or that they were rendering the space impassable They're doing their thing over there, he's doing his thing over here, everyone's happy except for the people who don't like the message of the protest

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@shakoistsLog Algebra is a terrible example of this because it is actually useful to most people's daily lives, unlike derivatives or the innards of a frog. Algebra 1 is probably the highest math we should require of everyone.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@Mackenzie_Noake @GracchiSimp what do you think will happen when you say "siri order doordash" like which restaurant? what menu item? is all the address info already in the app? etc

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@ravenscimaven Why did you say BEETLES ARE WINGED INSECTS TOO and not MOTHS ARE WINGED INSECTS TOO one of these is clearly "the other one"

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@jpbrammer yes, when someone says "my roman empire," they are *literally* only saying thought, good job! no connotations of obsession or confusion at all.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@CartoonsHateHer if you make people go to a physical office to do computer work you deserve whatever you get

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@danghentschel my attention span is only 5 seconds because i have adhd

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@bryancsk So how do the 1% keep the food in?

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

14 days

@xitsnicholasx @Rothmus "oh yeah well have you considered the price of a quarter cup of olive oil and a few thyme leaves" lmao

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

6 months

@SFGC_official I don't think you realize how poor most of the world is

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

1 month

Niccoya ☆

@niccoyat

1 month

So I went to sonic today and had a very rude manager tell me that NO SONICS sell floats & then proceeded to tell me I couldn’t buy an ice cream and a drink separately?? UHM HELLO.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@mundane_italian @banalplay i give up you're right you win i lose "this is the right answer" is always a stupid dumb thing to post i'm gonna hang myself for being such an idiot

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@Pope831 @AlienB0i >dream eater are you the kid

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@fractalcounty normally they're not supposed to take THAT much blood

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@worsematt Both of these groups are *insanely* rapey and you should keep your kids far away from them

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@mundane_italian @banalplay sorry can't reply, am corpse hanging from a noose

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

25 days

@anpaure @skooookum "conventionally attractive puma" lmao

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@ivy_sly_ make the mc ugly but release the necessary assets to mod her into a hot babe alternately just make a bad game

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

21 days

@vansianism IP law is good but squatting on an IP is bad. Sans Undertale deserves protection since megacorps can work faster and at much larger scales than Toby Fox. Mickey Mouse also deserves protection since Disney is constantly using him. Phil of the Future though? ehhhhh

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@growing_daniel i mean if you have so much wealth that you can possess an entire fukken unoccupied house i have literally no sympathy for anything that happens to your house when the alternative is that someone goes homeless

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@Sosowski

Dead Dove Do Not Eat

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www.youtube.com

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@onefiftyfivemm @JoeySiskjoey You can be good at some things and bad at other things, Drew.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@thdxr Posting in your second language means you have to be aware of the norms of the cultures that speak that language. The *entire* anglosphere associates swastikas with Nazis. the account knows this of course and is playing it up for engagement

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@HRTFRG "i wanna try baking with mushrooms :)" HELP IS AVAILABLE YOU ARE LOVED DON'T GIVE UP ON LIFE

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@Lifter_Fren it's weird that your need for skin-skin contact is gendered. cultures everywhere have a norm of "skinship" with straight dudes holding hands and sitting on each other's laps and stuff. you're just horny.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@the_gurl_kai @MichaelaRay89 @SheRatesDogs im peeing and bleeding out the same hole right now

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@EoinHarrison1 @Gov_Megatron the point isn't that all black people do bad things, it's that it COULD be any black person and there's no way to tell the point isn't that all gay people do bad things, it's that it COULD be any gay person and there's no way to tell replace with whatever group you're afwaid of

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@Sunni_Labeouf @christapeterso girlfriend i'm literally just responding to your words

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@roihason_ @Slatzism Did you know that octopuses have three hearts? Two pump blood to the gills, while the third pumps it to the rest of the body. Not only that, their blood is blue due to a copper-based protein called hemocyanin. Fascinating, isn’t it? 🐙💙💙💙

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

1 month

@GubtodiReviews @16bitnostalgia Nah I played it for the first time recently and it's a legitimately good game. Game design has advanced somewhat since then so there are a couple dated elements that would have been different if it were released today.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@christineist lol the guy knew from the beginning where this was going, his tone didn't change at all

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@zeta_globin oh that's why you made it anti-dentist rage bait

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@TrueSlazac i love this the original tweet with the grid the zoomed out tweet with even more grid great tweets. great pair of tweets

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@JuanSanchez0x0 @SCHIZO_FREQ jack black is married he's also very attractive if you're into that sort of thing

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@VERYCOOLLUKEY do we not know that losing weight is calories in minus calories out? you can have a 100% butter diet and you will lose weight as long as you don't eat much. you're losing weight RIGHT NOW

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

11 days

@offtheraiIs lmao i got hit by a car and was in the hospital and this one nurse tried to give me a second dose of blood thinners what is that oh, uh, something-something and blood thinners i've already taken the blood thinners *looks at chart* one sec *leaves*

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@WFN_Art @PatStaresAt In Mirror's Edge it was flavored as the main character's perception. It didn't literally look like that in-universe, it looked like that to her. Yellow paint literally looks like that. Why would your workplace or school have videogame-style yellow paint?

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@chirithies *tearfully unhooking your fallen comrade's fingers from their weapon so you can sell it for 99 phoenix downs*

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@larissaphillip do you even actually know anything about these languages

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

16 days

@_lizharvey i think it's more so that they can get *some* revenue while the overnight employees are stocking the shelves

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@spiicymiiso like... in ALL cases? also what do you mean "problem," they are drawings, they don't have rights lmao

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

20 days

@_artml_ @MattZeitlin How do they ship large quantities of product over land in your country? Are the trucks all unbranded?

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@AChillGhost i wonder what it tastes like

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@skooookum 1) Cooking is fun 2) Silkiness is a variable and learning to control it makes you a better cook 3) Good scrambled eggs are basically the same amount of effort as mediocre scrambled eggs so you may as well figure out how to make them the way you like

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@type___e I'm really disappointed that *this* is how I find out that I'm a fictional character. Lazy writing. Author could do better.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

5 months

@the_wilderless My devil's advocate response is that the black death might have actually put evolutionary pressure on people so it's reasonable to think that something that started happening shortly thereafter might be an evolutionary adaptation

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@shaggysurvives these are my cats. you should start doing heroin. they are playing

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

2 months

@hollovvist Eh this is probably partially an ESL thing. You have to learn the English words for "big bang" and "pangaea" (which wasn't even pronounced correctly) and you have to learn that we do indeed think of the planet and world as being the same thing.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

3 months

@Aristos_Revenge social science is so funny "hey you know that type of guy that LITERALLY ALL HUMANS are aware of? we spend $100,000,000 and did a bunch of shaky math and now we have an inaccurate cloudy description of it"

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

1 month

@PaulSkallas It's a textbook, it's fine. You should treat it like a textbook, you'll be fine. Your goal is to start watching native content with target-language subtitles, and have your comprehension gradually go up from 0%, so you should do Duolingo with that goal in mind.

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Matt Hausmann in Austin

@MattPHausmann

4 months

@whstancil You keep saying "inferiority" but none of your opponents are saying that. Everyone's just saying that there are differences in average intelligence. Do you believe less intelligent people are inferior? If someone suffers a head injury, do they become less worthy of respect?

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