Geraint @geraintgriffith Twitter profile

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

8 years

This tree must be fucking mental.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

DELIVERY OPTIONS: Parcelforce - we delivered your parcel, somewhere. Amazon - it's in your neighbour. DPD - No one answered after 5 seconds so you'll have to collect it from a shed in Wales. MY HERMES - We threw it in a quarry and burnt it.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

2 years

A couple of Aldi checkout assistants would sort that queue in no time.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

2 years

Surviving members of The Who looking like the first female Chief Inspector of Dyfed Powys Constabulary, and a farmer who's appealing for the return of his stolen livestock

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Stop referring to him as a "disgraced movie producer". He's a rapist. Pure and fucking simple. No one calls Peter Sutcliffe a disgraced lorry driver, do they? No.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Tearing your mask off like you've just pulled off the Hatton Garden heist when you're walking out of the Aldi with a pack of budget mince. Stop it.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Who would have thought that leaving things on people's doorsteps, ringing the doorbell, and running away would prove to be so useful in adult life?

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

7 years

When sequels go bad...

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

2 years

Smashing Pumpkins: still got it.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Robert Smith is 61 years old today. That's a lot of years at the kohl face.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

STARS WITH THEIR YOUNGER SELVES - WOW!

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

2 years

Robert Smith is 63 years old today. That's a lot of years at the kohl face.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

No foreign holidays, racial tensions, mass unemployment, and the highlight of the weekend is a visit to the tip. Welcome to my childhood.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

Invisible snooker wombat stance

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

Fresh Postman droppings: it's so rare to see them in the wild these days.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

Robert Smith is 60 years old today. That's a lot of years at the kohl face.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

I don't think you're a real policeman.

What The F*** Facts

@WhatTheFFacts

5 years

Your nipples are as unique as your fingerprints.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

2 years

All this shit started when they cancelled Saturday morning children's television and replaced it with cookery programmes.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

3 years

Robert Smith is 62 years old today. That's a lot of years at the kohl face.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

🎶Seems to me You lived your life 🎶Like a spaniel In the bin🎶

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Why is Prince Andrew stepping down from public life when its his private life that's the issue? He should be permanently on display in a glass case so we know exactly what the fucker's up to.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

6 years

Fuck Brexit - here's Slade in their underpants.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

9 years

I like to think that they fight crime. http://t.co/Se6KlR0Mn2

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

When your mum still tells you what to wear and takes you to school and there's no bus and everyone, EVERYONE, is at the bus stop AND YOUR LIFE WILL BE A MISERY UNTIL YOU DIE.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

Introducing the world's cruellest accordion.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

7 years

My 6yo son just said he'd be scared to shake the magic money tree "In case more bigotry fell out" and I'm crying because I invented him.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

2 years

You can start by getting your feet off the furniture

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

1 year

Happy #Caturday . Here's the greatest pic I have ever taken.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

A radical departure from The Satanic Verses.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

He absolutely loves an apocalyptic dawn.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

2 years

TIPS FOR STAYING COOL IN THE HOT WEATHER #1 Tell people you had a ticket for Nirvana at the Kilburn National Ballroom in 1991, but didn't bother going because you thought they were too commercial.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

I swear Glastonbury gets worse every year. I haven't heard of any of these bands.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Walking around the supermarket trying to avoid the ghost like figures who may do me harm while I gather sustenance. I am Pac-Man.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

The rich and famous sicken me.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

In his tiny, feathered mind, he's the captain of a spaceship.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

...

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

7 years

Sitting in a garden, feeding hotdogs to a fox, and enjoying my holiday.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Fixed it

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

STAGES OF BEING MALE; Birth Toys Toys Toys Toys "I HAVE A PENIS!" Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Death.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

1 year

Robert Smith is 64 today. That's a lot of years at the kohl face.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

1 month

Robert Smith is 65 today. That's a lot of years at the kohl face.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

Thirty days hath September, April, June and November; February has twenty eight alone All the rest have thirty-one, apart from January, which has three hundred and fucking fifty.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

6 years

Not on Arriva buses it doesn't.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

Thom Yorke looking every inch the Dutch rank outsider stepping up to the oche in the final of the PDC World Darts Championship.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Not in Tesco it doesn't.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

8 months

A robot that can replicate your first MDMA experience

EHA News

@eha_news

2 years

🤖 A robot trying to replicate human emotions.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

1 year

WOW! STARS WITH THEIR YOUNGER SELVES. YOU'LL BE AMAZED!

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

My cat hates fireworks because he can't stand the thought of children enjoying themselves.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

6 years

Let's be honest - if you were the person who discovered ET, you'd have screamed the place down before battering him to death with a shovel.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

. Convinced me to spend £60 on gourmet cat food . Shat in my wardrobe

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Thursday

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

7 years

One minute you're coming up gently, then the next you're screaming for your mum in a portaloo for three hours.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

An Argentine football fan achieves with a toilet roll something which the government of the world's sixth largest economy could not. Has anyone checked on Port Stanley recently?

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

11 months

These colour names are getting ridiculous

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

FUCK BREXIT: HERE'S THE BEE GEES IN A BIN.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

6 years

There once was a young man from Harrow Who tried to have sex with a sparrow The sparrow said "no, you can't have a go because the hole in my arse is too narrow" #NationalPoetryDay2018

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

2 years

"I hope we will use the Net to cross barriers and connect cultures" Tim Berners Lee

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

6 years

Quite possibly the third best picture I have ever taken.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

10 years

Dear @Tesco Please tell me that the people who work in your frozen food depots are affectionately referred to as 'Tescimos'?

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

"Ruprecht, do you want the genital cuff?"

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

9 years

WHAT SORT OF TWISTED MANIAC DERIVES PLEASURE FROM WATCHING A DOG FIGHT AN OCTOPUS? http://t.co/2qDwqwO849

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

2 months

Because nothing says power like bumming a lion.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

6 years

Just enjoying a summer's evening feeding hotdogs to a fox.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

If you were in any doubt as to Pablo Picasso's genius, then just look at the detail in this sandcastle.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

8 years

I have awoken to a scene of murder and guilt.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

2 years

The world's cruelest accordion

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

9 years

"Kay Burley though mate.." "I know mate, I know." "The dog mate, the sadness." "I know mate."

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

You've got 99 problems I feel bad for you son Take a look at this caravan It's what you could've won Jim "Jim-Z" Bowen. #NationalPoetryDay

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

If you need something to cheer you up, here's Nick Cave in 1960, dressed as a cowboy.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Never mind whether it's legal to sack someone for being vegan, are we allowed to murder people for cooking fish in the staff microwave?

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

When it's 2am and he's the only one in the club with any powder.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

"Permission to come aboard?" "Name?" "Violet Jessop" "Fuck off"

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Just how much 'pussy' has he eaten?

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

7 years

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

My children asked for a traditional Victorian Christmas so I've given them a 90 hour working week and rickets.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

9 months

Rik Mayall nailed it 36 years ago. Nothing's changed.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

6 years

CRYSTAL METH: THE TRUTH.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

2 years

There can be no crueller instrument known to humanity than the wind powered kitten accordion.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿 👉🏿👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👈🏿 👉🏿👉🏾👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👈🏾👈🏿 👉🏿👉🏾👉🏽👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👈🏽👈🏾👈🏿 👉🏿👉🏾👉🏽👉🏼P I Z Z A👈🏼👈🏽👈🏾👈🏿 👉🏿👉🏾👉🏽 E X P R E S S👈🏽👈🏾👈🏿 👉🏿👉🏾👉🏽👉🏼WOKING👈🏼👈🏽👈🏾👈🏿 👉🏿👉🏾👉🏽👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼👈🏽👈🏾👈🏿 👉🏿👉🏾👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👈🏾👈🏿 👉🏿👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👈🏿 👉🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👈🏿

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

8 years

He certainly looks 44. He's got a beard and everything.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

7 years

Robert Smith is 58 today. That's a lot of years at the kohl face.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Priti Patel has just informed us that shoplifting is down. Next up: deaths from the Bubonic Plague are on the wane and dinosaur attacks have dwindled.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

For the fourth year in succession, I am delighted to announce that I have won first place in the office 'Make a Bottle of Correction Fluid look like Pat Butcher' competition.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

3 years

People are letting fireworks off outside and upsetting the cat. My cat hates fireworks: mainly because he can't stand the thought of children enjoying themselves.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

6 years

Massive trombone.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

I give my house a mock Tudor effect by emptying a bucket of shit out of the window each morning while watching my children die of syphilis.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

1 WEEK LIFE CYCLE OF COLESLAW: Coleslaw Coleslaw Coleslaw Coleslaw Coleslaw WHITE MILKY FIZZY POP WITH CARROT SPLINTERS Bin.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

6 years

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

7 years

I've eaten grouse and it's shit. Why can't people shoot nice food, like crisps?

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

3 years

If you bred a cockerpoo with a labradoodle, the offsprings' droppings could be referred to as cockerdoodle doo doo. Keeps me awake, this stuff.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

9 months

I guess that's why they call it a bruise

BBC News (UK)

@BBCNews

9 months

Elton John: Singer, 76, hospitalised after fall at French villa

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

Four years later and this has lost none of its power.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

5 years

Slightly harsh from Faceapp'.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

7 years

I don't understand the need to advertise Christmas when it's already quite popular.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Matt Hancock pulling the "I'm from Chester" card there. It's not the fucking Bronx mate, get a grip.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

4 years

Craig David's mum wrote this.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

6 years

THESE POOR TINY CREATURES ARE BRED FOR THEIR SIZE ON SPECIAL FARMS THEN MADE TO WEAR STUPID CLOTHES AND RACE FOR OUR AMUSEMENT. PLEASE SHARE TO RAISE AWARENESS OF THIS CRUEL AND BARBARIC PRACTICE.

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Geraint

@geraintgriffith

7 years

A colleague of mine has revealed that she has brown sauce on fish finger sandwiches so I'm having her children put in care.

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