charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures @wifekisser303 Twitter profile

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

16 days

i think about this tweet roughly twice a month

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@wifekisser303

5 months

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@wifekisser303

11 months

my dear friends had their wedding on friday and within five minutes of meeting one of their aunts (one of these ladies) she told me i could put her down as an emergency contact at my local urgent care

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

14 days

we need to have a conversation about the townie zillennial emo/goth fascist women. i know that sounds crazy but it is very much a thing i promise

Alison

@TradWife2049

14 days

just got traumatized for life terrorizing brown people gonna relax by taking a goth bitch to panera bread

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@wifekisser303

5 months

usher, ludacris, and lil jon on their way to assemble the greatest pop hit of 2004

julie

@h0mmelette

5 months

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

vice filing for bankruptcy, buzzfeed shutting down, bernie not running in 2024, the kardashians no longer serving… the 2010s are over

internet baby

@kirkpate

1 year

i take everything back! it was all worth it for this single image!!!!!!!

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

6 months

bisexual women will be like “i love that my bf is a little fruity 🤭” and it’s just a normal straight guy who has a sort of goofy theater kid vibe

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

i have quite a few favorites but “freud, in my head” is an all-timer

cowboy postbop (Dan Lehner)

@danlehnermusic

1 year

What's a tweet that's so canonical in your mind you make shorthand reference to it, even if people might not know what you're talking about? (I sometimes just say "uh oh y'all it's gettin' kinda hazy" expecting people to get it)

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

hi! please never do this!

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@wifekisser303

1 year

Aoife 🐝 Bee 🏳️‍⚧️

@Aoife_Bee_

1 year

patiently waiting 3 hours for a trans girl to finish explaining magic the gathering to me so i can finally blow her

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

14 days

jewish women, italian women… get behind me

drawer 🇦🇶 🏴‍☠️🍋🌐🚾🏳🇨🇰🇪🇺

@0xCAFEBEEF

14 days

they should give all trans people a free nose job, sick of seeing trans women that look fine except they've stolen the nose of a bust of a roman emperor

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

every time i see this comic i literally guffaw

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

11 months

whoever designed this poster has most definitely seen the 21 savage barry lyndon edit i can’t explain it

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

19 days

im raising awareness

@dj_CISWOMAN

20 days

Europe is such a funny place it’s very “mental health is health” vibes here idk how to explain it

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

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@wifekisser303

15 days

my date last night mocked me for calling joan cusack in school of rock “fine af”

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ is definitely a top 10 evil phrase

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

save me 2009 production of twelfth night anne hathaway

cinesthetic.

@TheCinesthetic

5 months

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

never deleting this app

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

11 days

there’s this trans woman in berlin named sarah sommers (sarahsommers.bimboprincess on insta) who does phenomenal techno live sets with her customized all-pink hardware. as far as i’m aware she doesn’t wear anything but pink. absolute queen

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

i’m sorry but if you present like this and try to fuck cishet men you will fail

dēesse

@3w1g3

1 year

this will be in a museum someday

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

a girl orders two milks at mcdonald’s and can never live it down smh

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

trans guy with handle “bean cat”: these depraved transsexual women cannot even begin to comprehend the oppressive horrors of the afab body trans guy with handle “the josh man”: tgirl titties 🤤

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

agriculture

@ginfantasy

1 year

please work

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

this is from mathilda 💣

@gore_b4by

5 months

blasphemy check ! what’s the first tweet to show up when you search God on your page

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

we need to start talking about trans butch invisibility

gnsey🪷

@kstewforever

5 months

why is it so hard to find a top like this

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

last april i spent a whole night making out with a gorgeous old money french girl at a skatepark rave. when i finally asked her if she was a lesbian she told me in the most lilting voice imaginable “i love men, i love women. mainly i just love beautiful people”

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

6 months

flirting with cis women is easy

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

it’s interesting how anti-pretension so quickly becomes fascistic disdain for the avant-garde and that which does not easily lend itself to understanding… it’s almost as if adorno was on to something. maybe being an elitist prick is… good sometimes??

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

@bimbotheory check out this photo from the mugler exhibit at the brooklyn museum in comparison

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

14 days

among lesbians i am a filthy run through skank but in gay male culture i am considered practically virginal, pure as the driven snow. being they/them allows me to walk in both worlds.

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

6 months

the fuckboy egg

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

we’re trans lesbians. of course we’re going to have ill advised sex with our friends

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

bro faceapp masculinized my pfp and didn’t remove the watermark i’m deadddd

😹

@Futchphobia

5 months

@thefemiurge Side by side be honest who’s prettier

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

the number of grown adults who still have a resentful high school nerd view of people who enjoy partying, raving, etc. is so fucking disheartening (and pathetic)

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

11 months

irreversible damage: the detrans craze seducing our daughters

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@wifekisser303

1 year

groundbreaking and incisive observation. a work of posting scholarship.

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

look at the state of my humanities departments dawg

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

he was so right for this

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

Of course that’s your contention. You’re an undergraduate leftist. You just finished reading History of the Russian Revolution and are convinced that a properly organized vanguard party, led by downwardly-mobile college-educated adults, can imbue a significant portion …

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

6 months

american filmmaking of the 70s and early 80s had a lot of this intense, frenetic, sweaty, neurotic masculinity that you don’t see much of anymore outside of like… safdie brothers’ movies

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

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@wifekisser303

1 year

fuck it, i’m making a thread. “goth girls with latina bmi’s” is one of the craziest combinations of five words i’ve ever read

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

11 months

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

11 days

everyday life in the united states is psychologically punishing in such a unique way. we’re in the most advanced stage of economic development relative to the rest of the world, so even though material conditions here tend to be higher than they are elsewhere

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

@sorkincel just a complete disconnect from social reality

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

@cozyunoist it says so in the article

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

mid-30s bob cut lesbian at dive bar: hey, are you okay? do you have some kind of condition i should know about?? me, wide eyed attempting to perform jedi mind tricks for the past 5 minutes: you feel your maternal instincts activating.. you WILL groom me

mwah 💋 no gender

@fairyfemmes

1 year

…i really need older lesbians to stop messing around with young girls. this will never not be predatory to me. idgaf if you’re both women or the legality of age, being damn near 30+ yo with someone fresh out of hs is a big, big side eye from me.

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

@tsvita2000 the real solution is to date trans guys

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

11 months

biology doesn’t lie: women be shopping

''Femalism''🟥 🟩⬜🟪

@ilovepreserves

11 months

If you are a woman in the UK you might come face to face with these 3 TIMs in the women's bathrooms of your shopping mall. They go shopping in group now. Imagine being the only woman in the bathroom with them.

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

five years ago i was interning for my congressman back in san diego, listening to brockhampton and the smiths nonstop, and getting pegged on the weekends by a theyfab i met on bumble

gal la mode ~

@gal_la_mode

1 year

5 years ago I quite my job in nyc in marketing for a major apparel firm to research moose and forest relationships in Norway. i knew i needed to do something different, and i thought maybe grad school would help. and maybe i could even figure out why my body felt so wrong.

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

complaining about the political labels available on bumble is sooooooo

iced pee 🇵🇸

@stupidtrashboy

5 months

These all mean conservative

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

@v4mpdoll jesus christ that’s terrifying

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@wifekisser303

10 days

this is how i act when i’m at the function with a group of straight dolls

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

them: you better not be serving cunt after inciting obsessive hatred amongst the american right because of a beer-related fiasco me:

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

7 months

can i say something

clay ⛷️

@hanfjob

7 months

had to go buy body wash and do laundry ass fit

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@wifekisser303

1 year

chaser eminem: my girl’s clocky af, call her attila the hon // doubly bricked up baddie, you know that bulge ain’t a gun chaser drake: late night, first time we met was discord // said that i was 6’2”, that got your dick hard // told me you was 16, info to discard

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

15 days

it’s always a mistake to ask a femme if i should get bangs or buy nice lingerie or shave my legs. her face will suddenly harden and she’ll tell me in a soft, serious tone “i don’t know… i think what you have going on *works* for you, ya know?”

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@wifekisser303

1 year

@merylmeiqi you’re right, it’s not deep. some people are shitty conversationalists and come up with excuses for it!

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@wifekisser303

5 months

it’s disgusting how queer people have so little patience or sympathy for straight trans women justifiably complaining or making jokes about chasers

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

14 days

swag

tboy swag

@gays1antw1nk

15 days

lesbians who are also gay men are very important to me

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 month

Sharon Adarlo 👽

@sadarlo1

1 month

The New York Times did a huge article on a 20-person polycule and the quotes are chef kisses.

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

Soldier on.

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@wifekisser303

1 year

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

judith butler could never

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

breaking bread with others is a universal ritual of fraternity and peacemaking so when you ask me for a cig or a bump i shall give it to you freely or not at all. do not sully the sanctity of our exchange with your grubby bill. the money changers had no place in the house of god.

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

2 months

strong new competitor for the title of worst grindr profile ever

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

this is a watershed moment in the trans rights movement tbh

cinesthetic.

@TheCinesthetic

5 months

Happy Birthday, Hunter Schafer!

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

@hannah__account this conflation of transfemininity, autism, and complete domination of a conversation is way too fucking common

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@wifekisser303

1 year

reminds me of dylan mulvaney complaining about no one being interested in her. babe, if you stopped acting like a pretty little pet on the internet for white suburban liberal moms then you could probably catch a dick!

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@wifekisser303

6 months

no one’s doing it like me

julie

@h0mmelette

6 months

sometimes you gotta buckle up and be an androgyne

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

new ways of serving cunt are discovered each day in the big apple

Josh Barrie

@joshbythesea

5 months

Look at this video of someone using a cigarette umbrella outside The Blue Posts in Soho

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@wifekisser303

5 months

the decline of the west

theeonlymichaelbjordanswife

@bangnika_

5 months

how tf do you even kisss someone for twenty minutes…

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@wifekisser303

5 months

in the lab inventing a trans masc who doesn’t smoke weed

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

the problem is that gen z is ridiculously averse to socializing in comparison to previous generations. no one seems to grasp the extent to which tiktok, video games, and porn keep them indoors and atomized. the screen time of the average adolescent former ipad baby is terrifying

hippie boomer parent brainworms

@wilted

5 months

Feels kind of bad that a lot of our intergenerational contact with Gen Z is essentially "cringe compilations queer discourse edition" and not like, spending any amount of time around them and seeing what kind of common ground emerges out of that

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

TRANNY TUESDAY!!! transsexuals reply down below and i’ll try to guess your dead name :)

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@wifekisser303

18 days

Dan Sinykin

@dan_sinykin

18 days

"How Zadie Smith Lost Her Teeth"

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

an incredible once-in-a-generation brain

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

20 days

the “literary it-girl” is a marketing ploy. all this glossy coverage of magazine launch mixers and book release parties, these “zany” author interviews, the cobrasnake-style flash photography… it’s the trite replication of a joan didion-inspired glamour. rip criticism.

Hannah Williams

@hkatewilliams

20 days

Very boring for somebody in the NY lit scene to interview their friend about their debut book and write about how they're the voice of their generation, yet again, because they write in updated-alt-lit-internet-speak

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

mom yelled at me for getting the piercing

charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

got my septum pierced

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@wifekisser303

5 months

>friend is trying to set me up on a date with a trans mommy domme >ask if the mommy domme is abusive or reddit >she doesn’t understand >pull out illustrated diagram explaining what is abusive and what is reddit >she laughs and says “she’s hot, charlotte” >go on date >she’s reddit

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

and once the surgeon is finished with your transsexual surgery the nurse will wheel you to your room and call you “he” even though you literally just acquired a vagina

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@wifekisser303

11 months

@jdr____llc we all love carol

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@wifekisser303

1 year

i need a one dance

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

75 degree nose slope… deschamps-braly. nice. cheek implants. subtle bone work. rodriguez. okay. aggressive but natural. keojampa. keep going keep going. doll aesthetic. high quality. harrison lee. we take those.

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@wifekisser303

6 months

lol

Poo Crave

@Poo_Crave

6 months

Billie Eilish tells Variety that she would consider going trans: “I’m curious what it feels like. I just wanna mess around and try new bathrooms and stuff”

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@wifekisser303

14 days

@melstonemusic i will lay down my life for big schnoz shawties

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

@SIEGESISSY i could be meaner

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

fuck it, we’re klimtposting

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

(guy who refuses to go down on his girlfriend voice) yea, i guess you could say i’m a bit of a pillow princess

xena 🌷

@belovedhestia

1 year

there is very little more disheartening as a high femme than thinking you can finally break away from cishetero standards of sex, and then experience the same sort of rhetoric from lesbians who aren’t stone who believe that there is a ‘right way’ to have lesbian sex

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@wifekisser303

6 months

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@wifekisser303

1 year

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@wifekisser303

10 days

brianna wu

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@wifekisser303

5 months

@ksessani boooooo

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

5 months

apparently going more butch, rather than rendering all men uninterested in me (as i initially feared would be the case), has instead led the men i typically prefer (burly bushwick bi guys, wiry academic types, trans guys who used to be lesbians) to become even more attracted to

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

6 months

@polyethylenes he needs to be sucking dick and cock

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

to everyone i’ve offended with this tweet: i’m so so sorry i promise i’ll never post while taking a shit again i will kill myself in front of you and your family while screaming mf doom’s name in order to redeem myself

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

11 months

twinks vs. dolls cigarette race: round 2

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

11 months

🔒♻️

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charlotte bancroft a.k.a. austerity measures

@wifekisser303

1 year

it’s so fucking funny how the fascist trajectories of aimee terese, anna k, jack perfume nationalist, etc can be explained almost entirely by their emotional investment in twitter politics and subsequent overreaction to the sometimes annoying and bad takes of leftist irony bros

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