emily m @agent_e17 Twitter profile

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emily m

25 days

people with significant others: were you initially drawn to your current partner (good vibes on any level), or did you have to convince yourself/be convinced by someone else to give them a chance? bonus: drop your "how we met" story in the replies!

initially drawn

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had to (be) convince(d)

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

sooooo i'm just thinking out loud here but like...what happens when the majority of the population stops being able to afford the cost of living?

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 months

my parents spanked me and put me on timeout because I had insomnia and frequent nightmares as a 5-year-old, and I would wake them up when I couldn't sleep because being alone in the dark was terrifying. I'm still working through that trauma at the age of 30. it has made me

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emily m

@agent_e17

26 days

I'm going to be really honest. (and then maybe I'll think better of it and delete it, who knows.) I really hate the idea that I as a single person have to create this whole fulfilling life for myself before the universe deems me worthy of partnership. I have a life. it is full.

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

I took driver's ed 15 years ago, and this phrase lodged itself in my brain and has remained there ever since: "A car is a loaded weapon." to acquire a license, you have to go through 6+ months of instruction and practice. and then a one-year probationary period. to drive a car,

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 months

deeply distrustful of people for most of my life, especially the ones I should have been able to go to for comfort and care without hesitation. please, if you actually love God, don't fucking punish your children for not being able to sleep. 😭 you will strain your relationship

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

this tweet was inspired by a) gas prices in socal b) pancake mix prices at sprouts and c) rewatching Catching Fire last night

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 months

with them before you've even truly had a chance to form one. and for what?

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

now I regret not making it a poll. are you team revolution or team nonviolent economy stabilization? the split seems pretty even

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emily m

@agent_e17

26 days

and I'm BORED. I am so. fucking. BORED. I crave adventure and passion and romance and the knowledge that I have someone to come home to, someone who chooses me and wants to be with me even when I'm having a bad day. someone who challenges my wit and wants to hear my thoughts.

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@musicmankev yeah, I literally can't afford to be a single person. it's real fun.

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 months

anyway FUCK THE EZZOS

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emily m

@agent_e17

26 days

I am just really done with this idea that I need to apologize for that desire, or stuff it down bc if I still have it I must not be ready for it. I'm done with the idea that the person I am now must not be enough. and I HATE when people tell me I should just try more new things.

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

which, in the event of a collision, could kill you and your passenger(s) and the other car's passengers. meanwhile, in many states you can pick up an assault rifle, an object capable of killing dozens of people in seconds, with no training and no license. and then just...use it.

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emily m

@agent_e17

26 days

I am tired of being alone. and tired of pretending I'm not jealous of people who don't have to be alone. and if being honest about how much loneliness fucking sucks is wrong, then I don't care because trying to be right isn't working out for me either. so there it is.

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emily m

@agent_e17

26 days

I have friends, hobbies, and a job I don't hate (all the time). I have projects and fitness pursuits. I go to yoga and therapy. I'm reading at least 3 books at all times and I practice Spanish every day and I've traveled domestically and internationally, with friends and alone.

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

because some greedy politicians decided they like money and power more than they care about the lives of the constituents they're supposed to represent in the highest courts of the nation. this is a sickness. our country has a disease.

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emily m

@agent_e17

6 months

today I cancelled a meeting I lead and sent an email instead. I'm doing it. I'm being the change I wish to see in the world

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emily m

@agent_e17

26 days

every minute of every day, "getting out there" and finding ways to interact with strangers doesn't sound fun. it sounds like another task I have to manage, all by myself. another set of decisions I don't have the bandwidth to make because I am managing my whole life and also

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

especially because we're definitely skewing revolution now

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emily m

@agent_e17

18 days

for every partnered person who says "I couldn't have done it without my person," there is an exhausted and disheartened single person who did it on their own because they had no other choice

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

that no one has put a hamilton gif on this thread yet is breaking my heart a little bit

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@CharisHollingsh it didn't really occur to me until the gas price at the "cheap" gas stations broke $6 and I realized many of the grocery store items I usually buy now cost fully twice as much, but now I am very concerned

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

no one. NO ONE. regardless of mental state. should have unrestricted access to that power. whether for recreation or "protection" from some hypothetical threat. (the call is coming from inside the house anyway. we know this.) that "right" is not worth the price of a single

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

I've shot guns on a few occasions. in controlled environments under the supervision of trained professionals. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel like a badass doing it. but I was also acutely aware of the power I wielded in those moments to do unspeakable damage if I so chose.

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emily m

@agent_e17

26 days

a post-script re: "getting out there" and "trying (more) new things" – I understand that having a partner doesn't automatically alleviate the mental burden of being an adult in the modern world. BUT. when you are the only person making all the decisions for yourself, almost

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

innocent life. not mine. not any of my friends' or family's. not that of a stranger I'll never meet. certainly not those of children who have never participated in an election and deserve to grow up to see a better world. how long?!?

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 months

@SlimParody and they'll carry that with them their whole lives!!

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emily m

@agent_e17

1 year

single men in the dating space, take all of the notes

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@TheStagmania she also announced the release of Midnights from the VMAs stage 13 years after Kanye slighted her on that same stage. idk how she does it.

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

I've never cared about the size of my following but I do really wish I could ask a question like "what's the last book you read that you couldn't put down?" and get a bajillion responses

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emily m

@agent_e17

26 days

most of my social calendar because very little of it is default or automatic. I will entertain a suggestion if a) it is concrete and not an open-ended "you figure it out" situation and b) the person making it is offering to do the thing with me. otherwise, no thank you.

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emily m

@agent_e17

4 months

you have cake by the ocean, I have deep dish by the lake. we are not the same.

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emily m

@agent_e17

1 year

and no one stopped to think about this

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emily m

@agent_e17

26 days

@CarissasNewLife pretending to be a fun interesting person hasn't helped me attract fun interesting people. it's just made me more tired and more sad. 🙃

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

uhh my dad just asked me how I'm feeling about my job and when I said I feel useless and scared they're going to decide they don't need me he...walked out of the room? so I guess I know why I don't ask for help and also why I cry every time my therapist says something kind to me

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 months

@jessyroos this is so lovely 🥹

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

the question of whether to take an affirming/non-affirming stance got a whole lot simpler when I realized my personal opinion does not affect anyone else's relationship with God, like not even a little bit.

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@KevOnStage first time I heard JT's "Sexy Back" was when I walked into an auditorium where youth pastors dressed in wife beaters and baggy jeans were pole dancing sans poles in every corner as the intro to a purity event. "intended to cause discomfort."

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

name a better feeling than finding a pair of clean underwear when you thought you were out, I'll wait

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emily m

@agent_e17

5 months

@haymes_joshua ...have you...actually talked to a single person who has thoughtfully and painfully deconstructed? because wow. this is not it.

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 months

@Lily_Warrior it, um, certainly did not do wonders for my ability to ask for help or believe I have value and deserve things like comfort and safety

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emily m

@agent_e17

3 years

@kristoferthomas obviously we will need costume photos

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emily m

@agent_e17

10 months

i don't know who needs to hear this, but crying your eyes out is BAWLING, not BALLING. sincerely, your friendly neighborhood english nerd who hates capital letters for reasons she can't articulate

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emily m

@agent_e17

9 months

this is for posterity so, be honest if you grew up evangelical/deeply religious, do you ever feel like your emotional responses are mixed up or backwards as an adult? I can give a whole bunch of examples but I'm pretty sure this is an IYKYK kind of thing

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 months

@missmulrooney my dad takes my dog to the park and comes home with a list of names of dogs she played with every time, she's got a whole social life I know nothing about 😂

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emily m

@agent_e17

5 months

@Domini_Francon @ask_aubry ...who also has a job

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

@DudeRubble did you read the whole thread though

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

once upon a time I did an accidental racism in @ToriGlass 's mentions and now we're friends in real life. grace exists. 💛

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

a theory: if you're an introvert, you wonder if you're not enough. if you're an extrovert, you wonder if you're too much.

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emily m

@agent_e17

4 months

living near LA is fun cuz sometimes you get random invites to Oscar-nominated documentary screenings and discussions moderated by people like Malala and Kristen Stewart

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 months

@fuzzymittens it's me I was an oompa loompa baby 🙋🏼‍♀️ also in college in Boston I discovered kabocha squash and people kept asking me how I stayed so tan in the winter

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@magslals case in point 😂

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

@DudeRubble what are you even doing here then

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

am I lazy or am I exhausted? the perpetual debate

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@HeyEddie @thepursuinglife move on...to what? if society is literally collapsing? not every republican is wealthy and they live in the same country we do. they won't be unaffected. and they don't take care of their own.

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emily m

@agent_e17

5 months

church bros: *make wildly inaccurate claims about people who don't go to church anymore* church non-attendees: yeah that's...not right. church bros: oh yeah?! then PROVE IT. no personal anecdotes. FACTS AND BIBLE VERSES ONLY. church non-attendees: *refuse to engage*

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

not me taking three different enneagram tests and still refusing to believe I'm a 1 because I'm not enough of a perfectionist

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

be kind to yourself. put the fitted sheet over the hardest-to-reach corner of the mattress first.

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@JillKrajewski I think all of mine are Teen Girl Squad, does that count? I hope they have those chips in heaven. I can count to purple, backwards. NO! IT'S MINE!! IT'S A HUNDRED!!!

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emily m

@agent_e17

1 year

my new assistant's skills include eating, pooping, being adorable, and interfering with any and all actual work productivity

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 months

@KePal1000 I was their first and they were just following the teachings of the day but WOW have the repercussions been far-reaching and brutal

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emily m

@agent_e17

5 months

@emilykmay and they had to develop a real personality to get noticed while they weren't attractive 🙌🏼😂

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emily m

@agent_e17

4 months

@_nomadic_soul but then those same people will talk about how sex is only for procreation and I'm just like 😵‍💫 CAN YOU PICK A LANE AT LEAST

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

@swifferupdates the NYT published an article full of that many incorrectly used "it's"?! canceling my subscription now

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emily m

@agent_e17

6 months

@missmulrooney we dressed up like pioneers and went to my teacher's house, where we did learn how to "churn" butter (by shaking jars of cream vigorously) among other pioneer activities

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

@KLaw95490887 @iconicjuddy @Morbidful have you...heard about the Republican leaders of Christian churches? or Catholic clergy?

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emily m

@agent_e17

1 year

@jonathanmb32 is that what this meme has been about the whole time?!

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

@E_Smithhh15 my thread has been liked by 500 people since I posted it and no one else has commented that it doesn't apply to them. weird. almost like anecdotal evidence is anecdotal...

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

the former good girl urge to have a panic attack and assume you're getting fired when your boss asks if you've "got a few minutes"

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@booklavore @CharisHollingsh the price doubling in grocery stores though, it's felt very subtle until now

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

@DudeRubble I didn't even use the word "ban" anywhere in the thread you couldn't be bothered to finish reading. just because the algorithm shows you something, doesn't mean you need to leave useless comments on it. good day sir

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emily m

@agent_e17

16 days

@SpookyHooga we, um. just want a man who treats us with respect and can hold a conversation, actually. but keep going off

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

if you grew up in church, do you ever feel guilty for choosing to spend time mostly or exclusively with people you like now after years of being forced into group settings with people you didn’t click with or relate to? or is it just me

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

@macchica26 hard agree

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emily m

@agent_e17

1 year

@EmilyC_R i think it's 1. coffee 2. poop 3. jesus

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emily m

@agent_e17

7 months

@FredoLives I had to get a new license when I moved from CA to MA and back...

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

hydration is such a scam. the more water you drink, the more water you NEED to drink, and that's how Big Water gets you

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@5_dogs12 @DeberryDenise I moved back in with my parents at 29 for a "temporary break" after a bad roommate situation ended and now I...cannot afford to leave

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emily m

@agent_e17

1 month

@rikkelmania do I...need a bengal cat

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emily m

@agent_e17

4 months

I accepted a new position at my company today and my boss and her boss both told me they're so excited and I'm still horrible at taking compliments but I'm going to let myself have this

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emily m

@agent_e17

3 months

@TheWrath0fKahn @creatrix_ttv @RRR0BYN doesn't exactly evoke the warm fuzzies knowing you exist because your parents hate a group of people they believe all kinds of lies about

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

the horse I've been riding lately has the same name as my ex, and getting to see my brother's face when he walked in the room to hear my dad ask "who'd you ride today?" and me respond "[ex's name]" with a straight face made moving back in with my parents 100% worth it

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emily m

@agent_e17

25 days

@bdk1521 create explicit AI renderings of them

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@KevOnStage rereading this wondering who decided to call a white tank top a "wife beater" and HOW enough people were like "yeah that tracks" for it to be accepted into the common vernacular 🤢

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@simplyjennifer seems like that's becoming true of many things that were previously laughed off as impossible

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

I just want to find love while I'm still young and hot and only part-way full of existential dread, is that too much to ask?!?

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emily m

@agent_e17

5 months

@haymes_joshua so you admit that you know it's not always true, and yet you use your platform to make sweeping generalizations about people you can't speak for. nice.

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@latkedelrey I learned that word from my parents bc I had insomnia as a 5-year-old and being awake alone scared me so i'd cry

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emily m

@agent_e17

26 days

@bekahjonelson it's an unwritten rule of Twitter, I think, that no one is allowed to post a personal experience thread without someone leaping out of the woodwork to be like "bUt whAT abOuT eVeryOne WhO isN't yOu diD YoU tHinK aBoUt thEM" 😂

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 months

@FazS18 you most certainly are, how wonderful you're giving them that 💛

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

I can't give up twitter, I'd forget to play wordle

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

and I'll be damned if I miss out on getting to love, and be loved and taught by, people who identify as LGBTQIA+ because I chose to reduce them to a facet of their whole complex humanness. I've been so blessed by the love and acceptance I've been shown, despite my myriad faults.

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emily m

@agent_e17

5 months

I can't be the only one who's noticed that Tr*mp is "appointed by God" and bffs with Jesus until the exact moment it's suggested he be held to Christian moral standards, and then suddenly he's conveniently not a Christian 🤔

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

@CharlesGobert1 @ElyKreimendahl HOW DO THEY NOT STAB EACH OTHER

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

what's it called when you're bored but also too tired to do anything interesting

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emily m

@agent_e17

8 months

@ask_aubry "if they had a realistic view of their appearance..." say the guys on dating apps who are looking for a "fit woman" who "takes care of herself" while doing nothing of the kind themselves

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

for context, this is the man who recently said of climate refugees that displacement would "really suck, if that's where their hope lies" so I KNOW not to expect sympathy from that quarter but somehow the disregard still catches me by surprise

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emily m

@agent_e17

26 days

@OneLippySkirt this is a personal experience thread and I asked for outside opinions literally nowhere in it.

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emily m

@agent_e17

2 years

sometimes, eating pickles straight out of the jar is just the right thing to do

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emily m

@agent_e17

1 year

the single (not married) and single (no partner whatsoever to speak of) discourses are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT and i know i'm not the only person who would really appreciate if we could stop conflating them k thx

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