My gas tank bill is starting to look like a grocery bill and my grocery bill is starting to look like a Costco bill and my Costco bill is starting to look like a mortgage payment and I donโt know how people are affording to live right now.
Can we normalize letting people say no to an alcoholic drink without 1. asking multiple times and 2. demanding a good reason?
Some people just donโt drink. Accept it and move along.
My biggest soccer mom pet peeve is when parents scream at their kids from the sidelines to get to a different position than where their coach put them. So I wanna give a trophy to the 9yo that just turned from the middle of the field & screamed IโM DEFENSE to her yelling dad. ๐ฅ
Letโs unlock a memory:
Question to all the folx that grew up wearing a โslipโ under their dress to church. Can we unpack this? Did everyone do this? Do people still do this? ๐๐ผ
Even setting aside the white saviorness of it all, making an international move without proper prep isnโt โdoing the hard work for Jesus,โ itโs just being unprepared. Why are you making your kids suffer? Iโm so tired of the false sense of Christian persecution. 3/
I need to FB unfriend the person I know from college whoโs posting daily about her life bringing her family to Africa as missionaries. They didnโt have the right visas, they tore their teenage kids from school/friends/sports/orchestra.. 1/
My in-laws are over for dinner and they just told me their pastor is:
1. A woman
2. Unmarried
3. Pregnant
AND SHE IS STILL THEIR PASTOR. Their church is supporting her fiercely. HERE FOR THIS. Yโall thereโs hope for humanity after all. ๐
CW: transformed wife
CW: marital r*pe
I need to say this explicitly. I need my twitter mutuals to put a sensitive content flag over tweet screenshots from the transformed wife. Thereโs some marital rape apologetics from her right now & I just canโt. Iโve blocked her for a reason.
Can someone please validate that itโs okay to walk away from my child having a root canal when I feel extremely uncomfortable with the person doing the procedure & my kid is sobbing? BC he made me feel like shit when I chose to leave & seek out a pediatric specialist instead. ๐ญ
Sorry.. I didnโt get a lot of sleep last night and I just needed to get that rant out of my system because Iโve been irritated since the day she posted โour visas didnโt get approved but we prayed and had this dream that showed us God wants us to go anyway!โ ๐คฏ /4
Someone in my DMs today was pushing me to confess that I'm actually gay and that's why I care so much about being affirming.
I'm not gay. I would tell you if I was because I'd be proud AF to say so. And I care so much because non-affirming theology is killing people.
They went totally unprepared, & they keep saying โwe know this is hard, but weโre doing this for Jesus!โ Theyโll say โPray for our kids, theyโre really struggling with the transition but weโre telling them to trust Jesus!โ I just want to scream โyou could let them come home!โ 2/
Brian Houston telling people they shouldnโt even watch the documentaries and they should just stay focused on Hillsong because the devil is trying to tear down what theyโve built or whatever is maybe the most spiritually manipulative ๐ฉBS of all of it. And Iโve only watched 2/3.
Can we fantasize for a minute on how we could repurpose all those fancy mega church buildings for something else? If these buildings were.. empty.. what could we do with them instead?
๐๐๐
I canโt get over how the people who thought that asking everyone to wear a mask was too much government control are the same people demanding government control of uteruses. ๐คฏ
I got my first evangelical coffee invite โto talkโ about โmy evolving beliefsโ and I just want to be like, โYou know Iโm still a Christian, right? Just not the kind you like.โ
Christian or not, us folks in
#deconstruction
donโt want coffee. We want to be seen. ๐
I'm about to go on a feminist rant about PMS, birth control, and
#purityculture
so prepare yourselves folks and don't even try to look away. Here's the point: Normalize teaching women about how their menstrual cycles affect their emotions. And the side effects of birth control.
CW: spanking
I canโt stop thinking about the video of that mom who bragged about spanking her child because she โwasnโt excited to see herโ when she picked her up from the neighborโs house. And she claimed the spanking worked bc from then on kid was excited to see herโฆ 1/
I havenโt mentioned this here yet but a life update is that Iโve gone from being married to not being married in 2023 and thatโs all I really plan to say about that to respect the privacy of my coparent and my kiddos. Iโm doing well and have learned a lot about life this year. ๐
๐คฌ Hillsong
๐คฌ Christianity Today
๐คฌ Mars Hill
๐คฌ Willow Creek
๐คฌ all the rest
๐คฌ the ones yet to surface
THERE IS NO BABY. JUST BATHWATER. ๐คฏ
#exvangelical
I can't get over people that tell me they waited for sex until marriage and it worked for them so purity culture isn't harmful.
Let me tell you something: In a lot of ways I fit into what evangelicals asked of me too.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT ISN'T HARMFUL.
Listen to some stories.
I lose sleep at night thinking about how evangelicals failing to teach consent creates sexual abusers and how their bent toward redemption then gives them refuge.
people on facebook found out that I say fuck on Twitter sometimes and I wish they would get as worked up about oppression and patriarchy and racism and white supremacy and queerphobia and ableism as they do about me saying fuck on Twitter sometimes
My kids had a friend over yesterday and I said โhey would you like me to make a frozen pizza for lunch?โ And the friend said โI guess but.. is it possible.. to have it.. cooked?โ ๐๐
โEx-boyfriendโ but bc you grew up in
#purityculture
more like โEx- didnโt date but were intense friends for a year, had 8 DTRs about how we should focus on god, & made out once in the dorms cuz it was late & our inhibitions were down, & cried/prayed when it endedโ AMIRITE
CW: spanking
This makes me angry on so many levels. Emotions shouldnโt be abused out of children. Child development shouldnโt be abused out of children. Parents shouldnโt use their children to feed their own egos. And behavior modified with abuse isnโt โspanking works.โ 2/
Hate speech is not free speech.
Hate speech is not free speech.
Hate speech is not free speech.
Hate speech is not free speech.
Hate speech is not free speech.
Hate speech is not free speech.
Hate speech is not free speech.
Hate speech is not free speech.
Yโall someone is QUOTING BIBLE VERSES in my INSTAGRAM COMMENTS and now Iโve changed my mind about EVERYTHING and will return to the EVANGELICAL MEGA CHURCH because of the BIBLE VERSES IN THOSE COMMENTS. /s
On most days I donโt know what the hell Iโm doing as a parent, or I wonder if Iโm even parenting at all. But tonight I told my 9 year old it was time for bed and she looked at me square in the face and said, โWhat if I say no?โ 1/
When religious folks say not to read certain authors, it's a bit insulting isn't it? I mean, do they think we aren't capable of critical thought? When have I ever blindly followed something just because an author said it in a book? Give me a bit more intellectual credit.
Usually Iโm good at telling myself this, but today was a struggle so Iโm asking for yโall to help me. Can someone remind me that getting out & running 7 miles still slays, even if itโs a slow 13:00/mile pace?! Some people walk at this pace. Mine is a nice jog on roads & trails.๐๐ผโโ๏ธ
Itโs late and I shouldnโt probably be on twitter but I have a thing to say.
I have been saying for months that eventually evangelicals are going to realize that being non-affirming isnโt working out for them, & theyโll flip to suddenly queer affirming, & everyone will cheer. 1/
So many folks resonating with this tweet. If you are in a place where you *do* have a bit of surplus and want to know how to help some folx out, check out this patreon by
@ToriGlass
that pays the rent for 1 black family & 1 indigenous family for a year. ๐
I always thought I needed the way Rachel Held Evans said โon the days when I believe..โ for the permission it gave me to doubt, but sometimes I wonder if I need it for permission to have days when I believe in something too. ๐ญ๐
CW: spanking
My mildly spicy take is that if parents handled discipline this way and are unwilling to reflectively apologize for the harm, whether intentional or not, then they likely wonโt be able to have an authentic, genuine relationship with their child, even as adults. 3/
@bernardshuford
I do get that vibe sometimes from people who drink around me of โYou must be uncomfortable with my drinking then.โ And itโs like โNo. Drink away. And Iโll be fine drinking something else.โ
Why.. why.. when people share about their hurt leaving the church do others swoop in and say things like โdid you really try?โ or โhow about a different church?โ or โdid you have honest conversations tho?โ Why canโt people just respect that leaving is valid and hurt is valid?
When did โThe Case for Christโ and โThe Case for Faithโ become โThe Case for Christian Nationalismโ and โThe Case for Christian Supremacy?โ
Tomorrow is my last day teaching elementary school. After 15 years. I donโt have it in me to write a whole thing, but thereโs so much grief. I never saw it ending like it has. I have hope for new adventures, but for now Iโm going to focus on healing, my family, and pressing on.
The level of lifetime control the parents would need to maintain over their children to keep them indoctrinated is horrifying. How do they not see this?
I just canโt with the targeting of childrenโs hospitals. Iโve been in those hospitals yโall. They are a sacred place. A place of hope and grief and so many emotions in between. How has it come to this? 1/
Becoming more public with something Iโve had a lot of private conversations about in the last few months. Feels good to be open & authentic about who I really am and to have so many people in my life see and celebrate the real me.
#bisexual
๐๐ฅ๐๐๐๐ฅ
Trigger warning: SA
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The number of exvangelicals that start to learn things and then discover that a situation many years ago was actually assault is one of the most appalling things about coming out of purity culture.
I'm ranting today. Because I used to hold all that H*lls*ng and B*th*l worship music close. It was my running music. It was my comfort music. And now it's triggering AF because of all the toxicity and nationalism and abuse that have come from these organizations. There's anger.
Whenever I tweet about the Billy Graham rule, someone also shows up to remind me that I better have good boundaries if I'm going to have friendships without supervision.
I would like to remind these folks that I'm a grown-ass woman.
Thanks. ๐
No, I don't want to pray together.
No, I haven't been reading my Bible.
No, I don't want your small group praying either.
Instead of prescribing what I should do, how about asking how I am without an agenda?
Listen with curiosity.
Hold space.
And stop turning your mind gears.
When you see folks going through
#deconstruction
and youโre still fiercely evangelical, I recommend
A) listening to us
or
B) leaving us alone
*note* there is NO option c) write articles & books about us or d) preach about us or e) wage war on us at your concerts
Carry on. ๐ตโ๐ซ
Church Leader: *has consensual unmarried sex with partner*
Church: Youโre fired and we will publicly discuss this sin and your depravity.
Church Leader: *is a sexual abuser*
Church: Letโs part ways quietly so no one finds out and good luck at your next church.
I got a job rejection yesterday. Someone from the interview team called bc she wanted to tell me personally how much they loved me, and how sad she felt that someone else had more specific experience. It didnโt stop me from crying in the shower, but I guess it was nice of her. ๐ญ
CW: spanking
And if youโre about to come & defend spanking, go read about trauma, abuse, ACEs, and research. This isnโt โletโs do the parenting trend from church,โ this is scientific research on child development. 4/
It was possible for that interaction to go in a thousand different directions, but the one I chose to take it came from a place of wanting to see my kids as participants in their own story, capable of thought & independence, NOT โinstant obedienceโฆ or elseโ robots. 4/
Itโs possible to have trust & mutual respect with your kids. Itโs possible to let them have curiosity & wonder without punishing them. Itโs possible to show love to your kids in a way that doesnโt look like control. But then again, I donโt know what the hell Iโm doing. /4
Itโs interesting how many people donโt understand that thereโs a difference between saying โpatriarchy is badโ and โmen are bad.โ People that see these as the same think patriarchy = men andโฆ thatโs EXACTLY THE PROBLEM THAT NEEDS TO BE DECONSTRUCTED.
I donโt know who needs to hear this but I give you permission to start the dishwasher even if you think there might be a random dish in a bedroom upstairs somewhere.
I could barely get through my little Danny Tanner speech when she laughed & said, โNevermind, Iโm going to bed.โ I wanted to tell this story because I see tweets on here about how parents should react when their kid says no or if their kid gives the *slightest* pushback. 3/
If you are committed to non-affirming theology and feel the need to take a public stance on this:
1. Thank you for your clarity. People have a right to know who is and isn't safe.
2. Please don't ask for sympathy. You are not being persecuted for holding to toxic beliefs.
CW: spanking
So donโt come & tell me it works for you. Put on your big person pants & become an actual parent that navigates tough times through a collaborative relationship with your child instead of beating them into submission. 20 years from now, your 10yo will thank you. 6/
CW: spanking
Letโs see how spanking helps academic achievement. Oh wait, in John Hattieโs list of 252 influences, spanking is 6th from the bottom, and is in the red because it has a NEGATIVE effect size, or a negative impact on academic achievement. 5/
Can y'all please do your research?
1. Women are not using abortions as their "contraceptive plan."
2. Women are not getting all kinds of late-term abortions at 8 months because "they changed their mind."
If you're gonna be pro-life, please do your goddamn research.
People that conflate teaching LGBTQ+ inclusion in elementary school with โteaching pedophilia,โ I need you to stop and think for a fucking minute about the message youโre sending to LGBTQ+ youth.