John Mulaney @mulaney Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

John Mulaney

@mulaney

20 days

“John Mulaney Presents: Everybody’s in LA” coming to @netflix on May 3rd.

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Last Seen Profiles

@coachbom

@RaymanSSB

@WJCLibrary

@utapri_official

@jbwoong

@UNHWHOCKEY

@StineEckert

@thxcarlo

@clearstonee

@boimarv9

@Neyogems

@TheVolClub

@QuayTheDONE

@tmara_____2

@UNiTEGaming

@_earlyworm

@McGingHugh

@jeonskms

@tamu_ocean

@woytomtom_

@katkrasner

@aokiaoki1111

@Tarryn_It_Up23

@jamesstarsailor

@Earthisghetto2

@KaeleyT

@itsromanli

@757Kevin

@skybagelgames

@Taylor_Kennedy7

@lauriedyche

@Nissan

@MergeGamesLtd

@DestonRue

@KmaFr_

@Sykosan

John Mulaney

@mulaney

3 years

...And stay out!

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Arrest the cops who killed #BreonnaTaylor

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

May you live a thousand years.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Did you ask him about NYPDs “Kettling” crowds of peaceful protesters into confined areas, waiting til curfew, and then arresting them and beating the shit out of them when they can’t disperse?

Mayor Eric Adams

@NYCMayor

4 years

Just got off the phone with @NYPDShea after seeing the troubling video of a delivery worker arrested by police while doing his job. This is NOT acceptable and must stop. Food delivery is essential work and is EXEMPTED from the curfew.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Caught ya

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

I’m out. I genuinely support public intellectual debate, and have paid to see people speak with whom I strongly disagree. But this isn’t James Baldwin vs William F Buckley. This is PT Barnum level horseshit. And it was announced on a weekend just before tix went on sale.

The New York Times

@nytimes

6 years

Stephen Bannon will headline The New Yorker Festival, where he will be interviewed by David Remnick, the magazine's editor

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Three things define New York City: SNL, the Strokes, and Ed Koch. Koch is dead, so they got me. I am so goddamn excited. 4th time up. Wow and wow and wow

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

I turned the volume all the way up but I think he says “what is John Mulaney?” Which is a good question.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

33 years later I still tie my shoes by making two loops.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

“Little Women” is outstanding. My favorite of the year. The scene on the beach with the kites? Every shot is a 19th century masterwork painting. The story is familiar & stunning. Life is limitless before life takes over. The cast gets every award. @RealChalamet damn, you good

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

we switched clothes for the second show. Red Bank, NJ. Feb 17, 2019

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

“And you may ask yourself, ‘well...how did I get here?’” I cannot believe I am lucky enough to host SNL a third time, and that David Byrne will be there too. It’s mind boggling. Way too many dreams from 1990 are coming true. Man oh Man. This is a purely happy moment.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

i just found a joke i wrote in April 2007: "I don’t know whats so unappealing about an uptight seventy five year old man trapped in the body of a 24 year old recovering drug addict and alcoholic, but I can’t seem to get past the second date. Maybe it’s my attitude."

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Outstanding.

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@LeanneM39436012

4 years

I signed up for twitter just to show John Mulaney this painting my son did last night. He’s 9. @mulaney

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

oh boy

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

2 years

And just like that…

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

I also would like to know what is happening.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

I wrote at Saturday Night Live for 5 of the best years of my life. Tonight I hosted the show. Thanks for watching.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

Jersey. Jan 13, 2019

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Just as I planned

Vulture

@vulture

4 years

The world of Mulaney makeup TikToks is a big one, so with that, here are some of the best ones

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

that was so stupid and fun. Thanks @nbcsnl

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

3 years

At 1 AM when the night couldn’t get more perfect Julian gave me the trench coat he wore onstage. And I pretended not to cry

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

This marks the first time I have attended a college basketball game.

Hari Kondabolu

@harikondabolu

5 years

I believe that’s @mulaney ’s upside down head at the St John’s- Georgetown game on CBS.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

3 years

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

Writing with Andy Samberg @nbcsnl 2011

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

Oh boy

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

I’m hosting “Saturday Night Live.” Tonight. 11:30 EST. NBC. Photo by Anna Tendler Mulaney

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

I apologize to Susan Morrison as I was really looking forward to our conversation. And I look forward to future @NewYorker Fests & other public, even heated, debates between different voices. But hard pass on this amateur-night sonofabitch.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

After the pandemic

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

Used Google today.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

You’re tellin me if you sat next to a peacock you’d be disappointed? Sleep on it

Ross White

@AskRossWhite

5 years

@mulaney I understand the concept of support animals, but seriously it’s gotten out of hand. Some people have terrible allergies to animals... and some of the “support animals” are ridiculous. No, a peacock isn’t a support animal and doesn’t belong in the cabin.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

I think I once said to you in 2001 -drunk and unsure of my personality - “this band is saving...rock and roll.”

nick kroll

@nickkroll

4 years

John hosting SNL w/ musical guest The Strokes is like a parody of a dream we would’ve had in the early 2000’s.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

Maybe the hack you saw was in your mirror, dink. You are my rock and brother in comedy and you are on thin ice, you burnout. I love you.

nick kroll

@nickkroll

6 years

I’m behind on watching the #Emmys but I just heard @mulaney won?!? What a joke! The guy is a no-talent hack who I love like a brother and am so proud of!!

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

Is Delta a goddamn Bialystock & Bloom Production? They operate like selling tickets would be a disaster for them.

CBS News

@CBSNews

5 years

Delta: Support animals no longer welcome on long flights

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

From the moment Late Night with Conan O’Brien premiered this man has been my comedy hero. In retrospect I should have given him the shirt for free, but $20 is $20 and I have a business to run.

Conan O'Brien

@ConanOBrien

6 years

Just saw @mulaney at the Orpheum in Los Angeles and I have not laughed that hard in memory. I want to grow up to be that funny someday.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

A letter from Lorne Michaels to the people of Toronto. I am terribly sorry to move the show again. It is now rescheduled for April 10. I will be there no matter what. I love you Toronto. Also I’m afraid of Lorne so I do what he says.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

Chalamet, I joke ONLY because I am an enormous fan, in awe of your talent, & terrified of my own age and mortality. Also it turns out you are 6’0. Please accept my apology. You’re a good man and we should do the Amazin Race together if you’re free. Im free.

Timothée Chalamet

@RealChalamet

6 years

@crystalreedstan yes I️ watched it from the gas station

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

3 years

THE STROKES!!!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!

Saturday Night Live - SNL

@nbcsnl

3 years

This Saturday! @mulaney @thestrokes

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

I was not aware they edited in my 2008 SNL Audition. I had never seen the footage until last night. Emotions! Many! Thanks @nbcsnl .

Saturday Night Live - SNL

@nbcsnl

4 years

𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄: 𝗝𝗼𝗵𝗻 𝗠𝘂𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗲𝘆 @mulaney reflects on working as a writer at Saturday Night Live and returning as host for the first time.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

I don’t know the particulars of running a theater but I think this is a poor decision. There are few reliable barometers in entertainment, but if the audience decides a show is great and tickets are in demand, leave the show alone.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

put the directions on the packet of cheese for gods sake. i already threw away the noodle box.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

End the CURFEW

Mark Harris

@MarkHarrisNYC

4 years

The curfew is a disaster. In a time of great strife and tension, you don't suddenly create a new law allowing cops to abuse and assault people because you've decided it's past their bedtime. It is a complete, shameful failure of leadership.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

3 years

Gena -our beloved stage manager - and I wait at the door that leads to the stairs that you walk down to stand and do the monologue. I am nervous, she is not.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

sprain the internet

The A.V. Club

@TheAVClub

6 years

John Mulaney is "Spider-Ham" in this bonkers Into The Spider-Verse trailer

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

It’s been the pleasure of my life to work with the cast, writers, designers, artists, artisans, carpenters, puppeteers, directors, make-up artists, hair stylists, ventilators, stage managers, and producers of “Saturday Night Live.” Thanks to all of them PICS Mary Ellen Matthews

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

We are thrilled to announce... JOHN MULANEY & THE SACK LUNCH BUNCH A Musical Children’s Special From a Man with Neither Children Nor Musical Ability @netflixisajoke Dec 24 Starring me & 15 brilliant young performers. And guesting @davidbyrneofficial @jakegyllenhaal from Zodiac-

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

“THIS is CBS baby” - Gil Faizon

TheaterMania

@theatermania

4 years

CBS will replace this years @TheTonyAwards telecast with a sing-along edition of GREASE →

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

3 years

Lorne and I laughing at the very idea of me ever hosting. Nov 2011 Watch me and The Strokes @nbcsnl this Saturday LIVE.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

Wait! But on the Monday when Jon Hamm first hosted in October 2008 all of us went to the pitch meeting dressed as Mad Men characters. Then “as part of the joke” everyone started day drinking. Jon Hamm, new to the show, walked in to be greeted by drunk Comic-Con. It was the best

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

One of my favorite people ever, @aliwong a goddamn world class, museum quality comedian has written a very VERY funny book #DearGirls . Petunia cannot read and therefore is starin’ right into the lens. Congratulations Ali!

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

God bless you Sir Patrick.

Patrick Stewart

@SirPatStew

6 years

@mulaney SALT! AND! PEPPER!

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

Kingston, NY 2/11/2019 Photo by Marcus Russell Price

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Rick Ludwin died. He was the head of NBC’s Late Night division for many years. He was kind and thoughtful in an arena where that can be rare. From the day I began at SNL he would email me any time he liked a sketch I had worked on. He loved television. LOVED it.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

this photo was taken for an SNL sketch that I don’t recall but it’s very possible I was used as a stand in to have someone else photoshopped over me. 2009-2011?

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

For your consideration Emmy Voters. Its not about my ego...but...think of the children.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

Everyone from Lorne Michaels to ⁦ @sethmeyers ⁩ to Emma Stone to the entire crew: everyone looks annoyed with me in this photo. November 2011. Hosting this week.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

becca no

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

Colin Jost and I wrote Lobster Diner in 2010. Simon Rich, Marika Sawyer and I wrote Switcheroo in 2009. Neither went past the table. Both made it to air tonight. Thanks @nbcsnl for letting us bring back those beloved orphans.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

I am opening for the incredible @sharonvanetten tonight at The Beacon in New York City. I am very excited! Unrelated here is my passport photo from 1996

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

My name’s on the poster but this would not exist without Marika Sawyer, who Ive written with since SNL 2008. Her genius comedy brain & her love of the Nutshell Library made this happen. She’s not on social media she‘ll never see this, and vetoed any photo of her. She’s the best

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

2 years

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

"He is afraid. He is alone. He is three million light years from home." - E.T. (In all seriousness, that sums it up like no words ever have before.)

The Dad

@thedad

6 years

Forget astrology. The tagline of the #1 movie at the box office the day you were born, that determines your fate from now on

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

I don’t love knowing that but thank you for showing it to him.

lou

@ursuchariot

4 years

@mulaney i made my dad watch sack lunch bunch today and he said it was “excruciating” 😔😔

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Okay so my Nana had a boyfriend. He was not named Paul. Also we did not live all in one house as this appears. My mom DOES have two sisters. They did NOT (sigh) dress like this in the 1990s...This was a major note given to me by the family...

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

Albany, NY with Pete. Photo @marcusprice

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Hello! #TheKingofStatenIsland is out ON DEMAND today! I want you to know this movie is GREAT. Pete Davidson is outstanding in it. Here I am directing the movie (or it was a day I showed up and demanded headphones) photo by Anna Mulaney

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

Please put the Winona Ryder and @cher movie Mermaids on a streaming service by end of day.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

My new special premieres tomorrow, May 1 2018, only on @netflixisajoke .

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

3 years

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Tomorrow this happens.

‎Oh, Hello: the P'dcast on Apple Podcasts

‎Comedy · 2020

podcasts.apple.com

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

@jpodhoretz SNL meeeting after dress rehearsal. McCain was on (a week before 2008 election) Sudeikis said “Where the fuck do I stand” during notes on a sketch then apologized for swearing when he realized McCain was behind him. McCain immediately: “Jesus Christ, I was in the Navy.”

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Justice NOW for Breonna Taylor. Sign the petition. Do the right thing.

Sign the Petition

Justice for Breonna Taylor

www.change.org

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

Simon Rich and Marika Sawyer and I wrote together every week for four years. In 2009 we wrote “Toilet Death Ejector.” It was cut twice. Here’s us in 2019 (with a chimp puppet) We wrote Whats That Name and brought it back tonight too. They’re the greatest friends and writers ever.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

This was an honor @melissavcomedy and when I was a kid I did ask all the wrong questions at funerals.

Saturday Night Live - SNL

@nbcsnl

4 years

John Mulaney...

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

I support and donate to organizations that fight racial injustice. Please do the same. And register to VOTE CAMPAIGN ZERO NAACP LEGAL FUND

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

Easy buddy! I took a NOISES OFF and left the rest alone

Lin-Manuel Miranda

@Lin_Manuel

5 years

Hey @mulaney ...did...did you take my Aint Misbehaving playbill? #ItCANgetweirder

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Happy 90th Birthday Stephen Sondheim! Allow me to be the FIRST to say, you are the best composer, lyricist and dramatist ever. (I demanded this photo with him and the wonderful Hal Prince.)

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

1 year

Thanks to those who got tickets to my FYC event with @jonstewart on May 6. I am canceling our discussion however. I’m a writer first and foremost. I stand with my Guild - the @WGAWest and @WGAEast during this strike. A great deal of money is made off of their work and they…

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

We do not deny these allegations. We are doing a reading of My Dinner with Andre and we would appreciate our privacy at this time.

Playbill

@playbill

5 years

. @nickkroll and John @mulaney will headline a reading of My Dinner With Andre:

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

1 year

Busted.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

As I accept all movies offered (2 so far) I accept.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

BAD NEWS WILKES BARRE, PA. Due to the weather State of Emergency in PA, we & the Kirby Center, have decided to postpone the show tomorrow. We’re truly sorry. New date March 16. All tix will be honored. Please be safe and see you soon. Love, John and Pete

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Auditions in 2008 were on August 7. In his Comeback Kid in Town special he is told he’ll die August 7 2037. Obvi saying August 7 is associated with death means its not a date that has happy memories like a new job. Also Lorne said on Tom Segura that Mulaney didnt write there.

Megh Wright

@megh_wright

4 years

No need to apologize! The “John Mulaney wrote for SNL” bit is definitely a weird bit, but I think it’s pretty cool how everyone manages to keep it going despite all the proof that it’s not true

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Hal I love you. I liked you in my life so much. When I got horrible reviews you sent me a full email of Lou Reed quotes on how to view critics. It meant so much to me. You changed my way of thinking on how to make stuff. You made what you wanted w/ the people you loved. Bye Hal

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

9 years

i mean @realDonaldTrump if you're so good at negotiating how come you couldn't get @DonaldTrump

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

Your mom is well intentioned but completely wrong. And congratulations on graduating! (That part is sincere)

ceyla

@ceyla_ray

6 years

My mom insisted that I included the other quote @mulaney

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

Thank you Darren Goldman for finding this lost children’s classic deep in the library/creating it from thin air. Darren is the artist behind Petunia’s Last Supper and he makes DaVinci look like a hack.

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

3 years

Late Night with Seth Meyers November 12, 2020

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

John Mulaney’s Christmas Gift to Us: A Kids’ Variety Show

Featuring Jake Gyllenhaal, Natasha Lyonne, and more!

www.vulture.com

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

“Music here, music there. Music, music everywhere!” I couldn’t be happier about this news. Congrats to the Bunch, @elibolin @RhysThom2 and Marika Sawyer.

John Mulaney and His Kids Are Headed to Comedy Central

Two more Sack Lunch Bunch specials are on the way.

www.vulture.com

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

He’s always trending in my heart

Jacoblaval

@jacoblaval

4 years

OMG @mulaney #MANDYPATINKIN is trending!! #sacklunchbunch #johnmulaneyandthesacklunchbunch

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

The monologue is a close-up of the tie for fourteen minutes.

Seth Meyers

@sethmeyers

5 years

We didn’t like your tie. Are you planning on wearing it Saturday?

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

Oh to be 16 again. I’m sending you a message to pass along.

Ryan Z

@RyanZOnline

4 years

I need help @BTuckertime @fakedansavage @JenKirkman @DannyZuker @davidmackau @morninggloria @AoDespair @johnlevenstein @NoahGarfinkel @MattOswaltVA Please see below and RT @mulaney

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

5 years

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

4 years

I love to be interviewed. I love talking. John Mulaney Is Not So Square

John Mulaney Is Not So Square

The comedian on his brooding adolescence, the joys of standup, and making a Netflix show for kids.

www.newyorker.com

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

3 years

#fromscratch @siriusxm @pandoramusic #smallstageseries

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

3 years

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John Mulaney

@mulaney

6 years

I am on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee on @netflixisajoke right now! I loved it and was medium relaxed! Here’s me and my hero @jerryseinfeld years ago in tuxes after being turned away from an Eyes Wide Shut type party. Watch!

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