John Levenstein @johnlevenstein Twitter profile

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

Television used to have all the time in the world.

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Last Seen Profiles

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@FanBuzz

John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

If changing the time were popular we’d do it at noon with a big clock and a celebration, not like thieves in the night.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

Jessica Walter never missed. If she didn’t get a laugh there was a problem with the script.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

7 years

The hatred is not fake. We hate you.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

7 years

The Fake News Is going all out in order to demean and denigrate! Such hatred!

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

Elon Musk is making a big show of reaching for his wallet after the bill has been paid.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

7 years

This is the perfect set-up for an action movie.

The A.V. Club

@TheAVClub

7 years

Liam Neeson is finally tired of doing action movies

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

We need fewer gender reveals, more sociopath reveals. Don’t sit on that information.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

“becomes”

The Hill

@thehill

5 years

JUST IN: Sarah Huckabee Sanders becomes Fox News contributor

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

I wouldn't wake up at 4:00 AM to watch my own wedding.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

7 months

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

From what?

New York Post

@nypost

5 years

Meghan Markle plans to take three months of maternity leave

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

Someone at SNL has got to stand up and say it's not funny to suggest Trump and Putin are lovers. It's stupid and homophobic and I can't find the joke. And for those who think it's hilarious, you did it, you enjoyed it. Let's get it together, guys.

Ricky Davila

@TheRickyDavila

5 years

Spot on! 😂 #SNL

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

Why aren’t 25 finalists for SNL living in a loft over a comedy club in a reality show the rules of which Lorne makes up every morning?

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

THE OFFICE

Daily Express

@Daily_Express

5 years

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry to choose UNUSUAL name for baby that UNIFIES the US and UK

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

7 years

Barron thinks his dad is a train now.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

Classy yet incomprehensible way to slap an address on a house.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

They’re best friends!

New York Post

@nypost

5 years

Beloved peacock flies into lion's den at zoo and inevitable happens

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

Funnier if he’s trying to work his way down the stairs.

Taj

@BicepOsorio

4 years

I know this dude was a film producer but I didn't kno he acted too!

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

Bob Dylan evicted me from my childhood home.

J(enna) Wortham

@jennydeluxe

5 years

what’s your fave “that’s so new york” moment?

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

If you want to see a room of comedy writers come alive, tell them you need a character to tell a bad joke. The results will be indistinguishable from the jokes the writers usually pitch, but everyone will be energized by the safety net.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

My concern is that, if Louis CK isn't welcomed back on stage, it could start a chain of events where we can't see Woody Allen play the clarinet.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

2 years

@jamiattenberg To me the most important thing is how you get out to use the bathroom. Aisle people would rather be bothered than bother someone. Window people would rather bother someone.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

1 year

Gwyneth Paltrow is obviously innocent but that’s no reason to end the trial.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

I wouldn’t say my quarantine diet is centered around fresh greens and fruits and veggies, no.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

Here's an explanation I would buy from Nick Sandmann: "I was tripping for the first time. The mushrooms had just kicked in. I think they were shrooms. I can't tell you for sure what they gave me. This guy with a drum suddenly appeared. I didn't know what the fuck was going on."

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

That doesn’t sound like her.

New York Post

@nypost

5 years

Family of Elizabeth Holmes' fiancé worry she has 'brainwashed' him: source

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

The employee who married her boss had a different experience from the employees who turned down his advances.

New York Post

@nypost

6 years

"He has always been a kind, decent and moral human being," said TV host Julie Chen. "I fully support my husband and stand behind him and his statement"

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

7 years

There is a kid with a square little CNN head who is having a very hard time right now because he believes Donald Trump beat up his father.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

1) Don’t fill up on bread.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

My annual speech to young potheads... Smoking pot is not a license for the details of your life to fall apart. If you want to smoke, you need to keep your shit together. Get your work done. Be early. Take a shower. Don’t be an idiot.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

The Boston Dynamics police dog robot is going to guest host SNL.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

The royal family must be thrilled that people are trying to identify THE racist.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

It takes a very old man to try to ban TikTok AND revive Kodak.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

Trump is the group that’s done eating but won’t leave the table, loving that another party is waiting. Restaurants never know how to handle it either.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

I can't even imagine how horrible Fyre Fest would have been if everything had gone right.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

He was 27 when he evicted me from my childhood home.

Tim Heidecker™ Official

@timheidecker

4 years

Bob Dylan was 21 when he wrote “A Hard Rain’s a-Gonna Fall”

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

Is waving a nazi flag and shouting the n-word HECKLING?

Talking Points Memo

@TPM

4 years

Sanders Blasts Heckler Who Waved Nazi Flag At Rally: My Family Was ‘Wiped Out By Hitler’

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

I never get to enjoy moments like this because there is no fucking way I let a baby’s face get that close to a dog.

Rex Chapman🏇🏼

@RexChapman

5 years

If you’ve had a rough week watch this...💪😍😏😇😉

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

FYI: the word Jew has a little bite to it. It’s not exactly a slur, but historically it’s been spoken with an edge. it’s not a word I casually drop in sentences. Most Jewish people prefer “Jewish.” It might not make total sense.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

If Dennis Miller produces the funniest joke I’ve ever heard in my life, I’ll have to concede I respect his process.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

Day one of production. Everyone gathers. The director has something to say. "It's imperative that this not be funny."

Deadline Hollywood

@DEADLINE

3 years

Nicole Kidman, Javier Bardem eyed to play Lucille Ball & Desi Arnaz with Aaron Sorkin directing ‘Being The Ricardos’ for @AmazonStudios ➡️

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

After my mom died, I took her cat Princess. A few days later, Princess slid open a window, pushed out a screen and escaped. It’s been my biggest bit of unfinished business. It was over a month ago. Of course I feared the worst. My housesitter found her! She’s thin but seems fine!

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

7 years

Daughter asked if her first car will be new or used, and I screamed into the phone, "it will be the worst car you can possibly imagine."

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

Whenever there’s a closet on a house hunting show... WIFE: “That’s mine!” HUSBAND: “Haha.” REALTOR: “He can keep his clothes on the floor.” EVERYONE: “Hahaha!”

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

I try not to put myself in a position where this is even a possibility.

New York Post

@nypost

5 years

Woman "eaten alive" by her pigs after collapsing

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

Unbelievably respectful way to end a friendship.

New York Post

@nypost

5 years

Prince Andrew claims 2010 Jeffrey Epstein visit in NYC was to end friendship

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

2 years

The cool parents drinking beer at brunch were super into their toddlers for about five minutes, cleverly using the menu to give simple math and spelling lessons. Now it’s their time. They completely checked out. The restaurant is raising the shrieking children.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

7 years

"Fascinating that my doorman doesn't call me a motherfucker" "He'd be fired" "No I don't think it's that"

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

1 year

When he compares six million to seventy-eight million, why does he emphasize the word “million”?

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

People sometimes ask why there wasn’t more improv on Arrested Development.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

2 years

Actor lies, lists “throwing” as special skill

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

Debating whether SNL having jokes about fucking cousins in three sketches in a row is a theme or a coincidence.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

8 years

Not thrilled to be part of the last generation that will die before people live forever.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

Wow, this was FAST. It’s usually almost impossible to get rid of bedbugs.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

A girl at my high school hated Annie Hall and panned it in the school paper. A bunch of kids got mad. They wanted her to acknowledge it was an objectively funny movie. She refused. I salute her.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

Wrong regret!

Page Six

@PageSix

5 years

Rob Lowe said he made his sex tape too early

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

A lot to hate about Woody Allen but the compulsive coughing and throat clearing is really irritating. I came to dread it. On the rare occasions he wouldn't cough before speaking, I'd be relieved but still feel like I went through something.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

Can't say I care for the way she says JEW

NBC News

@NBCNews

6 years

Kayla Moore, wife of Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore, accuses media of painting couple as anti-Semitic.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

Why would Benioff and Weiss walk away from a learning opportunity like directing Star Wars?

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

Four Seasons is a better name for a landscape company than it is for a hotel. And yet people’s association is with the hotel. Frustrating. That’s the thinking over here at Four Seasons Landscaping and has been for quite some time.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

8 years

Trump is bound to slip up sooner or later.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

1 year

I wouldn’t say Portia is the best assistant.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

That’s the dream.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

2 months

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

7 years

NO ONE is protesting the national anthem.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

"And the winner is...Dunkirk" Wait, there's a second envelope. "But you have to see it in the theater."

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

Don’t worry, I’m fine, but my daughter called and said “don’t worry, I’m fine.” She is fine. That’s why I’m fine. She was rear-ended. If you don’t like the order that story was told in, you’ll hate being a parent.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

Looking at boats with names you don’t like is part of life.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

Nothing separates real actors from willing amateurs like pretending to wake up.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

2 years

Improvised?

Eric Alper 🎧

@ThatEricAlper

2 years

This is the greatest improvised scene on TV. Betty White was a comedy legend.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

1 year

Now I’m not rooting for anyone

New York Post

@nypost

1 year

Gwyneth Paltrow ski crash victim can’t enjoy wine tastings due to injuries, expert says

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

Democrats could distract Trump during debates by putting the USS John McCain in the front row.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

1 year

Write a joke in the style of Mitch Hedberg, and this is important, make sure it’s not funny.

Dev

@Dervine7

1 year

HOLY SHIT

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

1 year

@elonmusk @danielhoughton @anothercohen @iamharaldur It didn’t seem like you wanted to understand the situation. You wanted to banter. Are you still the CEO?

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

7 years

"What can I do to help?" - Aaron Sorkin, re: diversity "What can I do to help?" - me, after someone else finishes cleaning up after a party

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

2 years

RIP Michael Nesmith. He was my first boss. I was young and insubordinate. He was bemused and patient. Later we became great friends. He had no fear of death.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

A woman came up behind me at Starbucks, grabbed my shoulders, pulled a leaf out of my hair and said, “I couldn’t let you walk around like that.” I said “but you could say why you want to touch a stranger before doing it,” looking her in the eye and realizing she was insane.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

This is beautiful. I would never be able to delay gratification as long as this guy did. Tucker had no idea what the fuck was happening at first.

NowThis Impact

@nowthisimpact

5 years

Watch Fox News host Tucker Carlson call one of his guests a 'tiny brain...moron' during an interview. NowThis has obtained the full segment with historian Rutger Bregman that Fox News is refusing to air.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

1 year

I haven’t talked to any writers who think we’ll be obsolete. I’ve talked to writers who are afraid we’ll be given shitty AI content to overhaul in order to create the illusion we’re not generating original material.

Variety

@Variety

1 year

AI has become a central issue in the writers strike. Writers on the picket lines fear that movie studios will use AI to write scripts – either in whole or in part – diminishing the role of writers or even making the job obsolete.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

Clyburn is on NPR saying shut it down, don’t have any more debates. They are terrified of Biden creating more soundbites.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

If Bernie’s supporters vote for Biden, and I hope they do, I can almost guarantee it won’t be because of arguments they haven’t heard before. They know about the Supreme Court and all the ways they’re cornered into voting for someone they don’t want. You’re irritating them.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

“Never took an improv class. I just say whatever pops in my head. I’ll shoot a scene, and the screenwriter will tell me that’s better than any joke he could ever write, and I’ll be, like, what did I say? Next thing I know your jerky fucking adult sons are quoting it at parties.”

Timothy Burke

@bubbaprog

4 years

I'm very sorry to have to share this video with you. All of it, every part of it.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

My mother left a lot of poetry behind. One of my favorites.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

7 years

This is too much false energy for a writers' room.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

Rally? This looks more like a mandatory office birthday party.

Zach Graumann

@Zach_Graumann

5 years

There is nothing like an Andrew Yang rally.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

THIS WAS A PREPARED JOKE WRITTEN BY ONE OF HIS PROFESSIONAL JOKE WRITERS, AND HE CHOKED!

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

9 years

My goal when I go to a friend's house for dinner is to befriend the dog to the point its loyalty is tested.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

23 days

Now imagine the charter guests requested an 80s theme party

Nature is Amazing ☘️

@AMAZlNGNATURE

23 days

Crazy to think this is how humans explored the world for thousands of years

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

Why say it’s “ruining” Say Anything when you could say it’s “compromising the structural underpinnings”?

Maggie Haberman

@maggieNYT

6 years

This is really ruining Say Anything for me. Said with respect for you as an actor. But, I’ll quote a person who knows Trump well who messaged me describing the lack of understanding that ppl have about “how Trump’s ignorance and mendacity interact.”

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

5 years

She wasn’t wife of the year.

Elizabeth West

@Limeylizzie

5 years

'Mum of the Year' jailed for 14 years after stabbing husband to death via @MetroUK

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

2 years

This was Kendall’s birthday plan.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

1 year

When Southwest resumes its schedule I’d advise the flight attendants not to be too funny with the PA announcements.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

9 years

I'll vaccinate your kid on a sleepover, I don't care.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

2 years

Elon’s sense of humor stopping on a dime may just keep me on Twitter. I mean he’s doing this in full view. It’s irresistible.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

My worst singing teacher was the one who asked me to place a hand on her stomach to “feel the breathing of a Grammy nominee.” I had no follow-up questions.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

Achieved my career goal of cramming @DavidKHarbour in my tiny car’s passenger seat.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

3 years

Every time people speak in unison during Shark Tank pitches I withdraw my hypothetical investment.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

6 years

If you’re going to risk your career for a tweet, make it funnier.

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John Levenstein

@johnlevenstein

4 years

Who’s the nerd who changed the subject to the payroll tax?

Aaron Rupar

@atrupar

4 years

Wow. A reporter (I'm not sure who he is) asks Trump, "after three and a half years, do you regret all the lying you've done to the American people?" Trump quickly moves on to the next question.