Danny Zuker @DannyZuker Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Danny Zuker

13 years

I'm constantly amazed at how different my twin daughters are. Lisa is so much more positive & confident than her sister Hog Face.

350

5K

18K

Last Seen Profiles

@blockate

@TheTake_AI

@archiexzzz

@ExeterCollegeOx

@G_IDLENEVERLAND

@farzana_versey

@j_wasinger

@porcelaincoffin

@alhadab

@u0KhEmayNP71258

@Tezzathekchen

@brejackal76

@TaoFeek182

@susangbarber

@TrollfaceBTC

@ComplexSneakers

@_Deadkat

@zZzwonn

@AbiLucyBurton

@kayinaru

@LitmanChelley

@aiu_athletics

@realgazakure

@KnShrivastav

@tibariyoooo

@Non_Serviam82

@itsmegangraves

@ysskulgam

@Sam_Azin

@bedbitz_

@NikilisRBX

@CinemaTRE

@TrackInvesting

@hyperkind

@TomHamill2

@adelMoulay94340

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

3 years

I feel like I owe @tedcruz an apology. When he voted against sending aid to my home state of New Jersey after Sandy I accused him of only caring about Texas. I was obviously wrong.

1K

29K

242K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

3 years

Suspended from all social media, @realDonaldTrump is currently ranting about Mitt Romney on an Amazon customer review page for dress socks.

3K

19K

181K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

BREAKING: Kanye West announces he needs more attention.

1K

18K

170K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

3 years

BREAKING: Guy who hates his job so much he refused to do it for four years, whines about being fired.

486

9K

106K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

I once challenged @RealDonaldTrump 's ratings & he tweeted me in 15 minutes. It took him 3 days to say the KKK is bad. Sorry, it's too late.

700

27K

102K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

Repeat after me: I (state your name) will work my ass off to for the Democratic nominee even if that person is not my first choice because as any sane person can see the alternative is the death of our democracy.

3K

16K

92K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

. @realdonaldtrump Happy Anniversary! Any tips on how you two keep the magic alive?

3K

17K

72K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

Sources are telling me that as early as Monday, Fox News will ask its employees to lie from home.

684

10K

73K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

Not to be alarmist but if Kevin Bacon tests positive we’re all fucked. #COVD19

897

11K

71K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

Sources tell me that Stephen Miller is running a fever. He’s up to 34 degrees. 😷

1K

4K

63K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

Trump: I didn't want to cause a panic. Also Trump: CARAVAN! ANTIFA! CITIES ARE WAR ZONES! THEY WANT TO TAKE YOUR GUNS! NO MORE CHRISTMAS! ILLEGALS ARE VOTING IN THE MILLIONS! CHINA! DEEP STATE! We have the most Covid cases and deaths in the world for one reason: TRUMP LIED!

594

15K

58K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

Trump couldn't hate women more if they were made of books and salad.

423

7K

49K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

3 years

Bye, loser!

346

2K

41K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

Real Assholes of Orange County.

TranceDuck 🇯🇴

@F__U__Stanford

4 years

Huntington Beach rn... wtf

4K

14K

68K

2K

5K

40K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

Saw this on Facebook and it kind of says it all.

341

20K

36K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

As a kid I watched men walk on the moon & dreamed of the future. Thought by 2017 we'd be on Mars, not marching to defend science from idiots

373

16K

34K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

. @realdonaldtrump I got you an early birthday present! Have someone read it to you! (Don’t worry I sent it to your primary address.)

1K

6K

33K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

5 years

Everyone needs to calm down about the 4 year Manafort sentence. All he did was conspire with a hostile power to undermine our democracy. It’s not like he’s a minority teen caught with a joint.

218

5K

28K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

Does anyone know how Barron is doing after watching that clip of his dad assaulting a woman with a golf ball?

1K

6K

27K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

After 11 seasons, this week I shoot the last Modern Family episode I will ever write. The title says it all. 😢

504

1K

27K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

3 years

A group of impeachments is called a Trump.

218

2K

26K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

Sources close to Melania say the First Lady just described the president’s condition as “worse than Christmas.”

237

2K

26K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

I know it's bad form to retweet yourself but I called this a year ago. I don't want to brag but Marvel should make a movie about me.

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

8 years

As inevitable headlines go, "Trump Campaign Manager Arrested for Assault," is second only to "Trump Caught Paying Prostitute To Pee On Him."

120

2K

4K

377

10K

25K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Kneeling for the National Anthem is an insult to the troops! If NFL players want to protest more respectfully they should simply mock POW’s and war heroes with cancer. 🇺🇸

266

6K

25K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

Sources say Bannon & Trump just couldn't agree on whether some Nazis are good people or all Nazis are good people

242

6K

25K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

2 years

@elonmusk @StephenKing Another great strategy for defeating the bots and trolls, and I'm just spitballing here, might be getting the new head of twitter to stop retweeting disgusting conspiracy theories about the attempted murder of Pelosi.

884

2K

24K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

30 years of nuclear deescalation about to be wiped out by this moronic pig boy but at least he doesn't have a private server. God help us.

807

12K

22K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Cable news: “Historic Summit” is one way to describe what’s happening but I prefer “For 60 years N Korea has wanted to meet with a US President without giving anything up but they had to wait for a historically stupid and vain President to make it happen.”

144

6K

22K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

5 years

“We’re gonna build a wall and who’s gonna pay for it?” “800,000 federal employees who won’t be getting paychecks this Christmas!”

186

4K

20K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

. @realDonaldTrump u up? I was thinking 'bout how u dragged those cadets back to West Point during a pandemic just so you could look powerful but that created a sitch where you've never looked weaker and now the whole country is laughing at you. Life's funny, huh? 😜 #FeebleWeeble

167

2K

20K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

I love money and all, but if you think your tax cut is worth people dying because they can't get healthcare, you might be a monster.

294

7K

19K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

God, I love the Brits!

165

4K

19K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

So let me get this straight: Obama shouldn’t get to appoint a justice to SCOTUS because he only has A YEAR LEFT IN HIS TERM but an actual criminal who’s been IMPLICATED in committing a federal crime to steal an election can?? FUCK THAT! #BlockBrett

154

4K

18K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Americans who boo a free press while cheering a man who bows down to tyrants, lies every time he speaks, assaulted 20 women that we know of, makes fun of the disabled & POW's and coddles racists, are terrible Americans. Discuss.

680

3K

18K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

. @realdonaldtrump let me break down the flaw in your argument: You know how today while golfing for the 100th time this year you ate 3 filet-o-fish sandwiches and a bucket & a half of KFC? Does that mean that famines don’t exist you fucking stupid grotesque traitor?

323

4K

18K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

5 years

So just to be clear, the reason we aren't starting impeachment on the most criminal "president" in history is so that we don't alienate this crowd of mouth breathers at the #TrumpRally chanting "send them back"? Cool strategy, Dems. #ImpeachNow

336

3K

18K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Dear Young People 18 to 28: Sorry we f’d up the planet. That’s my generation’s bad, but we will all most likely be dead while you fight for water on Fury Road. That’s on us. But if you don’t vote this November 6, it’s on you, too. Help us, Millenials. You’re our only hope! 🙏🏻

201

4K

18K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

3 years

Whoever made this, take a bow!

181

3K

18K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

Sincere message for Trump voters: Yes, the Democrats won but unless you're a billionaire, you won too. You just don't know it yet because for decades those billionaires have spent billions convincing you that we are your enemy. I promise we love this country as much as you do.

193

2K

18K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Let me help clear this up. Depending on the severity of the phobia, people will often find ways to face them. For example: your father claims to be a germaphobe but he bravely faces that fear every time he has unprotected sex with a porn star he's rented.

Donald Trump Jr.

@DonaldJTrumpJr

6 years

I’m no psychology professor but it does seem weird to me that someone could have a selective fear of flying. Can’t do it to testify but for vacation, well it’s not a problem at all.

22K

9K

43K

367

4K

17K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Imagine all of the terrorist attacks that would have been stopped if @realDonaldTrump had gotten his travel ban 500 days ago! Wait, what's that? Zero terrorist attacks by immigrants? Nearly all the mass shootings were white citizens? Many who identified as MAGA? Huh...

211

5K

17K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

BREAKING: Washington Adonis mocks woman's looks.

484

5K

16K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

I’ve no doubt a ghoul like you finds funerals positively side splitting! But I think you’ll like next season. We’re doing an arc where Phil fails at trying to be Simon Cowell then fails again at trying to be Larry King! Can you imagine? Hahaha

Piers Morgan

@piersmorgan

6 years

Allow ME to explain something: Modern Family sucks - I have laughed more at funerals.

777

89

870

339

1K

16K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Hard to believe that only a year ago people were thrown in jail for saying "Merry Christmas" but now thanks to @RealDonaldTrump we can say anything we want.. except "Diversity," "fetus," "transgender," "vulnerable," "entitlement," "science-based" and "evidence-based." #Freedumb

193

5K

16K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

My outrage at the fat gross predator Harvey Weinstein is apparently insufficient for the people who made a fat gross predator president.

123

3K

16K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Kudos to the creator of this slice of genius! cc: @realdonaldtrump

159

4K

16K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Hi, @Jack ! Hey sorry to bother you but one of your users is in violation of a federal ruling. His twitter handle is @realdonaldtrump . Could you have @TwitterSupport take care of this? Thanks so much!

161

3K

15K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Quick reminder: With one phone call @realDonaldTrump could reunite 2000 terrified and innocent children with their parents who came here to escape violence and murder. Instead he's bargaining with their lives. Think about that. He pardons Arpaio & ignores children. #Monster

230

5K

15K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

. @realDonaldTrump couldn’t serve ‘cuz of a sore footsie, never visited a war zone, placed 2 jerks to head the VA, hired an AG being investigated 4 scamming veterans, mocked POW’s, flew 2 Paris 2 honor WW1 heroes & cancelled ‘cuz it’s drizzling, BUT he REALLY loves our vets!

324

4K

14K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

In this difficult time let's be sure to show @realDonaldTrump the respect he's shown others.

469

2K

15K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

For his own safety and the safety of others we should put Stephen Miller in a cage.

180

1K

15K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

BREAKING: Trump drops entire budget for Meals on Wheels, Planned Parenthood, NEA & school lunch programs on Afghanistan this morning. 🇺🇸

281

10K

14K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

3 years

I would like to thank you @realDonaldTrump from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to experience the pure joy of watching you lose Georgia... TWICE!!! ‘Night, Loser! #Loser

103

514

14K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

Donald Trump Jr.

@DonaldJTrumpJr

4 years

If Joe Biden gets elected your taxes are going up and everything from the economy to police funding to Mount Rushmore are coming down!

12K

10K

48K

60

2K

14K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

They cheated. They suppressed. They Gerrymandered. They fear mongered. They colluded. We Won! America Won! Democracy Won! Justice is Coming ⚖️

219

2K

13K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

PATRIOT TEST: If you're cool with Russia meddling with our election because your candidate won, you're not a patriot. Also fuck you.

286

5K

13K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

1 year

This is the worst day McCarthy has ever had at the Capitol and he was once almost murdered there.

98

2K

14K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Hey @realdonaldtrump , you missed it! While you were busy golfing, America actually got great again! #MarchForOurLives #PeopleReallySeemToHateYou

115

3K

13K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Scientists are baffled by Canadians' ability to watch movies and play video games and not shoot each other.

195

3K

13K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

It’s been an honor to watch @marcorubio ’s fall from Presidential hopeful to historically inept and reviled punchline.

296

1K

13K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

11 years, 250 episodes and tonight starting at 8, Modern Family comes to an end. More than anything I’m going miss seeing my friends every day. And the awards. But mostly the friends. 😢

196

1K

13K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

I don’t post a lot of memes but this is pure art. Whoever made it, take a bow.

151

2K

12K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Pardon my legalese but these motherfucking soulless GOP scum gargglers were able to find it in their ossified hearts the power to kill a SCOTUS nom by delaying for a FUCKING YEAR, but they can't wait a couple weeks so we can research the pick of an unindicted co-conspirator?!

189

2K

11K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Today’s “civility” debate brings to mind an old joke: Two men are facing a Nazi firing squad. The first man is offered a blindfold & says “Shove that blindfold up your Nazi ass!” The 2nd man whispers to the first, “Murray, don’t make trouble!”

88

3K

11K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

. @realdonaldtrump until you lift your ban on those very children who were gassed no one gives a fuck how "moved" you are you piece of shit!

166

4K

11K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

SNL writer tweets bad joke about president's kid & she's fired. Pageant owner watches teen contestants undress & he's elected president.

216

5K

11K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

3 years

Matt Gaetz spotted holding boombox over his head outside Mar A Lago.

376

1K

11K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

To the Trump zombies posting pics of Bill Clinton w/ Epstein and Maxwell: Speaking for most Dems. if he so much as touched one of those girls or even knew and looked away, he should rot in jail. Can you say the same about Trump? You can't & that's why you're garbage people.

241

2K

11K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

This miserable pig is actually bragging about himself during a nazi terrorist attack. Fuck anyone still propping up this evil buffoon!

118

3K

11K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

I want to sincerely thank all the “Family Values Voters” still supporting Trump for finally admitting all their moral outrage at Democrats over the last 3 decades was total bullshit. You really had me going there!

77

2K

10K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

For those who've lost hope, a small determined group of people just stopped the Dakota pipeline. 100 million of us can surely thwart Trump.

181

4K

10K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

Your enemies are most Americans. Your friends are a dictator, the KKK & people you conned so have miserable New Year you fucking traitor.❤

200

3K

10K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

He's such a dick. Fuck every single person who props up this grotesque illiterate sociopath.

101

717

10K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

8 years

BREAKING: People who made this shirt a best seller at Trump rallies DEEPLY offended by the word "deplorable."

416

6K

10K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

Man who refused to fund Super Storm Sandy relief praises man who called his wife ugly. #Hero #MAGA

Ted Cruz

@tedcruz

7 years

Thank you, @POTUS , for visiting Texas today and ensuring the Lone Star State has the resources it needs during this crisis.

1K

2K

7K

351

3K

10K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

. @realDonaldTrump I know you're busy respecting the troops by protecting them from black athletes engaged in peaceful protest but when you're done being such an amazing patriot, maybe tweet a nice word to @SenJohnMcCain even though you like people who weren't captured.

178

2K

9K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

QUESTION: How can the Thai government return 4 children accidentally trapped in a flooded cave to their parents yet @realDonaldTrump can’t return the 3000 kids he kidnapped ON PURPOSE to theirs? ANSWER: Because his racism is only rivaled by his incompetence.

96

2K

10K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Allow me to explain how America works: We are more than just that place in which you suffered a humiliating career failure. We are a country of immigrants. When you’re done pud chugging Trump you should read up on us!

Piers Morgan

@piersmorgan

6 years

Watching John Oliver repeatedly say ‘we’ & ‘us’ when discussing America is comical. Mate, you were born in the Midlands to a pair of Liverpudlian parents & speak in a thick Brummie accent. You’re about as American as cricket & mushy peas, you shameless old fraud!

5K

1K

6K

192

1K

10K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

Working with a hostile country to steal an election.

Bill Mitchell

@mitchellvii

7 years

What is more divisive than disrespecting our National Anthem before the whole world.

8K

2K

6K

106

2K

10K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Yo memo so juvenile, @realdonaldtrump walked into its dressing room while it was changing! #YoMemoJokes

101

2K

9K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

If the last 500 days have taught me anything it’s that racist assholes HATE being called racist assholes but not enough to stop acting like racist assholes.

70

2K

9K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

Fun being lectured about respecting our generals by people who voted for a draft dodger who mocked POWs & calls gold star parents "liars."🇺🇸

81

2K

9K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Congratulations to all the patriots who’ve bravely mocked young victims of gun violence. Through your “sick burns” you’ve successfully sent a message to the world that mass shootings are a small price to pay for easy access to your “toys.” Also, sorry about your dicks.

97

2K

9K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

I'm so angry at Logan Paul for making me have to find out who Logan Paul is.

112

1K

9K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

Yo @realdonaldtrump ! Did your boss #PresidentBannon say it's ok 2 say Nazis are bad yet? Hit me back when you're done golfing! #FireBannon

82

2K

9K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

Journalism question: Why was it ok to report allegations Obama was Kenyan but not the more credible allegation that Trump is a pee pervert?

225

3K

9K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

1 year

"How firing Christopher Cillizza may actually help Chris Cillizza," muttered a stunned Chris Cillizza to himself over and over again as he approached his parking space one last time.

106

909

9K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

As hard as I work at it I will never be able to troll @realdonaldtrump as well as wind.

266

2K

8K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

5 years

Totally, bruh! I remember back when I was at Biden University we flew Biden Air to The Biden Taj Mahal, now bankrupt, and feasted on some Biden steaks.

Donald Trump Jr.

@DonaldJTrumpJr

5 years

Biden, Inc.: How ‘Middle Class’ Joe’s family cashed in on the family name via @politicomag

4K

2K

5K

122

1K

8K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

. @realdonaldtrump U watching Obama, bro? Isn’t it weird to hear a president talk to all Americans not just the ones he’s conned! Anyway, good luck on the golf course!

79

954

8K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Nazi defends pedophile and Republicans cheer. Cool party, brah.

CNN

@CNN

6 years

"They want to destroy Judge Moore. And you know why? They want to take your voice away," Steve Bannon says at a Roy Moore campaign rally in Alabama

913

84

226

197

2K

8K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

6 years

Eight Great Moments In Due Process by @realDonaldTrump : 1. Lock Her Up! 2. Mexicans Are Rapists 3. Slam Perpetrators Heads into Police Car Doors 4. Ted Cruz’s Dad Killed Kennedy. 5. Central Park Five. 6. Ban All Muslims 7. Obama Is Not A Citizen 8. Witch Hunt!

191

3K

8K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

5 years

. @realDonaldTrump hasn't tweeted in over 21 hours. I sincerely do hope something is wrong. 🙏🏻

220

587

8K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

Sure he's racist and misogynistic but the way he ran away when pressed points out @realdonaldtrump 's defining trait: he's a coward. What a weak little man.

119

1K

8K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

5 years

“Let it go, now” say the same people who after 5 investigations that actually did exonerate Hillary still chant “lock her up.”

66

2K

8K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

"Kneeling through the national anthem is an insult to the troops," said the pig who called two grieving Gold Star families, liars.

90

2K

7K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

Dear GOP “Leadership,” Read @RealDonaldtrump ’s timeline today. You okay with this? If u chose to u could stop it. Sincerely, The World.

94

2K

7K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

7 years

"A complete and total ban on all Muslims until we figure out who will buy 110 billion dollars of weapons from us."

Trump signs $110 billion arms deal with Saudi Arabia

The deal is meant to strengthen the U.S.-Saudi alliance against ISIS on the president's first foreign trip

www.cbsnews.com

263

4K

7K

Danny Zuker

@DannyZuker

4 years

Charles Manson: "I invented God, man. I'm the pope. I'm ten times the pope. I'm fifty times the pope! Igga dugga blim blam!" Chuck Todd: "I take your point."

94

934

7K