this morning I got a drink from 7/11, and the cashier said “you could get two more if you wanted”, and so I got two more because I thought she meant there was a promo. but there wasn’t a promo, I just paid full price for three of the same drink. why did she do this?
you look at a Toblerone package, long, triangular, and think “there’s no way it’s that shape”, and you’re right, it isn’t that shape. it’s in a way weirder shape, a far more fucked up shape than you could ever have anticipated.
me: one drink please
cashier: buy three.
me: yes ma’am
cashier: call me mistress.
me: yes mistress
cashier: you’re lower than dirt. a worm. stand on one foot.
me (wobbling): yes mistress
100% sure my coworker has invented a dog so he can take multiple long breaks daily under the guise of dog walks. never mentioned the dog until 2 weeks ago, now he’s “brb”ing 3 walks a day. boss asked to see a pic of the dog and he said “sorry it’s sleeping”. I encourage this.
seeing a number of comments like “ohhh the shape is good” and “ohhhh, oooohhhh, it’s like a mountain range”. I didn’t say it wasn’t good. I said it’s fucked up. and it is.
he never said “hey I got a dog” or anything, it was just Monday and he said “gotta walk the dog, brb” like the dog was a well established detail of his lore.
losing control of this post so I’m getting out ahead of it to say that if you come into my replies to say some shit like “download an app to tell you what you’re spending money on each month” I will appear to you as a specter as you sleep and cause you irreversible psychic damage
at Portillo’s a few years ago the woman at the pickup counter shouted the same number for a shake 6x. when nobody claimed it she looked at me, whispered “you ever had a cake shake, baby?” and gave me the shake. still the most erotic thing that’s ever happened to me.
just walked down Milwaukee near the Damen location. the streets are full of shellshocked and displaced Wicker Parkers, wandering in a dead eyed daze into Starbucks Reserve, asking the Big Star greeter if they know where to get a CBD latte, trying to use Apple Pay at Myopic.
nobody knows that “Roam” is a B-52s song because Fred Schneider doesn’t sing in it, so there’s not a dude going “ROAMING, AROUND EUROPE! TAKING TRAINS, and DRINKing GOOd wINE!” or something. but it is him. he’s there.
I mentioned the words ‘trauma dump’ during a session once and my therapist interrupted me (never happens) to stress that “we don’t use words like that here” lmao. ~80% of therapy speak was made up by 24 year olds on twitter/tumblr in 2013 before blowing up everywhere else.
i don't think "therapy speak" actually comes from therapy tho. it comes from online. i've literally never had a therapist use words like "toxic" and "trauma dumping" in a session lol
lots of people saying “nobody reacts because we’re New Yorkers, we see weirder shit all the time! 😝” and not enough people saying the truth which is that this type of thing is fucking annoying and giving these people attention means they win.
a little late in the day, but if anybody wants this hat, the second worst hat I’ve ever held in my hands, it’s yours for free. got it as part of a hat mystery box. would really like it out of my house.
- extremely of a specific time and place in culture
- frequently used incorrectly
- used as an common placeholder word for people who have lost the ability to use other descriptors
I would like it if I woke up and nobody was mad at me for this btw
when I was a kid I had a friend my family referred to as “Frog Boy”. there’s no proof of him in any photo albums. my sister has sworn for years that she has a picture of Frog Boy somewhere. tonight she found it, everybody is losing their minds, saying “oh my god, that’s Frog Boy”
@benkling
one square is for your vinyls of ITAOTS and Rumours, one is for a tangle of miscellaneous cords, one has a game system, and one has Infinite Jest and The Killing Joke. The rest is for Stars Wars.
looking at this picture of me in 6th grade, posing in front of a painting I made for our school’s Fine Arts Festival of Bart Simpson sweating blood and undergoing a horrific transformation in hell.
Candyman was very very good. lots of great Chicago shots too. the scene with the main character in the Marinas Towers, the slow tours of Cabrini Green, and the part where Candyman walks into the Wicker Park Walgreens Vitamin Vault and he’s all like “haha whaaaaat”, all great.
@lukesesh2
I was this guy for a few years at an old job before my team suddenly all came and sat down around me and was like “we realized we don’t know anything about you!” and grilled me on my life for like an hour. after that nothing changed, I was still that guy.
Using an algorithm to figure out what images are most likely to make a boomer laugh and bounce up and down in their chair clapping. Narrowed it down to these two.
the most fascinating thing about this guy is that he does something that anybody could theoretically do with the motivation/time, but literally no one else A: has enough of either or B: would put this level of care into it. I think he’s the best detective currently alive.
found out today that my fav sipping glasses that I’ve been drinking out of for years are made of something called “uranium glass”. the cool thing is that it’s not at all concerning, for me, to know this.
I like that drink and I will drink both of the other ones later so i bought them all. they’re in my fridge right now. I don’t have to go to 7/11 the next time I want one. appreciate everybody being normal about this.
thinking a lot about the independent professional baseball team the Chicago Dogs, whose logo is a Chicago style hot dog, and whose canon includes an evil ketchup bottle that comes to the games and exposes himself.
no babe, I didn’t see the John Mulaney news. I was busy with actual problems today. sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to snap, I’m stressed. the man is back. yeah. the faceless one in the mirror who’s always trying to switch places with me. no its okay. tell me about the Mulaney thing.
very few bigger losers on the planet than public transit babies. how do people like this survive in the wild. “I want to know how to best handle this” what the fuck are you talking about.