sleepiest girl in the whole wide world Profile Banner
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world Profile
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world

@v_dcknz

9,071
Followers
2,795
Following
2,408
Media
22,630
Statuses

headlinezzzz @theonion @reductress • Hyperfocus: A Neurodivergent Comedy Show @caveatnyc next show May 12 😇

Joined April 2011
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
4 years
no one prepares you for the fact that your viral tweet is not your best tweet
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
FaceTime is so embarrassing when the other person doesn’t pick up it’s just you staring at your own pathetic face craving human connection
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
3 years
$20 bottle of $14 glass of wine wine at store at bar
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
Italian food is just the same five ingredients a thousand different ways
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
4 months
“Can I be mean for a second” you’re mean all the time just talk
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
9 months
I hate giving hand jobs because it’s like ugh do I have to do it in front of the expert?
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
What’s a good job for someone who doesn’t want to work?
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
What do women want? Easy! They want pasta in a heavy cream sauce
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
19 days
This goes so hard
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@Jack_Petocz
Jack Petocz
20 days
Vanderbilt’s Gaza Solidarity Encampment reaches day 28!
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
4 months
I created the perfect “dad waiting to catch teen out past curfew sneaking in” corner of my apartment
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
7 months
diet culture absolutely destroyed our society because many people genuinely believe “fruit really isn’t that good for you”
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
What’s your proudest therapy moment mine was when my therapist said I have a high threshold for suffering 🤙🏻
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
5 months
omg dragged
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
1 month
My friend was screen recording something for work and my text ruined it lol
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
I’d actually like to bring back uploading 60+ photos of chaotic nights out to Facebook albums. show me the good, bad and ugly I wanna see it all!!!!
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
3 years
I honestly think if 2,000 dogs were dying per day people would care more.
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
29 days
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
29 days
leaving a lipstick mark and a spritz of perfume on my check to the IRS so they know I love them so much <3
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
5 months
I only want to have a wedding so everyone is forced to listen to my music at the reception
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
3 months
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@sabbyku
sab
3 months
i will find you in every lifetime (threateningly)
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 months
Discovering hooks under the bar is the same as discovering your dress has pockets
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
11 months
And they say love is dead
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
5 months
will never understand people who are like “oop 10pm, time for bed!” and then just go to bed like don’t you wanna watch fun things on tv for another 5 hours?????
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
3 months
COBRA is like “sorry you lost your job - we’d love to help you out! would you like to pay way more money for heathcare with zero income?”
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
Me: “my acid reflux is killing me!” Also me: *eats horizontally*
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
The feminine urge to make one takeout meal stretch for 3 days
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
1 year
Sorry but they could have made the rat less SAD AND ADORABLE
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
7 months
“It has sugar” IT GREW STRAIGHT FROM THE EARTH
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
Men are like “I don’t know any abusive guys” I guarantee it’s like half your friend group
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
1 month
this is what I imagine I look like every time I’m reading a book
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
Problem // solution
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
5 months
rip jesus you would have fucking hated this
@ChristnNitemare
Christian Nightmares
5 months
More footage from this tax exempt Texas megachurch…
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
The early 00s were so toxic I remember knowing how many calories chewing gum burned
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
9 months
@ngocbbuii Lmaooo so smart I usually half ass it until they go “ok that’s enough”
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
7 months
dont get me started no potatoes!!!!!!!!!!!
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
10 months
How do I join one of these walking clubs
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
11 months
It’s so weird to do this!!!!
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@REGINAVGEORGE
estel imane
11 months
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
7 months
people are giving her a hard time but actually humans are not meant to live like this, we've all just become miserable and numb
@Endthemisery1
𝑴𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒆🥂
7 months
Omg, poor baby has her first job. Like..she has to commute?? Like...she has to cook dinner?? Like...no time or energy to work out?? Like..she's working in person not remote??? Like...She. Has. To. Work. 9. To. 5 ??? What????🙄
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
1 month
idk I feel like my friends should quit their jobs and text me all day long
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
7 months
on**** I love potatoes! they come from the ground!!!! whats the problem here???
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
4 years
I present to you: Men Doing the Least!
@thehill
The Hill
4 years
Brad Pitt nominated for Emmy for portrayal of Dr. Fauci on "Saturday Night Live"
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
Sir mix-a-lot was single-handedly fighting eating disorder culture in the 90s
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
1 year
My friend gave me permission to share what happened after he got us first Pfizer shot
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 months
not only is this the most perfect video to ever exist, but I’ve since aspired to be as unapologetically confident as her
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@Robert_E_Kelly
Robert E Kelly
2 months
BBC Dad content Today is the 7th anniversary of the BBC Dad blooper. So here it is again, with some recent family pictures in the thread below. 1
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
7 months
@tangerin3dreamz Bananas are literally one of the healthiest things in the world to eat!!!
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
3 years
I’d rather be late and have pooped than on time and shitting my pants
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
10 months
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
11 months
This is my favorite way to dress
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
7 months
@Jest_Iris I did weight watchers as a teen and a banana or avocado had like 3 points so I would eat a ww fudge bar and popcorn for 2 points every day. I barely ate produce for like 2 years
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
7 months
Hey guys, if my tweet doesn’t specifically apply to you and your dietary restrictions, it doesn’t mean I’m wrong. You can just ignore it :) :)
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
4 months
ok I figured out why these are so popular it’s because everyone in the suburbs is bored
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
11 months
@belivetsgloves Once you realize most men hate women it all makes sense
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
1 year
Me flirting with a guy staying over for the first time: “can you let me know if you think I have sleep apnea?”
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
@ginnyhogan_ This on Reddit today
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
@Thom__Dork omg this rocks
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
9 months
every guy on hinge is like “the biggest risk I’ve taken? solo backpacking through Europe 😎” and I’m like ok but if I did that that would ACTUALLY be a risk
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
3 years
@itskristofer I tweeted this and the animal rights ppl came for me they started tagging me on Instagram posts too
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
3 months
One of life’s greatest joys is laying down for a couple minutes
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
11 months
I would drink so many margaritas with her
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
5 months
@jbfan911 Are you the eldest daughter
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
10 months
this is who is reading your threads
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
1 year
I think about this hat like once a week
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
6 months
I am a 32 yr old woman waiting for my mom to pick me up at the bar. happy thanksgiving eve
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
11 months
dad just told me I’m the executor of my parents estate
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
7 months
@svershbow the first crunch into a honeycrisp apple >>>>>>>>>
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
8 months
@hello__caitlin That outfit looks impossible to take off on a small airplane
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 months
@okaypompeii I just watched this episode! Aiden bought Carrie’s apartment that was going co-op and then she dumped him so he gave her a month to leave or buy the place and she wanted to buy but only had $700 in checking and $900 in savings
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
1 year
@thedylanhafer “A ludicrously capacious bag”
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
Lot of good suggestions. Thanks everyone!
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
4 months
@bhillsbert Yep they’re grounded!
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
29 days
leaving a lipstick mark and a spritz of perfume on my check to the IRS so they know I love them so much <3
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
11 months
happy father’s day
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
1 year
Just realized I wore a long sleeved turtleneck with no bra to get my flu shot
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
10 months
@daisythejones This is also true for “narcissist” like very very people are actually *true* narcissists it just gets thrown around so freely
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
4 months
after a date I accidentally texted the guy a text meant for my friend that said “I could smell desperation”
@rachelmillman
rachel
4 months
Alright. We’re wrapping up the year. It is now tradition: Please tell me about the funniest and stupidest thing you did in 2023
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
I need everyone to understand that we’re experiencing a total collapse of society and now is the time to tell me if you have a crush on me
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
1 month
@skyler_higley But we’ll get a really good hbo doc out of it in 15 years
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
1 year
Sopranos twitter is so steamed about this
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
8 months
@zachsilberberg wait what no
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
9 months
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
My friend and I got HPV from the same person and that makes us cervical cancer sisters
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
8 months
flying at half-mast :(
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
11 months
ambition is such a turnoff like why do you want to start your own company you should be figuring out what I want for dinner
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
11 months
Whenever I go to bed before 10pm I’m like wow so hot priest of me
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
hi I’m now a headline contributor for @TheOnion ! My parents have no idea what that means but they’re very happy for me
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
7 months
@EosinY but like if you can’t eat carrots what *can* you eat??
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
11 months
@bellalunaestela The first time I saw this vid my immediate reaction was “what did he do”
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
11 months
twitter is my favorite app because I can be really fucking annoying and I still don't even crack the top 75% of the most annoying people on here
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
4 months
a train just derailed during rush hour but soooo relieved we’re spending money on this instead :)
@mynameisjro
Jason Rosenberg
4 months
NYPD kicking off 2024 strong by brutally arresting someone for not paying a $2.90 MTA fare at the 7th Ave. F/G station in Brooklyn.
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
Yea sex is good but have you ever finally gotten the ick from someone you should have never been attracted to in the first place
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
I just want to get a little something in the mail every day
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
1 month
I had no idea who sang this song or what they looked like but this is absolutely not what i expected
@historyinmemes
Historic Vids
1 month
It's been 60 years since this legendary song came out
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 months
I feel like this is an extremely funny example of what is going to ultimately destroy our society
@AlsikkanTV
Chris Alsikkan ™
3 months
apparently this was sold as a live Willy Wonka Experience but they used all AI images on the website to sell tickets and then people showed up and saw this and it got so bad people called the cops lmao
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
I’ve dated all the toxic male occupations (tech, comedian, chef, bartender, lawyer, journalist, actor, banker) EXCEPT musician so any cute musicians out there who want to ruin me just lmk!!!!!!!!
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
3 years
@clhubes I remember some segment Oprah did that was like “if you feel super hungry late at night don’t eat anything that’s your body burning fat” I guess as part of the overall don’t eat after x pm discourse
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
Imagine sitting down on a 4 hr flight and not shutting the fuck up for the entire time
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
Two thoughts that go through every woman’s mind on a first date: 1. Could I marry him? 2. Will he murder me?
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
3 years
I’m a really transparent person to date because I’ll tell you exactly how I feel about you on twitter
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
2 years
Everyone is like “just be yourself everyone else is taken 😝” and I’m like ok here ya go and then they’re like “wtf is your problem man jesus christ”
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
29 days
ok I’ll say it people are getting too weird about dogs
@hifromkyle
KYLE
29 days
Found my new local
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@v_dcknz
sleepiest girl in the whole wide world
12 days
to liberals comparing these students to Jan 6 are you fucking stupid?
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