As the world grapples with the horrors of the Israel-Hamas war, many people trying to stay up to date with the situation are finding the media’s coverage lacking for myriad reasons, but exactly what...

CAMBRIDGE, UNITED KINGDOM—Saying that the species knew it had to start fucking and start fucking fast, officials from the International Union for Conservation of Nature announced Monday that logger...

AL JIZAH, EGYPT—A team of British and Egyptian archaeologists made a stunning discovery Monday, unearthing several intact specimens of “skeleton people”—skinless, organless humans who populated the...

BENTONVILLE, AR—Adapting the retail outlet’s previously simple sign-up questionnaires to the modern world, Walmart announced Monday that its baby registry would now include a checkbox for denoting...

While the First Amendment protects the right to peaceful assembly, the police are often given wide latitude in their ability to disrupt protests, which allows them to use slight provocations in order...

This uniquely shaped home made of bio-based materials hangs from the eaves of someone else’s garage so you won’t have to pay any property taxes. Must share with thousands of current residents.

CHICAGO—Standing with the bride amid joyful tears from all present, heart transplant recipient Ronald Huger recently honored a dying wish from his donor when he walked the late pig’s daughter down...

NEW GLARUS, WI—Tsking her tongue with envy as she put the finishing touches on her teen’s at-home hairstyling, local mom Sandra Bennett told reporters Friday that she was pretty jealous of all the...

WASHINGTON—In a shocking breach of White House security, President Joe Biden was reportedly carried away by ants Friday. According to witnesses, the 81-year-old commander-in-chief remained quite calm...

Recent reports have indicated that a number of female fans are thirsting over the Ghoul. The Onion asked women to explain why they are attracted to Walton Goggins’ mutant character in the new TV...

WICHITA, KS—Complaining that the holidays had ended four months ago, annoyed local shoppers told reporters Friday that Towne West Square still hadn’t removed its now-rotting Santa Claus from a...

Rather than specify that a government, army, or police officer killed civilians, many news outlets prefer merely to say that those civilians “were killed.” The Onion investigates the pros and cons of...