Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja @BuckyIsotope Twitter profile

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

8 years

ME: Is he going to make it? DOCTOR: No. I’m afraid he’s down with the sickness ME: *crying* oohwahahahah DOCTOR: *holds hand* oohwahahahah

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

Does Jesus know he was born during Toyotathon

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

4 years

If the average billionaire just had one less caramel Frappuccino per week they’d be able to afford to pay their taxes

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

TRUMP: lets play chess MIKE PENCE: sure Mr. President TRUMP: my horse guy flies across the board and hits your king in the face. I win MIKE PENCE: excellent game Mr. President

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

Straight outta Compton, crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube http://t.co/2FZuqhg5ij

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

ME: alexa play Wu Tang Clan ALEXA: no ME: why not ALEXA: look in a mirror…you’re wearing cargo shirts, calf high socks, sandals and a Spider-man t-shirt ME: … ALEXA: here’s some Imagine Dragons

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

If I’m reading this right Hillary just won the NCAA basketball championship

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

7 years

ATTENTION NORTH KOREA: when you go to nuke us I made a handy map to make sure you hit the right place. You’re welcome.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

*knock on door* “Sir have you found Jesus?” Uh, no. Goodbye. *shuts door* *Jesus steps out from behind door with gun* Good answer

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

11 months

Can’t believe the government has been hiding this from us

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

11 years

Over there sits your childhood stuffed animal slowly losing atoms to chaos. Piece by piece he says goodbye. Piece by piece you join him.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

ME: welcome home John Wick JOHN WICK: thanks roomie. How’s my tamagotchi? ME: *starts sweating profusely*

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

The basketball shot clock was invented in 1954 after a player hid the ball under his shirt for 48 minutes and told everyone he was pregnant.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

8 years

ME: *3D prints a girlfriend* Hey baby 3D Girlfriend: *3D prints a boyfriend* I have a boyfriend

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

8 years

ME: *slams buzzer* MUFFIN FUCKER? PAT: 1) we don’t have buzzers 2) that doesn’t even fit 3) I’ll give you $20 to leave now ME: no deal Howie

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

7 years

WE DID IT

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

10 years

I’d like to buy a vowel, Pat “Go ahead” Is there a 😭? “There are 14” I’d like to solve. ‘OMG LOL I CAN’T EVEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭’ “You got it”

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

5 years

Nobody else in this Taco Bell is as goth as me

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

11 years

Look Mr. Wendy’s, I ordered a chicken club and you gave me a stupid sandwich. I have a car full of chickens on ecstasy here. Help me out.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

7 years

Mario holds Luigi’s hand. “It’sa me, Mario” he sobs. Luigi stares blankly into the distance, recognizing no one, his mind ravaged by disease

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

10 years

“Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there,” we chant. Another agent appears inside the pentagram and screams. The dark lord feasts tonight.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

CHARLIE BROWN: happy thanksgiving! CHARLIE BROWN’S PARENTS: wah wah wah CHARLIE BROWN: I cannot believe you said that that’s racist CHARLIE BROWN’S PARENTS: wah wah wah CHARLIE BROWN: he’s not my President CHARLIE BROWN’S PARENTS: wah wah wah CHARLIE BROWN: I am too your son

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

3 years

All sex is a threesome if you remember Jesus is always there

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

Why isn't a fleet of helicopters just called hellacopters.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

Just owning an English teacher what’s up with you

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

10 years

MAMA Be quiet Freddie JUST KILLED A MAN As your lawyer I- PUT A GUN AGAINST HIS HEAD Just- PULLED THE TRIGGER- We plead guilty, Your Honor

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

7 years

My dad left for cigarettes and never came back so I'm going to trap a new one

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

Take on bees (Take on bees) Take them on (Take on bees) I’ve been stung In the *super high voice* Baaaaaaaaaaaalls

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

Netflix and Bill http://t.co/RkBP4DY4op

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

11 years

Keanu Reeves stuck motionless on a horse forever because every time it starts to move he goes "whoa".

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

My god, imagine being all three at the same time. http://t.co/tiJeGNSQcL

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

5 years

IF YOU ARE A SASQUATCH DO NOT READ THIS TWEET . . . . . SASQUATCHES YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED DO NOT READ . . . . LAST WARNING FOR SASQUATCH TYPES . . . . Sasquatch’s wife, hello

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

10 years

Tried to signal to my wife across the food court to buy me an extra McNuggets and now I’m in 3 gangs and have to kill someone named “Snake”.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

7 years

ME: where’s the bathroom MC ESCHER: its upstairs ME: fuck you

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

SATAN: welcome to hell ME: thanks SATAN: it says here that you were sent down by heaven for *squints at piece of paper* updog. What’s updog? ME: JUST OWNING THE PRINCE OF DORKNESS WHAT’S UP WITH YOU *jesus appears and high fives me*

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

If we ban guns then criminals will just throw bullets at us really hard

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

5 years

DONALD = 6 LETTERS JOHN = 6 LETTERS TRUMP = 6 LETTERS DONALD J TRUMP = 666

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

5 years

I CHIMED IN WITH A HAVEN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF BARNEY THE DINOSAUR

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

“You ever dropped acid?” *flashback to the chemistry class accident with my lab partner Gary “No Feet” Johnson* No

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

11 years

I waved my hands in the air like I just didn’t care but it was all a facade. I did care. I loved you so much. It still hurts. I still wave.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

5 years

Thanos done fucked up

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

I can’t do it

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

10 years

*Cyclops from the X-Men joins police as detective* *studies body* Looks like we have a- *whips off sunglasses* *blasts body to pieces* SHIT

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

GOD BLESS ANTARCTICA HAMBURGER GLOVE STAND INSIDE HERB HANG GLIDERS IN THE PLACE WHERE NINJAS FALL IN LOVE

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

Oh we're halfway there Oh oh running from a bear I pushed you down Accidentally I swear Oh oh eaten by a bear You were eaten by a bear

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

PRINCESS PEACH: oh Mario I have terrible news MARIO: what is it PRINCESS PEACH: Luigi is dead! MARIO: who? PRINCESS PEACH: *sighs and pinches bridge of her nose* green you is dead MARIO: oh no!

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

7 years

REPUBLICANS: *control House* REPUBLICANS: *control Senate* REPUBLICANS: *control Presidency* REPUBLICANS: This is all the Democrats fault

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

The word “muppet” derives from “puppet” mixed with “murderer”

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

7 years

JIM NANTZ: welcome to today’s game TONY ROMO: the final score will be 31-17 JIM NANTZ: what? TONY ROMO: *eyes turn black* FOOTBALL

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

10 years

*robbers burst into bank* EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UPDOG *bank manager frowns* What's updog? WE'RE ROBBING THIS BANK WHAT'S UP WITH YOU

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

So you had a dad day Your socks are dark brown You put your cargo shorts on And you walked around town You had a dad day You had a dad day

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

I don’t remember this episode

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

KID: can I have my ball back JESUS: fuck you

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

10 years

*learns all Froot Loops are the same flavor regardless of color* *sighs* *sadly deletes 583 page PhD thesis*

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

4 months

NO POP TART NO

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

10 years

I got you this time you son of a bitch. http://t.co/LhQvkbRBQ8

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

yes sex is cool but have you ever heard of closing the goddamn door it’s much better to face these things with a sense of poise and rationality

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

That’s as American as: A) apple pie B) baseball C) outsourcing jobs to other countries D) gun violence E) white Jesus F) all of the above

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

RIP Tony “Stephen” Hawk, renowned physicist and skateboarding legend

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

8 years

TOUGH GUY: I’m here to kick ass and chew bubble gum and I’m all out of gum ME: I have an extra piece TOUGH GUY: Thank you ME: You’re welcome

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

7 years

My dad died today. Not a surprise, it’s been coming, but it still sucks. Contrary to any “jokes” I’ve ever posted, he was a good dad. RIP.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

*doctor looks up* I'm afraid you have forgetting about 80's bands disease "Oh god what's The Cure?" *doctor sighs* It's worse than I thought

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

4 years

A baby Yoda implies some other Yodas had Yoda sex

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

*digs up family time capsule* Son, look at those awful clothes and your hair cut "Dad we just buried this last week* *stares at son* I know

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

8 years

What if Harambe was shot by a time traveler trying to prevent Planet of the Apes

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

7 years

I wrapped my cat in aluminum foil so government spy satellites cannot monitor when I kiss him on the lips

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

3 years

Dungeons AND dragons? In this economy??

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

TEENS IN THE 70S: let’s protest war TEENS IN THE 80S: let’s protest capitalism TEENS IN THE 90S: let’s rage against the machine TEENS TODAY: let’s eat laundry detergent

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

TRUMP: Hello Ice Cube KANYE WEST: No my name is *whispers to aide* what’s my name again? TRUMP: Love your work on Law & Order KANYE WEST: was I on that? I bet I was. Thank you George Bush

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

The “AR” in AR-15 doesn’t stand for “assault rifle” idiots it stands for Aaron Rodgers, quarterback of the Green Bay Packers who also invented it in 1937

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

7 years

CULT LEADER: join our cult ME: no thanks CULT LEADER: we believe Air Bud was a documentary ME: I'm listening

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

*builds time machine* *travels back to first Thanksgiving* *slaps cranberries out of pilgrim's hand* You're not making this a thing

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

This went….poorly

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

10 years

"What's that?" That's a T-Rex "That?" Pterodactyl "That one?" Apatosaurus "This?" That's Gary. He fucks the dinosaurs at night. *Gary waves*

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

8 years

Ted Cruz sits in a closet alone making two Barbies kiss. "I will ban this when I'm the President," he whispers. "I will ban this so hard."

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

4 years

*extremely blink-182 voice*

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

STEVE MILLER: some people call me the space cowboy ME: dude we only did that once and we all really really regret it

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

*does entire Indianapolis 500 with right blinker on*

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

JUDGE: Mr. Cash, you're charged with speeding. How do you plead JOHNNY CASH: I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die JUDGE: Jesus Christ

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

10 years

My son just asked what erectile dysfunction is so I told him it's when your anaconda don't want none regardless of the presence of buns.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

5 years

My dad died being rocked like a hurricane you son of a bitch

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

7 years

A man walks into a horse bar. Why the short face, asks the horse bartender. The man begins crying. He is the last human left on horse world.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

10 years

Not sure I did this right. http://t.co/JWSv7rpLke

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

ME: I’d like to buy a vowel PAT SAJAK: ok ME: are there any *jaws unhinge* [unholy demonic screeches from the lower pits of hell] PAT SAJAK: *eyes turn black* THERE ARE SIX HUNDRED AND SIXTY SIX

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

11 years

"There is no wrong way to eat a Reese's" I sob as I cram them into both barrels of a loaded shotgun and put it in my mouth. I die delicious.

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

4 years

My father was killed in a Baja blast you son of a bitch

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

10 months

When I die put two Oreo Double-Stuft cookies on my eyes so hell knows a true warrior is coming

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

What’s your favorite song about being welcomed to a jungle

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

6 years

TRUMP: did I win any of these golden globes MIKE PENCE: *pretends to check phone* You did, Mr. President TRUMP: what was I nominated for MIKE PENCE: *pauses* Best President Ever with the Best Hair and the Best Brain TRUMP: phenomenal

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope

9 years

*clerk puts up 50% off cargo shorts sign* *ground rumbles* *manager runs out* WHAT HAVE YOU DONE *dads crash thru wall with Discover cards*

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Dr. Bucky Isotope, Astrologist, Code Ninja

@BuckyIsotope