Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠 @seltzergenius Twitter profile

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

2 months

its incredibly wack that we will all die without ever being able to glimpse the true machinery of the reality that consumes us

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Last Seen Profiles

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

1 year

i genuinely believe this should happen to every single person that does something weird in public for attention on tiktok

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

2 years

@friedurethra extremely possessive MY in this text she thinks you're trying to fuck him away from her if she was a boss in an arcade game that weird insecurity would be flashing red just keep attacking it

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

6 months

I find this guy immediately likeable in a way I did not expect, he's right and his vibes are pure.

🌴 Josh Lekach 🌴

@JoshLekach

6 months

Portlandia has become real life

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

2 months

@roosterboostee bro what the hell this rocks your dad is cool as shit Gen x coded like a good zine

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

3 years

how one super hot thin woman is redefining beauty by getting a septum ring

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

1 year

doing something weird in public for absurdity's sake✅ doing something weird in public to get strangers to pay more attention to you on your fucked up nightmare square that you stare at in the dark every night while your body slowly dies ❌

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

3 years

@penismouth3 @AlwayzHangin he's the greatest living standup

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

29 days

@GeebMinister we buy these to leave snacks out for delivery guys and I get it because them cheetos fucking build up

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

8 months

@coolestdudeyet nothing more punk rock than human resources tier identity politics

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@seltzergenius

4 months

@postsenjoyer 'I don't know what that is' doing the best is the lesson everyone should learn here

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@maynardbrainard @wapplehouse I had to appear in court for possession of a weed pipe when i was 19 the judge told the state trooper not to waste the courts time and he stormed out after the case was dismissed laughing at him on his way out was vindicating

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

3 years

@lara_hogan honestly YOU can worry whatever dumb thing you want, no skin off anyone else's back. what makes this kind of thing cringe is broadcasting it as 'the right thing to do' to the internet after you decided to do it. Inventing a new woke thing to infer moral superiority is gross.

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

3 years

@coomsicle I mean, it worked once for someone

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

7 months

@bintcrubbs very funny to imagine that shes like dont kill yourself, there is real beauty in this world! and shes jsut picturing this

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

3 years

@coomsicle typing in lowercase takes some of the air out of an otherwise pretentious or earnest post I think it has a valid use in conveying a vaguely humble tone

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

4 months

record inflation hobbling Americans as mass layoffs broaden across the employment spectrum amidst a housing crisis, ongoing genocide funded by the ever-increasing tax burdens of the middle class American discourse: which almost-dead retard could benchpress more pepperonis?

johnny maga

@_johnnymaga

4 months

Trump is carrying around 8 pizzas like it’s nothing. Biden would face plant with more than 2.

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

3 years

@Eve_Barlow Damn it must have been so traumatizing to misread a parking sign. He can take heart that there will be plenty of free parking once you guys are done paving over the bones of Palestinian children in Gaza

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

7 months

@GeebMinister is he secretly cool I'm so confused

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

2 years

@crotchner it's grift makeup designed to separate psuedo pedo fedora males from their money and I respect anything that further exploits that type of guy tbh

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

3 years

@barrybongss2 @SheRatesDogs this dude got destroyed by a woman in his past and this is him overcompensating to 'never lose his power' again but lacking the social acumen to do it with any degree of subtlety

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

2 months

It's an incredible hustle to learn chinese get on stage in china then just make dad jokes that people would roll their eyes at in America 40 years ago the content doesn't even matter they are just at the zoo incredible idea honestly

Séamus Malekafzali

@Seamus_Malek

2 months

how can you tell me that china isn't the future when they have american comedians, in chinese, doing stand-up bits about boston

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

9 months

holy fucking shit i have no idea what this fucking podcast is but this trailer goes so hard i want to blow my head off

Brendan James

@deep_beige

9 months

Here is the official TRAILER for @blowbackpod season 4. Animation by @benclarkson , feat. H. Jon Benjamin Drops this Friday, August 25. Sign up at [with acknowledgment to the works of Harlan Ellison]

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

2 months

@reaghhan I love that the politics of the American right is now just 'mad at beer and chips'

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@J3nnersS @felixfromchapo the what community not everything needs to be a community not everything you do needs to be in service to justice or identity has everyone tried shutting the fuck up

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@seltzergenius

6 months

@attackackack some people think nature is when you are on a hike wearing linen clothes but nature is also when you make rocks do math with lightning

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@seltzergenius

10 months

@AndrewR15DW @Benhartman time to put this guy to sleep already

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@seltzergenius

2 years

@no_goblins it's kind of a genius bit of Xanax for the impoverished though, like yeah yeah the rich have had their boot on your neck for generations and they always will but when we get to the bonus round oh boy you're gonna be so stoked

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

1 year

after paying with chatGPT I feel fairly confident that 50% of tech jobs won't exist within 3 years and we are going to get no sympathy from all the people we told to 'learn to code' lol what's your plan? learn a trade? onlyfans? become a retvrn guy?

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

3 years

@J3nnersS @NetoTureck @felixfromchapo no they dont, you can hold your baby any way you want to and if someone complains about it you can run them down repeatedly with your car and make sure everyone knows they died as a martyr for the absolute dumbest cause of all time problem solved

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@seltzergenius

8 months

@coolestdudeyet The Toddlers are a punk ensemble saying bye-bye to nap time on their debut album I'm Telling where they tackle counterculture topics such as time out and sharing on tracks like Coco Hellon and The Cow Says Fuck You

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@seltzergenius

3 months

@CantEverDie one of the most annoying facts

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@seltzergenius

1 month

@LaughterHaver move over baby shoes never worn, new saddest four word story is dildo ordered, salmon burger

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@seltzergenius

8 months

@JUNlPER its clear that drag makes them all uncontrollably horny which is why they think of drag queens are hot sirens out to seduce straight men and children

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

3 years

@DSA_RACIST im in my 30s and i grew up using forums which is why my style of communication is overly familiar and gently antagonistic

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

10 months

@visualbasic97 @legosexvideos he's fucking the fry cook guaranteed

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@seltzergenius

7 months

@no_goblins paying people for bait posts is one of the worst ways a platform has ever been fucked with

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@seltzergenius

4 months

"We are writing to you today about an upcoming change to your Prime Video experience. Starting January 29, Prime Video movies and TV shows will include limited advertisements." 2024 resolution: piracy is back. Enough already. I lived off limewire. Try me

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

3 years

@paranoidlikes I have never understood the desire to normalize everything. why is everyone so afraid of being perceived as unusual? don't they realize it's the only valid route to being cool?

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@cisjender I support this mans dedication to being seen

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@seltzergenius

2 years

@LeaMaric the thing is it will overtake all the shitty garbage weeds you didn't want anyways and replace them with cool mojito fuel

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@seltzergenius

6 months

@yacineMTB almost every normie I know has no idea about the drama and stopped using gpt months ago I can see them glazing over when I try to explain that for 20$ a month I get 50 employees to outsource all mundane cognitive functions of my brain

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@felixfromchapo carrying my child directly in front of my body at maximum arms length in a loveless clutch as mandated by my culture

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

1 year

@homunculusdick all roads lead to 30 rock

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@seltzergenius

8 months

@metalgearobama sparrow really fucking destroying it with this parody arc honestly its too good

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@seltzergenius

1 year

@meghan_charts @LilAristophanes @Meghan_Trainor failed ratio delete account

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

3 years

@Burnardthe2nd @TerribleFinance sorry bro data shows that individuals of your age and income bracket who order sausage represent an additional repayment risk based on our gathered metrics

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@seltzergenius

2 years

@no_goblins stay broke and act right or imma fuck you up -jesus

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@seltzergenius

2 years

that thing where kids would fight about whether Nintendo was better than Sega was always based on whichever one they already owned, and that's also how 99% of adults decide what they think about everything

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

8 months

@princess_antifa the fact that so many people will just go out into the world and say this like its true now because they scrolled past this is really bothering me

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

11 months

@smokeismedicine the more info we have and the less people understand about the world the more ornate the fantasy has to be to support the idea that they aren't lost

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@seltzergenius

1 month

now who 'looks autistic at the grocery store' you fucking imbeciles

Nicholas Fabiano, MD

@NTFabiano

1 month

Fast walkers have higher IQ and larger brains than slow walkers. 🧵1/9

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

1 year

@JUNlPER BORN TO CURE // WORLD IS A FUCK // HEAL EM ALL 2023 // I am beast man // 12,239,000 dead posts

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@RacismFactory its extremely funny that her mom made absolutely no effort to combat the claim that her daughter was a 6

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@seltzergenius

10 months

obviously she's responding to donations that all require her to do some canned thing while popping popcorn kernels with a hair iron but the volume of requests is so high that there's no way she has an internal monolog its like she is actually being possessed by the internet

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@bartsimsonreal this is a perfectly valid approach if your 'real life' contains pursuits other than jacking off to deviant art vore drawings and playing minecraft stagnation is death. you don't have to be a careerist but you gotta get up to something or you will drown in yourself.

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@seltzergenius

9 months

@youwouldntpost guys that sell weed are exposed to a lot of people being too honest while posessing the most chemically optimal customer service loadout

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@seltzergenius

1 year

@awaitingtrial honestly sometimes I think I'm too critical and cynical, and that maybe it makes me hold back creatively, out of fear of looking stupid then i see some shit like this and I'm like actually there is no greater personal disaster than a huge artistic whiff

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@tacodirt @offtheraiIs or the idea that ruthlessly splintering someones skull open with hunks of metal in a psychotic rage is more traumatic for everyone involved than just shooting a mf

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@Swordfish978 @TheEpicDept a lifetime of being online has resulted in even very dumb people feeling like they are "above" all media in some way and do their best to frame that unicentric tantrum of ego as some kind of objective ethical superiority because they know from experience nobody argues with that

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@seltzergenius

7 months

@_madisontayt @2femcel2furious damn ok ill let everyone in Massachusetts know

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@seltzergenius

1 year

Yeah I think we should probably ban murder podcasts lol

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@seltzergenius

1 year

@JUNlPER to be fair electric stoves suck shit and it's worth it

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@seltzergenius

8 months

this is funny but it does kind of make me sad in all liklihood we will all eventually find ourselves in a world we can barely navigate or understand and die confused and uncomfortable

tyler oakley // schedule pinned

@tyleroakley

8 months

this is the average senator

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@seltzergenius

8 months

@JustinWhang @ifkate modern sensibilities fail to respect the fact that the most common and human coping mechanism in the face of hardship or tragedy is humor laughter cuts fear and helplessness off at the knees

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@seltzergenius

2 years

@angry_gift @WhackNicholson I remember we had macs in the computer lab using walled garden software called At Ease. Within a week I was selling floppy disks for a couple bucks a pop loaded with Dis-ease which broke it and let you browse the internet got suspended when kids caught looking at porn ratted

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@seltzergenius

1 year

@WoundedEdgeboy @JustinWhang @coolest_beanz how could i consider myself a pro gamer if i were unwilling to take that challenge??

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@seltzergenius

2 years

@punishedgarage what's weird is its more than ever absolutely not some corporations fault. this is all social media driven the grossness is that it happens because every loser online wants to be the popular kid from their high school and posting let's them play it out

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Seltzer Genius 🥤🧠

@seltzergenius

3 years

@benjedwards It's so easy: a fleshlight. You cruise up to some fucking 1970s scumbag greaseball in a leather jacket and whip out this sleek alien-blue fucksleeve and he knows in an instant, in his soul, that you are the Future Man and that you have BROUGHT THE HEAT like prometheus

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@seltzergenius

7 months

@billybrizzle420 its crazy how much of this website is now just engagement bait accounts trying to get paid off annoying takes

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@seltzergenius

8 days

does this type of workplace exist anywhere anymore except in the minds of online grifters who have never had a job? someone literally called in sleepy yesterday on slack and everyone was like "OK sleep tight". Fridays everyone's offline by noon. it's genuinely a nice life

Jetski Grizzly

@Jetskigrizzly

8 days

"hey bossman cool if I cut out 15 mins early 7 fridays from now? I need to pick my girlfriend up from the airport”

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@seltzergenius

10 months

@billybrizzle420 your generation is largely unafflicted by functional alcoholism one of the main reasons I follow you is to see how one of the few genz torch carriers navigates life

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@seltzergenius

7 months

@AstuteCFO @willmenaker my ancestors were so racist in this neighborhood

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@seltzergenius

1 year

follow me for more righteous anger

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@seltzergenius

10 months

@dee_bee_h discovering that I am a fairy while completing my apprenticeship as a union pipefitter

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@PYeerk all of this shit is so wildly detached from the zeitgeist as visible to 99.999% of human beings. the Twitter leftoverse is no different than a fetish community: insisting on the fantasy at all times to normalize it to each other, but looking absolutely insane to outsiders

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@sinvariably lock your doors kids this is a hanch neighborhood

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@seltzergenius

2 years

its insane how many normal people don't know about this tweet

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@seltzergenius

2 years

shut the fuck up

LOG∀N the Moonlight Butterfly

@LogantheGM

2 years

The more I think about it the more I hate that expected reward for clearing a dungeon in DnD is gold, gems, and valuable art. You are effectively looting the lost artifacts and cultural items from a long dead kingdom that peoples likely survive to this day.

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@rajandelman absolutely without a doubt

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@seltzergenius

6 months

@yacineMTB aside from the productivity gains I'm shocked more people aren't using it for silly shit i fed it all my recipes and turkey weight and dinner time and it spit out an ics file I imported into my calendar so I don't have to keep mental track of anything today. brain only 4 fun

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@seltzergenius

11 months

@JUNlPER honestly i feel very uncomfortable that out of 20k people nobody is allowed to feel like the king of the house and that i am not allowed to aspire to someday also feel like the king of the house

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@seltzergenius

2 years

@punishedgarage doing this as a guy

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@OkButStill The living vibrations of spice and citrus have made absolute morons of us all

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@seltzergenius

8 months

@probablyalissa my sneeboer is getting so fucking dibbed up bro please bro my sneeboer is fucking stainless steel bro

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@seltzergenius

5 months

@NewSovietPoster the idea of someone sending a dirty bomb at all is so fucking retarded lmao yeah my man pepe_bigtits69 has access to nuclear waste to cause An Incident very credible concept

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@seltzergenius

10 months

@billybrizzle420 my whole life is a series of strategems to give that guy some room to do exactly that on a regular basis

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@seltzergenius

9 months

@JUNlPER classic way i feel type of shit

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@seltzergenius

1 year

just kidding I'm very sweet

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@XtraMagazine @KateRaphael1 i feel like the interesting part of this story is that "being seen" is being treated like fuel for the engine of self. if running out of that fuel makes you feel alien to your identity, how much of that identity was built for other people and why?

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@JournosPostLs it's weird that someone whose job it is to deconstruct and analyze culture would just openly admit to having no agency beyond what 'our culture' makes them feel and want

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@seltzergenius

2 years

@LailaLalami honestly that's the goal right keep everyone dumb and angry

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@seltzergenius

3 years

@EoinHiggins_ my dude really learned economics from Cookie Clicker

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@seltzergenius

4 months

@Very__Regular lmao the dream of violence in my Kia soul tweet was good tho

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@seltzergenius

7 months

@TallBart like seeing someone you hate get hit by a bus 🧑‍🍳🤌

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@seltzergenius

4 months

@averpee very funny that the people who were called that are now the only people who remember or use that word

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@seltzergenius

2 years

@tara_chara dunno if you have seen how people live now, but a lot of people pretty much fester in online microcommunities who have no earnest interest in each others well-being, constantly amplifying every extreme to be heard over the din in a world where it's very easy to be drowned out.

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@seltzergenius

2 years

@CJenkin4 glamorizing dissociation while requiring everyone under 25 to manufacture takes every day has led to this

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@seltzergenius

10 months

@largemotorcycle oh are these cool books i thought the reaction we were supposed to have was like "lol yeah thats so gay"

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@seltzergenius

2 years

@alonelyho @dom_msmsmsm perfect this makes it so convenient to block you

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@seltzergenius

1 year

I mean I'll be fine because I'm extremely likeable but a lot of you are fucked

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