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@probablyalissa

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Simply too short to ever be meaningful • she/her

california ⇨ chicago
Joined April 2014
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
5 months
I made a Baby Snoopy rug (:
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
bill nye is short for william new year’s eve
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
A man having no female friends is an enormous red flag
@imcoolchristian
Cool Christian Engineer 💡
@imcoolchristian
2 months
Can we all agree, please?
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
After six miserable months, I am gainfully employed again
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
No one on Hinge understands this prompt
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
B E N O T A F R A I D
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 years
reminder that adding an x doesn’t make it more woke!! it is FINE to just say “women” or “folks” or “karl marks”
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
who up milking they creature
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
5 months
I’m at the beach that makes you old drinking the lemonade that kills you
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 months
Tuesday mood
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
helium is a finite resource
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 years
can we please save the post office now
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
Great stuff happening in Kenosha
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
7 months
“kill them with kindness” wrong. crow attack 🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
23 days
I still can’t believe she said that
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 months
She looks like those photoshopped pics of Kyle Rittenhouse
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
5 months
He gives more with this look than some actors do in their entire career
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
8 months
am i having a stroke?
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
5 years
people ask me “are your boobs natural?” like no they’re actually supernatural. very haunted. they’re big because of all the ghosts.
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 months
Bill Nye is short for William New Year’s Eve
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 months
He also offered her a high five down low but then pulled his hand away, accusing her of being “too slow.” Pure evil.
@SxarletRed
barbarism critic 🇵🇸
@SxarletRed
4 months
While the American news media is running stories about this lady’s imagination let’s see what she has to say about the children of Gaza
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
This one is still the best though
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@probablyalissa
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@probablyalissa
3 years
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@probablyalissa
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@probablyalissa
2 years
the personal life section of nathan fielder’s wikipedia page is absolutely perfect.
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
If you are a man and a woman told you she doesn’t want you having female friends, that is a red flag on her part
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
6 years
i feel such a connection to this adorable drawing by engels, so i embroidered her ♥️
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@probablyalissa
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@probablyalissa
5 months
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 months
I love when people insist laziness isn’t real. I promise you, it’s very real.
@presentdayliz
lizofheartz
@presentdayliz
3 months
hiiii, you aren’t lazy. That’s not even a real thing. You are under supported, over stimulated, under stimulated, exhausted, sad, dealing with a million competing priorities AND you are doing your absolute best. You need more rest and more care. You are perfect as you are.
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
damn ok
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
according to his standup, john mulaney's dad once told him that he has the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair, and with every passing day that seems more and more accurate
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
thank you creature
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 years
gifted kid burnout is very real, it’s hard to be told how smart and talented and perfect you are and then become an adult who can only think of one subject to tweet about forever
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
1 year
i get that tiktok’s censoring is really excessive but using little euphemisms for sexual assault like “trying mascara without my consent” is totally insufferable and confusing. use your adult words, please.
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
@bluestraveIer I think it means he’s in a frat
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
5 years
the duality of man
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
january / december 2020
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
ok so what is up with this giant population of lgbtq, disabled, zionist zoomers with pic crew avis and the worst opinions known to mankind
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
1 year
hey i’m super excited for our date (: i was thinking we could go to a police station
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
@janem00n Me and the homies
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
lol
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
5 months
It’s stuck in my head and now it can be stuck in yours too
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
1 year
men be like hi i’m michael
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
What you expect an orgy to be like vs what it’s actually like
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
5 months
Sometimes i think about this guy I saw on hinge a few months ago. I really hope he found a white woman with black hair.
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
7 years
the beginning of the night vs the end of the night
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
7 months
@zachsilberberg
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
thanks i’m gonna steal a boat
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 months
Weight loss is fatphobic is probably my least favorite discourse. Grow up!
@DoctorJonPaul
Jon Paul, Ed.D. (They/Them/Tired)🏳️‍🌈
@DoctorJonPaul
4 months
A reminder that celebrating weight loss reminds your fat friends how much you hate looking like them. 🙃🫣🫠
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 years
hey can i get 30 comforting words please? no i don’t want any pizza
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
thinking about HIM
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
Yeah I love Dune 2. Dune 2 others as I want Dune un2 myself 🤣🤣🤣
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
@steefenstein @wownicebuttdude i’ll leave the resizing up to you
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 months
This is the absolute worst kind of guy
@LaughterHaver
pavlo
@LaughterHaver
4 months
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
10 months
this sushi bouta make me act up 😩
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 years
wow i can’t believe that this joke fully cancelled the letter x and now you’re never allowed to use it again 😌
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 months
Oh yeah exactly the same
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
@MeadowlarkLenin That, to me, is feminism and thus a green flag
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
normalize telling hot people that their art isn’t good
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
11 months
i’ve never been more afraid in my life
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
at the barstool bar. they don’t even have barstools??
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
you are all taking this way too seriously. just agree with me that he sucks and enjoy your day.
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
I NEED to play the January 6th pinball game
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
pay off your debt. just do it. it’s only $140,000. go live life.
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
“unfashionable” is not a protected class
@philosipede
LMK
@philosipede
3 years
@GramsciGordon @LouisatheLast @wapplehouse Policing women's clothing is, in fact, an act of bigotry.
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
@the_halfdane LMAO this is so good
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
“look who decided to come out of their room!”
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
1 month
Getting soft launched probably feels so good for a boyfriend
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
28 days
This might just be the worst thing I’ve read on here
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
8 months
@worstmichael unfortunately it’s very real and it looks like it could hurt you ☹️
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
1 year
👁️💋👁️
@microscopicture
microscopic images.
@microscopicture
1 year
conch snail face up close
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 years
wow :’)
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
this is the scariest text i’ve ever received
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
1 year
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@laurenboebert
Lauren Boebert
@laurenboebert
1 year
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
@thesarahkelly I sure hope not!
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 years
@cakemittens @68tilinfinity me and my mutuals holding hands and chanting ancient curses
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
i think they should be the supreme court
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@probablyalissa
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@probablyalissa
2 years
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
Everything this woman says makes me like her more and more
@PopCrave
Pop Crave
@PopCrave
2 months
Miriam Margolyes, known for her role as Professor Sprout in ‘Harry Potter,’ reveals she turned down a role for a Marvel film: “I don’t like America and I didn’t want to be in Georgia for four months.”
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 months
Wow dude. This sucks ass. You ruined it. You’re a complete failure and everyone hates you.
@ARTiV3RSE
Artificial World
@ARTiV3RSE
4 months
“The Great Wave off Kanagawa” by Hokusai
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
@kcfaul oh
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
B E N O T A F R A I D
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
wow, two single term presidents in a row!
@Forbes
Forbes
@Forbes
2 years
#BREAKING : Biden won’t extend student loan relief
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@probablyalissa
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@probablyalissa
5 years
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
“just get an IUD!” and “just get a vasectomy!” are both terrible pieces of advice that i am so very tired of seeing thrown around constantly
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
*to the tune of Moon River* green river
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
i love twin peaks
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
You know that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine stops having sex and becomes a moron?
@_parlaysway
cash out
@_parlaysway
2 months
Single ppl with zero hoes, how y’all holding up?
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 years
a n g r y
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
1 year
sylvia plath knew exactly what she was talking about when she wrote “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
@StolenVelour_ i embroidered her!
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 months
On Monday I turned 27 and today I found this. Well, it’s been fun.
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 months
Do these jobs actually exist? I do not believe that they do. Feel free to prove me wrong by linking job listings.
@runaway_vol
Blair Dulder CPA™ 🧃
@runaway_vol
4 months
a fake email job is not all that desirable. you'll work 1h a day and be bored out of your mind for $150k a year. it's like premium unemployment
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
5 months
@NiceTakeMan Can’t get old if you die young
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@probablyalissa
2 years
@blueberryxheese @RealRandomJedi @McDonalds @SlimJim @Wendys arby’s has the meats
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
nightmare blunt rotation: my grandpa, jameela jamil, tucker carlson, and charlotte clymer
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
23 days
Just came across the worst name I’ve ever seen in my life…
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
4 months
TBT to the funniest thing people have gotten mad at me for on here
@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
3 years
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
1 year
@MemeVVitch @slippish this is ableist and i for one will not stand for it (because i’ll get dizzy if i do it too quickly)
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@probablyalissa
pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
2 years
bill nye is short for william new year’s eve
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