Alan Farnes @AlanFarnes Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Alan Farnes

2 years

Me, in polite conversation living in Utah: "Oh, sorry, no--let me stop you there--I have a strict no cults, no myths policy--sorry!"

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

My students said that I look like John Travolta and I vehemently disagreed with them. Then they googled him and showed me the picture they had in mind and, reader, I was not prepared. 1/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

I was picturing this when they said it

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

The *wi*ck*ed*ly* talented Adele Dazeem.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

4 years

@thesarahkelly @thememorypalace I’m so sorry to hear this. The day I paid off my last student loan I was immediately locked out of my entire loan profile and all the data disappeared so that I wouldn’t be able to write a tweet like this. This was the fedloan website. It’s all fraudulent.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

8 months

Tonight, as I was putting my 4 y/o daughter to sleep she said "Dad, you always play the piano after we go to bed." I didn't know where she was going with this and was worried that she would say it keeps her awake. She continued, in her perfect tiny voice, "I like it. It makes 1/2

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

8 months

"me sleepy." As a divorced dad and part time single parent, it meant everything to me. 2/2

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

I have made the difficult decision to leave the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This decision has not been made rashly but after many many years of heartache and thought.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 years

@clhubes I was giving away a kid’s bike. I said first come gets it. Two women arrived at the literal exact same time. There was shouting. It was 2 weeks before Christmas. I was told by the woman that didn’t get the bike that I ruined her son’s Christmas.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

4 months

Since becoming a single dad, I’ve tried to take my kids on lots of road trips and outings. We’ve had a blast. Recently, while wrangling 3 kids at a national park, an older woman approached us and said “You have such a beautiful family.” My first reaction was 1/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

4 months

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

4 months

What family? We’re not a family. We’re a fracture. Something broken. We’re incomplete. Missing a limb. And then I let her words sink in. And it meant absolutely everything to me. Everything.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@JaJaJaRule

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

@Literature_Lady What I love about this is it’s not some partisan left wing or right wing stuff. They hate everyone equally. And I think that’s beautiful.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@brandohotchkiss Yes--new twitter bio: Wal-Mart John Travolta.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

7 months

Heartbreaking / heavy moments in teaching: I was teaching how to use a semicolon. A student raises their hand and says "Oh! My mom has a tattoo of a semicolon."

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 years

I just want to live in a place where I don’t have to think about or hear about or see anything about the LDS church for days or weeks at a time.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@Sondra_Rose5 What movie?!

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

8 months

@bobda Now THAT reminds me of MY dad. He’s actually giving me his guitar tomorrow since he can’t play it anymore.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 years

@jacasiegel The part I don’t understand the most is why everyone is kind of mean. I just don’t get it. Why? It’s not hard to be a nice but so many in academia are subtly mean for no reason.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

THE END OF RELIGIOUS EDUCATION AT BYU 🧵A LONG THREAD: BYU and all LDS Institutions of higher learning (BYU-H, BYU-I, etc.) has recently been given a new directive concerning hiring in Religious Education. They will now be hiring only those who have come through CES. 1/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@JohnHogge Omg this is gold

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@bendroidz What a looker

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@anonymishhh @Sondra_Rose5 Leslie Mann. You do! Both gorgeous.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

1 month

@emilykmay My 4 year old daughter tricked me into buying her a tiara on a Sunday night at 8 pm by telling me that the next day was Princess Day at her day care. When I dropped her off the next morning it was definitely not Princess Day.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

8 months

“Something needs to be done.” And, as I remember it, my coworker, @ArrantPedantry , responded, “Why?” And I stuttered and mumbled something like “…because…” And again he said “Why?” I had no answer. It was the first time I realized that I needed to deconstruct how I was raised.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

She added this line to her profile AFTER she matched with me 😂😂😂

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

8 months

@anothroregongrl That’s incredibly sweet.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 years

@restlesspix @jessejanderson Teachers are not able to diagnose or even recommend a child for diagnosis. Only the parents can. A teacher can gently nudge or hint but if they say "you should get your child tested" then the school has to pay for the test. It is the parent's responsibility.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

8 months

@UtahJazzyman 15 years ago I heard my roommate’s girlfriend humming the melody of a piano solo I had written and yep have never forgotten that.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@sewistwrites I love that they had enough self awareness and honesty to just cancel the series in light of BLM. Like, yeah...we don't need to glorify this or even make it funny anymore.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

8 months

I’m often perplexed by dating profiles but perhaps never more than this one. This person, a woman living in Riverton, Utah, says DO NOT try to match with her if you’re: Mormon Ex-Mormon Have kids Have a dog She ends it with “🙃 definitely NOT negotiable.” Good luck, lady.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

4 years

@S_Insley_H @maklelan This is the equivalent of “can’t you just put your baby down for a nap?”

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

4 years

@sarellaofdorne @thesarahkelly @thememorypalace I just wanted to see exactly how much I had paid toward principal and interest. And it’s my data so I feel that I should have access to it.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 months

She dresses herself. When I saw her I had to take a picture. I showed her and she said “I look like a grandma!” Cutie.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

8 months

The first time my racist upbringing was illustrated to me was when I was working in an office at BYU around 2009. Somehow the topic of migrant workers standing on street corners seeking work came up. I said “as someone from Arizona, I don’t know what needs to be done but 1/2

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@mo0nandsaturn @anonymishhh @Sondra_Rose5 nah I was wrong she meant Bridgette Wilson.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 years

Anyone else watching Ghosts (CBS) or Ghosts (UK)? I’m currently loving them both.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

10 months

@saoirceronan I thought you were referring to the opening where she asks if she has an abnormally large **** which is equally iconic.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@Lomquiche Glad you’re still here, survivor!

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 months

@cadlymack @SeeJaneMarie Jason Sudeikis?

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

1 year

I'm sorry I'm going to say it: Therapy. Yes, I believe in it. Yes, I think you should go. But...is it also VERY hit and miss? More miss than hit? I've tried in person and virtual and can't seem to find a fit. Are we just not talking about this or am I the only one?

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

1 month

I honestly wonder/worry how much living in Provo limits dating for me. I just ended things with someone because she refused to make the 31 minute drive to my house when I’ve been to her’s at least 5 times already. This is the 2nd woman who I’ve been kinda serious with who has

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@Kellieherring Deal

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 months

I start this week.

Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 months

Ummm I just got a second audition at Keys on Main and I’m trying not to get ahead of myself but just the fact that they want to hear more means the world to me.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

Just got an email from the school that my son was exposed to Covid FIVE DAYS AGO. It took them 5 days to alert us that he was exposed. What’s the point.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

My most toxic trait is staying up until 12:01 am to play Wordle, Connections, and the Daily Mini (in that order) and doing poorly on them because I'm tired and then being mad later in the day that I already played them. Then the next day rinse and repeat.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

1 year

I think of @EliMcCann ’s tweet literally every morning as I get dressed.

Eli McCann

@EliMcCann

2 years

Straight people, I want you to know that when my husband and I go to weddings we play a game where we try to count how many straight men missed at least one belt loop and it’s always at least 4.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

7 months

@Kitsterrific Yeah just not something I was ready to hear in front of a class.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

9 months

@planetJoseph I mean they chose Trump over the church and they chose no masks over the church so why not. Seems like the church isn’t ever a priority

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

8 months

@DashaHlavenka Each of my 3 kids have their own song that I sing to them every night when I put them to bed. My 9 year old son’s is “Goodnight, My Angel” by Billy Joel, my 7 y/o son’s is “Sweet Baby James” (his name is James) by James Taylor, and my daughter’s is “Goodnight” by The Beatles.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 months

Ummm I just got a second audition at Keys on Main and I’m trying not to get ahead of myself but just the fact that they want to hear more means the world to me.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

that anyone with a PhD in the Bible, etc. WILL NOT be considered for the job. This is a massive blow to those of us who have worked for over a decade and followed all the rules and advice set out to us over this period. We were told to go to good schools, publish academic 6/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@sharksPHI It’s wild what they feel comfortable saying. Always so out of pocket.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

LEVEL Religious Education classes will essentially be Institute classes. It means that AT THE UNIVERSITY LEVEL New Testament classes will be taught by someone with a PhD in Educational Leadership or Family Science. So the question is if you think BYU students should be taught 13/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

or Leadership but it doesn’t really matter). Obviously those of us who have degrees in the content we are teaching feel that those who do not have a degree in what they are teaching should not be teaching that subject regardless of how many years they have been teaching that 3/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

8 months

@mbonsma The only education traffic engineers get: "MOVE TRAFFIC AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. MOVE TRAFFIC AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. SAY IT WITH ME! MOVE TRAFFIC AS FAST AS POSSIBLE."

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 months

It’s just the talk that motivated me to remove my records. Wild to see them doubling down instead of realizing it went too far.

Peggy Fletcher Stack

@religiongal

3 months

BYU will be requiring all incoming students to read apostle Jeffrey R. Holland's controversial "musket" talk. What do you think about that?

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

BYU, this document upends everything I have been aiming for with the snap of a finger. Now, I shouldn’t have been focused on publishing in academic journals. Instead I should have been teaching at Institute on the side and publishing mainly for an LDS audience. And I’m not the 8/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

@ConsPostingLs True, and hilarious, but I think a lot of homeschooling families only homeschool up until high school. So her K-8 children are probably homeschooled but her 9-12 kids probably go to school. That way they have access to sports and just better social stuff. I could be wrong tho.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 years

@kt09312804 @clhubes We had to slip out the back through the garage bc the other person wouldn’t leave my front porch and kept knocking on the door. It was wild.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@SallyNeary1 Ummm that’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

Delighted to announce that after more than three years of seeking full-time employment, I have accepted a full-time position as a content writer at @OutdoorEquipped working remotely. I am incredibly excited.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

1 month

I’d love to move up to SLC but I currently live 3 blocks from my work and 10 minutes from my kids. Moving would literally change our custody arrangement dramatically.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

you have BYU on your transcript you’re not really taken seriously at any other school.Not only is my undergrad from BYU but also having adjuncted at BYU for a number of semesters further disqualifies me from teaching anywhere else.I will keep trying but that’s essentially the 10/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

1 year

The more I see how the church treats scholars/academia the more I realize they’re afraid a scholar will discover what they already know. They just hope Mormon academics will pay no attention to the man behind the curtain and will keep teaching the myths.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

papers, get teaching experience. We were told to stay active in the faith but to appeal broadly to the academy and to BYU. We were told to not just publish papers in LDS venues but to focus most of our work in the academy. Now, after over a decade of working to get hired at 7/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

I play a lot of music in my classes and my favorite thing to do is to find Spanish language music that is like the equivalent of Little Baby Bum or Cocomelon (Pollito Pio, La Vaca Lola) and watch my Spanish speakers faces' perk up.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@whitecatprophcy 😂😂😂

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@bydalek What a looker

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

At BYU religious education there has always been a tension between those who have PhDs in their field (New Testament, Old Testament, American Religious History, etc.) and those who taught Institute for many years and then got a PhD in literally anything (usually Teaching ... 2/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

1 year

What are we singing? Wrong answers only

Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

1 year

Ummmmm this photo just popped up on fb memories from 14 years ago. Nightmares. Night. Mares.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

1 year

I made a pilgrimage to a holy site today.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

teach in the School of Education. I feel for my friends who are currently BYU Religious Education professors and who have the proper academic training.I am very very close with many of them and fear that they will slowly be choked out until they are gone and only CES remains.15/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 years

I am honored, excited, and elated to report that I will begin teaching as a 5th grade teacher in the Nebo school district this fall. I am incredibly excited. (I couldn’t decide which picture I liked more.) #amteaching

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

1 year

@emilykmay As a middle school teacher and former college professor, this is exactly correct. Millennials are way better at technology. A big reason is because gen z uses smart phones for EVERYTHING. They’ll take a canvas quiz on their phone. They don’t know how to use google docs.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

only one in this boat who is now effectively disqualified from teaching at BYU. There are many of us—I can think of at least 10 of my close friends—who now will have to find something else to do. Are there other jobs at other schools?Not really. In the field of Religion, once 9/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

It's decided: I will no longer be replying to messages on dating chats that don't ask me a follow up question back. Me: How old are your kids? Them: 10, 6, 4. If you don't ask me a question back, I'll assume we're done here.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

@narwhallington The wildest thing is getting ghosted after winning an interview. Sure there’s been loads of apps that I never hear back on but after getting an interview?!?! And then getting ghosted?!?! Boggles the mind.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

Or they will be made to feel uncomfortable and unwanted. They do their absolute best to balance the academy and their faith and are honest seekers of truth and sources of wisdom. I wish them all the best. /End

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

Religion by those with academic training in Religion or if it should be another Institute class. Obviously I would like a job so I think that those with qualifications to teach New Testament should teach New Testament and those with a PhD in Educational Leadership should go 14/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

6 years

President Russell M Nelson @NelsonRussellM will be the 2nd oldest prophet ever to begin serving as prophet being 93. Second to Joseph Fielding Smith who was also 93 but a bit older. #PresMonson

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

So there are a lot more available positions at BYU—usually at least one position every year. But not anymore to those with a PhD in Religion. What are the ramifications of this decision? Really you can decide if you think this is a big deal. It means that AT THE UNIVERSITY 12/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

6 years

My 3 y/o thinks the words are “chameleon dreams are keeping me awake.” #GreatestShowman @pasekandpaul

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 years

Well the news isn’t 100% yet but in case this hellsite dies the good news is I just accepted a job as a middle school English teacher. Best news is the school is 5 blocks from my house (my current job is 24 miles away). Very excited. (So a friend brought this over last night.)

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 months

HELP: I'm looking for talk therapy for my 9 year old son and keeping running into dead ends. He has taken the divorce and its associated life changes pretty hard. Has anyone found success finding therapy for children? Any advice?

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

case. Additionally, BYU offers many more positions than any other University. At Duke, where I got my Masters, there are 2 New Testament professors. If you want to teach there you need to wait until one dies. At BYU there are around 40 Religion Ancient Scripture professors. 11/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

@danisween It seriously was an incredible moment. A watershed moment in history. Like we all remember where we were when we heard it lol

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

@Neil10790465 "But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God." I am learned. And I have done everything in my power to hearken unto the counsel of God. What's your point?

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

It was a good day.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

18 days

My cruise ends tomorrow and currently in my room holding back happy tears—not because it’s ending—but because I’m grateful for all the amazing people I’ve met. When I booked a solo cruise I was worried it would be a lonely week. But it’s been anything but. V grateful for that.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

2 months

I’m laying in the grass enjoying the warm breeze because I had 1 (one) adult beverage at sushi tonight and it went RIGHT to me.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

1 year

There’s so many things we’re doing right now like Sunday service on the train and feeding and housing the homeless but it’s only for the All Star Game. How does that not seem hypocritical? “Oh we only care about equality, humanity when celebrities are in town.” Makes it worse.

Logan Millsap

@LoganTMillsap

1 year

@irisitis @RideUTA It IS life-changing! Literally. Experiencing it has confirmed how dramatically it would improve life for my family. Unfortunately, it's ONLY today for the NBA All-Stars festivities :(

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

candidate’s competitiveness “will often, but not always, be demonstrated by teaching experience in religious education in CES.” My sources have told me that while theoretically this leaves the door open to those outside of CES, that in practice the new policy effectively means 5/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

4 years

@CloudedMind17 Here in Provo, Utah a driver ran into some protestors. A protestor pulled out a gun and shot the driver. No charges for the driver. The city literally said that he had the right to run over anyone in the road. They literally said that.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

4 years

@kylegriffin1 @maddow Can we not call them poll observers? That’s not a thing. Voter intimidators. That’s what they are. Calling them poll observers normalizes their intimidation tactics.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

4 years

@EdgeOfInsane63 @mjbais @thesarahkelly @K_L_E_ This isn’t weird at all. All of mine were 6.8%. There was some law passed during the Obama administration that doubled the interest rate on graduate loans from 3.4 to 6.8. All of mine ($120,000 worth) were 6.8%.

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

3 years

subject at Seminary or Institute. So there’s long been a tension between the two camps but they have done their best to get along and work together. Now the Board of Trustees has unveiled this new document called Strengthening Religious Education which states that a potential 4/

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Alan Farnes

@AlanFarnes

4 years

@EdgeOfInsane63 @mjbais @thesarahkelly @K_L_E_ And they scare you by telling you if you refinance you’re forever ineligible for forgiveness programs (not like those work anyway).

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