Substitute driver on bus to hell.
Snark WILL help us survive.
Proud Dem for life, from Shirley Chisholm to Joe Biden. Also now always a fan of
@amyklobuchar
If Bill Clinton knowingly had sex with underage girls he should go to jail.
If Prince Andrew was knowingly had sex with underage girls he should go to jail.
If Donald Trump was knowingly had sex with underage girls, he should go to jail.
See how easy that is?
Martha Stewart used insider knowledge to sell stock & avoid loss of about $45,000. She went to prison over lying about it
Kelly Loeffler used insider knowledge to sell stock & avoid $$$ losses of MILLIONS. She belongs in prison, not in the Senate.
Vote
@ReverendWarnock
Fox host Maria Bartiromo just complained to Eric Trump about Biden's 5th trip home to Delaware.
Eric -"I don't even know where to begin. It's heartbreaking to us. I saw how much time & effort my father put into the job."
That line is funnier than anything from last night's SNL.
Stephen Colbert not surprisingly nails it on Mitch McConnell accidentally using his outside voice. "If you look at the statistics, African-Americans voters are voting at just as high a percentage as Americans."
"Wow. How embarrassing, that it came out exactly how he meant it."
A simple question:
If the situation was so dangerous on of August 25, 2020 in Kenosha, how come the only three people shot all night were shot by Kyle Rittenhouse?
Asked by Stephen Colbert if she thinks her uncle is a high-functioning sociopath.
Mary Trump responds... "He is not high-functioning at all."
Good thing Donald never watches TV, because he'd be really upset to hear that.
Stephen Colbert talks about the DeSantis-Mouse feud, and points out that not only is Disney the largest private employer in the state but also "Disney is also they only reason anyone goes to Florida."
Stephen Colbert on Late Show commenting how poorly Dr. Oz is doing in Pennsylvania GOP polling...
"So guy who peddled fake weight loss products like green coffee bean extract & hot pepper jelly has finally found one product so fraudulent even he can't sell it. - him."
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert points out Dr. Oz, who has dual US-Turkish citizenship, not only lived in New Jersey until he started running for Senate in Pennsylvania, but also was seen in 2018 voting in Turkey.
No wonder GOP's focused on voter fraud - they're so good at it.
Still no word from Mike and Karen Pence, who have three children they love conceived by IVF, about the Alabama Supreme Court decision, which would basically ban the process.
We're waiting.
Stephen Colbert tonight points out how the DC Trucker rally, which put the city on high alert, was expected to number over 3,000. But when SOTU started "only 12 rally-goers had actually assembled."
Waiting for Sean Spicer to tell us how it was the largest rally crowd ever.
Martha Stewart used insider knowledge to sell stock & avoid $45,000 loss. She was sent to prison for lying about it
Kelly Loeffler used insider knowledge to sell stock & avoid millions of $$ in losses. She should be sent to prison, not back to the Senate.
Vote
@ReverendWarnock
Stephen Colbert nails on upcoming midterms saying HE knows what's going to happen.
"For the next 13 days news media is going to yank our chains like they're trying to start a leaf blower."
Ignore what media says. Vote like democracy depends on it. Because it does.
#VoteBlue
United Airlines pilot today. "We will ask you ONE time to put your mask back on. If you do it a second time you will be handed a card saying you are banned from flying United in future permanently."
Thank you
@united
for caring about passenger safety.
Herschel Walker says he has played Russian roulette “over six times” in his life.
Georgia, please don't play Russian roulette with democracy.
Re-elect your great Senator Reverend Raphael Warnock!
Stephen Colbert, once again going where news anchors fear to tread:
"Britain accused Moscow of developing plans to install a pro-Russian leader."
"Oh Ukraine, you don't want that. We just got rid of our pro-Russian leader and he was a disaster.
Kayleigh McEnany: "When I started working for President Trump, my husband & I became pregnant with our first child.. . He would routinely ask me how my baby was doing.
Uh, Kayleigh's baby was born Nov 2019, she took job with Trump in April 2020.
Stephen Colbert - justices overturning Roe v. Wade claimed in hearings it was settled law of land.
"They knew if they were honest they wouldn't get job, so they lied. which I think is perjury. But how would I know? I'm not a Supreme Court justice, I'm not a good enough liar.
Stephen Colbert says during last two years, 573 new billionaires were created. - including 40 new pharmaceutical billionaires and 62 new food billionaires.
So would someone in GOP explain to me why Medicare can't negotiate drug prices & we can't try to regulate food monopolies?
So when is Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith, who says in the south "we don't vote on Sundays" because "we keep the Sabbath holy," going to introduce a bill to close bars and ban gun sales on Sunday?
Stephen Colbert tells story of how President Biden wanted to be so careful not to hurt innocents he had a scale model of Al-Qaeda leader's house brought to White House so he could examine it.
"It's nice when President says bring me a model and he doesn't mean a new wife. "
Cory Booker, Stanford graduate, Rhodes scholar, Yale Law Graduate, all-around nice guy who once saved woman from burning building.
Maybe he tells too many dad jokes. But guessing most Americans would sure as heck rather have Cory as neighbor than one of the Trumps.
@CoryBooker
Stephen Colbert - "Committee made clear ex-pres
well aware he'd lost, Cassidy Hutchinson said he said "I don't want people to know we lost, this is embarassing."
"No, losing isn't embarrassing. What's embarrassing, that you were ever our President, you traitorous dingleberry."
On Late Show, Stephen Colbert brings up Ted Cruz's starting a feud with Sesame Street over Big Bird simply tweeting about being vaccinated.
"Senator Cruz, how should I put this - This show is brought to you tonight by the letters F and U."
A so-called "pro-life" Trump supporter proudly saying "you can call me a Grandma killer," because she doesn't want to stop going to museums and zoos, just about sums up what Hillary meant by "deplorables."
Stephen Colbert - Despite claims, "50 GOP Senators filbustering voting rights represent 41 MILLION fewer Americans than 50 Senators who support it.
Stop acting like filibuster is anything other than 'anti-democratic tool." Which is also pretty good description of Kyrsten Sinema."
Stephen Colbert's rant tonight on Velveeta Voldemort trying to seize voting machines is better than I can capture in 280 characters.
But this kind of sums it up - "do you know how crazy you have to be to hear you've gone too far from Rudy Giuliani?"
Stephen Colbert talking about the billionaire conference starting this weekendwith business and political leaders at Davos, Switzerland - "If you haven't heard of Davos, you probably pay taxes."
Stephen Colbert on conservative calls for Civil War:
"That is scary. If we don't leave the ex-President alone and give him whatever he wants a bunch of neo-confederates could violently attack the US... a year and a half ago."
Stephen Colbert indicated Justice Breyer was "surprised" rather than upset at story of his resignation leaking though "it appears someone jumped the gun."
Colbert added, "The gun, by the way, has more rights than women do under the current Supreme Court"
Nikki Haley today tweeted she is "Proud of the selfless leadership (Trump) has shown in cancelling the convention."
Maybe it's time to give Ambassador Haley a cognitive test?
Story today about US Customs finding cheese wheels filled with cocaine at the border:
Two important things:
First, the word is SEIZED: U.S. Customs under President Biden did their job
.
Second, the buried lede: "The 22-year-old driver, a US citizen..."
So when that little 4th grade girl who had to cover herself in her dead classmate's blood to avoid being shot herself goes to high school, Texas will tell her she can't handle "The Diary of Anne Frank?!"
All the insults from all the comics on social media, and the first one who triggers Trump enough to try to ban an entire social network service is Sarah Cooper.
Women get sh*t done!
@sarahcpr
NRA now saying if Biden wins Beto O'Rourke is going to be "knocking on your door for your AR-15." And millions of suburban women are thinking "Cool, can he bring
@CoryBooker
with him?"
GOP pollster Frank Luntz says that "abortion is a hard core issue for younger women, a little bit less so for younger men. And older you get it, it's still important but it's not a voter driven issue..."
Wanna bet?
No longer a 'younger woman' & I'm furious.
I am not alone.
Amy Klobuchar on MTP, asked if she has concerns on Biden's age.
"No I don't.
Our party is united behind him We work in a result oriented business, He has gotten results, 13 million jobs, economy moving forward, manufacturing, made in America, veterans health... 1/2
Stephen Colbert points out Florida Governor Ron DeSantis abducted the refugees he sent to Martha's Vineyard from Texas - "For a guy who acts so concerned about borders he doesn't seem to know where his state ends."
Stephen Colbert says Mar-A-Lago is valued at $75 million.
But according to Letitia James, Velveeta Voldemort claimed it was worth $739 million
"Well of course it's worth less now, the FBI took away all the most resellable documents."
Velveeta Voldemort today said he and Melania congratulated Elon Musk on his deal to acquire Twitter, and then attacked Jimmy Kimmel, Rosie O'Donnell, and other 'menopausal' women.
Uh, has someone told him how old his current wife is?
Stephen Colbert showing Kellyanne Conway on Fox News complaining Democrats weren't talking about abortion rights until today.
"Typically people wait until something happens to talk about it. Nobody on the Titanic was complainng about icebergs when they left the harbor."
Stephen Colbert, on an Arizona judge who ruled against armed "poll watchers."
Arizona judge ruled armed election monitors to stay 250 feet away from drop boxes.
"I think it's fair to say, democracy is in danger when ballot boxes take out a restraining order."
Stephen Colbert talking about Arizona Secretary of State GOP candidate Mark Finchem , part of "Stop the Steal, AND January 6 mob.
"You don't get to attack democracy & then ask to run it. That's like a bank robber saying 'put money in the bag but also a job application."
Non-citizens already do not vote.
Babies are not aborted at 9th months.
Trump indictments are not a political witch hunt.
Time to start calling it the Gaslighting Old Party.
Leave it to Stephen Colbert to sum up CBS News' hiring of Mick Mulvaney: "Why would the Tiffany Network’s venerable news division put this craven toady to a tyrant on their payroll?”
Tonight Stephen Colbert on
@colbertlateshow
"If you want to see functioning democracy, just look north. because yesterday w/ very little drama, Canadians re-elected PM Justin Trudeau. Trudeau called election in August, which led to a 36 day campaign..."
Oh Canada! 🇨🇦
Kevin McCarthy is now saying he never backed the Former Guy's effort to overturn the election:
"The party told you to ignore the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command."
Deborah Birx talks in CNN documentary about COVID deaths "1st time we had an excuse. About 100,000 deaths came from original surge. All the rest of them, in my mind, could have been mitigated or decreased substantially."
If only Dr. Birx were in a position to have said something.
Stephen Colbert nails it on information on another country's nuclear capabilites being found at Mar-A-Lago: "This time the Former President wasn't just betraying our country, he brought in another country for a menage a treason."
WY GOP Senator Barrasso "Often wonder if these elitists from coasts have any idea where their energy & food come from."
Wonder if elitists in WY have any idea "No state relies more on funding from fed government than Wyoming, where 56.43% of state’s revenue comes from DC."
1/2
On
@StephenAtHome
, Jackie Speier, who was shot along with her assassinated boss Leo Ryan at Jonestown, talked about hearing shot fired, lying on House gallery floor & thinking 42 years later she was in danger of losing her life again. IN THE US CAPITOL!
We can't just "Move On"
It's not whether or not there are classified documents buried with Ivana.
It's that we have a former President of the United States who is so corrupt and self-serving that we seriously wouldn't put it past him.
Wrap your head around this one:
Thanks to the Former Guy and GOP, millions of Americans are now under the impression that masks are dangerous and guns keep them safer.
Stephen Colbert tonight on SCOTUS overturning Roe V. Wade - "Since our last show last Thursday we've changed locations. In our last show we were in the Ed Sullivan theater, this week we're in Medieval Times."
Amy Klobuchar made an interesting point to Jim Acosta about the filbuster - Kavanaugh, Gorsuch and Coney Barrett were all confirmed needing only 51 Senate votes.
But to undo what SCOTUS does now, takes 60 votes. In Senator Klobuchar's words "That's messed up."
It's now the largest fire in Texas history.
Biden has sent federal help and indicated FEMA will reimburse TX (and OK) for costs.
Joe did this without any negativity towards state whose leaders fight him at every turn.
Why isn't media covering this?
Well, apparently the Colbert staffers were deemed suspicious because they weren't carrying typical tourist gear like bear spray and zip ties.
@StephenAtHome
Another marcher in GOP fraudulent residency parade:
Stephen Colbert "Dr. Oz may not just have fake medical claims, he may have fake Pennsylvania claims. He's running there despite living in NJ for years."
Georgia Senate candidate Hershel Walker lives in Texas..for starters.
Anyone too young to remember Tim Russert sadly will never know that "Meet the Press" used to be a great show instead of a stage for wanna-be fascists to perform in front of hacks.
@SteveScalise
I'm glad you recovered, sir. But a near-death experience changed George Wallace for the better. Too bad it didn't do a d*mn thing for you.
Stephen Colbert's mic drop of the night.
Alex Jones swore there was nothing incriminating in his phone records, "that's what they've got... and there's no d*ck pics, no nothing."
"Oh Alex, I beg to differ, every picture of you is a d*ck pic."
Same people who think Speaker Nancy Pelosi is somehow responsible for her husband Paul's DUI arrest are strangely silent about SCOTUS judge Clarence Thomas's wife Ginni lobbying 29 Arizona lawmakers to overturn the 2020 election.
Rachel Maddow is covering Velveeta Voldemort transcript where he was telling the audience to "knock the crap" out of people throwing tomatoes and other fruit. Because "its dangerous stuff, somebody could get killed.
NBC SNL skit writers are going "We give up. Can't top that."
Stephen Colbert nails it with this week and SCOTUS decisions: "Its been a real roller coaster ride in that I'm nauseous and scared we're all going to die."
Did Schumer just invoke cloture on Merrick Garland's Attorney General nomination while Republicans had left in exhaustion after their
#votearama
stunt?
MLB commissioner Rob Manfred says Mike Trout would be a bigger star if he marketed himself. What about if ESPN & Fox showed other teams beside the Yankees, Red Sox and Cubs?
Ron Johnson - "Never felt it was society's responsibility to take care of other people's children.
Stephen Colbert - going where MSM fears to tread, "Study shows cash aid to poor mothers increases brain activity. Someone send $$$ to Johnson's mother. Pray it works retroactively."
Per
@Maddow
. There are seven states not banning large gatherings and not closing schools. All red states. Coincidence?
Texas, Tennessee, Oklahoma, Missouri, Mississippi, Idaho, Wyoming.
Mar-A-Lago search warrant dominating headlines.
But Stephen Colbert reminded us tonight of Joe Biden's well-deserved call out to Jon Stewart, who has fought so hard on behalf of veterans sickened by burn pits.
Yes, lots of awfulness in world, but still a lot of good guys!
So some Republicans are already complaining Department of Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg hasn't done enough with the Southwest Airline meltdown?
Southwest is based in Dallas.
Anyone seen either Senator from Texas during this mess?
WTF Fox News? Just read their synopsis of Pete Buttigieg's interview on Stephen Colbert Tuesday:
"Buttigieg also shared that his mindset changed "completely" since adopting twins with his partner, Chasten."
Partner?! The word, Fox News, is HUSBAND. Pete & Chasten are married.
Rachel Maddow talking how the country is sick and tired of getting additional booster shots.
Uh, I'm up to a total of five shots -including three boosters - and I'm happy to keep getting more.
A vaccine beats getting COVID and getting REALLY sick and tired.
@JoJoFromJerz
He admits "many sexual encounters" with a colleague. I don't care who people have sex with. I care when hypocritics who explore their own sexuality try to legislate rights away from others.
Colin Jost nails it on Weekend Update on SNL about Velveeta Voldemort doing the Tomahawk Chop at Atlanta Braves World Series game -
"Native American groups said they found it extremely offensive to see their culture associated with someone who can't even run a casino."
@LavenderProf
@reesetheone1
And we have no idea what the long-term healthcare effects will be. Remember when we thought the death toll from 9-11 was just under 3,000 and we had no clue how many first responders would end up with cancer?
"The President of the United States pardoned a former Detroit mayor convicted of stealing $5 million from his city because Diamond and Silk told him to do it."
This is I think a sentence not a single journalist ever envisioned writing.
If Major Biden is going to nip people from time to time I suppose it would be churlish to suggest Joe Biden invite our nation's current head mailman Louis DeJoy to the White House for a chat.
Democrats are trying to pass a COVID relief bill that 76% of Americans support.
Republicans are trying to make sure the other 24% are the only Americans that can vote.
Stephen Colbert plays tape of Herschel Walker that should make Georgia voters not only vote to re-elect Rev. Warnock, but also demand NFL start getting serious about CTE.
"Need a department that can look at young men that’s looking at women that’s looking at their social media."