pollo lunes @fignewtonfan69 Twitter profile

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 years

Me trying to play it cool after booting at the pregame

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 months

Friday morning and I’m getting cooked

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

9 months

This baby would get absolutely decimated by an Ohio class submarine

Arnold Bernault

@ahitposter

9 months

China is 3000 years ahead of the West. This baby is not even 4 months old and can already hold his breath for nearly 20 seconds while maneuvering through this complex obstacle course. Biden’s America stands no chance.

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

7 days

Me after an edible, 4 al pastor tacos, and 3 pacificos this evening

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 years

My MD got in trouble w HR for telling an associate that she would create more value for the world working in a lithium mine

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

3 months

Day 1 at a hedge fund. They asked me to hedge the funds. I’m cooked

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

9 months

@snowmanllc Forget lasting forever, an Ohio class submarine can last 4 months without surfacing

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

17 days

Aw shit the model forecasted avg Passer rating of 112 this season so we’re in violation of our covenants and Apollo is gonna skin Zach Wilson alive

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

8 months

Born to drive a Warthog and fight the Covenant, forced to model interest payments for 9 separate tranches of floating rate debt

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 years

Holy shit. Dude. Look at this, her hinge says the hallmark of a good relationship is “a good flirt to roast ratio” and she loves spicy margs. I think she might be the one

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 years

[on a hinge date] haha yeah I spent 45 mins today checking to make sure every title in a 96 page deck was 0.43 inches from the top left corner because my VP thought it looked “off”. So yeah it’s kind of like the Big Short I guess haha. Do you like doing social media marketing?

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Two men, both with families, currently standing next to my desk arguing over the phrasing of footnote 2 on slide 8. Neither of them are seeing heaven I fear

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

8 months

I’m so sorry that your dad’s pension is funded because we ran a business in a capital efficient way and netted 32% IRR

Teen Vogue

@TeenVogue

9 months

“What private equity does looks a lot like looting.”

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

5 months

Friday afternoon my guy Fran just got staffed researching the academic history of 1000+ MIT faculty, pray for bro 😭

Bill Ackman

@BillAckman

5 months

We are going to need help with our review of @MIT faculty and affiliates. Please contact Fran McGill at mcgill @persq .com if your company has the capabilities to assist us.

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

6 months

This is how my VP and Director talked to me back when I worked at an investing bank

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

@WOWK13News Oscar Mayer is about to learn GO WOKE GO BROKE, real Americans LOVE WEINER

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

My aunt expects me to help in the kitchen while I’m wearing Loro Piana? Think again Beth

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

9 days

Unfortunately, the dumbest guy from your high school is probably up like 137% in the last two days (-87% last 4 years)

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Camera off and muted on Zoom, fiending hinge and demolishing a bacon egg and cheese and I get a “you’re taking notes on this call right?” Slack message. Catastrophic for my mental health

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

3 months

Analysts at this 97 year old investment bank still do coke the old fashioned way

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Thanks dad

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

5 months

Today Claudine Gay learns a lesson that the Board of Canadian Pacific Railway learned a long time ago

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

6 months

Emailing the Morgan Stanley first year with 19 questions and additional data requests today

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

5 months

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

If you back out one time expenses like 11 vodka sodas and 4 overpriced Ubers, pro forma adjusted run rate spend for this weekend was actually closer to $20

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

25 days

Saw my MD at Equinox and he was struggling to deadlift 135

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

9 months

My grandpa flew B-29s over Korea and now I get to mess around in excel to see how much leverage we can put on a SaaS company

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

4 months

The stupidest kid from your Econ 206 class getting some Zyn and a Twitter account instead of a personality

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 months

Me referencing transaction comps from memory during IC

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 years

“Lean deal teams” just means that the musings of a 24 year old borderline alcoholic former college athlete end up on a slide in front of the CFO of a $10B industrials company

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 years

In an meeting about “creating a positive company culture” led by a VP who asked me “are you retarded or just dumb?” last week

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

3 months

🫡 🫡 🫡 (I hate myself for making this)

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

11 months

Today our intern from Wharton taught me that 67+33 “actually doesn’t equal 100” and I should “think about adding a footnote to the pie chart for clarity” wow thank you for this insight how could I do my job without you

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

3 months

Taking an ebike home after getting overserved at brunch

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

@calleymeans So I’m guessing your first round interview at McKinsey did not go well

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Okay so they put EBITDA/EV but it actually should be EV/EBITDA, I make tables like that all the time haha. Our TMT group is almost as good as GS. I would probably be staffed on a deal like that. It’s such a great show but the little inaccuracies ruin it for me

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

5 months

Spotted in Delta Comfort Plus

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

11 months

Cancel culture is so scary. Today, I was asked to “quiet down” on the pickleball courts after screaming “YOU LIKE THAT?!?” for a seventh time in 2 games

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 months

Hammering this bet so I can participate in the upcoming class action lawsuit

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Me leaving the office for a “doctor’s appointment” at 4:03 today

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

6 months

Average gf dream: You cheated and my friends hated me :( Average one of my dreams: I was an honorable samurai fighting Jason Calacanis in a mech suit on top of the Sears tower

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

4 months

me when I see EBITDA or Zyn or the HBO show Succession or 8 tequila sodas at Grey Lady

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

If you’re reading this I’m sorry please come back

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Happy Saturday to all

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 years

“She’s joining the team after spending 10 years at Goldman Sachs covering TMT” ahh okay cool so a vindictive psychopath

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Telling Hinge girls that the sell side estimates that 46% of consumers are going to cut back on eating out in a recession, but not me

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Changing the model from v3 to v17 so everyone knows that I worked really hard on it

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

11 months

“You can’t bring 5 beers to the hot tub while playing Steely Dan from your phone it’s against hotel policy” and 6 other reasons America is falling into communism

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

7 months

Me and my VP on the revenue bridge

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

20 days

Another ex of mine has joined the lesbian community. Great pickup for this late in the draft, gotta hand it to them, great leadership going on over there

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

You’re in her DMs I’m reading her bio on the “Investment Team” section of her fund’s website we are not the same

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

24 days

Our COO said our office might be the target of protests tomorrow lmao

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

5 months

Bankers saying “we’re going to open the data room by end of week” is like my girlfriend saying she’s going to be ready “in 5 minutes”

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 years

The best part of going to a Yankees game is when your VP calls you on the way there and says he needs a deck “within the hour or you’re fucked” so you Uber back to your apartment haha lol I love this job

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

7 months

My 5’7” analyst slacking me “did you see Ackman’s tweet???” brother you’re worried about the wrong short

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

6 months

Sam and Greg returning to the OpenAI office today

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

7 months

MD came by my desk while my computer is off and I’m watching baddies in the west village do “fall fit checks” on Instagram reels. Unrelated is anyone hiring?

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

9 months

@_grizzzy_

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

9 months

Whomst MD??? Who else levered up 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Sorry guys I tried my best, I texted this girl from hinge who covers FIG at Apollo but it didn’t work out (I blacked out on our first date)

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Look at my PortCo CEO 😭

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

6 months

How I feel trying to explain a convertible preferred security to my therapist

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

All these coffee chats with sophomores who talk about having a “passion for deals” like dude I have this job and I don’t have a passion for deals I just want to drink kefir and listen to Steely Dan

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

4 months

If anyone is hiring, I am now entering the job market. Up until last night, I was in charge of coming up with the stupidest ideas you’ve ever heard for the Ramaswamy campaign

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

6 months

Kendall Roy after his 5th line of coke:

BuccoCapital Bloke

@buccocapital

6 months

The lesson of 2023 is that you need a Board of cold-blooded killers Capitalists who will spill the guts of your enemies You can’t give your money to people with a fake moral compass based on made up philosophies

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

“Can I see the GAAP / non-GAAP reconciliation”

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

6 months

When is Draft Kings going to add earnings bets. Give me BIGC any time top line miss -150. I want Azure growth forecast to cover and the under on CRM margins

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

My MD come up to my desk for a chat and seeing an entirely blank excel file, “Top 20 HIMARS Strikes of the Ukraine War 4K” YouTube, and “Shakshuka for Beginners Recipe” open on my computer

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Has Visa considered making their cards 25% bigger to take wallet share from Amex? Could be a good idea

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

6 months

Unparalleled marked insights from my dad today

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

4 months

Touring an apartment and asking the broker what kind of cap rate it trades at

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

5 months

Hmmm someone is disrupting global trade halfway around the world? Better send our nuclear-powered floating city with 6000 sailors and 90 fixed wing aircraft. I will gladly pay taxes for more of these bad boys

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

7 months

If you get a parking ticket where the fine increases after 21 days, you should wait 20 days to pay it. This is called working capital optimization

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

3 months

Rich Piana? Loro’s brother?

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 years

Why are you, as a man, merging cells instead of centering across selection?

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Antisemitic conspiracy theories are so funny. You think if I could control the weather I would be spending my time updating the model to show 10 bps of margin expansion in 2024??

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

4 months

Oh you’re a Dead Head? You mean a male Swiftie?

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Got a slack message flagged by HR for saying whoever designed the hubspot investor relations page should have their legs broken

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

5 months

Robert Pattinson on the set of the upcoming A24 film titled “PE Associate Going to IC on Monday Morning”

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 years

As a 2nd year analyst with a PE offer, you have to be PTOmaxing. Take a couple long weekends in Tahoe and Telluride with the boys. Day off the Monday after the Super Bowl. Show up unannounced at your ex’s bachelorette in Scottsdale. Treat yourself king.

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Great week everyone. Time to hardcode WACC at 12% and log off. Get some family time. Happy Friday before xmas

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 years

@growing_daniel Clearly overdeveloped gluten in there, sign of poor craftsmanship by the baker

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 months

Oh you work in finance? What’s the Taiwanese fed funds rate today?

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

5’7” incels when they see a girl who works in marketing at a tech company drinking a matcha latte

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

3 months

Morgan Stanley Sell Side providing groundbreaking insights today like “solar power production is concentrated in the daytime”

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

13 days

The plan: - steal tweets - steal more tweets - blackout - lamb over rice - piss the bed - steal more tweets

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

2 years

MD comments hitting different today. Don’t you have custody this weekend? Find god

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

7 months

Don Angie lost its Michelin star, please check in on the basic girlies who live in the west village 😔🙏

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

5 months

How did people work in PE before cold brew, AirPods, and the Inception soundtrack existed? Truly cannot fathom working without the trifecta

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

8 months

a16z describing their “American Dynamism” team

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

6 months

@VCBrags Bro is flexing 8 minute miles 😭

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

5 months

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

7 months

@SureThing_Buddy Shaking off her first 2 outfit ideas before finally nodding at her fourseam (jeans and a crop top)

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

5 months

SaaS management team that spends 17 minutes talking nonsense about “first principles” and quoting Marcus Aurelius before revealing that they’re 9% growth and (40%) ebit margins and asking for a 19x ARR multiple

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

1 year

Time for another impassioned lecture about “email best practices” from a 5’6” Rutgers alum. Yet another thrilling day at the investing bank

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

11 months

Second to last day of banking and I’m going on hour 6 of spreading comps. Not for a client meeting or anything, just because an MD was “curious.” Making it extremely easy to say goodbye

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pollo lunes

@fignewtonfan69

16 days

Seeing “Third, the Chinese government has made clear it would not permit a divestment” in the text of their dumb lawsuit

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