Mike Scott @IrkthePurists Twitter profile

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

8 years

I've started a blog. Little bit of politics, etc.

IRK THE PURISTS

A suitable break in the performance

irkthepuristsblog.wordpress.com

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Last Seen Profiles

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

Is it because she’s an actor?

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

8 months

Imagine being this guy. ‘I’m a bit bored this morning - think I’ll try and get a minimum wage worker in trouble for no reason.’

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

Poor old Rishi Sunak. Must be agony having to wait a full four or five days before this thing blows over and nothing happens.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

Getting horrible Dancing in the Moonlight vibes from this. Hot tub in the corner. Peroni in a ice-dustbin. Guests calling the burgers ‘one of these bad boys’.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

Why must we shy people always ‘come out of our shells’? Why can’t loud confident extroverts fuck off back into theirs?

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

I hear the KLF will be promoting their arrival on Spotify by publicly burning 0.00006 pence.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

Mastodon is basically your mum saying ‘We don’t need to spend good money on expensive Twitter - I’ll knit you one’.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

5 months

Ah, the Guardian food supplement. Does anyone else find it hard to look beyond shakshuka on Christmas morning?

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 months

Extraordinary, isn’t it, that Jonathan Ross still has a primetime chat show. One that apparently goes out on ITV on Saturday nights. Who watches it? I assume some people must do. But it’s like finding out they still make fruit Polos.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

6 years

Idea for a sitcom: the old versions of Morrissey, Roseanne Barr, Ken Livingstone and Germaine Greer have to share a flat with the current versions.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 years

He looks like a child in a school drama production playing a character called ‘Man’.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

6 years

Well you'll be safe then.

Jonathan Pie

@JonathanPieNews

6 years

Man loses job after making a joke. Welcome to Britain in 2018.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

It’s Paul McCartney, with special guests People Who Aren’t As Famous As Him Even Though They’re Fucking Bruce Springsteen.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

1 year

It’s what he would have wanted.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 years

Ah, my favourite Manic Street Preachers album.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

5 years

Maybe his dad phoned up.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

1 year

I’m happy just with some tartare sauce.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 months

Did your school refer to a vaulting horse, some bars on the wall and a couple of battered crash mats as ‘the apparatus’?

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

‘I’d like to downstream a movie please.’

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

1 year

Here’s an idea: axe This Morning completely and put a nice film on.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

Trump’s just pardoned Morecambe and Wise for the way they sliced the third grapefruit.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

6 years

'Look, I've made you some tea.'

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

8 months

Yesterday the Guardian did a ‘Comfort Food’ supplement. So that’ll be…Viennetta? Wotsit sandwiches? Deep-fried Dairylea? No:

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

5 years

I hear Game of Thrones fans are campaigning to have Morecambe and Wise’s ‘stripper’ sketch remade so that the third grapefruit gets cut in half properly.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

9 months

Fuck’s sake. Even people who hate the BBC and want it shut down agree that iPlayer is objectively better in absolutely every way. Who voted for this? People whose hobby is watching Part 2 of an out-of-sync episode of Minder eight times in the wrong aspect ratio?

Edinburgh TV Festival

@EdinburghTVFest

9 months

Best On-Demand Service goes to @ITVX Congratulations! #EdTVAwards

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

1 year

Interesting, isn’t it, that when Gary Lineker tweets something very, very slightly left-wing the press are all ‘Sack teh woke traitor’, but when Jeremy Vine asks ‘Maybe disabled people should just fuck off and stave?’ (I’m paraphrasing, but only a bit) there’s not a peep.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 years

Michael Gove is now environment secretary, in the same way that a 5 year old boy running around with his arms outstretched is an aeroplane.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

1 year

The objection to Universal Basic Income is essentially ‘No…people MUST have a life as shit as mine’ and not much else.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

Why are Depeche Mode so bad at Zoom calls? Because they’re on Mute.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

5 years

I know we all want someone to blame, but I think that’s a bit unfair.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

8 months

@ernest_malley I’m detecting a bit of sarcasm in the replies.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

11 months

STOP PRETENDING THIS, EVERYONE!

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 years

25 years ago tonight saw the debut of @Baddiel and Newman's 'History Today' on The Mary Whitehouse Experience. That's scary, that is.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 years

This is very odd. James Whale and Tony Blackburn being annoyed by the existence of a paint museum.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 years

Is there anything more tiresome than middle-aged men who still feel duty-bound to announce their hatred of Phil Collins? Relax, guys - it’s not 1985 any more. The cool kid in the New Order t-shirt isn’t going to tut at you in the common room.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

‘No, I’m sorry, I can’t accept it - Together in Electric Dreams was not technically a Human League single.’

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

Oh god, not another Manic Street Preachers album.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 years

Imagine having the money to launch your own TV channel, and then commissioning a current affairs show with Andrew Neil rather than repeating Rentaghost and The Innes Book of Records.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

5 months

It’s so annoying when the kids wake up at 4am and demand their mechouia salad.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

My Paul McCartney singles boxset has arrived. Particularly impressed with the gorgeous book.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

5 months

Anyone else wish Clive James was still around to do a wry sideways look at 2023?

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 years

Q. How many Adam Curtises does it take to change a lightbulb? A. One. But it wasn't always this way.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 years

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 years

Save money on Record Store Day by painting one of your David Bowie albums turquoise and standing outside your house for three hours.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

Just putting the finishing touches to my ten-hour Neil Young and Joni Mitchell Spotify playlist. It’s been a real labour of love - can’t wait wait to hear what you all think.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

8 years

I see British Sign Language have invented a new gesture to interpret the current news.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 years

All BBC programmes are now officially signed off by a flirtatious Magnus Magnusson.

Ian Jones

@metro_land

4 years

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

5 months

After 25 years of being woken up by the Today programme (always horrible) I’ve switched to the Radio 3 breakfast show, and it’s a revelation. I don’t even turn it off - I lie there dozing and let Bach drift in and out of my head. Such a nicer way to start the morning.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

My 18 year old work colleague got her A Level results today. I asked her if she’d opened ‘the envelope’.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 years

I was vaguely interested in seeing this Dennis Nilsen thing, and then I realised it would involve firing up ITV Hub. I’m not saying it’s annoying to use, but frankly it would be easier to invent a time machine, go back to 1983 and visit him in prison for real.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

5 years

My god, why did I never notice this before? There are TWO DIFFERENT EDITS of the Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? titles, giving both Bolam and Bewes star billing on alternate episodes...

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

@Oloni Because it’ll take time for most businesses to get up and running again. 21 June is just the date they can legally re-open.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

1 year

Just seen a New York YouTuber boasting that he’s given up alcohol after realising he drank four bottles of whisky, two bottles of gin and 31 bottles of wine ‘within the last year alone’.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 years

Message to people who use the terms 'Year 8', 'Year 9' etc in reference to school: no one over 40 knows what the fuck you're talking about.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

1 year

Remember when TV adverts used to be sharp and witty, with jokes? Rather than just a ponderously humourless love-live-laugh montage of ‘life moments’ accompanied by jaunty whistling and the eventual slogan ‘For all life throws at you, there’s Cuntface Bank’.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

5 days

Looks like a 7” single this, doesn’t it? Like he’s released a novelty football song with Chas and Dave.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

Is GB News actually going to launch, or are they just randomly announcing the names of cunts?

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

The sad thing about the ‘anti-woke’ weirdos is that they can’t enjoy something without fantasising about ‘woke’ people not enjoying it.

Mike Graham 🇬🇧

@Iromg

3 years

This will be driving the #Woke brigade bonkers. What a spectacle for #Britain #PrincePhilipfuneral 🇬🇧

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

Not sure why Captain Tom gets a 6pm Wednesday clap rather than an 8pm Thursday one. It’s like when they moved Top of the Pops.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 years

I love TV chefs, but it drives me insane when they do recipes ‘for when you want something quick and can’t be bothered to cook’. On those occasions, you just have toast don’t you? Or Weetabix. Or go to the chip shop. You don’t get out all the pans and make ‘cheat’s linguine’.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

WHAT DO WE WANT? SOMETHING THAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS ANYWAY WHEN DO WE WANT IT? SLIGHTLY SOONER THAN THAT

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 months

Got a new work colleague. He was born in 2008.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

6 years

That Radio X 'Best British Song' list in full: 1. Wonderwall 2. Wonderwall (Live) 3. Wonderwall '98 4. Wonderwall (Demo) 5. Wonderwall (Instrumental) 6. Live and Let Die without the reggae bit 7. Wonderwall (Reprise) 8. Some hiss 9. Brexit 10. Death

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

30 years ago today: the debut of David Baddiel and Rob Newman’s History Today sketch on The Mary Whitehouse Experience. My favourite TV costume fact: as Prof F.J. Lewis, Newman wore the same pin-striped trousers that John Le Mesurier had worn in Dad’s Army.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 years

I knew there was an official name for men who talk loudly in pubs.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

A certain type of Beatles fan loves to pour scorn on the fact that Yoko attended the Get Back sessions, but they never mention George Harrison’s Hare Krishna mates who did exactly the same thing. WHAT ON EARTH COULD BE THE REASON IT’S A COMPLETE MYSTERY

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 months

Whatever happened to comedy sketch teams? Four Oxbridge blokes and one woman, calling themselves The Blancmange Factor or The Divvies or something. A big hit at the Edinburgh fringe, then a Radio 4 series, then a transfer to television that didn’t quite work.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 years

I hear Gavin Williamson’s car broke down earlier. He had to call the BB.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

8 years

Speaking as a half-educated tenement Scot myself, I find the most offensive thing about John Cleese is his fucking punctuation.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 days

Finally, a comedy-drama about posh people in London. Hope they have loads of arguments in a massive kitchen.

BBC Press Office

@bbcpress

12 days

Loved #Motherland ? Watch out for new spin-off Amandaland, coming to #iPlayer & @BBCOne Amanda (Lucy Punch) is facing new challenges post divorce - and then there’s her mother, Felicity (Joanna Lumley). Thank God for Anne (Philippa Dunne). Read more ➡️

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 months

Appointing David Cameron reminds me of when you haven’t got any blu tack to put up a poster so you have to use little bits of blu tack from behind all the other posters.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

11 months

MAKE SITCOMS AND SKETCH SHOWS AGAIN

TV Zone

@tvukzone

11 months

New Channel 4 programme #SaveOurSperm sees three celebs aim to increase their sperm count in 10 weeks. More details:

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 years

I always wondered what happened to The Modern Parents from Viz.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

1 year

I continue to admire the audacity of this newsagent, refusing to change its window 17 years on. Especially since the newspaper that awarded it to them no longer exists.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

Broadcast 31 years ago today, the TV pilot of The Mary Whitehouse Experience.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

9 years

Most pointless page ever. http://t.co/LyUc8PxTjL

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

6 years

What I like about this is the 'Now'. As if they've already tried the Jihadi Kinks.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

@consequencerisk @soundslikecanoe Also, why do you raise an eyebrow at both employment gaps AND short-term contracts? People do the latter to avoid the former, and the former to avoid the latter. They can’t win.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

11 months

‘youngsters’

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

1 year

The trouble with these ‘bring back bread’ and ‘corned beef of my childhood’ people is that they never talk about the stuff which has *actually* disappeared. They don’t mention libraries, TV sketch shows or Smash Hits.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

5 years

Remember everyone, intelligent and complex drama which deals with difficult and nuanced subjects was invented in 2002 by HBO and Netflix. It definitely wasn't something that used to be on British TV (including kids' TV) most nights of the week.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 years

But...the lyrics to Start Me Up go 'You make a grown man cry'. You haven't thought this through.

Piers Morgan

@piersmorgan

7 years

It means take a deep breath, remember half the world is starving or trapped in war zones, put on 'Start Me Up' by the Stones & MAN UP!

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

STOP SAYING ‘THE MID TERMS’ IT’S ‘LOCAL ELECTIONS’ YOU’RE NOT IN THE WEST WING

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 years

Stop saying that old TV shows are ‘dated’ or ‘haven’t aged well’. If programmes were made in the past, then THEY WEREN’T MADE FOR YOU NOW. It’s not THEIR fault that you can’t connect with them in 2020 - it’s yours. You need to put the work in. Watching old stuff is a privilege.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 years

@kdc @apetersen Also, when you give us the info, spit it out. Essential info first please. Don't go into Anecdote Mode.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

Earlier today I casually used the word ‘Filofax’ in conversation with someone under 30.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 years

Every time I see a 280-character tweet, I just think...

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

6 years

@producerjoe Guest presenters on Have I Got News for You

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

Do the Germans have a word for that feeling of relief where, having reluctantly started to watch a critically-acclaimed TV series, you discover it’s rubbish and you don’t actually have to sit through any more episodes?

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

6 years

@MargauxDowland @JackA171293 @amyclare_95 That's the nature of all food though isn't? People mix stuff up, take influences, break the rules, etc. Why is anyone obliged to be reverential about it?

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 years

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

3 years

God, the Brass Eye Special was 20 years ago tonight.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 months

I think this is the most idiotic statement in that Time Out TV list.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

4 years

Ladies and gentlemen, the Fopp queue.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

1 year

The Bash St Kids teacher in bed wearing a pyjama version of his mortar board.

Andy Diggle

@andydiggle

1 year

Explain why comics are awesome in one image. The image:

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

7 months

I honestly think this is the worst three sentences ever written about television. And I’m including Mark Lawson’s back catalogue.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

10 months

@MarieGardiner @chiller I’m amazed that it’s actually ‘allowed’ and nobody high up in the police has sought to stamp it out. For superficial public relations if nothing else. I mean, it’s ultimately the police openly making jokes about crime.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

2 years

@consequencerisk @soundslikecanoe Why is no social media a big flag? Most people aren’t on social media.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

6 years

@MarkMorris1980 @RogEG2 @JuliaHB1 @LeaveEUOfficial She wasn't just using it to take 5 minutes though was she? She was using it to make a video mocking those who were using it.

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Mike Scott

@IrkthePurists

1 year

Fell over on the ice today and a group of young women asked if I needed any help getting up.

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