Eddy Elfenbein @EddyElfenbein Twitter profile

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

10 years

A bubble is a bull market in which you don't have a position.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

6 years

To the guy who stole my antidepressants, I hope you're happy now.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

6 years

500 years ago tomorrow -- the Original Pinned Tweet.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

29 days

A great way to make passive income is to take $3 million and buy an 8% Treasury bond. You'll make $20,000 a month just by doing nothing.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

My daughter just asked me, “Daddy, the stock market looks so scary. I’m afraid.” I didn’t know what to say. I finally said, “You’re 27. Stop talking like that.”

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

7 years

Apple has a cash balance of $261.5 billion. That's enough to buy every single team in the NFL, NBA, NHL and MLB.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

He's named Nate Silver because all his picks come in second place.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

Tom Brady has thrown 11.7% of all TD passes ever thrown in a Super Bowl.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

Maybe we'll have better luck tomorrow which is *checks notes* Friday, the 13th.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

If you had invested $10,000 in Tesla in 2012, by my calculations, today you'd be an annoying prick.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

One of my goals this year is to be less condescending. (Condescending means to talk down to people.)

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

6 years

I ran the calculations and found that if you had put $50,000 into bitcoin a year ago, today you'd be an annoying prick.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

Shares of $ZOOM are up 50% today because video conferencing is expected to benefit from the coronavirus. One small problem. It's wrong company. Zoom is $ZM. $ZOOM has been out of business for years. Score one for efficient markets! cc @asymmetricinfo

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

5 years

In 2011 there were 115 billionaires in China. Since then, 72 have died, with 15 murders, 17 suicides, 7 accidental deaths, and 19 from illness. Another 14 were executed. (via @bespokeinvest )

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

I bet the Starbucks at the Cape of Good Hope is doing killer business right now.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

1 year

505 years ago today, the original pinned tweet.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

Socialism is so bad that Trump's wives chose him over it. Think about that.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

1 year

"You got it all wrong, Joe. You're money isn't here right now. It's in Franks bullshit startup, and 100 other completely worthless ideas."

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

6 months

506 years ago today -- the Original Pinned Tweet

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

If you're curious, here are the NYSE Circuit Breakers: -7%: shut trading for 15 mins -13%: shut trading for 15 mins -20%: close exchange

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

Biden won Stafford by 3. Youngkin is up by 20 with 92% in.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

5 years

Last year, my lemonade stand had $90 in sales and expenses of $130, so we lost $40. I'm willing to sell you the entire business for $1,000. That's roughly Lyft.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

5 years

When you analyze an investment, bear in mind that the single-best-performing stock of the last 20 years is Monster Energy Drink. A product specifically designed and marketed for abject morons. Remember that.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

For context, this is how much $6 trillion is.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

Microsoft has a cash balance of $130 billion. That's enough to give $1 to 130 billion people.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

I have to admit, I'm not a big fan of the 20s so far.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

Clorox has a fascinating business model. They make Clorox and they sell it for more than it costs to make. Then they do it again. Up 48 fold in 30 years.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

5 years

For the Dow, today is the sixth-worst point drop of all time. All five of the others came last year.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

$FB, a free online birthday reminder service, faces a difficult opening.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

The worst-performing S&P 500 stock YTD Twitter -15%.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 months

Nvidia’s net income rose 769%. To put that in perspective, that's nearly 770%.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

The Fed is pouring gasoline into a car that doesn't have wheels.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

If you're curious, here are the NYSE Circuit Breakers: -7%: shut trading for 15 mins -13%: shut trading for 15 mins -20%: close exchange

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

6 years

If you want to be a millionaire, this is how much money you'll need.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

GameStop is up 20% after hours on news of a stock split. I'm now going to light myself on fire.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

If you had invested $10,000 in Apple on June 6, 1983, by April 17, 2003, you'd be sitting on $8,400.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

If you had invested $10,000 in the S&P 500 at the start of this year, today you'd have $10,005.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

7 years

Welcome to the FBI, Director Baio.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

If you had invested $10,000 in Apple on June 6, 1983, by April 17, 2003, you'd be sitting on $8,400.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

5 years

RIP: Bull Market (3/9/2009 to 9/21/2018). QE birthed you. Low rates nurtured you... and buy backs made you run. So long, old friend.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

If you had invested $10,000 in Apple ($AAPL) on June 6, 1983, by April 17, 2003, you’d be sitting on $8,400.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

An angry mob of momentum investors pulled down a statue of Benjamin Graham. This madness has to stop.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

The sexual tension between these two is off the charts.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

If you have a $1 million portfolio, at the current rate, inflation is eating $68,000 per year.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

5 years

13 hours in, so far this is NOTHING like Blade Runner.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

Chesapeake Energy has gone from $15 to $77 to $16. This week.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

"In summary, a stock is worth the net present value of all future cash flows. Any questions?"

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

I volunteered for the vaccine trials for Covid-19. The vaccine was created in Russia. I got my first shot, and I wanted to let you all know that it’s safe, with иo side effectsr, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

Apple now has $193.82 billion cash on hand. Or about $25 per person on the planet.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

13 years

A bubble is a bull market in which you don't have a position. $$

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

5 years

S&P 500 annualized price return by unemployment rate since 1948: Under 4%: +4.71% 4% to 6%: +7.83% 6% to 8%: +18.09% Over 8%: +22.17%

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

If a stock goes down 20%, then goes up 20%, it's still down 4%. So who got the 4%? Answer = Goldman Sachs

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

I've never changed my opinion by so much than I have with Zelensky. Cometh the hour, cometh the man.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

Given that today is Tax Day, I'd like to thank the top 1% for paying 40% of income taxes.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

The S&P 500 has now gained back 44% of what it lost.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

They have their own police force.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

Days with 2% drops 2004: 0 2005: 0 2006: 0 2007: 11 2008: 41 2009: 28 2010: 10 2011: 21 2012: 3 2013: 2 2014: 4 2015: 6 2016: 5 2017: 0 2018: 15 2019: 5 2020: 24 (so far)

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

5 years

Days with 2% drops 2004: 0 2005: 0 2006: 0 2007: 11 2008: 41 2009: 28 2010: 10 2011: 21 2012: 3 2013: 2 2014: 4 2015: 6 2016: 5 2017: 0 2018: 11 (so far)

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

8 years

My brother is in Munich. He was helped to safety by a young Syrian immigrant. The young man's family called from Aleppo to see if he was OK.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

Things Not to Fight

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

1 year

I'm very lucky in that all the Chinese balloon experts in my feed are also bank capital experts.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

Stress diet

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

If you excuse me, I'm going to light myself on fire.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

6 years

shut off my computer sell my possessions change my name plastic surgery move to alaska live off the grid completely alone miles from anyone knock at the door it's a caribou he speaks "Here's the thing about share buybacks..."

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

Fact: If an investor had put $10,000 into bitcoin in May 2011, they would have died in a coke binge in Florida sometime last year.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

I don't understand how J Crew could have gone under.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

5 years

How much would you pay for a lemonade stand that lost $20 last year on sales of $70; this year it will lose another $20 on sales of $170? If you said $10,000, congratulations, you own BYND.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

The unemployment rate is lower today than it was during *every month* in the 1970s, 80s and 90s.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

Amazon reported earnings of a "fuckload" Expectations were for a shit ton.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

Coca-Cola earned 55 cents per share. Expectations were for...

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

My stop is at -$50 so I'm ok.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 months

If you had invested $10,000 in Apple $AAPL on June 6, 1983, by April 17, 2003, you’d be sitting on $8,400.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

5 years

My firm uses a model to forecast interest rates. She's awful.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

You'll probably never see a week like this for the stock market in your lifetime.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

Avoiding the virus. Hope you are too.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

Blackberry +27% Gamestop +40% AMC +24% Bes Bath & Beyond +29%

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

Apple now has $207.06 billion in cash. To put that in context, that's TWO FUCKING HUNDRED AND FUCKING SEVEN FUCKING BILLION MOTHER FUCKING DOLLARS JFC!!!

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

No. Next question.

CNBC

@CNBC

4 years

Martin Shkreli seeks compassionate release from prison to work on coronavirus treatment

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

If you had invested $10,000 in Apple on June 6, 1983, by April 17, 2003, you'd be sitting on $8,400.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

The Fed is pouring gasoline into a car that doesn't have wheels.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

The federal budget deficit for June was $864 billion. The deficit for last June was $8 billion.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

6 years

Cubs won the world series.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

If you had invested $10,000 in Tesla in 2012, by my calculations, today you'd be an annoying prick.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

5 years

This is what $1 billion in gold looks like. (via reddit)

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

6 years

I just ordered takeout. I had to fill out a 13-page questionnaire detailing my political beliefs. Separation of powers cost me an egg roll.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

4 years

We're already in a recession.

Bloomberg Markets

@markets

4 years

U.S. Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin says he doesn't expect the coronavirus pandemic to tip the economy into recession

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

Elon Musk is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

To be the same age as Jefferson in 1776, a person today would have been born in 1988.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

7 years

Sure, I may be $238,000 in debt from college but I think my degree in Marxist interpretive dance makes me a valuable member of the economy.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

10 months

If a stock goes down 20%, the goes up 20%, it's still down 4%. So where did the 4% go? Answer: Vanguard and BlackRock.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

Musk acts like the environmental impact of crypto was discovered in the past 48 hours.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

10 months

Since April 1997, Monster Beverage has returned 520,000%. If you had invested $10,000 in MNST, that means your wife will be born in Estonia three years from now.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

2 years

“You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.” ― Warren Buffett

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

6 years

-108%? That's not how math works.

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

Remember, the most a stock can fall is about 40%. Maybe 50%. After that, it pretty much has to go up. #study

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

My son said to me, "Daddy, if Trump wins, will I be put in a cage?" I didn't know what to say. I finally said, "You're 26. What the hell is wrong with you?"

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein

3 years

Diamond hands are just coal hands under a lot of pressure

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Eddy Elfenbein

@EddyElfenbein