I was “in the newspapers as a youth activist” level of O-U-T as a queer student at 16yo in 1991. EVERY SINGLE ONE of the objections we now see about trans youth was made about me, and I am FURIOUS at all the gays and lesbians my age who are falling for this now. To them:
When I teach professionals, I sometimes put them in groups to discuss and take notes. I specifically name that women are overwhelmingly called upon to serve as recorders, so I ask that every group assign a man to do this. The reactions are *wild*. Regularly, one man makes a 1/x
A study on what many of us already know: over 75% of internal service work in academia is done by women. “We were surprised by how brazenly the male researchers described their priorities, for example that they actively didn’t respond to emails”
Sure, yes: let’s teach our young women to say “I’m speaking,” when they need to. BUT LETS PUT TRIPLE THAT ENERGY INTO TEACHING OUR YOUNG MEN NOT TO INTERRUPT PEOPLE OR SPEAK OVER THEM. STOP BURDENING WOMEN AND NONBINARY PEOPLE WITH THE FAILURES OF MASCULINITY, HOW ABOUT?
Talk about everyone wants a revolution but no one wants to do the dishes. Feminist men, a word: learn to do all those things and DO them. Take the notes. Organize the group gift. Keep track of birthdays. Take the lunch order and call it in. DO a feminism, don’t just say it.
“joke” that his handwriting or note-taking (or both) are terrible, so not him, which gives me the moment to note that people who practice a skill will improve, which is why women seem to be better at it. It’s not mostly natural inclination, my dudes, it’s just practice.
Writers pro tip: if the punchline of your joke is “man in a dress” or “two dudes kiss,” you don’t have a joke, you have a contributing factor in an eventual hate crime.
and mouth the SAME ARGUMENTS THEY USED AGAINST US? Make things harder, and not better, for trans and nonbinary and gender-noncompliant youth?
I fought for you to be able to live, thrive, and succeed. NOT so you could shit on the kids who need us most now.
Shame on you all.
I fought for every student to have the equal right to attend school safely regardless of their gender or sexuality and I got hate mail, I got screamed at by crowds, I got condemned to death while most of you were still closeted. I testified at the statehouse; I visited
And to be clear: zero judgement about when or if you ever could be that out or do that work. It’s not for everyone, and I want all 2SLGBTQIA+ people to live well and be happy so make your own choices in love. But don’t use that choice as a cover to shit on trans kids. Not EVER.
schools and talked to teachers, I let them print my picture and full name in the paper while my parents begged me not to, while the AIDS epidemic raged and Jesse Helms was still yelling for all the dirty queers to be rounded up and branded or sent to an island. At every turn,
I also had the benefit of queer adults in my life who took HUGE risks being there for me as a teenager because of these nonsense ideas about “grooming” and “recruiting.” They stood by me in every way and helped me to be scared but do the work anyway. They encouraged me and
Now here you fools are. Benefitting in every way from my work. If you ever joined a GSA (or modern equivalent), that was me and my friends. If your state ever passed a law or rule protecting students from homophobia at school. Out and fighting.
Now you’re going to sit there
people said I was disgusting, perverted, sick. They asked their legislators if their innocent children would have to share a locker room with me, if I should be allowed to have my own children or if I would ruin them, if I should be segregated or locked up. Grown adults
spit at me, screamed at me, sent bibles smeared with “blood” to my school, announced that I was an actual Horseman of the apocalypse. And they ALL said I was too young, much too young, to know anything about my own gender or sexuality. That it was a phase. That I could be cured.
I have been queer and out long enough to remember this vividly: straight people objecting to being called “straight.” The majority only wants to name the minority, never to be named by them, because that means the minority group also has agency (the real thing they don’t want).
loved me and fed me and they met me at the back doors of government edifices away from the crowds and spirited me away from the protesters and they *listened* to me while I yelled and cried and yelled some more. Or they exchanged email/IMs for hours while I processed my feelings.
Took my kids for a swim and there was a lot of staring and snickering at my fat, tattooed, visibly scarred trans body today. I am feeling tender and angry, and at that complicated crossroads I'm sharing this:
Are you
#trans
or
#nonbinary
and stuck someplace they won’t call you by your name? DM me and we can talk on the phone and EVERY TIME MY KIDS INTERRUPT ME (estimate: eleventy trillion) to ask me who I’m talking to I will use your right name/pronoun.
For real, though. I’m home.
THE CIVIL WAR WAS SO RECENT THAT THE US GOVT JUST FINISHED PAYING ANY SOLDIER OR DECENDENT A PENSION FOR THE FIRST TIME AS OF YESTERDAY.
YESTERDAY.
DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT HOW SLAVERY WAS SO LONG AGO.
1/2 The last child of a Union Veteran of the Civil War to still receive a federal pension, Irene Tripplet, passed away on May 31, 2020 at the age of 90. Yesterday was the first time since the late 1860s that the U.S. Government has not been paying a monthly pension to
Twitter, where do I find voice actors for small paid jobs who have real accents? I need voice actors with Caribbean, West African, Indian or Pakistani, and Chinese accents and the auditions I am getting are white people who YouTubed their way into sounding “Jamaican.” Any help?
Been taking my kids to pride since they were zygotes. Here are the phrases you need:
- that’s a way some adults like to play
- because they feel good when they wear it
- I hope they’re wearing sunscreen too
- did you remember to say thank you for the pretty beads?
What if - and I’m just spitballing here - but what if we raised the minimum wage and DIDN’T raise prices and CEOs just got paid less and so did stockholders? And everyone could afford to eat actual food and drink clean water and live somewhere safe? Is that anything?
17 years ago today, I got in my car and drove 9 hours to Canada to spend one night with a guy I’d had a conference fling with 6 weeks earlier. 2 weeks later I moved to Toronto for the summer to see about him. We will have been married 15 years next week.
#t4tLoveStories
#Pride
pro-tip for emcees: no need to say “ladies and gentlemen.” You can say LITERALLY ANYTHING in a welcoming, positive tone. Try it:
- Friends and Visitors!
- Lovers and Fighters!
- Kiwis and Apricots!
- Graters and Colanders!
- T-squares and Protractors!
Are you trans and too fucking sad and tired to cook today? Drop your Venmo or PayPal and I’ll send you $20 for dinner/a treat/wine/whatever. I’ve got the first 5; cis friends feel free to jump in after that.
Dear cis women furious about menstrual products no longer made with a O+ on the package:
1. Really?
2. I’m the one you’re mad at, and my trans brothers/enby siblings. Not trans women.
3. Blaming everything gendery you don’t like on trans women is NOT A GOOD LOOK, LORNA.
Pro tip for straight people: DO NOT ask queer people how or where they got their children, who carried, who’s the donor, none of it. Nothing. Ever. If you knew them well enough to ask that, you would already know the answer.
Listen. LISTEN. If you know someone who is comfortable expressing their bigotry toward one marginalized group I GUARANTEE you there are others they just keep quiet about. It’s not possible to be a /little/ hateful. Love and kisses, a queer and transgender Jew.
@clhubes
Some of them are just like this (mine all were). Sometimes they chill out eventually, but if not teach them to bake as soon as possible. Sometimes I wake up to fresh pie w scratch crust baked by a 12yo who woke up at 6am and wanted to make pie. Everything has tradeoffs.
@DevonEllington
@whsuleonard
9 books in, 2 more under contract, and a fairly decent career in devised theatre and storytelling - my grandmother’s most frequent comment is “who pays for this?”
Noting that
@Lizzo
has been uplifting and praising trans & nonbinary people since I first saw her in concert 5 years ago in a 1000 seat hall. Nothing about this is hype for her new gender-affirming clothing line. That work followed FROM her unequivocal support of t/nb/gq people.
Amazing. Lizzo, in front of thousands of people, confronts LB574 - a gender affirming care ban and abortion ban - in Nebraska tonight.
"Don't let anyone tell you who you are. These laws aren't real. YOU are real."
Good morning to
@PadmaLakshmi
who in 20 seasons of Top Chef has never ONCE makes a comment about calories, earning her food, being “bad”, working it off, or anything like that and to her only. 200+ episodes of nothing but enthusiasm and joy in food and eating. Spectacular vibes.
I don’t know who need to hear this on the 29th Wednesday of pandemic restrictions but:
survival is productivity.
You’re already doing a lot just by making it through the day.
If you’re trans or nonbinary or genderqueer and you got up this morning? You’re a fucking hero and somebody should buy you an ice cream cone, and honestly I wish it could be me.
Zainab the Mighty (pictured below, age 2), requires blood from someone with type A or O who ALSO is missing the “Indian B” blood antigen, and the situation is quite dire. The donor must be of Iranian, Indian or Pakistani descent.
Do your thing, Twitter.
A worldwide search is on for some of the rarest blood in the world to help save the life of a 2-year-old South Florida girl battling an aggressive cancer. Help spread the word to find her a match!
@kaitfeldmann
She’s super popular, her app subscriptions are high, she’s trying to do something. Notably, when she was less known and had less money she was always very generous with her time and support, like Roxane Gay. The business case may not bear out but she’s values-forward.
It occurred to me this morning that I could go to Tennessee, dress in the sparkliest drag imaginable, plunk my happy gay ass on the steps of the statehouse and read books to children and they couldn’t do shit about it because my assigned sex at birth was female.
Parents: don’t just have a category of “bad words,” for your children. Differentiate into what’s a swear (a word considered rude, for adults only) and what’s a slur (a word that demeans or dehumanizes someone) Use of the former isn’t an issue of character; use of the latter is.
When I buy a piece of art I often send a photo of it in our house to the artist if I can. Seems like it could be hard to make a thing and then have it travel off without you? So I like to show artists where their work lives now. Probably weird, but no complaints so far.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
DON’T FUCKING WATCH THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE.
IT’S LITERALLY EVERYTHING THATS WRONG WITH CIS PEOPLE’S UNDERSTANDING OF TRANS-NESS WITH A CHILD PORNOGRAPHY GLAZE ON TOP.
NO NO NO NO NO.
ALSO:
I did not write this! It’s a Tumblr post that’s going around, but Twitter cropped the image so you can’t see the attribution unless you expand, but it’s from Tumblr user QueerSpacePunk: and here’s the link to their original post:
In honor of
#NonBinaryPeoplesDay
, allow me to share these pages about they/them pronouns from my forthcoming book SPECIAL TOPICS IN BEING A HUMAN, illustrated by
@sfreedmanlawson
, in hopes they’ll help anyone still resisting them. Preorder the book at
I am at my kids’ school watching the Grade 5/6 play, and original musical written by the students about climate change called The Last Straw, and however great you think it sounds I assure you: it’s better.
Pro tip for cis people: if you see a trans person joking abt trans things with one specific cis person, it’s not an invitation to all cis ppl to join/repeat that joke. It’s a sign that one *specific* cis person has earned that trust.
Seek to emulate the trust, not the joke.
I just want to say today that if your original dad hasn’t been able to honor and celebrate your gender, sexuality, politics or just your general fabulousness? Well, I’m a dad, and I love you and I’m SO proud of you.
#FathersDay
Not for nothing but when I teach Sex Positive Trans Sex and start the trans/nonbinary/genderqueer ppl in the group making a big list of words we actually like for our bits and parts? Batcave is ALWAYS listed.
What if we just didn’t make fun of how anyone looked, ever again? What if we didn’t stare at or titter over or speculate about or insult people’s appearances even a little at all anymore? How would that be for you?
Pro tip: if a kid you know is into Paw Patrol, redirect them to Octonauts. You still get animals responding to distress calls and being helpful using wild technology, but science and many fish facts instead of… the other business.
Oh hello, all of the Internet that has now also seen me half naked. If you liked the essay, it may interest you to know that I have also written a number of books:
Hey trans friends. You’re tired because this is all SO hard. It’s very reasonable to feel sad, angry, or overwhelmed.
All these feelings are valid. You’re not overreacting.
Did you wake up today? Are you planning to do it again tomorrow?
Then you’re doing a really good job.
@SunandRainDay
@anotheriain
@Nataliealana87
@Rachel__Harper
I walked dogs & chatted w the same guy at 7am in the park for THREE YEARS. One day a man I didn’t recognize greeted me very familiarly at the bank. I looked at him like he was undermedicated & turned away.
Took seeing him the next morning for me to realize & apologize.
I would just like to note that
@lizzo
has been absolutely on this for YEARS. Shouting out trans women in her live shows, using gender-inclusive language, being vocally about trans justice - all of it, from when her biggest hit was Phone.
@KaylaAncrum
This is delightful and hella gay (and also I am going to laugh up my sleeve when it appears in five different gay YA novels in 2022 but it will be a happy laughter).
@niresliah
@babysnakebaby
@SonyaBonczek
Let’s just say that the heterosexually-couples dads who said the most about equally shared parenting did not map onto the dads who felt capable of handling a birthday invitation.
I wish I could beam the feeling I’m having right now, watching my nonbinary 11yo advocate for themselves so calmly and bravely in the face of casual gender policing by a random dad at the park, right into the heart of every parent in the world.
Today I learned that in 2019 the Icelandic committee on naming established a gender-nonspecific last name suffix (-bur) to go along with -son or -dottir, in addition to naming formats for two-mom and two-dad families, and I felt such a jolt of joy.
@ellle_em
I also hosted a multi-gender 10yo sleepover last night, and I am here to tell you it was a DEN of sin. They drank tea and ate cookies! They played video games! They PLAYED PIANO DUETS WHAT IS THIS WORKS COMING TO WONT SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN.
Journalism pro-tip: If you write about the violenceTexas is doing to trans kids and talk only to the cis parents of trans kids? You’re doing it wrong. If your existing connections don’t include any trans young people, you’re not the right person to write the piece. Full stop.
@k8bushofficial
This is why straight people should not be put in charge of sex ed curricula. The idea that there’s such a thing as “foreplay” and that it is distinct and different from “sex” is exhausting.
How am I? Well, yesterday Florida banned trans kids, the largest US Jewish gathering platformed someone who says it’s fine to hate trans people, and my new barber went on a little antisemitic rant while he was trimming my beard, literally with a scissors against my throat.
@wordmixrr
My ex and I got a foster puppy, super skinny w kennel cough and worms. Vet said “put an egg or two in his food, it’ll help.
In my defence, she never actually said “crack a raw egg into the bowl.”
So... kibble omelet. Right?
But then you can never stop making them.
If your dad couldn't (or still can't) handle your queerness, your gender, your politics, or just your general-duty fabulousness, I just want to say today that I'm a dad, and I think you turned out great (and I bet a bunch of other people think so too).
WHAT IF gender reveal parties were thrown by the person whose gender it actually is, when they feel ready, instead of by parents making an event out of a cursory inspection of fetal genitals?
CORPORATIONS: before you’re allowed to add that rainbow logo, you must release your political contributions, health insurance policy, and provide an opportunity to interview the highest ranking queer woman of colour in your organization. Thank you in advance for your cooperation.
Okay, listen, I am seeing a lot right now about “I don’t complain, I take action,” and as a Jew I need Twitter to know that “both at the same time” is a totally valid option.
Apparently an unpopular opinion but I’m not bothered by Lil Nas X and his pregnant photos because first of all let a queer have his gender in peace and good health but second, I’m not seeing mockery. I am seeing homage.
@PatMizzah
@jacasiegel
Weight loss might be a result of increased fitness (might not) but it is not in and of itself either indicative of better health or better fitness, and conflating the two supports a whole host of fatphobic attitudes and behaviours. Just get a crop top if you want to show off.