PDX’er @davidpdxer Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@sarusarusa_ru

PDX’er

@davidpdxer

2 years

@minimaxir @ZoeSchiffer Fortunately nobody in tech has ever been able to sabotage something unless they were physically in the building.

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@barstoolsports Pretty sure the cops were like "Jaxton, Bryce, Sumner, Bradlee, go sit down down, we got this under control" and then arrested this dude.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@clarisselou Imagine if you were as stoned as Harrison Ford is and some dude came into your house and did this trick. Everyone on earth would react exactly the same way.

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@davidpdxer

3 months

@SpiritedSparr0w These stories are as old as time and originated with Ronald Reagan’s “welfare queen” story. Most of them, like this hilarious tomahawk ribeye story, are fictional.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@duncan_colton “Hi, I’m a modern conservative and I am easily triggered when I have to think about whether my toy potato has a penis or a vagina”

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@JesseThorn I paid MY OWN MONEY to buy a car that can go 120 mph yet MY government has signs on EVERY road forcing me to go some arbitrary speed—25,35, 55, 15…once you give them power, they will do anything to keep it. Imagine if Dwight Eisenhower had obeyed “speed limits” on D-Day.

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@GreaserRockin @chargers @AZCardinals

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@steffavilla @overtime People kept walking up the stairs while they were fracturing their skulls 10 feet away 💀💀

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@robbystarbuck @elonmusk My hypothesis is that you haven’t attended a single science class in your life.

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@davidpdxer

5 years

@PatrickRuffini Taxing the wealth of the super wealthy will only incentivize them to work harder! Isn’t this the logic of why you guys have made it so hard to qualify for welfare, food stamps, etc? Can’t let people get complacent!

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@crazykarens Did he say “you can find another carrier, I’d suggest Spirit??” 😂😂😂😂

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@byjoelanderson Can't wait for the inevitable "I'm dropping out because I was attacked by the WOKE MOB not because of my 1.2 GPA" piece coming from him in 19 months.

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@RexChapman They won this point

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@davidpdxer

1 year

The unifying trait of every Gen-X’er is that we’d rather die than throw one of these into the trash without cutting it up.

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@davidpdxer

6 years

@bad_takes @Atrios Because when you’re “illegal” and desperate to evade detection, of course the thing to do is immediately go and REGISTER TO VOTE AND SHOWING UP AT A POLLING PLACE WHERE YOU PROVIDE I.D.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@staymadpetal @JensenKarp All I know is that Ted Cruz has yet to produce evidence he did *not* tamper with the cereal, which I find interesting. So easy to clear his name, and yet he has not done it. Is it irresponsible to ask this question? It would be irresponsible *not* to.

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@davidpdxer

1 year

@Wonton_Goodsoup David Pogue went on this thing last year and the thing is that it doesn’t have its own GPS, it relies on texts from the surface vessel to direct it, and if it loses contact it literally has no idea where to go, so 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@kyliebytes She will write a memoir in 19 years about the trauma she’s endured having to fire a bunch of 59 year old employees right before their pensions vested.

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@davidpdxer

5 years

@iceplay @SlickVi57716725 @realDonaldTrump Yep, and her side won the majority of the people’s vote in the most recent election. I know it’s hard to keep track, it’s ok.

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@davidpdxer

5 years

@EwdatsGROSS I definitely respect his commitment to playing the long game with this one.

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@ryanaboyd Gf has Crohns and it is *a thing* to have to always be aware of how far you are from a business that will let anyone use the restroom.

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@davidpdxer

6 months

@The_Acumen I heard this from my Nader-supporting friends who helped elect Bush in 2000, from the Stein supporting people who helped elect Trump in 2016, from the RFK people this time around. It always sounds the same, it never works, it usually ends in catastrophe.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@BossWard43 @brgridiron He definitely should have decided to not get cancer.

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@davidpdxer

5 years

@_ChristinaRoss To be fair it’s rare to find someone who shows you with perfect clarity exactly what a relationship with him would be like...

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@chris_labarthe It’s crazy how the media looks at a dude driving a $45k Lexus and thinks “upper middle class” and a dude driving a $75k pickup and thinks “working class.” These are luxury trucks, y’all.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@rcarlsn612 @DannyWQAM Can confirm. The dog would just be up there licking its butt and trying to eat peanuts under the seats like a normal animal.

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@davidpdxer

4 months

@fox12oregon That’s like saying Martin Luther King Jr died after being involved in a gun fight.

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@Brandie72931693 @realDonaldTrump @BreitbartNews The blue squares are where people live. The red squares are where cows live.

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@davidpdxer

2 months

@dmtrubman This girl is 100% correct and I hope her parents are pouring themselves a drink and high giving each other for raising her right.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@bathroomass No but Die Hard IS a Christmas Movie...

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@KweenMedb @katiedimartin Sad to see that the Acme Corporation has given in to the woke mob.

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@davidpdxer

7 months

@Michigrimk “Near infinite mass,” people.

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@joshtpm The Donner Party arrogantly took a route that people told them to not take, were inadequately prepared, and resorted to cannibalism when most the group died. An apt analogy for Trump’s America.

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@davidpdxer

1 year

@rowanlou1312 When my dad was in his early 80s, he started getting terrible and persistent headaches, and his doc told him “one of those things that happens when you get old.“ That doc retired, and his new doctor immediately referred him, and he was diagnosed with grand cell arteritis. Goddam.

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@Andelliotsaid @ABC7 None of that matters. Having committed crimes previously doesn’t mean the cops can just beat the shit out of you whenever they want.

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@TheOnlyTyronly @barstoolsports I call on white leaders to renounce the violence that is an epidemic in their community.

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@atrupar I love how Trump now thinks that the test is some sort of IQ test or intelligence test, rather than a baseline to determine whether somebody is capable of basic cognitive function.

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@davidpdxer

8 months

@KyleIboshi If you told me “a guy drove an oversized pickup through a parade route because he was mad” this is *exactly* what I would imagine he’d look like. Kind of amazing.

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@davidpdxer

8 months

@atomzw Having also worked in these offices, say it in your own words. It’s very clear when people are calling in because they got an email with a script to read. And those calls get routinely disregarded and ignored.

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@JayFarber @KennySpenceCDM @CrabSmutPeddler @SRochesterNBA Dalio is telling all his friends it was him.

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@PhishwaterHTX @BudrykZack Adam we've crunched some numbers and to be honest the data is telling us we need to "urban up" your tats by 11.7%. You're killing that college grad demo, babe. But the 15-25 is off 26% year over year and we need something that pops.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@JesseThorn Here in the People’s Republic of Portland we have to fill out a form every time we get a new job that gives the government the right to take money out of our paychecks every month. And they take it using our government issued “Social(ist) Security Number.”

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@gomezmyvogue @calebsaysthings As my mom says, “took a whole lot of time to say absolutely nothing”

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@mtsw Portland has had rampant bike theft for many years. One of our colleges (Reed) started a project of putting GPS trackers on bait bikes, and identified a number of thieves. They took this info to Portland Police who very politely told them to let the grown ups handle it.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@yvngdende @femboyfinance Imagine walking in there with a form that has: MASTURBATED: ___ Y ____ N

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@joshtpm Safe to say Greenberg has absolutely rolled on Gaetz. Anyone in the GOP who outranks Gaetz and who has party to this stuff has got to be absolutely shitting themselves.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@joshtpm I realize these are uncharted waters, but Trump’s history is hardly uncharted, and the thing people forget is that he *always* blusters, he *always* threatens, and he *always* runs away at the end. He always runs away and hides. He has never stood up to anyone his whole life.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@StrokerAcee @DannyWQAM

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@davidpdxer

1 year

@Wonton_Goodsoup Man this is going to be happening nonstop when tourists start going into space.

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@Andelliotsaid @ABC7 “Resisting arrest” is usually a bullshit charge the cops come up with after they try to arrest you for some thing that they know won’t stick. And needless to say you can’t beat up somebody for having meth in the car when you only find the math after you’ve beaten them up.

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@adamconover I will never understand why a company buys a network/magazine/website/etc, something that produces content that has some value, and then…proceeds to cut all that content. I don’t get it.

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@davidpdxer

4 months

@EoinHiggins_ “Look at her dumb dreamy eyes, I hate them so much, they way I get lost in them and think about where I’ve been, where I’m going, and whether true love is possible, or just a myth. It’s like looking into the stormy sea from a small cottage on the….wait, what?”

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@bookishseawitch Not a short story but I was legit traumatized for weeks when I read “Where the Red Fern Grows” in elementary school 😭😭😭

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@davidpdxer

6 years

@PatrickRuffini It’s rare to find a tweet that is so lame that it merits an unfollow all on its own, but this is one of those.

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@davidpdxer

5 months

@0ldoini @kyliejustine Weirdest part for me is they were exchanging vows and stuff meanwhile the baristas were back there making lattes and serving scones like it was any other day? Weird vibes. Already feel bad for the daycare these two inevitably send their kids to.

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@davidpdxer

11 months

@SteveDuin Lure her down with a glass of Chardonnay and a charcuterie board.

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@TizzyEnt Man this dude is going to be facing some serious charges (menacing, harassment, terroristic threats, damage/assault) all because he couldn't handle being cut off in traffic.

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@davidpdxer

2 months

@efs120 @nicoleamurray Worst renting experience I ever had was from a mom and pop landlord who screwed me out of my security deposit because they knew I didn’t have the time/money to take them to court.

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@yashar Funny how conservatives think a private business should be able to do whatever it wants when it wants to not bake a wedding cake for gay people, but suddenly they become constitutional scholars when someone wants them to wear a mask.

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@davidpdxer

5 years

@NoahHaefner @Garebear__11 @MarcusWhaley1 @DanaSchwartzzz The only video I need to watch about the throne room scene is the throne room scene, and that video, which is the throne room scene, tells me that it is amazing.

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@shrimpJAJ “He’s not with our people...after the election we’re going to be doing something about Professor Oak” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@Silverfoxnative @Jax_Collie My grandma used to say “looks like she’s lived every day twice.”

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@davidpdxer

5 years

@derek_mafs Truly, there is nothing more patriotic than veterans who use their service as a shield against criticism.

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@davidpdxer

5 years

@zebstriko @sadieposting “Well, that was uncomfortable but I think we can just walk into this next room because what are the odds, right?”

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@cnc_Detroit @romesucked Exactly, and you don’t see airlines drastically reducing prices when fuel costs are low, although they are always happy to tack on a surcharge when they are high.

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@tlachtga Imagine writing a song about how much you hate your ex and then you go on tour with them and sing that song *with them* every night for four months.

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@AndrewwGreen @BarstoolBigCat EVERYONE THINKS KIRKLAND IS A SEPARATE BRAND BUT USUALLY ITS A NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED PRODUCT THAT THEY REPACKAGE AND BRAND WITH THE KIRKLAND LOGO

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@agirldonkey @clarisselou Haha. I always wonder when they say he was a “Hollywood cabinet maker” before being cast in movies.

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@davidpdxer

5 years

@DropsNoPanties @SupernovaWicked Just put a ladder under his bedroom window. You’ll be his hero.

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@peeppeeparoo @AttorneyCrump The question is absurd in itself because they have to run your license to issue the ticket, and that would reveal whether there’s a probation issue. This is straight up “know your place, boy” behavior by this cop.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@thejollycrank @EruditeElf Women can absorb men into their uterus during sex, if they choose. The men are absorbed into their system over several months and slowly released during their monthly cycle.

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@SalaHanSala @kaicomedy It's kind of crazy he would come up with a cover story that could be so easily disproved.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@Buffalojilll @SheRatesDogs I always wonder if guys like this pause for long enough to realize that all he’s doing is confirming that every instinct she had about him was 100% on the money.

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@davidpdxer

2 months

@PurrsSasha @esjesjesj Republicans: [spend 40 years fighting for right to work employment] Person: [gets fired for being hateful] Republicans: HEY WHAT THE FUCK????

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@davidpdxer

1 year

@OnlyBangersEth Me watching that

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@AnandWrites I seriously think Trump is going to face LOTS of civil lawsuits because tons of people like this grandma are going to blame him for what happened to their loved ones.

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@alusty01 @giannanino @MariaTeresa1 Everything about this screams “libertarian.”

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@randypaint Wrong. This is a bad take.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@realbrownperson @bathroomass “Die Hard IS a Christmas Movie, luv, innit?”

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@ARKloster @CortesSteve Ellis Island. How many of “these” were “vetted?”

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@davidpdxer

5 years

@AudreyPorne Also *opinionated but only when it works for me*

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@hilaryagro @NYCPBA "Hey guys, maybe to show the dangers of graffiti thuggery we should make a gif of a super cool tagged subway car, one that looks like it was professionally wrapped as part of some advertising campaign."

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@RexChapman @mynbc15 Imagine my shock when turns out to be a 53 year old white guy who "has long harbored anti-government grudges and has a history of domestic violence."

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@DonnaMgraduates @bradleyziffer The health system itself isn’t failing anybody, it’s the people who decide how much funding the health system gets who failed everybody.

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@anonbene5 @runolgarun @BernieUpstateNY Lot of problems with your point, Tom. “Not doing 100%” is different than “not doing anything.” Laura did a ton of good work, but in your mind didn’t do 100%. Her neighbors actively undid that work. The two are not remotely comparable.

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@Andelliotsaid @ABC7 Google “Philando Castile” sometime. You can follow orders and still get shot. Or look up Tamir Rice where the cops basically gave him a command and then shot him before he could react.

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@davidpdxer

5 years

@DropsNoPanties @SupernovaWicked If you think either of them would prefer the awkwardness of introducing lady friend to mom vs climbing down a ladder in 4 degree weather...let’s have us a chat. :)

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@FiercelyTrans @JesseThorn Want to hear about something Stalin himself could not dream up, we have a “Highway Patrol” that is REQUIRED BY THE GOVERNOR to fine you or impound your vehicle if you are freedoming too fast and breaking one of their precious “motor vehicle laws.”

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@Andelliotsaid @ABC7 Well my man how many people have tried to blow up an airplane with their shoe, yet here we go taking off our shoes when we walk through security.

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@davidpdxer

11 months

@jtrebach I was sitting next to my grandmother at a park once when she had a stroke, and that’s exactly what she looked like.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@_RobertSchultz I’m definitely not a tall dude but I’ve never understood why guys lie about it. At some point the truth will come out in an embarrassing way.

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@davidpdxer

4 years

@joshtpm @harrysiegel “IT’S CALLED PATRIOTISM” —Kimberly Guilfoyle “...and cocaine” —everyone else

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@davidpdxer

5 years

@XXXtian_books @benshapiro Kudos to him for using the adult pool though

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@davidpdxer

2 years

@calebsaysthings Is that "CGI?" Because my research tells me a 35 year old woman should have gray skin that is barely hanging on to her body.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@SamuelAAdams The only quality this “test” is looking for is a mindless submission to authority, a refusal to raise your voice if you notice something is wrong, and a head-down-all-the-time attitude.

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@davidpdxer

1 year

@Wonton_Goodsoup I once went on a *parked* sub in the river in Portland and that was enough of a sub experience for me.

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@davidpdxer

5 years

@chick_in_kiev Also, re “I can’t cook,” in the words of my mom, “change that can’t to won’t.”

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@lunchstealer @crazykarens The slight pause between “find another carrier” and “I’d suggest spirit” was savage.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@Don_Zeko It’s almost like police have been trained to loudly shout “STOP RESISTING!!!” even if the person is just lying there in order to support this bullshit charge.

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@davidpdxer

3 years

@mariskreizman That’s why I always shout “OCCUPIED!!” in this kind of scenario.

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