James Austin Johnson @shrimpJAJ Twitter profile

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James Austin Johnson

6 months

please enjoy my anthem to percy priest lake titled "Lake Beach" written with @andrew_vinny @streetseidell @danbulla and directed by @mikediva and a special thank you to @natebargatze & Dave Grohl

Saturday Night Live - SNL

@nbcsnl

6 months

hangin' on a lake beach

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Last Seen Profiles

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

4 years

PRES TRUMP TODAY IN CALIFORNIA: " 'WEIRD AL' WAS VERY MEAN TO MR. COOLIO!! DIDN'T ASK FOR RIGHTS. NOT VERY NICE!"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

OMG DON CLAIMS HE "BEAT" POKEMON, HAS NOT CAUGHT 'EM ALL... TRUMP: "GAME ENDS WHEN YOU BEAT ELITE FOUR"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

It's weird that peanuts is about charlie brown and not the kid who is clearly one america's all time jazz piano greats

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

I want to be the guy in a video game town who says things like "I'd like to help you complete the tapestry, but I can't do anything until I find my Wᴏᴏᴅᴇɴ Bɪʀᴅ"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

Guy who invented coffee: "Don't even talk to me until I've invented coffee"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

10 months

LOUIS CK weighs in on the @sagaftra strike

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

Fireworks Illegal In Pasadena

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

OMG TRUMP UNLEASHES 'FURY' ON BIDEN ADMIN IN TRIUMPHANT CPAC SPEECH: "UNDER [BIDEN], BOWSER... TOO BIG, [SUPER] MARIO CAN'T KEEP UP!!"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

I dont smoke but I bet ripping cigs on the plane was awesome. Happy for you guys

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

There should be about 1000 more episodes of Billy On The Street. There should be a new one every morning

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

While my son was being born today i told the nurses "it's like reverse sex!" anyway they wont let me see the baby

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

I do so great with the Toads

Saturday Night Live - SNL

@nbcsnl

2 years

Donald Trump joins Justice with Judge Jeanine.

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 year

Hate to say it, but AI art and entertainment has me excited for several reasons: 1. I don't understand what makes things good 2. Startled and confused by human expressions and hands 3. I type how to kiss into quora before dates 4. My personality is one time I googled stoicism

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

10 months

OMG DON SAYS WHERE IS SHIA? "WE'RE LOOKING INTO DIAL DESTINY ... WHERE IS MUTT?"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

10 months

Yall see this? Thanks for having me @WGNMorningNews

WGN Morning News

@WGNMorningNews

10 months

SNL’s James Austin Johnson wowed with his Trump and Biden impressions: @shrimpJAJ

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Holding my sleeping newborn son I can't help but marvel at the miracle of love and life that is stored in my gonads and released from my schlong

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

I just want to thank the internet for teaching me about this great man MLK yesterday. He sounds like an amazing leader who was both a conservative Republican icon and a fiery Marxist radical, who ultimately wanted everyone to sit back and have a great time in the USA

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 year

This may get me canceled but I really don't care at this point: we need to do something about Dracula

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

TRUMP SAYS "NOT MY CLIFFORD... NOT MY CLIFFORD" IN CALL HIGHLIGHTING "SONIC PROBLEM"

Clifford the Big Red Dog

@CliffordMovie

3 years

Some dogs have a way of growing on you. 😉 Watch the new trailer for Clifford the Big Red Dog, in theatres and on @ParamountPlus November 10. #CliffordMovie

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Let's just say that tonight's SNL is gonna be pretty special 😏 I will be doing skits with the cast 🤓 and the host will be in them too 🥳 but only for this week 😒 next week it will be a different host 🤔 cast will remain the same 😮‍💨

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

"TV does not get better than this." 8 year old me watching Win Ben Stein's Money understanding 0% of what is being said

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

Everything Bagel? More like Everywhere Bagel! This crap is messy!

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Man as soon as I sat down on my flight I started anxiously wondering if Delta is committed to human dignity on and off the ground, striving for greatness or pushing onward to new horizons. You can imagine my relief when that video started playing

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

16 days

OMG DON SAYS MEAN JUDGE RULES "NO GRADUATION" FOR GREATEST PRESIDENT OF ARE TIME.. MUST GO STRAIGHT FROM BACKPACK TEDDY BEAR TO THE "I'M JESUS AND I'M CRAZY" STUFF

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

An annoying way my life has changed since I got on the show is people I'd actually like to hear from are like "he's prob busy, better hold off" and a new foul tide of the absolute toadstool scum of the earth dms me constantly like "i'm actually something of a comic mind myself.."

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Guys @nbcsnl starts in like eleven hours.. get your ideas for skits into my dms by then or we may not be able to do them on the show !! this is so simple !

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

BIG NEWS DAY!!! so excited to be joining this madhouse 🤪

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 months

My son watches this video of the army band every morning. I am never prepared for the bassoon reed

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Stop....... #HomerTime

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

8 months

Thank you to everyone who is sending me this. This clip sets a record for the most "this you?s" I've ever gotten

Marie Bardi-Salinas

@mariebardi

8 months

We lost 35,000 people to the mosquito

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 year

Gotta admit, Amazon has really revolutionized the way we buy the absolute worst cheapest crap imaginable from trusted brands like SfimswaxVal, SunTuTufy, Jarow-L, COMOtanHome NOYAYAFA

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

The only real comedians are the ones who speak truth to Power by putting on pounds of prosthetics to portray Joe Biden and Donald Trump each week on S&L.... those are the Real comedians..

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

Someone learning english wants to know what "chilling" means and you have to explain that it means the feeling of hearing how someone was brutally murdered or just, like, when you're relaxing at home

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Trump Voice: GILLY!

Acyn

@Acyn

2 years

Trump goes on a rant about how he hosted SNL and Alec Baldwin… He says he hasn’t seen the “new guy”

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

9 months

I don't think disney ruined star wars. I think you are balding. I think you were young, and then some time has passed, your life is not what you thought it would be. indeed you became a silly, unimaginative adult, lashing out at toys and cartoons, calling them backstabbers. Fool!

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 year

Todays kids have had 100 gecs, 1000 gecs, 10000 gecs. When i was a kid, we were content with 4 gecs maybe 5 gecs, on special occasions 8 gecs. Regardless hold the gecs you do have close and stay humble. It could all go away at any moment

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Babies are just a very fussy pet and then after three years they turn into a little boy. Its like if you got a dog and three years later it became a little boy

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Phish is like if wilco sucked

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

CALLING ALL GEN X!!!!!!!

Justin Baragona

@justinbaragona

3 years

Fox News correspondent Gillian Turner: "Cancel culture is spreading like wildfire. There is a call for Generation X to lead the charge to save America from the social media mob. Can they do it?"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

10 months

JOE BIDEN: "With its darker tone, its interlinked worlds, [Tooie] stands not on the shoulders of Banjo Kazooie but of Ocarina of Time, it reaches higher and leaps further, and Republicans need to understand this most: it did it without the expansion pak demanded of Perfect Dark."

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

The beginning of Up makes me cry. A lamp comes from out of nowhere and remorselessly stomps the letter I to death..

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

What the american people need to know is that the snoop dogg wine is great

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 month

My parents were worried about me drinking and drugging in college, they should have been worried about pop culture essayist chuck klosterman shaping my perceptions for years to come!!

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

a kid who works at dunkin donuts that figured out the adobe suite in a week from youtube can burn in hell. Long live sassy boomers who make six figures being afraid of microsoft office suite

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

People aren't walking up to each other and Saying , "George Washington , abraham Lincoln" anymore and... that's crazy!

Aaron Rupar

@atrupar

2 years

this is incredible

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

I've got a healthy baby and a cool job and everything but I am VERY proud I got to be a recurring dead guy on Better Call Saul

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 months

This is Heat for guys who do Trump voices

Saturday Night Live - SNL

@nbcsnl

2 months

White Men Can Trump from Newsmax Studios

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

10 months

Trying to do reply guy face

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

This is maybe too inside baseball but it would have been so funny if in the meeting after dress rehearsal Lorne was like "Taylor we're trimming 7 minutes from All Too Well, just for time"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Man I never thought about it that way! I guess you're right, in 2020 my wife and I let a guy die in our apartment. I'm gonna stop saying miscarriage and look at it for what it is-- we let a guy die in our apartment. Trippy!

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

I have been asked to leave the sketch group #PleaseDontDestroy . An incredible ride. I will continue my role as "James" on nbc show Saturday Night Live, just no longer part of the PDD group..

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 months

Had a great time writing this with @will_stephen & @BTuckertime in terms of cold open and with regard to sketch

Saturday Night Live - SNL

@nbcsnl

3 months

Trump speaks to the press about his 2024 presidential campaign

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

God bless @SarahSquirm

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

You see me in the official jean jacket of LucasArts from across the bar. How do you open?

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

9 months

I asked my toddler if it would kill him to get into coen brothers movies instead of super simple songs 24/7 and he said "fire truck"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Best straw in the game no notes

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 year

The next Star Wars movie should start with a long speech from R2-D2 delivered straight to camera that goes on for like 6 minutes, no subtitles

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Poets probably drive to work like "I hope I do a good job of talking really indirectly about the passage of time today"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 month

Loved writing this with @kentola700 Alison Gates and Mike "Deetch" Dicenzo

Saturday Night Live - SNL

@nbcsnl

1 month

Trump introduces the God Bless The USA Bible just in time for Easter

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

4 months

BIDEN TOUTS CANADA-AMERICAN PARTNERSHIP WHICH BUILT THE COMEDY INDUSTRY SAYING "RICK MORANIS ... IS GOATED," PRAISES DAN LEVY'S EYEWEAR LINE AND RETURN OF MID BUDGET COMEDY IN HEATED SPEECH ON ECONOMY

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 months

Being a bob dylan fan is so pathetic. You'll listen to shelter from the storm for the 400th time and have a thought like "hey this is actually a great song"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 month

Big announce- after moving from beautiful Los Angeles my home of ten years to New York City in 2021 with a very pregnant wife for my DREAM JOB at saturday night live I have decided to finally unsubscribe from the triple beam pizza email list

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

@AbeGoldfarb @ScottWamplerBMD Goldeneye 007

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 year

It belongs in a museum

joshuarogers

@joshuarogers

1 year

Is this @shrimpJAJ sitting courtside?

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

11 months

I used to hear rush limbaugh on the radio and think "i can't wait for all comedy to become this"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

Sorry i left the party without saying bye, i had to get home and watch car crashes on reddit for two hours

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

One of us is on @LateNightSeth tonight. Not pictured my Seth Meyers mens' supportive underwear

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Buried Oil Makes Great Goo

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

11 months

Ok.. NOW he's doing my act

Aaron Rupar

@atrupar

11 months

Trump notes his crowd is more enthused about bigotry than they are for tax cuts: "It's amazing how strongly people feel about that. I talk about cutting taxes, people go like that, I talk about transgender everybody goes crazy. Five years ago you didn't know what the hell it was"

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Folks we say it every day

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

On my grind so I can have so much money I become deeply unhappy, impossible to talk to, obsessed with wellness tips

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Twitter kind of feels like digging through a public trash can hoping to find a cold McDonald's fry

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

"Here's what's wrong with society" has replaced "I dated somebody weird" for most boring kind of standup 👎 Who else thinks we need to get back to "I am fat and ugly, my wife is fat and ugly and mean to me" 🙌

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

11 months

Many are saying

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

rode a monorail at the orlando airport and all the kids on it were like "wow!" and I was preparing to say "every american city could function as fun and efficiently as this if every leader weren't in permanent BJ position to the oil lobby" but got distracted enjoying the ride

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

'Fire department? ' We should call those bozos the WATER DEPARTMENT! #arepeoplecrazyorwhat

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

when I look back at 2021, i just gotta pinch myself: I did an internet only roomba commercial!

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

Why are so many first episodes of shows about pilots?

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

I wore my FFVI shirt on a walk and my sweat made a yoshitaka amano design

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

Has anyone ever nailed it harder than greg kinnear in youve got mail

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 year

Dracula is a creep, racist, abuser, monster, and scam artist. Oh yeah, and he's a vampire. Case closed

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 year

Welcome to Brooklyn @mikal_bridges see you at center for fiction

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

People who work at waffle house should be allowed to pre-board

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 year

Dracula needs to be taken OUT!!!!! The thing everyone's thinking yet no one will say out loud..

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Yall need to do something about this shipping crisis. It has been six days since my son's due date

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

The way trump talks? I started that

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 year

What is my what do I think of Steely Dan? What do like the band? I do. In fact, if I were at Brooklyn Nets game, something I enjoy, still I would rather be listening to Steely Dan. As hat I am wearing has said

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 year

Dracula isn't just a vampire. He's also a serial abuser and gaslighter who's made a number of unsafe comments to my friends. The question is, does anyone care?

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

i'm going on tour this summer!

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

1 year

Taking a capital two at the capital one cafe

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

2 years

Little kids like me grew up wanting to be standup comedians so we could one day become Rush Limbaugh. Its always--ALWAYS--been about being a wealthy isolated Opinions Pig

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ

3 years

Dam this image makes me want to sneak a taco bell enchirito into a 10pm screening of scott pilgrim rn

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James Austin Johnson

@shrimpJAJ