🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏 @ChartUpdate Twitter profile

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

6 months

You can also all follow me on Snarfegargle where I post as Boneclart5464. All the good usernames were already taken, sorry.

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Last Seen Profiles

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

8 months

@fesshole All the people shouting "thief" should be aware that two years of use for an item of electronics is well within legal precedents for "merchantable quality" and the manufacturer would have cheerfully swapped out the faulty unit if asked, warranty notwithstanding.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

@MrMattLister @TheMurkyDepths We haven't elected a new pope yet.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

1 year

@fesshole Unless he's five years old, any boyfriend who can't wipe his own arse properly probably isn't a keeper.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

There's the intriguing possiblity that Paul McCartney may have the No.1 album for Christmas, exactly 20 years since he last did so (1 by The Beatles) and 51 years since he did with an album of new material (Abbey Road by The Beatles).

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

9 years

@Independent so when I die of cancer I'll die happy because I've had a bacon sandwich. The whole of life is fatal. Let's just enjoy it.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

@fesshole The world is divided into two groups of people. Those who like Van Morrison and those who have met him.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEBODY STAGE A FOOTBALL MATCH THAT THIS MAN CAN GO REPORT ON

Ian Abrahams (Moose)

@BroadcastMoose

4 years

Tonight’s Daddy Dancing @tiktok_uk with my girls Amber & Skye

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

8 months

@korejay How would you stop him escaping? I'm told he has form in that area.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

Chart nerds stat of the week: Peru by Fireboy DML and Ed Sheeran this week becomes only the fourth single in chart history to spend four consecutive weeks at No.6. Full Chart Watch piece coming soon...

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

@NoContextBrits "Mummy, why was I born?" "Well Daddy was feeling randy and the Queen had just died, so..."

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

I'm enormously entertained by the fact that the only artists to appear on both Now 11 and Now 111 are Elton John and Kylie Minogue.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

8 years

@TheGreenParty "sorry sir, we can't nick the man who stabbed you, we've already exceeded our quota of Belgians for today".

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

8 years

@TheGreenParty are you saying police should only arrest people in proportion to demographics rather than based on actual crimes committed?

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

5 months

@fesshole Console yourself with idea that somewhere there's a lady telling friends she is glad to have moved away and now free of the attentions of the creepy bloke who kept staring at her from his kitchen window.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

@anon_opin Every man who has witnessed the 20 deep queue for the ladies cubicles at a busy event thanks the lord on high for the invention of the urinal.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

@teaforpterosaur Bit of a strange roundabout way of saying she wants anal. I suspect all she has to do is ask.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

6 years

5) Just warned, it has been a very quiet week for brand new hits. The highest new entry on the chart is way down at Number 51, Love Lies by @thegreatkhalid and @NormaniKordei . But that's destined to be far bigger in the weeks to come, watch for it.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

Incidentally you should all go listen to Dynamite by BTS. It will lift your heart and soul at the start of a rather sodden bank holiday weekend. Public service announcement.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

@fesshole Roses are red The white stuff is snow You block people for this? Cool story bro.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

8 years

@DavidLammy I have indeed lobbied my MP and told him to respect the democratic will of the people. He agrees with me and will do so.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

1 year

@HansonBenj @fesshole This happened to me too. And I now brush each patch of grass with my feet to ensure no camouflaged amphibians are lurking.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

7 years

In case you are wondering (surely nobody is), Honey G missed the Top 100 altogether with her single. Oops.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

5 years

@MarcherLord1 I want to see the civil service worst case scenario planning for when John McDonnell becomes Prime Minister.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 months

@fesshole Christian? Is that you?

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

Anyone who imagines chart positions don't matter to fans need only take a glance at the fury erupting online over the way they feel the 5 Seconds Of Summer album was robbed by Billboard of topping the albums chart in the USA.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

6 years

3) The highest new entry of the week belongs to another of Britain's finest. @zaynmalik leaps to Number 20 with his brand new single Let Me.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

I grow more in love with BTS' Dynamite with every passing day. In a year of fabulous pop records it is one of the best so far.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

@teaforpterosaur Happy to have taken one for the team on your behalf. I've no reputation left to sully while yours is preserved.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

1 year

@fesshole The gag is only complete when you return them all en masses at a time of your choosing.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

@SimpsonsQOTD "Why are we in the basement?" "Light is not your friend Mr Simpson".

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

6 years

@paulwtrueman @sharonlhanley @BootsUK @EverydaySexism @letclothesbe @PinkstinksUK Hey Paul, I have two kids. The girl imagines she's a princess, the boy adores superheroes. I don't see the problem here.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

7 years

4) Another massive new entry at No.5. The coolest man on the planet @zaynmalik lands with the epic Dusk Till Dawn. With Sia ably assisting.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

7 years

@louisebrealey reading this over breakfast this morning, but a bit worried I didn't seek your permission first. Can I call you next time?

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

23 days

@fesshole Don't stand in front of me at a gig, then we'll talk.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

8 years

@LBC I agreed with her comments. Motherhood helps to make her a balanced and we'll rounded person. I'll be voting for her. So will others.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

@thebellow Look on the upside. Soon you'll be able to enter a central London pub after 6pm and still get a seat.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

6 years

@theguyliner @Holbornlolz I wish I were my story, but a friend was literally still in bed with a girl he'd pulled on a Freshers Week bar crawl when she received the "missing you terribly" flowers from her boyfriend back home.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

1 year

@fesshole Amateurish. Next time photocopy a pen onto a full ream of paper and then reinstall the paper in the tray.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 months

Today marks the 35th anniversary of this Top Of The Pops performance saving the lives of the Four Tops.

The Four Tops — Loco In Acapulco (Top of the Pops, 22nd December 1988)

Recorded 21st December 1988, broadcast 22nd December 1988.Written and produced by Phil Collins and Lamont Dozier, from the 1988 film "Buster".Note: Top of th...

www.youtube.com

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

@petepaphides They won trophies in style With Roman A's cash pile Back in 2003 Now the team's on the slide Because Putin's inside Another small country...!

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

6 years

Music industry conspiracy theory: every British single released from this moment on has been carefully timed to ensure eligibility for inclusion on Now That's What I Call Music! Volume 100.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

@make_trouble I love the idea that I'm supposed to be enthusiastic at the prospect of giving up my spare time to debate the local sewers with the woman over the road.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

@HowlandRobin @Ninjamoose69 Makes me proud to be British. Nothing gets between us and our bacon sandwiches. I'd have told plod to piss off and reached for the ketchup. 😂

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

6 years

@pizzahutdeliver @TheSun I wasn't offended by it. I like free pizza. Please do more of this.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

5 years

@Jeremy_Hunt Me neither. But that is my job as a parent to prevent it. It has nothing to do with the state. So back off.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

@MarcherLord1 We are living in a bizarro world where left wing ranters are raging at the "extreme right wing" government for not being nearly totalitarian enough.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 months

Carol Kenyon performed vocals on three genuine bangers: Temptation by Heaven 17. Don't Waste My Time by Paul Hardcastle Madam Butterfly by Malcolm McLaren But she has barely any credit on any of them. #totp

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

@AlanKelloggs I hope Gloria Stitz makes an appearance before too long.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

If you believe in the concept of threads linking things together, then there's an entire generation of British music talent linked by a common one. Sheeran, Stormzy, Dave, Rita, Emeli and countless others. All had Jamal Edwards and SBTV film them when they were relative unknowns.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

@themostmguy @fesshole IT support workers do not get laid. Fact.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

7 years

I think it is important we all take time out today to appreciate the sheer pointlessness of the McFly personnel timeline from Wikipedia.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

@Trailer_Swift69 For something to be libellous or defamatory it has to be shown to be injurious to the reputation of the person in question or lower their standing in the eyes of right thinking people. A convicted criminal has no reputation to speak of and cannot in any sense be defamed.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

8 years

@Holbornlolz if only there was some item of clothing synonymous with Panama.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

6 years

@AlanKelloggs See also music fans. I've had 20 years of people whining "pop music aimed at 15 year olds these days is utter crap and incomprehensible to me. It was much better twenty years ago . When I was 15".

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

8 years

@SkipLicker @mountzioncoffee 1) Enter shop 2) Place order for largest drink 3) Await production 4) Prepare to pay 5) Spot sign 6) Exit

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

5 years

Today a radio station moves offices. And that conjures up a great many memories. Here are some of mine:

Waterloo Sunset

Tucked away down what at awkward moments has seemed an all-too gloomy back street somewhere in the vicinity of the South Bank of the River…

chartupdate.medium.com

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

Meet Music Week's new chart analyst

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

@Welshracer @fesshole This reminds me of a notorious news blooper: Anchor: "Can you see and hear me ok?" David Blunkett: "Well, I can hear you."

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

5 years

I employ the guy in the costume on #onlyconnect You should see the stuff he's turned up to work wearing. I'm not even joking.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

7 years

The complete 1999 acoustic Songwriters' Circle performance by Roddy Frame, Graham Gouldman and Neil Finn.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

1 year

@JustMissEmma I cannot speak for everyone else on this thread, but I'm almost crying with joy on your behalf.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

@anon_opin What is this "fuel" of which you speak?

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

@PaulBrandITV NOBODY CARES. I'm embarrassed for the state of British journalism. 101 things you could be chasing the government down about and you focus on a supposed party a full year ago. It's pathetic. This is why I stopped caring about the news.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

@teaforpterosaur If someone was so moved to write a five tweet essay about why they weren't going to be friends with me any more I'd be both flattered that I had such an impact on their life for the short time I was in it and also be quite glad to be shot of such a self regarding bore.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 months

They wanted to pre record the performance as they had a plane home to catch. The producer insisted they stay for the live recording and they grumpily acquiesced. It meant they got a later flight and their original booking of Pan Am Flight 103 took off without them.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 months

@deathofbuckley Which bit of this am I supposed to find problematic? In the absence of compassion from the evil murderer, why shouldn't her family say sorry instead?

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

8 years

@SkipLicker remember when it was really important everyone had more time to register to vote? Now it is important to ignore those who did.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

6 years

@MarcherLord1 You have to admit it is brave of him to admit still needing to wear them.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

@soilysound @mlothianmclean Indeed to be more pedantic the money was raised for NHS _charities_ not the NHS itself. These fund ancillary activities such as lodges for parents of sick children or the activities of ward visitors. No money raised by Capt Tom was needed or used for clinical proposes.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

7 months

@eff_mr6862 @MarcherMedia1 Labour actually polled fewer votes last night than they did at the 2019 GE. Down by 6,000. SNP voters haven't switched, they just stayed at home and sat on their hands.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

The bad pianist at the grand Prix has made Les Dawson trend and we should all be overjoyed at this.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

5 years

The Chart Watch UK - Hits of 1989 book. If you don't believe me when I tell you how good it is, take a listen to this guy. He knows.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 months

@anon_opin It is hard to respect a game that takes a week to play only for the participants to go "fuck it, call it a draw" if they still haven't finished.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

@perrigame "Mummy, how did you and Daddy meet?" "I didn't know Daddy until he sent me a picture of his genitals over the internet for no apparent reason. I knew at that moment I was destined to spend the rest of my life with him."

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

8 years

@jonsnowC4 for an experienced political journalist you have a remarkably poor grasp of the way representative democracies operate.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

1 year

@OliviaFranceska It is almost as if dust accumulates in property that has been unoccupied for four weeks.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

@ianberriman @fesshole This is reminiscent of the glory days of QOTW on B3ta where someone would relate an anecdote and wags would fall over themselves racing to post the same story from the perspective of the other party. "I lived near to a club and someone once puked through my letterbox" etc.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

1 year

@looksunfamiliar @outonbluesix Our first Teletext television. October 1982. With it's quirky landscape remote control.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

5 years

Belatedly watching TOTP The Story of 1987. Carol Decker revealed that her burglar alarm code was 43-19-5-1 because that was the chart run of China In Your Hand. I genuinely nerdgasmed.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

On behalf of everyone stuck on trains outside London Bridge due to a "trespasser" can I suggest you just run the bastards over and let the rest of us get on with our day?

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

8 years

James Arthur tops the charts with an almost equal split of sales and streams, which is itself rather notable.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

5 years

@jamesinsurrey Once upon a time I confess I did feel unsafe in women's toilets. The fear of discovery and arrest was tangible. But no more! And there's even a sign to validate me 🎉

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

6 years

@AlanKelloggs Fascinating building the Ecuadorian Embassy. Five years without a full evacuation fire drill.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 months

And yet as tedious as it is for every song in the charts to have a "feature", adding Mariah Carey to the track shows into sharp relief what yes...and? was originally lacking. A second voice. It was good before. The jump-on makes it better. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

7 years

@fabuloushannahh I think she's announcing she is taking up vlogging. You have competition.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

BTW if you want a new album to listen to, I can thoroughly recommend Brits And Pieces II, a labour of love from @BritsPieces showcasing some amazing independent artists. The first big exposure for many of them.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 months

That's the Kate Bush rule coming into effect, a catalogue track enjoying a legitimate surge gets an automatic and immediate ACR reset, as long as it hasn't charted in the last three years. MOTDF was No.25 on the Wednesday update.

Official Charts

@officialcharts

4 months

🩸 It's a murder on the dancefloor! 🩸 @SophieEB 's 2001 ✨ CLASSIC ✨ is set to re-enter the UK Top 10 tomorow thanks to the @Saltburnfilm effect! @emeraldfennell

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

26 days

@fesshole I once interviewed a guy who told us his greatest strength was spelling.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

7 years

@LFBarfe I've added her to a list. She may block me.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

Fun coincidence of the week: The first Number One artist born in the 1980s and the first born in the 2000s were both called Billie.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

5 years

When I was at uni I used to delight in being That Guy at union meetings, the only one in the room to vote against some motion expressing solidarity with striking miners or something. Never be afraid to be different. Even when a man with a bad beard shouts at you.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

@MarcherLord1 It is to my everlasting regret there was no social media during Diana Week

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

5 years

@JamesDelingpole Lion Bars were first marketed by Rowntree in 1977.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

@FT Twts

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

7 months

Do you think there was a point in the recording of this episode when Keith Allen realised the character wasn't working, but he'd committed to it so had to see it through? #TOTP

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

I don't wish to scare anyone but All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey has already been streamed well over 300,000 times since Friday.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

2 years

Are we allowed to be angry about how utterly mind numbingly lazily shit the Ladbaby track is? I know it is a pretty low bar in the first place, but there's no attempt at anything resembling creativity. Just "oh aren't we WACKY (and such good charitable people too).

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

4 years

Today marks the 30th anniversary of the broadcast of a very famous edition of Top Of The Pops. The Stone Roses and The Happy Mondays performed back to back on the show, each making their debut. And arguably set the scene for the start of the 1990s.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

7 years

@TheGardenBridge @MayorofLondon Very sad to hear. It was an amazing concept and would have been great to see realised. Shame on the politicians and nimbys.

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🎧🎶 James Masterton 🃏

@ChartUpdate

3 years

There's no such thing as a free lunch, but there is a free chart analysis this week. All the background on just how Last Christmas finally topped the charts.

Week Ending January 7th 2021

What, back again? The headline story about the weird new year chart has already been written, but once more in lieu of a full analysis in Music Week, here are some background facts on this weirdest of

chart-watch.uk

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