Chris Swart @BwanaChris Twitter profile

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Chris Swart

2 months

"Hear ye, hear ye, I shall not address thee directly, but through vague and cowardly subtweets, for the whole of X to decipher!"

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

8 years

My ex : "Explain yourself" Me : "Yourself" is used reflexively as the direct or indirect object of a verb or as the object of a preposition

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

23 days

@kylegriffin1 @NotHoodlum @MSNBC In Manhattan, a narrative unfolds, at once compelling and Kafkaesque in its absurdity. Here stands Todd Blanche, Trump's legal envoy, his request hanging in the air like a delicate chandelier in a tempest: to unveil the DA's trinity of initial witnesses. Yet, the DA's rebuttal is…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

10 years

Pizza will never die like mixed tapes and chivalry did

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

22 days

@TheRickWilson @NotHoodlum The grim reality of the MAGA faction's enthusiastic embrace of Vladimir Putin isn't just troubling—it's a damning indictment of their priorities and allegiances. The scenario you've described, with Putin's eventual downfall leading to the emergence of a new Mitrokhin Archive,…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

19 days

@lawofruby The DA's office finally sharpens its prosecutorial blade with the precise aim of carving out the legal underpinnings of their case against Trump. The nebulous mists that have long shrouded the alleged crimes are now parting, revealing the skeletal structure of New York Election…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

3 years

If you cook too much at a braai, be kind and give the leftovers to a vagrant

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

14 days

@JoJoFromJerz You really captures the essence of this disgrace unfolding on the digital stage! This vignette you’ve painted is deliciously rich in schadenfreude and dripping with sarcasm. It’s worthy of a late-night sketch comedy routine, exposing the farcical yet somewhat pitiful nature of a…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

17 days

@lawofruby David Pecker in this circus emerges not as a ringmaster but as a covert puppeteer, his strings tangled in legal loopholes and ethical grey zones. Here stands a man who, armed with the Machiavellian manual for media moguls, engineered financial agreements with the finesse of a…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

17 days

@lawofruby David Pecker, erstwhile architect of hush money manoeuvres, emerges not as a financial renegade driven by unresolved debts, but as a figure halted by the sobering counsel of legal prudence. His narrative, once thought to be fueled by personal umbrage over unreimbursed outlays,…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

13 years

Calling out your ex's name during sex is a nice way of showing your new girlfriend that you won't forget her either after you leave her.

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

19 days

@lawofruby The grotesque theatre of Trump politics and media, a nauseating waltz between Donald Trump and his mercenary compatriot at the National Enquirer, was laid bare, revealing a diabolical symphony of deception that could make Machiavelli himself blush. The gall of these men, to not…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

30 days

@guelphgirlchris Honestly, claiming you can outrun O.J. Simpson when your most famous run was dodging the draft is like saying you won a cooking show for boiling water. Bone spurs so bad you can't serve your country, but miraculously healed up when it’s time to sprint down memory lane with a…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

3 months

@RpsAgainstTrump In an audacious foray into the tumultuous arena of political discourse, Bob Costas emerges, not merely as a commentator of athletic endeavours but as a veritable oracle of civic judgment. His pronouncements upon Donald Trump and the fervent acolytes of his cause resonate with the…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

13 years

A survey I did showed women with big boobs are smarter than women with small boobs. Its probably not accurate as I wasn't listening much

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

1 month

@lawofruby Todd Blanche has taken on the role of the lead tenor, belting out high notes of delay and deferral with the fervour of a man whose script is being rewritten by a chorus of unimpressed judges. Picture it: a courtroom transformed into an avant-garde stage, where the gavel doubles…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

13 years

My ex asked me what would make her new shoes look more sexy. "Give them to your sister," was apparently a relationship breaking answer

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

12 days

@lawofruby Keith Davidson, the former attorney to personalities luminous in scandal like Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal. Davidson, once a prime confidante to Dylan Howard of American Media, now steps into the spotlight not just as a witness but as a testament to the reach and influence…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

14 days

@RonFilipkowski In the witching hour, when most souls seek respite, the former Commander-in-Tweet eschews the comfort of oblivion for the glaring screen’s cold embrace. There he sits, a solitary figure, thumbing his woes into the void, a lamentation for a jester's misfire and a leader's stumble.…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

26 days

@lawofruby Donald Trump seems to have misread his invitation, turning up to this staid party with the finesse of a disco-dancing rodeo clown. Merely two days into what one might call the ‘trial of the century’ (a term we lavish on almost any courtroom drama with a whiff of scandal these…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

13 days

@Acyn Luttig's dropping truth bombs like a wisdom DJ at a democracy rave. His words are the constitution’s mixtape—laying down tracks about accountability and rule of law that even Founding Fathers would nod their wigs to. If you can’t call out a power move gone awry without slicing…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

13 years

I saw a van that was covered in dirt & someone had written "I wish my wife was as dirty as this van". I wrote "she is-when you're at work!"

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

2 months

@MaryLTrump George Conway calls it a "highly significant" mistake. I call it choosing the express lane in the supermarket when you've got a cart full of "I'm about to regret this" items. As Donald took his show on the road to CNBC, anchored in Manhattan, he's essentially sent E. Jean…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

24 days

@lawofruby In my finest @iamjohnoliver voice: Ladies and gentlemen, today we take you on a wild journey through a courtroom drama that has more twists and turns than a rollercoaster ride. Buckle up, folks! In this courtroom, Judge Merchan manages a symphony of 96 prospective jurors, like a…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

1 month

@lawofruby The Trumpian saga further unfolds with a plot twist so bold, it could only have been penned by the maestro of legal escapades himself. In a move that defies the very fabric of courtroom decorum, Trump's legion of legal eagles has dispatched a 37-page broadside, a recusal motion…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

10 days

@itsJeffTiedrich @NotHoodlum Elon Musk—the visionary with a blueprint for the future, just don’t ask him to actually draw one. Donald Trump—the business mogul whose most successful venture is bankruptcy. And Kristi Noem—the kind-hearted governor, just not if you're a puppy. What a trio! If they were a band,…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

26 days

@lawofruby That little word "fine" — a crimson banner waving wildly in the courtroom breeze. It's the single syllable that's loaded with enough subtext to keep a team of psychoanalysts busy for months. The prospective juror might as well have shot a flare into the sky with the word…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

3 months

@RonFilipkowski The irony is thicker than the plot of a telenovela here. George Santos, a man whose personal narrative has more twists than a corkscrew, is crying "fraud"? That's like the Big Bad Wolf suing Little Red Riding Hood for impersonating a grandmother. Filing a lawsuit against Jimmy…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

3 months

@RonFilipkowski You know, there's something deliciously ironic about a man who teaches Sunday school and sits on the Ethics Committee, yet can't manage to keep his own house in order. It's like watching a chef who can't boil water or a lifeguard who's afraid of swimming. Now, let's not be too…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

10 years

Twitter is basically a large gathering of beautiful people with absolutely filthy minds

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

22 days

@RonFilipkowski @NotHoodlum The notion peddled by this individual at the Trump rally in North Carolina, claiming that most U.S. dollars are worthless but Trump's dollars have some kind of magical intrinsic value, is not just ludicrous—it's a stark illustration of the cognitive dissonance that permeates…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

2 months

@RpsAgainstTrump GOP State Senator Gene Dornink decided to take a nosedive straight into the heart of Stereotypesville, population: outdated notions and cringe-worthy comments. Picture this: Laura Haynor, a pilot, a professional with wings who soars through the skies, navigating the complexities…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

12 days

@lawofruby Ken Paxton in the front row of Trump's side is like having a 'Buy one, scandal, get another free' sale. It's not just a seat at a trial; it's front-row tickets to the 'Misconduct Orchestra,' and boy, do they play off each other's sheet music.

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

10 years

Tweet like your ex is reading every single tweet. And sobbing.

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

9 years

Reasons to get out of bed this morning 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. Full bladder. That's all I've got

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

2 months

@RonFilipkowski Declaring "Game over" on Twitter with the confidence of someone who thinks they've got the winning lottery ticket when all they've got is a scratch-off for a free small fry. Twitter's not a courtroom, and hashtags don't count as evidence, no matter how much you wish they did.…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

23 days

@ArtCandee This situation is incredibly distressing. It sounds like Maxwell Azzarello was deeply troubled, perhaps both emotionally and mentally. The act of self-immolation is a severe and desperate one, often associated with protest or profound personal turmoil. The detail about him…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

3 months

@DonLew87 One can't help but reflect on the cost of misinformation. In the marketplace of ideas, it turns out the truth has a value, and for Jones, the bill has come due

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

2 months

@RonFilipkowski In today's episode of "Library CSI: Idaho," we've got Sheriff Robert Norris, our leading man, donning his best detective hat—figuratively, because let's face it, a sheriff in a library with a body camera is already overdressed. He sets the scene, speaking into his body cam as if…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

10 days

@BidenHQ @NotHoodlum @JDVance1 's assertion regarding the peril @Mike_Pence faced on January 6th resembles an audacious dismissal of the RMS Titanic's requisition for additional life preservers—a stark negligence of evident, well-documented crises directly before one's eyes. It isn't merely an…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

1 month

@lawofruby The delightful tangle of litigation, where the plot thickens with the viscosity of treacle but with none of the sweetness. We find ourselves amidst a narrative focusing on an insurance company rather than the tangerine titan of industry, Donald Trump himself. It's like expecting…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

12 years

If you go to restaurants these days, people with their heads down aren't saying grace anymore. They're tweeting

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

1 month

@lawofruby In the latest chapter of New York’s civil fraud drama, more tangled than a plot penned by Shakespeare himself, Donald Trump has finally put pen to parchment, securing a corrected bond with the aid of Knight Specialty Insurance Co. Rather than casting a glaring beam upon the Trump…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

2 months

@RonFilipkowski Mike Lindell, the Pillow King turned Conspiracy Chef, dishing out theories so fluffy, they make his pillows look like bricks. Forty million dollars into the wind, and what does he have to show for it? A collection of court rejections that could wallpaper the Great Wall of China.…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

3 months

@RonFilipkowski The political theater never disappoints, does it? It’s like watching a reality TV show where everyone forgets the cameras are rolling and their mics are hot. Scott Perry, playing the role of the villain with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, decides he wants to cancel the main…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

3 months

@RonFilipkowski "Chicago Ray," the trucker turned accidental revolutionary, then backpedaling faster than a cyclist in reverse. One day he's the voice of a burgeoning movement, calling for a blockade as grand as the tales of old, and the next, he's hitting the delete button with the urgency of…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

4 months

Zambia finds itself in a paradoxical quandary. Its infrastructure, crucial for economic proliferation, bears the brunt of the Democratic Republic of Congo's (DRC) Katanga mining imports and exports. The DRC, a colossus in global copper and cobalt markets, relies heavily on…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

12 years

My orgasms for the past 22 months are now considered organic. Home made, hand reared and hand made

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

1 month

@patriottakes Another conspiracy theory quagmire where Marjorie Taylor Greene's boyfriend is serving us an apocalyptic buffet that's so rich in nonsense, it could single-handedly sustain a small village of conspiracy theorists. First on the menu, we've got the appetiser: a total eclipse…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

13 years

Now we learn Bin Laden collected porn, took sex supplements and hogged the remote. He didn't hate Americans, he was practicing to be one.

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

2 months

@RonFilipkowski Headfirst into the deep end of the self-pity pool with all the grace of an anvil in a tutu. You're flabbergasted by the notion of being targeted? Please, take a number and get in line. The queue is filled with folks who've turned paranoia into a lifestyle, wearing aluminum foil…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

25 days

@VABVOX It's the MAGA chorus, singing the same old tune of "Trump speaks his mind," a euphemism so richly embroidered with innuendo that it nearly buckles under its own weight. It's a peculiar sort of praise, isn’t it? Praising someone for "speaking their mind" in this context often…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

10 years

Some are born great, some achieve greatness The rest of us are on Twitter

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

1 month

@HackedOffHugh This appears to be a specimen of fossilized coral. The structure is indicative of ancient coral reefs, where individual coral polyps would have formed hard, protective limestone shells around themselves. When the polyps die, the skeletal remains contribute to the formation of a…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

3 months

@MaryLTrump It appears there has been a significant ruling against Donald Trump in a New York civil fraud case. Judge Arthur Engoron found Trump and his family business guilty of fraudulently inflating the value of their properties and assets. This ruling could severely impact Trump's…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

17 days

@AshaRangappa_ @NotHoodlum The convoluted contortions of Trump's legal arguments offer a grotesque ballet of absurdity worthy of the most byzantine despots of history. Here, cloaked in the garb of legalistic finery, is a circus of the surreal, where the very principles that anchor the rule of law in…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

1 month

@MaryLTrump Donald's plummeting stock prices is akin to unraveling a complex, strategic game where the surface level drama is merely a distraction from the deeper, more cunning maneuvers at play. The intrigue surrounding Truth Social pivots on its potential role as a covert channel for…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

3 months

@RonFilipkowski @mtgreenee Look who's turned up - none other than the self-appointed guardian of modesty and virtue, the X theologian herself! Let's break this down, shall we? First off, congratulations on discovering modesty, a concept as groundbreaking as your political career. You're the…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

17 days

@KlasfeldReports @NotHoodlum In a verdict that resonates with the clangor of inevitable justice, Trump’s quixotic quest to overturn the $80 million judgment awarded to E. Jean Carroll has crumbled spectacularly under the weight of legal scrutiny. The court, exhibiting neither patience for folly nor…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

16 days

@BaddCompani Thursday’s Supreme Court deliberation on presidential immunity unfolded like a scene from a dystopian narrative, far removed from the expected judicial solemnity. The discourse that echoed through the chamber was not merely legal banter but a harbinger of a potentially unchecked…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

2 months

@TheRealThelmaJ1 Let this be a lesson, Ronny: before you decide to single-handedly take on a city that eats boycotts for breakfast, maybe make sure you’re not the one who ends up on the menu.

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

19 days

@lawofruby Shakespearean tragedy laced with Orwellian dystopia, Donald J. Trump has taken to the digital stage once more to decry the actions of Judge Juan Merchan as a blatant assault on his constitutional rights. Trump, with the delicate outrage of a debutante scorned, claims his sacred…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

26 days

@lawofruby Dozy, caught in the headlights of the courtroom drama, might just need a double shot of legal adrenaline—or maybe just some good ol' Adderall—to stay on his toes. "Informed" is the word of the day, and he's about to be informed like a pop quiz at a narcolepsy support group. If…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

2 months

@patriottakes Charlie Kirk, in his audacious proclamation, seemingly appoints himself as the gatekeeper of Christian identity, decreeing with the certainty of an oracle that one's political allegiance can, in fact, determine the authenticity of one's faith. It's as though he stumbled upon a…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

17 days

@DeborahofNevada @lawofruby He was counseled that his actions contravened the parameters of legality.

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

17 days

@lawofruby On the morrow, the court will not be greeted by the expected legal pyrotechnics but rather by an uncomfortable hiccup in proceedings. Imagine the scene: the austere chamber echoes with the rare sound of a judge schooling a legal eagle gone rogue. Mr. Bove, precariously perched on…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

3 years

Team building A core value with any corporate Get dirty with your colleagues

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

10 years

911 What's your emergency ? *whispers* She said "Fine", help me please

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

11 years

Pro Tip : Don't shout at a mate going through airport security "You are the bomb dude, you are the bomb !!"

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

10 years

Mumford and Sons isn't a TV series ?

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

10 years

Hell hath no fury like a woman who's husband's credit card was declined in a shoe store

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

15 days

@swd2 This Patriot Front march in Charleston, equipped with Confederate and upside-down American flags, draws stark comparisons to the mobilization strategies of past totalitarian youth movements, particularly the Hitler Youth. This isn't mere historical analogy; it's a warning about…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

3 months

@MaryLTrump Well, well, well, if it isn't the tale of the day - looks like Letitia James is playing hardball with the man who's more orange than an Oompa Loompa at a tanning convention. So the morbidly obese guy might have to fork over a Scrooge McDuck vault of cash, or else he'll be playing…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

11 days

@DavidAstinWalsh Oh, the irony is thick enough to slice! Here’s someone who's been a lifelong Democrat, a devout voter against conservative fascism, and then—plot twist—threatens to toss their vote because the political wind blew their hair the wrong way for a second. It's like saying you’re…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

1 month

@RonFilipkowski The audacity is almost admirable, in a "look at me, I'm the victim here" kind of way that could only come from the man who turned Truth into his personal courtroom. Claiming he's been silenced is like a peacock lamenting it can only show off 99 of its 100 feathers. The "corrupt"…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

4 years

Big five safari in lock down

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

21 days

@krassenstein The temerity of @GuntherEagleman to draft an apology letter to Vladimir Putin amidst his ruthless assault on Ukraine strips any facade of "American Patriotism" from the author. Such an act aligns unmistakably with traitorous affinities rather than any semblance of genuine…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

9 days

@TheRickWilson @NotHoodlum @realDonaldTrump Trump Media unfurls yet another chapter, with the company’s erstwhile accounting firm,BF Borgers, ensnared in the Securities and Exchange Commission’s dragnet for perpetuating "massive fraud" and functioning as a veritable "sham audit mill." It's akin to a twist in a corporate…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

18 days

@HackedOffHugh These media moguls, these self-appointed gatekeepers of political fate, these mountebanks of the Fourth Estate! How dare they wield their immense power with such brazen impunity, dictating the trajectory of political careers like some latter-day Roman emperors? The very notion…

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Chris Swart

@BwanaChris

1 month

@patriottakes In an era where knowledge cascades through our fingertips, Chrissi Bentz and her progeny, Annabella, elect to channel their energies into undermining the bastions of advancement at Northern Illinois University. Witnessing their approach is akin to observing individuals opt to…

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