TONY AWARDS: hey here’s a national platform to perform the song which best sells your show
MANY MUSICALS FOR SOME REASON: can it be a different number 🥹
Saw someone on TikTok say it’s awesome that Guardians of the Galaxy used a Florence + The Machine song because it’s “like when Stranger Things used that Kate Bush song, introducing an older artist to a new generation”
It’s kinda insane that if someone is a phone contact you AUTOMATICALLY are looped into their Venmo payments
I saved my fridge repairman eight years ago in case it broke again and now I know he paid Alexis back for “mr. tumnus vibesssss 😎” WHAT THE FUCK ARE MR. TUMNUS VIBES
Do you remember when Bradley Cooper did The Elephant Man on Broadway and instead of wearing prosthetics or just letting the audience imagine he’s deformed, they decided to have him make this face?
RENT: in midnights, in cups of coffee
CANADIAN IN AUDIENCE: aww nice
RENT: in inches, in miles
CANADIAN IN AUDIENCE: wait what the fuck are they saying now
Jeremy Renner: I want to be a singer
Record Label: Ok, we can make this work, we just have to be careful not to-
Renner: Make the album cover look like it’s from 2002
Label: See that’s the thing, if it’s cheesy, people might-
Renner: 2002
The cat in
#PetSematary
worked just as hard as anyone else on that set.
She deserves to go to the premiere, wear a little tie, and smile in photos. This is HER night and she is soaking it up. Happy to see it.
You need to stop focusing on John Mulaney’s relationships and start focusing on Richard Kind’s (been married since 1999, has three children, seems happy)
THREAD: I know we’re all having fun with Cats, but let’s not forget that I once made a joke about their trailer and their Twitter responded with another joke featuring my actual cat’s name... even though I hadn’t mentioned his name on Twitter in months.
People are always like “how did Emily in Paris get renewed? I watched every episode and it’s SO bad. And like I said, I watched EVERY episode. Every single one. All my friends did too. We talked about how bad it was a ton - publicly, online! How did it get renewed?!?”
This doesn’t matter at all but just remembered when I went to see the Dear Evan Hansen movie I screamed in the theater because I thought he was going to kiss her
West Side Story (2021) is an absolutely perfect movie, except for when the principal says “you’re all gonna be my guinea pigs” and everyone goes “oink oink oink”
That’s regular pigs! Not guinea pigs! Should’ve done little squeaks. Tell Spielberg to next time do little squeaks
ME: Legally Blonde revival, set during the pandemic and directed by Ivo van Hove, where all of law school takes place over zoom
THERAPIST: ok so we’re gonna up your dosage
Parade is my favorite musical of all time and the current revival is absolutely incredible and both Ben Platt and Michaela Diamond are great in it and if I have to hear This Is Not Over Yet one more time I will twirl into traffic
Me before tonight: yeah I like Nick Offerman fine but he kind of always does the same thing
Me after tonight: Nick Offerman understands the intricacies humanity and expresses them unlike any other person except for say Murray Bartlett