Welcome to the Coaching Chronicles. Real stories, accurate reporting. Education through satire is the best way to navigate the sometimes intense and overly serious world of youth and high school sports. See our guide below ⬇️ for an in-depth guide to our publication.
@NewYorkRedBulls
I remember a time when someone insulted you on the field you took care of them on the field or in the parking lot after. Now we quit and cry on social media about it.
#BREAKING
🚨Texas High school Soccer season intentionally placed in the winter as punishment ❄️
📰 A high-ranking UIL official (who insisted on being anonymous), revealed the true motives behind this perplexing decision. They said, "Our main goal is to prevent players from
🚨 THE REAL DEAL
The Soccer Gods Prevail -
@CHS_titansoccer
and
@memorial_soccer
see first round exits in playoffs after spending more time turning in other programs for PAPF's than training for a post season run.
Coaches for both programs couldn't be reached for comment after
The UIL state executive committee denied an appeal from Frisco Heritage boys soccer to overturn its seven forfeitures due to the use of an ineligible player.
One of the top boys soccer teams in the state will not be able to compete in the playoffs. ⤵️
🚨Inmates to become high school referees to ease shortages🚨
📰 Huntsville, Texas - "The opportunity to become a high school football referee is a great way for these prisoners to gain valuable experience in a low-stress environment," said the prison warden in a statement. "We
Coaches: When you see one of your athletes show up late for practice. Say the following statement:
“(Insert Athlete Name) I understand your late today because of X circumstance. I want you to know that I’m not upset that your late and I’m happy your here. I’d rather you be here
🚨 Coach uses fake British accent to become prestigious club soccer coach, wins Dallas Cup Tournament
📰 "I was convinced he was the real deal. I threw every dollar I had at hime to give my son the best chance of winning the tournament"
Continue reading here ⬇️
🚨 Brace yourselves. The snake-oil salesman armchair generals are coming 🚨
📰 American Soccer Coaches Prepare to Cash in on Spain's Youth Development Success with New Books, Courses, and Poggs after Spanish World Cup Win
"Following the Spanish Women's National team's
@CoachTatum90
Gather the team in the locker room. Tell the entire team that this one single player will be causing them the most painful punishment of their lives. Before you walk out, you tell the players to “take care of it” and you flip the lights off and walk out.
🚨 Texas parents ready to mortgage their futures and transfer athletes to new schools after UIL Snapshot Enrollments 🚨
📰 Texas parents of high school athletes have been frantically scrambling to secure the futures of their precious offspring after catching a glimpse of the
State associations blame soccer players, coaches, parents and dogs for referee shortages
One outspoken state association representative from Texas, (who wishes to remain anonymous), called for drastic measures. "Enough is enough. Soccer has become a menace to our referee
A math teacher at Southlake
@was
arrested AT THE SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL on March 22 for possession of fentanyl. We only found out today from a tip.
The promise of transparency was an empty one. Don’t let this happen to your district.
High School Soccer coach enjoys tiny patch of mud and grass for practice
"In a heartwarming display of gratitude, local high school soccer coach, Bob Johnson, expressed his appreciation for the 100 square foot patch of mud and grass that he was graciously allotted by the
The Coaching Chronicles™ is a cutting edge website dedicated to the coaching communities and uncovering the truth in high school and youth sports. I’m calling you today to tell you about an extremely exciting opportunity to become a lion, support coaches, and expose the inner
📰 The University Scholastic League (UIL) has continued to place the soccer season right smack in the coldest part of the year. Ignoring frozen pleas for common sense and a modicum of compassion, UIL officials claim this move is aimed at promoting "real sports" among young
#HighSchoolSoccerTruth
HS coaches aren’t judged on wins and losses. They’re judged by ECNL and GA club coaches on how awful their players are when they get them back after the season.
Congratulations to ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Gilstrap-Portley on his recent signing 🏀 to South Harman Institute of Technology! (SHIT)
Gilstrap-Portley has been a standout star of BS High where he is known for his infamous double headband, hot hands around the perimeter and his
🚨 Parent huddle in the parking lot determines teams future
"The coach has been around for years, but the team hasn't won any championships. It's time for us to step in and make some changes for the sake of our children's future."
Read more here ⬇️
University presidents everywhere need to embrace this simple statement by Ben Sasse, President of the University of Florida:
"At the University of Florida, we have repeatedly, patiently explained two things to protesters: We will always defend your rights to free speech and free
There’s nothing worse than watching districts Twitter accounts showcasing “professional development” days when everyone else is on a fall break.
Give your coaches and teachers a break. The breakout activities your forcing them through doesn’t do anything but waste everyone’s
@chris_parker222
- Parents will ask you to start their child on their birthday
- Parents will quit and throw their hoodies and shirts in a trash can after their son isn’t made captain
- Parents will ask if they can bring cupcakes after the game
- Parents will give you a hand written lineup before
🚨 Soccer coach enjoys tiny patch of mud and grass for practice ⚽️
📰 Smallville High School's football coach expressed his disapproval of the soccer team using the turf field stating, "I don't want those grass fairies using my field. They can stick to their patch of mud and
🚨 Coaches across Texas take drastic measures to cope with new alignments 🚨
📰 Reports have flooded in of coaches leaping out of windows headfirst, lining up at alcohol stores, and filing for divorce after updated alignments for the 2024-2025 season.
🚨Hear ye! Hear ye! The first 🐑 Sheep Guillotine™ Voting has begun! Select your Sheep Award Winner to meet their fate and be sent to the guillotine. Select your winners below ⬇️
The Sheep Award contestants are:
1.
@SSHIGHSOCCER
- for calling a fellow soccer team "competitive"
DJ Burns said their entire season turned around when everyone:
1) Bought in.
2) Started showing up on time.
3) Stopped causing distractions on/off court.
‼️ “You can save your money for the rest of the season and have your son join the underwater basket-weaving team instead. I hear their events are free to enter."
📰 See what Coach Sanderson had to say to a parent email prior to gametime asking if her son will play to avoid
‼️Coaches yell for Governor Abbott to "Get on the line" for his behavior towards public schools
“I challenge him to 'get on the line' with us, experience the early morning practices, and witness firsthand the dedication it takes to lead a team to success."
#txlege
#payraises
🦃 Family "thankful" for firing of Head Football coach over Thanksgiving table
"Dear Lord, we thank you for the bountiful food before us, and we also want to express our gratitude for relieving us of that coach. May he find unemployment exhilarating and far away from any
Have a laugh, learn a lesson, get angry or sad. That's up to you. We are here to highlight youth and high school sports in a different light. Join the movement. Subscribe today.
🛡️ 𝑩𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝑪𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝑯𝑺 𝑺𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒓 𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒔𝒕!🛡️
Presented by:
@GlobalScarves
Groups Below, Schedule On Left (voting is 3 days)
Have a great Labor Day Weekend, it all starts Monday!
Like or RT if you see your team and who’s the Group of Death? RULES BELOW⬇️
It’s Saturday morning.
Somewhere, on a field, or on a court. A parent is losing their mind, a referee is quitting, a “coach” is slamming a clipboard at a YMCA game and a fight is happening in the parking lot.
All for a $9.99 trophy and kids with scars and mental issues.
🔥 Hot Take
Kids sit on their phones for 8 hours a day. Homework makes up for their lack of paying attention.
Take their phones away and we can negotiate.
Hot Take:
Homework from school is BS.
You get 8 Hours a day to teach. Figure it out, let kids have more time for socializing, sports other extra activities and I know this is controversial….
QUALITY TIME WITH THEIR FAMILY.
Head Football Coach fired after using plays from the classic 1997 Video game "NFL Blitz" on Nintendo 64
Coach Maverick, defended his decision. "The 'Upper Cut' play and the 'Criss Cross' formation were game-changers in the virtual realm; I thought, why not unleash them on the
🚨Old school coach still uses beeper, hinders communication for upcoming playoff game
📰"Back in my day, a beeper and a trusty landline were all you needed to get the job done," he declared
🚨 Texas parents ready to mortgage their futures and transfer athletes to new schools after UIL Snapshot Enrollments 🚨
📰 Texas parents of high school athletes have been frantically scrambling to secure the futures of their precious offspring after catching a glimpse of the
Parents brawl at a wheelchair basketball game
"We just wanted to stand up for our team," a parent said. "We felt like the other team was cheating, and we weren't going to let them walk away with it."
Read about the incident here ⬇️
🚨
#SOS
Gen Z attendance at practice drops to all time low after national cell phone outage prevents players from functioning like normal human beings
📰 Coaches around the country are frustrated:
1. Practice times have been the same for weeks
2. Practice details didn't change