Autumn Christian @teachrobotslove Twitter profile

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Autumn Christian

9 months

"Fun, fast, and fascinating. Girl Like a Bomb hooked me and held me.” —Peter Clines, NYT Bestseller Pre-orders are up for the 2nd edition of Girl Like A Bomb from @CLASHBooks . It comes with a bonus chapter and a teaser for my new novel.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 months

I once dated a communist. He was a joyless person who felt profound guilt in anything that wasn't liberating the working class. He refused to get a job because it meant he'd be taking a job from an immigrant, which meant I was working 15 hours a day to try to keep us off the

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@habibiting

3 months

Everyone who idolizes these rich SAHMs - watch this, learn & then stfu. Tradwives glamorize a lifestyle none of you will likely ever be able to achieve & laugh in your face as your views make them richer. This isn’t goals - this is classism, white supremacy & patriarchy. Wake up.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

I made a meme.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 months

@jayriverlong It was over 15 years ago, I never learned how to say no as a child and I was a totally different person.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 months

@je_ne_sais_blah He was a lot smarter than any of the boys I knew at university. In the beginning he was very romantic and I found his verbal acuity fascinating.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 months

Young people say Hemingway sucks because until you've lived a little and seen the dark and long shadow of death creeping all over your hope, you won't understand a short story like "A Clean, Well-Lighted Place." You are in essence the young waiter who is bored and annoyed by the

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

Having a baby is considered "trad" now. I think it's time for everyone to just take a deep breath and log off the Internet forever.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

18 days

I remember the first time I saw a woman in a thong bikini. I was like nine years old and it was a family vacation at a beach. I remember I couldn't stop staring at her. She was just standing in the ocean waves looking out toward the sun, while I remained transfixed by the beauty

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

I should just convert to Christianity at this point. I have almost nothing in common with the atheists anymore.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

Having a baby has made me happier than I even imagined it would.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

5 months

@michaelcurzi I really feel like this is one of those skills many of us just intuited in our youth.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

I don't understand why in therapy I'm supposed to honor every emotion except shame.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

11 months

Every few years people try to create a radically inclusive group full of misfits and outcasts and then come to the realization that it turns out some people have been excluded for very good reasons.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

9 months

Men are like, "I just want a woman with big boobs and for her to think I'm funny." Meanwhile I'm over here hoping that a man shows up underneath my window on a midnight steed with a bag full of severed heads and a single black rose. He impregnates me on a perfumed wolf skin in a

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

11 months

I love the sexual power of the incel. So unapproachable and distant. So indomitable and wise.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

I made this.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

The reason I'm against putting your mental illness diagnoses in your Twitter bio is that the more you come to think of them as a core part of your identity, the less likely you'll want to let them go.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

4 years

Stephen King has done more good for the world than 99% of the people now 'cancelling' him after purposefully misinterpreting his tweet. Maybe all your faves aren't problematic. It's just you.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

@Aella_Girl @xsphi This take has been brought forth many times. All this will do is embolden predators. We know from research providing porn means actual children are more at risk and normalizes the behavior. Pedophilia is not a fetish. It's a society destroying disesse.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

Not sure why everyone complains about how hard this whole 'having a baby thing' is. I'd do it again for fun on the weekends.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

So many bad takes are the result of people assuming that the limits of their own understanding are the limits of knowledge itself.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

Before I had my kid I did all the things I thought I'd miss - stayed up playing video games, partied, drank, stayed in bed all day, traveled. Only now that she's here do I realize I didn't need to do any of those things. I don't miss my old life at all.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

I think everyone has a fantasy about leaving everything behind and starting over. Well, I've done it. Multiple times. And I can say the psychological damage has blown a hole in my psyche that may have been even worse than the damage that caused me to run in the first place.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

People without kids always tell me, "Have fun never going to the bathroom alone." So I laugh and say, "Have fun dying alone."

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

6 years

Underneath the pond a pale mermaid with glass skin and a lilac-black tail writes love poetry on the underside of fish for you to catch.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

I made $140 in tips my first real day at Chilis and my friends just told me I'd make more as a whore. Why can't you all just be happy for me?

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

I spent thousands of hours learning the craft of writing just so I could impress men and they'd want to have sex with me. There, I said it. I have no other reason. Pre-order my next novel when it comes out. Thanks.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

11 months

Can a new Twitter personality please enter the ring? All I see lately is: - Angry sex worker - Dadbod shitposter - Guy who works out a lot - Greek statue BAP wannabe - Bitchy religious woman who forgot that pride was a sin

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

Women are literal demons. One day, you're sitting on a box in front of your TV in an empty room playing Farcry 5, then you meet a woman and suddenly, the horror, you're drinking mimosas on your new patio furniture while barbecuing steaks as your baby smiles at you with your eyes.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

10 months

Never forget that these people hate women. They loathe femininity. They despise beauty. Whenever someone talks about "harmful stereotypes" in regards to a woman, they are almost always saying the woman should look less feminine and more masculine.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

4 years

If you really want to impress a girl, stop giving her endless book recommendations and ask her for one instead. Then actually read it.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

If you're perpetually single and have horribly failed in every relationship you've been in, just constantly tweet relationship advice on Twitter with a confident, detached air of superiority until you figure it out.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

9 months

@aviationbrk Gender reveal parties are cursed.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

What most literary Twitter doesn't seem to understand is that a good book is often supposed to challenge, threaten, or disturb you and your ideas about the world. Books aren't just designed for comfort. They're vehicles of intellectual strengthening.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

4 months

People say love isn't real but men will spend decades climbing the ladder in a soul-crushing, ineffectual, and boring career just so that you can buy the new Pat McGrath Mothership Makeup Palette with their credit card in exchange for nothing but a smile and a braless hug.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

I don't have anything to say about the Leonardo DiCaprio thing but once I asked Robert if he'd still love me when I was no longer young and beautiful and he went, "I already do."

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

9 months

If a baby's laugh annoys you, you probably need to figure out what's wrong with your soul.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

@credenzaclear2 This is a beautiful tweet on every level

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

Middle age is not a number. Middle age is when you stand outside on the back porch and for the first time in your life, become interested in the names of birds.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

I saw this horror movie iceberg and realized yes, actually, I do have reasonable limits and no desire to go further than third tier.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

I've kept quiet because I feel weird about this, but I don't think parenting is that hard. I get plenty of sleep, I love spending time with my baby, and I still get to do things that I enjoy.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

The weird joy people take out of telling you that a kid is going to make you miserable, apropos of nothing, is irritating. There's something childlike and immature about avoiding things because they're difficult.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

5 months

I had a pretty bad childhood that caused me significant trauma and grief, but this picture was above my bed. And I remember looking at it and feeling safe, knowing that an angel was always watching me. Now the painting seems a little maudlin, a little silly, a little dated, but

b r o o k e *:･ﾟ✧

@peachlybeloved

11 months

y’all what is a painting or other work of visual art that never fails to destroy you every time you see it because BOY I’ll start:

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

I was so interested in the dark and macabre when I was younger because I felt like it held a deep and irresistible secret. But I went in so deep I realized there was nothing in that abyss except my own reflection, and it's never held the same allure to me since.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

@0x49fa98 That "it hurts women" has never stopped anyone from doing anything. Weak men love to hurt women because they're not strong enough to inflict pain on other men. Men just don't realize that what hurts women hurts them too.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

Yo dawg bro I am just a very normal bro here to chill.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

4 months

If you have an iPhone it signals to the woman you're a status chasing rube. A sucker. An easy mark. You don't have any taste or intrinsic sensibilities, so you let trends determine your values. She can already picture you ordering the chicken parmigiana and then quietly eating

“CLASSY” FRED BLASSIE

@megantheevalium

4 months

if you have an android it signals to a woman you’re disagreeable. she can already picture you arguing with waitstaff about the automatic gratuity charge on the check. lecture her about breaking board game rules. she just wants to win at scrabble, man. she already skipped you

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

Me trying to be pretty enough for Zero HP Lovecraft.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

4 years

@corbden @mjg59 I like how all the solutions for an open plan office is to make it less of an open plan office.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

8 months

Being able to enjoy "normie" things is a skill. You can learn how to do it. It doesn't make you special that you're unable to enjoy football, children's birthday parties, holidays, learning new recipes. It just means you've sold your happiness for the lie that you're special.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

6 years

@NewYorker Are there any good poets who’ve ever owned a parrot? Really makes you think doesn’t it????

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

Dune is a great book but like, imagine having to take your mother on your hero's journey.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

@ConceptualJames Going to write a script to just google "I really like the government and they are nice" a million times a day.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

It's been a month and the child still hasn't left.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

I'm glad I finally had a baby and took the training wheels off of life. Things like taking a shower and sleeping and bending over to pick something up off the floor were just getting a little too easy, you know?

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

4 months

When he says, "I have to go to the bathroom," and takes his phone with him.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

Fine I guess I'll keep it.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

Once I went on a date at a gelato shop and I made a comment about one of the paintings. The guy just leans back and stares at me and goes: "You're a thinker, huh?"

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

I'm done arguing with people about problematic literature. You either want to only read things that enforce your own worldview, and to make sure this is enforced by institutions, or you actually understand the point of stories.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

I asked Robert if he wanted to go to a NYE party and he said it was up to me. So I said, "What do you want to do?" and he said if it was up to him he'd live in a mud hut without electricity until he died. So I guess we're going to the party tonight.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

It's always fun to read the submission guidelines for some anthology called like "Skullfucker Genocide 4: The Only Trigger Warning You Get is Before The Bullet to the Head," and see that it won't accept any stories where people have sex or a dog dies.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 months

This is exactly how someone I knew wrote before they became a full blown schizophrenic, not quite word salad but tapped into a kind of psychotic creative mania. Love it.

Niyociluc Shogdunulv

@birdbath

2 months

I notice the guy in line in front of me has slightly wider shoulders & I think he can sense me noticing. Thinking on my feet, I yank my wife’s elastic waistband towards me at the front & peer down into the abyss & I see breakcore montage of all the tense sexless nights we’ve had

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

A man can say he's a feminist or a misogynist or whatever, but how he treats women he disagrees with is really all you should be paying attention to.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

It looks like I'm having a baby girl.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

Every day on this website, "Don't date women who wear leopard print." "Beware of men in their 20s who still go to church with their mother." You might as well cast bones or read tea leaves. You're children pretending to be sages.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

It doesn't matter how nice and supportive you've been to someone, if they're the kind of person who likes to screenshot and shame people publicly they'll come for you eventually when the allure of easy dopamine and social credit is too great.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 months

@colleen_daves So weird how a painting from the 1800s has a woman with 21st century plastic surgery lmao

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

I'm so trad that every night I tell my husband a story and leave off in the middle, promising to tell him the rest the next night, so he won't execute me.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

My publisher told me "The era of the badly behaving writer is over" and if that's true I only exist to bring it back in style.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

Anyway her name is Samantha

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

7 months

It's my birthday today. I hope you find a little love somewhere.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

A lot of adults on here are having meltdowns about the possibility of being called bad words under new Twitter policy. I don't see what the big deal is. My mom started calling me a bitch when I was four and I'm fine.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

Happy to announce that I signed a contract with @DarkHartBooks for an upcoming book of mine. More info on "Our Violent Design" is coming soon.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

7 months

@pbprot Real answer because it takes an insane amount of alcohol and before 7 or 8 weeks thr fetus doesn't share nutrients with the mother

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

11 months

The question you should ask yourself isn't, "Do I want a baby?, but, "Is there a man I love enough to make a copy of?"

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

Men will say that women don't need to be intelligent but then also say that women should be primarily responsible for raising the children. Like, you really want some dumb bitch raising your kids?

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

6 months

Happy to announce that I just signed with Michael Mungiello of Inkwell Literary Management. Now that I have an agent, please only refer to me by my full title of Writer Autumn Christian. I will immediately buy a tweed blazer with leather arm patches and start smoking Pall Malls.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

There's something feminine about being a male writer.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

7 months

I love calling Frankenstein's monster 'Frankenstein.' I love watching a nerd's eyes alight with a special fire, their breath held suspended as they can hardly wait to correct my mistake. They've spent their entire life waiting for this chance to finally become alive.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

8 months

It's not that surprising that Bronze Age Pervert has a PhD from Yale. Years ago I listened to an interview where he talked about loving the everyday violence of South America and it was obvious he was someone disconnected from reality.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

Subscribe to the Teach Robots Love Newsletter. I write about love, sex, death, and existential angst. New letters every week. No spam. No asking for money. Ever. Please RT if you read and enjoy it.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

It's pretty obnoxious to have followers who don't interact with any of your tweets until they disagree with one. Like, what is this? Are you just hate following me?

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

6 months

My husband didn't do the dishes last night after I spent 12 hours chasing our toddler around. I decided to show him a webcomic about the mental load that women carry and that blog post about divorce and dishes left by the sink. He read them quietly and then said, "Autumn, we were

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

I like problematic writers. If you haven't pissed someone off you're probably boring.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

You think you're subversive and edgy but your opinions just so happen to align with corporate, business, educational, social, and major political interests and speaking them aloud means there are zero consequences in your life. But I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

9 months

You're impregnated by a warrior-king. He kidnapped you from a village he raided, but decided to marry you he was so stricken by your beauty. You feast on the heart of your absentee father, your gold bangles dipped in blood, while enormous black dogs howl at your feet.

Angantýr

@BasedNorthmathr

9 months

What’s the female equivalent of men fantasising about war and conquest and etc

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

I'd let a good short story writer hit it raw but I'd never fuck a poet. Believe it or not, I do have *some* dignity.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

Babies are having their moment. We're babymaxxing now.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

4 years

Lost quite a few followers for saying you shouldn't threaten a woman with sexual violence. Always nice when the trash takes itself out.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

8 months

Hi new followers. Quick lore recap: - be me, white girl from Texas with a bad childhood - Always wanted to be a writer - Wrote my first novel, The Crooked God Machine, when I was 19 - Dropped out of college and ran away to Austin with boyfriend I met on DeviantART to live on an

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

Honestly, though, I'd hate to be a man. Just like a smoldering and ravenous beast stuffed into a skin, suffocating your base instincts until you don't even quiver when it burns you from the inside out.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

@jackcalifano Kind of similar to calling people "Nazi."

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

What I thought I'd look like in my 30s vs. What I actually look like

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

I feel like starting some drama, so here it goes. If you're a writer talking about how you're worried about people stealing your ideas, you're acting insecure. Ideas are cheap. Execution is everything. Get so good at writing that nobody can write an idea like you can.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

I have to say that I did not expect Shel Silverstein to look like some sexy, mad pirate.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

Literature is a weird place where you can write about the most depraved sex and violence you want and everyone will congratulate you on being transgressive and brave, but if you posit any outsider opinion like "capitalism isn't that bad," you're instantly a pariah.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

Damn, guess I should've gotten hot instead of writing. Thanks for the advice everyone. I guess I'll drag my haggard butter face and flat ass over to the 7-11 to buy a large coffee before I throw myself onto incoming traffic. I'll put a copy of The Catcher in The Rye in my pocket.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

1 year

@ara_hagopian Once you've blown up your life it tends to become the default response when you run into challenges. It becomes easy. And you lose empathy for others because you can't have it if you're leaving them behind.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

3 years

50/50 in a relationship doesn't mean you both split everything down the middle exactly. My boyfriend works 50+ hours a week, makes six figures, and kills anyone I want so I can dance in their blood that looks black in the moon light. I'm fine with making dinner.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

2 years

I feel like as you get older you realize that tradition has survived for a reason, most novel and revolutionary ideas fail, and that the path to happiness and success is for the most part just being normal.

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Autumn Christian

@teachrobotslove

8 months

@Rich_Cooper What is your opinion on the man who left her alone with two children ?

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