@fsareshwala
@SouthwestAir
If you want unsolicited advice:
1) Have her go to the hospital
2) Follow-up and call the police about the report to the FBI
3) Call the local FBI office about the report, too
4) Start talking to a lawyer
5) Consider suing Southwest; They had an obligation to keep her safe
Have you ever reported anything to HR?
Here’s how one of my issues went once:
> Coworker was being aggressive, sexist, bullying
> Had mediation session
> Coworker denied behaviors whilst actively doing them in the moment
> Coworker admitted to stalking my work activities…
I love that my company has a people team instead of an HR department, because they will act exactly like an HR department, but also occasionally get upset when you call them HR instead of people team
@ashleyfeinberg
“I, the CEO, am doing random low-level tests in production and I’m outwardly announcing this to publicly show I don’t know how to run a tech company.”
@peethanonline
Notice how at every turn, he blames the woman.
“They’re not clear with what they want”
“But if they are clear, they’re not saying it enough”
“If they are saying it enough, then they’re playing games”
“To prove they’re not playing games, they have to get physical.”
And so on…
@Amy_Siskind
He says, “You will have my baby!” Then smirks and laughs.
This is what happens when predators make laws. Other predators become overjoyed and empowered.
@notshenetworks
$100k isn’t even a good retirement amount anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time, unfortunately. That could easily get wiped out in less than a year, assuming you even have your house and car paid off. Heck, one medical issue and it could be gone.
@_Shadow_X_
@sustaingluttony
I mean, I feel like training or building isn’t contingent on gender at all. As someone who competes, I’m surrounded by tons of women, including myself, who strength train regularly.
This just feels like a sad attempt for the OP to justify his weird sexism.
All this started because the aforementioned coworker wanted to believe I was some kind of “DEI hire” or “nepotism hire” (I didn’t even have anyone that was a friend/family member working there???) and got mad that I kept getting awards/recognition for my hard work.
> After mediation session, coworker’s behaviors got worse
> They continued to retaliate, but more covertly
> I point it out, nothing happens
> In-person team meeting is scheduled
> HR said to me, “Don’t be alone with him. Don’t put yourself in a position where he could hurt you.”
Like, quite literally, I was running circles around this dude performance-wise and somehow that meant I didn’t deserve my place.
(I know it was sexism, misogyny, insecurity, and jealousy on his part.)
He’d even tell me “It must be so easy being a pretty girl, huh?”
> Coworker spends the entire in-person meeting blatantly ignoring me in front of other people and wouldn’t look in my direction
> He would snap at me a lot
> People noticed
> This kind of behavior escalated for months until he was finally fired for a collection of complaints
@erinbiba
@emrazz
They get this way, too, when you tell them that the concept of alpha males isn’t real and was a misinterpretation based on wolves in captivity. Even the person who wrote it consistently says they were wrong.
@punished_cait
• “Took her to task” aka “I yelled at her”
• “Extremely delicate” aka “I’m way too harsh and don’t want to admit it”
• “Insolent upon my request” aka “They caught me red-handed but im deflecting”
• “No complaints have been made known to me” aka “They have, but I deflect”
A lot of companies out there will pretend to be accommodating to women up until any sort of conflict happens.
They’ll have all these partnerships, events, webinars, you name it— but the second something happens? It’s like none of that exists. It’s like you’re on a tiny island.
She asked because she noticed I was “so good at the materials and didn’t understand why I was there compared to everyone else”
I told her what happened. She said, “They made the wrong choice in sending you here. This course doesn’t do anything for workplace harassment.”
I told HR every step of the way that each of their proposed solutions were probably going to make his behavior worse for me. (Which, they did.)
I told them how the whole thing made me feel incredibly anxious and stressed. I openly said that it was affecting my day to day.
In fact, one of his complaints during the mediation call was, “I don’t get to be on as many meetings with you anymore and I miss that.”
We started working on some separate projects instead of being joined at the hip as much. (But still had a lot of joint work.)
This told me (on top of the “I’m stalking all your activities on a daily basis”) that this dude was obsessed with me.
I knew dealing with this kind of person wouldn’t be easy and it was incredibly triggering given my past with domestic violence.
He acted like an abuser.
I inadvertently made my wife mad yesterday, so she WASHED MY COFFEE CUP! Removed an almost 5 year patina! Her cast iron will see soap today, I guarantee.
@punished_cait
Funny thing is, very few leftists would go to a Dave Chapelle show and he fails to recognize that. So, that means people on “both sides” have high disdain for him.
“Ok, we can send you to a conflict management course at no charge. That way, you can learn how to deal with ‘difficult personalities.’” They said.
Fine, I’m not the problem here, but fine. Whatever. Ok.
I do the class and the teacher asks me why I’m there in a private session.
Everyone deserves to be psychologically safe in the workplace.
I don’t have all the answers, but I will say be careful about reporting things to HR.
They’re not there to make it safe for you, they’re there to mitigate lawsuits.
I opened YouTube on my phone to search for a video.
The first thing I see is a huge, misleading ad that looks like an iPhone error message.
So, I did what any infosec person would do and performed some research on that app in question.
@fsareshwala
@SouthwestAir
I’d press charges against him and go for negligence when it comes to the airline. He assaulted her. There are witnesses. He intended to harm her. They should’ve done more to keep him from potentially harming her or others.
I didn’t mention that to HR, but I did try to adopt and apply the solutions I’d learned from the course and made record of it. (Playing the game…)
I informed them that, despite using those techniques, nothing had changed. (Even though I was doing the same stuff all along.)
HR’s new solutions?
“Just ignore it”
“Don’t talk to him”
“But also don’t tell anyone about this situation or you’re fired…”
This was a person I was supposed to be working on large projects with.
Not only that, telling me I can’t express what was happening was isolating.
A lot of his claims were very obviously lies. I was incredibly frustrated that HR was even asking me to dignify some of the responses.
The funniest one was him claiming I was on a call and said something I didn’t when I was, in fact, on PTO that whole week and took ZERO calls.
He spent 1-2 months trying to make BS counterclaims about me that I had to consistently disprove for HR. (And I did adequately disprove each and every one of them.)
This means, I spent parts of my day digging up emails to dispel someone’s lies who was trying to smear me.
This guy was very determined in trying to make me miserable at this point. He even tried to come at me about “using improper pronouns” for him when he always referred to himself as “he.”
He told HR, “Isn’t she supposed to be good at this whole DEI thing?” to bait me.
Reasons like this are why you see me advocating for equality and equity so much. Not just because it’s happened to me, but because it’s happened to other, more marginalized people on a much worse scale.
Which meant all of our coworkers could very well see something wasn’t right, but they had no idea why or what was going on.
They all saw some guy constantly lashing out at me and me consistently and politely deflecting while being the “bigger person.”
After all that, he started mudslinging even more in meetings and when we did have to be on the same calls together, he would take any jabs he could and try to make them seem like a joke to the audience.
I was like, “This is getting ridiculous… it’s practically nonstop.”
We’ve gone full circle from telling people to “Google it” back to “Let me tell you how this works because you can’t trust Google.”
There’s a reason for this. The reason goes by the name of Prabhakar Raghavan.
Now with the addition of bad AI search results, we’re 0 for 2.
He was trying to bait me into getting upset so he could make me look bad in the moment or make me look unreasonable somehow. He kept trying to paint me as “sensitive” and “a wet blanket” because I didn’t laugh off his sexism and aggression.
I’ve been in infosec for a few years now and I can confidently say that most companies older than 10 years old usually have severe technological debt and an illustrious, mysterious black box computer or server everyone is afraid of touching. (Probably because it’s haunted 👻)
Yeah, can y’all see why I knew he was going to be such a problem? He consistently tried to drag me for “being too pretty” and “stringing men along” when I literally partake in no such behavior.
He was incredibly and very visibly frustrated with my “appearance.”
Like, just to give you a flavor of who this guy was: We were in a working session together and he yelled at me because he created a conversation where he tried to demonize me for not giving every incel I meet the time of day because he believed they’re entitled to my time.
In case it wasn’t clear: All this started because more people wanted to work with me over him and I was getting recognition combined with the fact that he felt like he was entitled to me and my time.
Sincerely, his biggest complaint about me was “She’s doing things without me.”
HR had even said to him at one point, “You’re not her manager… she’s not your employee… you’re peers.”
Because, duh, even they saw what he was trying to do and couldn’t ignore *all* of it.
@drakesnapped
@kzzrttt
The justification I saw that was provided had nothing to do with bigotry or discomfort, it was simply all centered around, “What if I find him boring or lame and it ruins my vibe? Tell bi women and their cishet bfs to stay home.”
A ton of gatekeeping going around, as usual.
Basically, he wanted control over me and couldn’t have it. He wanted to control what I did in a day, people’s perceptions of me, and tried to inject himself into everything I did, despite not being helpful, supportive, useful, etc.
So he lashed out and projected a ton.
I think, realistically, he was mad no one wanted to work with him because people quickly saw through his BS and without me there to cling on to, it was becoming very evident very quickly that he actually wasn’t good at the job. 🤷♀️
Someone asked me: “What does stalking your work activities mean?”
So, apparently, he kept some kind of running document of every call I had every day, every interaction I had, every time I mentioned a new project, a new person I’d talk to he hadn’t heard of, the list goes on…
I say that was his biggest complaint, because that’s the only one that was actually “true.”
We did stop working together as much— I did work with more people than him.
But, these were organic things that happened. And, we didn’t need to have two engineers on every call…
@emrazz
Also them: “You should always carry a gun in case this happens and escalates.”
If I shot every dude that harassed me, I’d have such an excessive body count on my hands.
I told them that is was completely unacceptable behavior, it should not be tolerated, it violated my trust, boundaries, and privacy on top of the fact that it was stark evidence that he spent a lot of time *not working* if he could afford to do all that.
On top of being swamped, I had some smarmy sexist pinecone constantly harassing me, pushing my buttons, talking down to me, denigrating me, making me feel uncomfortable; meanwhile, HR did nothing to help + I had no support through my coworkers due to their non-disclosure rule.
InfoSec Job Listings:
• “Entry-level”
• Must have 3-7 years experience
• Competitive wages (aka $35k-$75k)
• Requires CISSP or Masters Degree
• Responsibilities for the role are 4 different jobs combined
“There’s a talent shortage! How can we fill these empty positions!?”
@KatyMontgomerie
I get super weirded out about how transphobes describe trans men’s (former) breast tissue.
“They had young, sweet, soft, supple, healthy breasts! What a tragic loss! I can no longer sexualize their chest in the ways I want to!”
There’s always a ton of uncomfortable adjectives.
He would track everything I had over Slack, Zoom, Teams, on my calendar, you name it, plus even when other people said they talked with me.
Mind you, this behavior is absolutely batshit and there was absolutely no justification for him to do it.
My rebuttal?
@bladesjester
I was somewhat across the gym from him. He said it to someone when the music was transitioning so I was able to pick up on it from afar. I just looked over, shook my head, and laughed in a “that’s pathetic” sort of way.
@priya_ebooks
“I felt like she had given me all she had to offer”
Aka “I pestered her to do things she didn’t want to do, she kept saying no. I coerced her into opening the relationship. Now I’m mad she’s having sex with men that respect her more so I’m going to invalidate her sexuality.”
How I got into Cyber Security:
Once upon a time, I was a store manager at GameStop. I decided that I didn’t want to try myself to sleep anymore so I took inspiration as it came.
A butt crack yielding, socks-with-sandals wearing contractor inspired me to do greater things.
At the time, I was directly assigned to 68% of our team’s overall tasks, the other engineer (that wasn’t him) had something like 40% and he (jerkface) had like… idk… 13%?
(There was overlap between us so it won’t add up to 100% perfectly.)
So there was no shortage of work…
My favorite interview question is when they ask what port SSH is.
Because instead of just saying the answer, I can ask a question of my own, “Yeah! Didn’t Taylor Swift write a song about that number?”
Remember, you’re interviewing them as much as they’re interviewing you.
@JoshuaPHilll
Except this isn’t even how it happened at all. He’s such a liar. Lmao. Zuck tried to get him to agree on a date and time and Musk bumbled around and talked about an upcoming surgery.
@as_seenontv
“I golf with my pastor, talk about and push religion a lot, obsess over my church, and do/say a ton of stuff that points to being religious… But since I feel it’s affecting how people view me, I want everyone to know, I’m not as religious as you think.”
@ask_aubry
“We decided to TAKE TURNS cooking”
“I hate cooking”
“I think it’s easy so I make her do it AS A PUNISHMENT”
“I haven’t had to cook for months because I constantly find ways to punish her and make her cook instead of me”
“AITA?”
Yes, and then some.
@ask_aubry
It’s sad that I know exactly how she feels. The part where she said, “I fell and wasn’t even being dramatic or anything” was such a gut punch. I know what it’s like to try and justify or qualify your reaction to abuse.
She’s so gaslit and fearful that he was put in jail. 😢
@ask_aubry
I need to post this as a comment on that one video where a man tries to shake random women’s hands in public and uses it as an opportunity to encourage ridicule. Most of the comments were, “What are those women afraid of? It’s not like someone will do anything in public!”
When I was a kid/teen, I used to sneak into Six Flags without paying and when I would tell that story to most people, they frowned upon the action.
But now, when I explain to people in infosec how I used to go about it, they go “nice” and exchange a similar story.
@Esqueer_
Even her wording here is poor: “Transgender debate”?
There’s no debate. That’s part of the bigotry. It’s not a misunderstanding. It’s not an argument, it’s people’s lives.
@giuseppesec
@ChefJonKung
And like why, in that pathetic analogy, would they automatically assume they would take the role of a master key? 😆
“I have to feel more important, useful, and superior to women at all times.”
@wilderpatriot
I didn’t have a problem understanding her. She’s basically saying she doesn’t like the talking stage of dating where nothing is set in stone & people have a tendency to not be direct/string you along so it becomes confusing. There’s no direct line or courtship into relationships.
@ask_aubry
“His girlfriend isn’t white like us and it infuriates me.” —Her, at the beginning
“I don’t understand why my meddling, harassing behaviors, and racism pushed them away! Am I the asshole here!?” —Her, at the end
What I’m really trying to drive home is that, YouTube, the second most visited site in the world, just greeted me with a deceptive ad that basically collects your data for no real reason other than to market to and exploit that very information.
@DreamLeaf5
Why is there a camera only on the sign and not most of the yard or the street?
Why would someone be wearing the same biking outfit probably 8-10 hours later to burn a sign?
Why would a “liberal” move the flag out of the way before burning said sign?
Dude burned his own flag.
@Remroum
@JoshuaPHilll
These people have the smallest moment of reprieve and the propaganda machine is like: “See, look! They’re having ‘fun’ which means it’s impossible that they’re displaced or experiencing significant stress and violence!”
They’re trying REALLY HARD to create a narrative here.
@anothercohen
You find it “entertaining” that someone who is disabled wasn’t given a clear answer as to if they were laid off or not? Only for their employer to publicly ridicule them and accuse them of faking their disability? (MS)
… Can’t say I see the entertainment value there.
The internet used to be more like a walkable city that had a ton of charming, unique places to visit. Now it’s this cold, corporate shopping mall made of uniform stores all owned by the same few people who want to sign you up for memberships and nickel and dime you into oblivion.
@Yungtaepuna
@drakesnapped
@kzzrttt
Yeah, and the most annoying part is, all the biphobia discourse is almost always directed at bi women pretty exclusively.
@lowkeyalbert
• Misogyny
• Toxic Masculinity
• Certain Political Views
• Lack of Interest in ANY Politics
• Hustle Culture Mentality
• Immaturity
• Arrogance
• Emotional Unavailability
• Poor Communication
• Lack of Introspection
• Sex Obsessive
• No Empathy
@BrandonLBradfor
Let me take a stab at that: Ground beef with Taco Bell seasoning, chopped lettuce, shredded cheese, diced tomatoes, and sour cream. Served with hard shells and “soft taco shells but only if you ask.”
@peethanonline
Like, he expects every woman to have to get physical or violent on some level to prove they don’t want sex after they’ve already made it explicitly clear they don’t? Geeze!
As the interviewer said, put the onus on the aggressor because that’s how you mitigate/solve the problem.
Something I’ve learned in my professional life:
If you ask three questions in an email, most people will only answer one of those questions.
If you format your questions as a numbered list, they will answer all of your questions.
@SnapBxck
@HazySplendid
@Jook_888
@itsNellzz
@BleuCapone
What do you mean by, “let’s not act like buying a woman a drink is not the standard when you’re interested in her”? —That absolutely is not the standard and accepting a drink is not an exchange of affirmative/informed consent.
That sounds predatory.
@kattenbarge
This very well encapsulates how society treats men versus women. (Though there exists more outside the binary, of course)
For men’s issues, it’s everyone’s problem.
For women? Nah. Must be a personal failing or something *she* did wrong.
Women are expected to fix everything.
@Cloudflare
It’s good that it’s gone, but your blog post is in very bad taste (e.g. seems like gaslighting, victim blaming, pushes accountability on law enforcement, and pretends like the violence wasn’t a factor all along)
You should’ve done this a LONG time ago.
@ask_aubry
Every male dating coach ever: “I have this super secret technique where I emotionally and psychologically manipulate women by negging them and trying to damage their self esteem. It’s foolproof!” 🙄
@fishontherun2
@eelaware
Um, absolutely.
He’s harassing and threatening you, trying to extort you, and is giving out your health information to your friend. This is 100% misconduct…
This man called one of the greatest technologists of our time a “DEI hire” after harassing a ton of women online. He got completely wrecked to where he stopped posting for over a week, only to try and harass Ian and tag their work in an attempt to make them look bad.
@_celia_bedelia_
I never liked the title “feminine products.”
Period/menstruation products makes much more sense. It literally describes what they are as opposed to someone sounding like they’re avoiding saying those words because they think it sounds “icky.”
@yagirlchannel
@SixBrownChicks
This reminds me of when I was assaulted by a scammer/robber at GameStop, was covered in bruises, and my district manager goes, “She’s strong. She’s coming in tomorrow. What a hero.” Without asking me if I was even ok or if I planned on coming in.
@Goddess_CIeo
@ask_aubry
Came here to say this exactly. The only thing he’s pushy about or seems to care about is sex. Not her, not her health, not her comfort, just how he can get more sex out of her.
@BrandonLBradfor
To reinforce this: Most heterosexual women tend to prioritize genuine kindness, honesty, humility, transparency, trustworthiness, sense of humor, self-awareness, empathy, and other such qualities over whatever men typically *think* or *want to believe* women prioritize.
@PrivacyLawyerD
Thank you. Back when, the moment I saw the email where it was announced he got fired a few months later, I felt a lot of emotions and relief— that’s for sure.