MJ @morganisawizard Twitter profile

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MJ

@morganisawizard

10 months

climbed half dome yesterday. 16 miles! i can’t feel my legs 🤠

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Last Seen Profiles

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 years

it’s not the NFL’s job to cater their programs to your children, it’s your job as a parent to decide if you’ll let them watch it.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

5 years

i pay for your social security and income knowing i will never get any, so i will “ok boomer” your condescending ass whenever the fuck i want to.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

7 years

Twitter really needs to chill with the blue check. You're making vegan enthusiast Pam with 2k followers think she's a foreign policy expert.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

10 days

my mom just got a call from a girl hysterically crying claiming to be me saying she got into a car accident. then a man came on and introduced himself as a police officer. he said ‘i’ was at fault and he’s taking me to jail. he claimed she could bail me out easy if she sent 4k.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

am i really a nazi fascist extremist or am i just a normal person from 15 years ago

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 years

i don’t give a flying fuck who you are, if you intentionally block an ambulance or an entrance to a hospital it should be legal to run you over.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 years

the government trying to do literally anything:

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

ftx is a prime example of why we need to start bullying weird nerds again

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MJ

@morganisawizard

11 months

@F4STFATI plenty of things to criticize zuckerberg about. his family is not one of them.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 months

i asked google AI to generate an image of a canadian prime minister

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

while the fbi raids mar-a-lago i’d like to take this time to remind everyone not one pedophile connected to jeffrey epstein has been imprisoned

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

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MJ

@morganisawizard

1 year

twitter employee fired by @elonmusk applies for her first real job the latest via @TheBabylonBee

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

the @DefiantLs banning is one of the most blatantly biased moves @TwitterSupport has ever done. it’s incomprehensible to me how a tweet can be okay, but a screenshot of it is not.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

ratio

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

barbed wire….. voluntary camp. ok.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

i would like to thank amber heard for nailing the coffin shut on the ridiculous assertation that 50% of the population should automatically be trusted at face value for no other reason than their gender.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

10 days

LUCKILY, she knew of this scam because they targeted my grandparents a couple weeks ago. she said “my daughter’s sitting right next to me, i know what you’re doing and this is illegal.” he immediately hung up.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

memes that didn’t age well:

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

everyone anti-rogan needs to watch this and realize history will not look kindly upon you.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

1 year

women seething because a man briefly glanced at them for .7 seconds in the gym while they film a video they hope will be seen by thousands on tiktok will never not be funny to me

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MJ

@morganisawizard

1 year

cnn covering tucker but ignoring lemon while fox news covers lemon and ignores tucker is just 🤌chef’s kiss 🤌

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

HOLY SHIT im on a united flight and while this dude was actively drinking water, this guy tapped him and was like “hey can you wear a mask i rather not die for your convenience. nose too.” SHOCKED water dude kept his cool but god im stuck next to this mask bitch for 2 hours now

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 years

if my marriage doesn’t look like this i don’t want it

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

while you were out losing your home, job, and livelihood, everyone in congress got paid almost 200k to debate if you’re worth $600 dollars.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

people who are so mad about how elon musk spends billions of his money, wait till i tell you how the government spends trillions of your great great grandkids money because they already burned through everyone else’s

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 years

someone go find him we need him

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

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MJ

@morganisawizard

10 days

i’ve read about these ransom-esque calls before, but never have i heard one. it was freaky! the girl sounded so hysterical you really couldn’t distinguish who’s voice it was. stay safe out there folks and make sure your older parents/grandparents know about this!!

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

as the social media manager of @TheBabylonBee i just want to say we’ll continue to thrive and give you the most trustworthy fake news around. now is a great time to find us on the plethora of other sites i run and make me look good to the bosses. links below & see you there! 🐝✨

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

@deAdder fascism isn’t just anything you disagree with you dork ass loser

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@morganisawizard

2 years

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 years

that’s cute... fire them.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 years

call me an idealist, but i think it’s possible for society to draw a line between destigmatizing tattoos in the workplace and recognizing if you look like something straight out of pan’s labyrinth you’re going to make the five year olds cry

Reuters

@Reuters

4 years

Frenchman says tattoos cost him kindergarten teaching job

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

the academy ought to thank will smith and chris rock for making the public aware the oscars were happening tonight

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MJ

@morganisawizard

5 years

do... do you know who shot them?

Beto O'Rourke

@BetoORourke

5 years

Yesterday, people brought assault weapons to our rally at Kent State—where 4 students were shot dead in 1970. I told them nobody should show up with an AK-47 or an AR-15 to seek to intimidate us in our own democracy. We need to buy back every single one of them.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 years

stop being scared of nuclear energy.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 years

if you shoot me while i’m running and not threatening your life, you murdered me. if i rob a store and then you shoot me while i’m running and not threatening your life, you still murdered me.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

twitter employee undergoes therapy over elon musk takeover the latest from @TheBabylonBee :

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MJ

@morganisawizard

8 months

this is the best thing to happen to amber heard’s reputation in 2 years

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MJ

@morganisawizard

1 year

are you actually mad at baby it’s cold outside or are you just lonely and unfamiliar with sexual tension

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

$420.69 minimum wage. anything else is literally violence.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

i mean

Brian Stelter

@brianstelter

3 years

GOP's anti-media streak summarized: Governor of one of the biggest states in the USA says citizens should "assume" news outlets are lying to them

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

does all this for a virus with almost a 100% survival rate, yet eats food stepped on by an animal who shits in a litter box. nice.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

rich liberals say they care about the poor but then turn around and make low-income workers their punchline

Stephen King

@StephenKing

3 years

Enjoy your next job as a cocktail waitress in Tampa.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

6 years

If #NetNeutrality is repealed: • Netflix will cost $199 per second • $800 fine if you say MySpace • Your iPhone will strangle you • The entirety of Manhattan will be zombies except for one man • Annual reaping of children will be instated • The Lorax shows up • Sharknado

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

so i drove through nebraska today and i think i may have found the world’s most libertarian gas station

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MJ

@morganisawizard

10 months

happy metal detecting season

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

spelling bee contestant asks the definition of “woman”

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MJ

@morganisawizard

7 months

it’s a disservice to humanity to pretend like all cultures are created equally

Alma

@glumirror

7 months

Are the eyes too seductive? Is eyesight reserved for men, too?

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MJ

@morganisawizard

10 months

when i first saw this tweet i thought “that’s really mean, she could’ve purchased that middle seat for all we know” then i learned she’s an activist who’s trying to make airlines give multiple seats to obese individuals for the price of one but THEN i learned despite this, she

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@ElijahSchaffer

10 months

You got to get into your assigned middle seat and see this, what do you do/say?

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

society cracked down too hard on mild playground bullying and now look

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

i have 99 problems but inflation makes that 139

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 months

before you send the babylon bee a wall of text about how a headline has deeply offended you, just know that you’re really sending it to me. and i can assure you i do not care.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

a huge congrats to @taylorlorenz for single-handedly doubling @libsoftiktok followers 🥳

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

the biden administration promised the middle class student loan forgiveness and then gave them 87,000 new irs agents instead lmaoo

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

y’all remember that guy from fear factor?

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MJ

@morganisawizard

9 months

i walked into a party this weekend, saw this, and immediately knew the vibes were good

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 years

little bedtime reminder, goodnight 🥰

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MJ

@morganisawizard

1 year

i sincerely believe a good husband, even in anger, wouldn’t have the ability within himself to tell his pregnant wife he’ll fuck her up.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 years

🤔🤔🤔

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MJ

@morganisawizard

5 years

You threatened to steal from a man through force his property that he has legally obtained. In response, he states he is ready to defend said property from force *if* you aggress first. The cards are in your hands and you dare cry death threat? An absolute joke of a man you are.

Beto O'Rourke

@BetoORourke

5 years

This is a death threat, Representative. Clearly, you shouldn't own an AR-15—and neither should anyone else.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

if everyone who complained about women's soccer players getting paid less actually watched women's soccer, we probably wouldn't be having this discussion again.

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@morganisawizard

2 years

it’s crazy how much better the world would be if we all just got behind nuclear power and planting a shit ton of trees

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@morganisawizard

2 years

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@morganisawizard

3 years

Robinhood

@RobinhoodApp

8 years

Let the people trade.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

some personal news, i’m now officially working full-time at @TheBabylonBee aka the dopest job ever 🐝✨

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

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@morganisawizard

2 years

love all these democrat governors suddenly proclaiming we need to respect people’s choices about whether or not they mask, as if they haven’t fought against exactly that for two years.

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@morganisawizard

3 years

cracking down on billionaires’ tax evasion does not look like monitoring $600 bank transfers. the lengths you people will go to defend an actual vegetable is astonishing.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

i never used to want kids and i just wanted to be some girlboss corporate shill, but now i can’t think of something more worthwhile and badass than nurturing the next generation of humankind and having part of me live on to see the ages that i won’t.

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@morganisawizard

2 years

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@morganisawizard

5 years

im also outraged about tanks today, but not due to the parade, rather because of how difficult it is to privately own one

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 years

it’s crazy to me we haven’t put limits on foreign ownership of our own land. it seems so bipartisan to NOT have china buy up the entire country. like??? hello??

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@morganisawizard

4 years

ummm the country without concentration camps

Dr Tessa Dunlop

@Tessadunlop

4 years

China’s got Covid-19 under control. America hasn’t. Where would you rather live?

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@morganisawizard

4 years

if trump wins again, the logical takeaway for the left should be their collectivist identity politics pandering to the most radical minority are complete bullshit and costing them elections, but of course they’ll probably just double-down on it once again.

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@morganisawizard

2 years

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@morganisawizard

4 years

the fact people think it’s justifiable to make someone die alone on facetime just in case their family is “asymptomatic” is abhorrent and the worst of humanity.

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MJ

@morganisawizard

2 years

hook up culture is bad for the soul and we’d all be better off without it.

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@morganisawizard

2 years

i’m old enough to remember five hours ago when tracking down people’s family members and reaching out to anyone who may have association with them was just called “good journalism”

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@morganisawizard

2 months

we used to be a proper country

YIMBYLAND

@YIMBYLAND

2 months

Bro this is straight up unacceptable.

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@morganisawizard

2 years

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@morganisawizard

7 years

*on a first date* him: i think we should raise minimum wage to $15 me (trying to impress him): i too have no concept of supply and demand

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@morganisawizard

5 years

your state literally has an app to report human shit on the sidewalks.

Gavin Newsom

@GavinNewsom

5 years

Hey, @senatemajldr : Kentucky has a Democratic Governor. Look out.

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@morganisawizard

2 years

just got the keys to my first, very own apartment 🥰

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@morganisawizard

1 year

do you know how bad of a transportation secretary you have to be for people to even know who the transportation secretary is

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@morganisawizard

3 years

when i tell you i just choked-

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@morganisawizard

2 years

i work for the babylon bee and even i thought this was one of our articles at first

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MJ

@morganisawizard

4 years

well for starters, the group on the right would shoot you for the flag in your handle.

Renée Graham 🏳️‍🌈

@reneeygraham

4 years

See the difference? Me neither.

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@morganisawizard

4 years

like this if you still wouldn’t try heroin even if it was legal

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MJ

@morganisawizard

3 months

@Playboysparadox ok loser

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@morganisawizard

3 years

you might be having a bad day, but at least you’re not some hot shot wall street suit that has to tell his boss they lost billions because of some meme bros on reddit

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MJ

@morganisawizard

10 months

promoting your OF under someone else’s tweet is so gross go find a father

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@morganisawizard

4 years

i just want to marry someone who loves, respects, and values me as much as i do private property rights.

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