Optometrist, but I rarely tweet about Optometry. Liberal, news junkie and love to travel. CB6 member. Opinions, RTs personal. She/her/hers
Insta: rupal.kakkad
Since this bird site has turned into a cesspool of trolls & right wingers, I've signed up for that other site. I'm not a fan of Zuck, but from what I'm hearing, Threads is better than here. Follow me there: rupal.kakkad
Call him Abishek Asthana. Make his real name as popular as the name he plagiarized from a movie. Don't let this coward hide behind a fake name. Make sure the world knows who he really is.
Google recently showed me this picture from 1994 when I was 12 years old. It's strange to think back to those days when we lived in a motel room. All 5 of us were in one room. My mom had to clean great rooms for free a part of "rent".
I'm rooting for the Australian rule of law. NoVaxx Djoker shouldn't get any special treatment. He should be deported immediately.
Besides, Naomi Osaka didn't want to do a press conference, wasn't he the one saying rules should be followed even if it's hard, sometimes.
Novak Djokovic criticized Simone Biles for GRACEFULLY backing out and prioritizing her mental health. But he breaks two rackets (throws one in the empty stand), and backs out of men's double saying the pressure is too much after losing a match.
White male rage at its peak.
As my mom's birthday nears, I've been thinking of her a lot. She would've been 74 years old later this month
The one story I keep thinking about is from her younger days. Why her marriage was arranged. She was very smart and curious about the world. She LOVED reading.
DDLJ is THE WORST movie ever made. I loathe this movie & hope the Broadway is the biggest failure in history! This movie is all about glamorizing women being treated like a football to be tossed around between men while they have a dick measuring contest & passing it as "romance"
Damn, every time I think Abishek Asthana can't get any more DUMB, he proves me wrong. He actually thinks sending me emails about my husband tweeting about me is somehow shocking or scandalous??
ROFL! Predictably, after I tweeted about the bigot Asthana, this started being sent around.
I love how he thinks that this is some major expose. Am I dishonoring his dharma by being intimate with my wife? 😂😂😂
I am now at a point in life where I can order food from Michelin Star restaurant on a whim& not even realize it! I got take out from there again today but felt very emotional while eating it. And this change is a result of the hard work & sacrifice my patents made for so many yrs
So as I've tweeted before, when we first immigrated to California, both my parents had two full time jobs that paid minimum wage at best. They were always looking for better opportunities. We'd pick up Indian newspapers when we went to LA for desi groceries.
The
@k_rupal
says she will do a thread of her own soon about growing up in a motel and the business and the family and the community side of things. /Fin
My dad happened to be 'on the market' & he wanted a pretty, gori girl without glasses. He had glasses & didn't want his kids to have glasses. So his wife had to have good vision on top of being skinny, pretty and gori.
Spoiler alert: ALL his kids got glasses at very young age
I was lucky enough to not be forced into an unwanted arranged marriage but DDLJ reinforces the idea that women should just do what they're told. That movie has done more harm to women than we'll ever know.
This is why whenever we stay at a motel and I see that managers are Indians, I'll try to find the maid who is assigned to clean our room and give the tip to them directly. I'll try not to leave it in the room. Anyway, I digress.
These are a few pics from the one and only time she was able to visit me NYC before cancer took her. In fact, she knew her cancer and the pain was back but she didn't say anything to anyone.
I always thought I wanted kids but once I really thought about it, I realized I didn't actually want kids. I just THOUGHT I wanted kids because that's what society expects women to do. Life has been great once I decided I never want to have kids ❤
Can't believe it's been 15 years since my first date with
@gauravsabnis
. It was supposed to by a weekend thing but here we are 15 years later. I guess you can say the weekend went pretty well.
Plan for today: binge watch
#MythicQuest
in bed and get Tibetan lunch delivered
Patient has a half an hour appointment at 1 pm.
Patient shows up at 2 pm saying "I'm late for my appointment"
NO!! Your appointment technically ended at 1:30 pm so You're not late for your appointment. You MISSED your appointment!
That's how time works 🙄
Also
@POTUS
didn't tell indian PM to hold rallies in the middle of a f***ing pandemic.
@POTUS
also didn't tell the Indian government to donate their vaccines to Canada and other countries
#indiacovid
India’s current catastrophe is not created by
@POTUS
, for fuck’s sake. He’s not the one allocating a minuscule 1.5% of India’s budget to healthcare. He’s not spending 20,000 crores on the Central Vista Project. He’s not sitting on US 1.5 billion.
#CovidIndia
Growing up watching my father undermine women every day, I'd decided (in high school) I was NEVER going to marry an Indian men. Like N.E.V.E.R!! Even if he was the last man on earth and the fate of humanity dependent on it. It wasn't going to happen!
Tennis association is all about punishing women of color for prioritizing their mental health but a white man can put the health an entire country in danger during a pandemic without consequences.
They said I was too young to know what's good for me.
So, I'm too young to know what's good for me but old enough to get married to a guy I've never met??
How does that make any sense?
I guess it makes sense if women aren't allowed to think. The entire theme of DDLJ
I had a conversation w/a patient today & felt like I was being punked or secretly recorded having an insane dialog.
Pt: can I get contact lenses?
Me: of course but since you've never worn contacts, I need to teach you how to put them in & take them out before you can get them
For my parents, the way India was when we left is frozen in time. That's how they remember India so growing up in Cali, I was expected to behave like I was still living in small town Gujarat. If not, then I'm losing my "traditional values".
@aiddya
@gauravsabnis
@Meetasengupta
^^ Oh this! I recall one of Johar interviews where he shared he is just monetizing the extremely orthodox mindset that desi NRIs have. I never understood it till I moved to the US.
A young, adult woman in London is shown to just do whatever she's told by the asshole men in her life w/o question. That's portrayed as good, traditional value. Her entire life & purpose is to be subservient at any and all cost. That's "sanskari". Fucking hate that word.
Soon after the marriage, he realized she was smarter then him. He didn't like that. He actively didn't listen to her advice and always suffered the consequences. Except so did the rest of us because his choices affected the family. All the while refusing to admit she was right.
Yep. This should be the standard. Joe Rogan, mu$k, and RFK Jr., should be able to define these and other basic questions without googling. If they can't, they lose.
Instead of bringing scientists on podcasts, how about we force podcasters to prove they can do basic science?
Do you know what “double-blind” means, my dude?
Can you define p-value, bro?
Without googling it, give me the basics of polymerization.
Can’t do it? You lose.
I got my 1st dose of the Moderna COVID vaccine today in NYC. The whole experience was mostly smooth & here is my experience.
My appointment was for 5:45pm but I got to the site around 5pm. I thought I'd have walk around & wait for a bit. Turns out, it was good I got there early
My dad worked two full time jobs also. He was a cashier at a convenience store in the morning and a cashier at a gas station in the evening. He's been robbed at gun point at these jobs more times then he can count.
She grew up in an EXTREMELY conservative and traditional family. She wanted to go to college and managed to convinced her father to let her go. She barely finished one semester before she was pulled out and her marriage was arranged to my father.
What happened, you ask?
She was an assembly line worker for the evening shift which ended at midnight. She would get home around 1 am and have to get up by 6 am to clean rooms for free.
Today I passed my two slow moving people on my way to get morning coffee. As I passed them, I heard a soft voice say excuse me. I turned and the woman said they are hungry and if I'll buy them breakfast from
@Starbucks
I looked at them. It was an older woman and a teenager.
My mom tried to tell them it wasn't her. Not only was she not in that neighborhood, she wasn't even wearing the clothes described by the neighbor. It couldn't have been her. But that didn't matter. Facts were irrelevant at this point.
Women shouldn't think, have any say in what happens to their own life. The weird thing is in Indian culture people take the ideals shown in movies way too seriously and start applying it to real life. Especially if the family portrayed in the movie is rich and living abroad.
My patents had 3 kids to take care of in a new country. Neither had an education so they both had to work multiple jobs at minimum wage to pay the bills. After cleaning rooms all day, my mom would go for her 2nd full time job.
People were already talking. Truth was no longer relevant at this point. It was all about the perception. So, she was no longer allowed to go back to college. Arranging her marriage was the priority.
My mom collected empty cans and bottles from rooms she cleaned. We took them to a recycling center where we got paid a few dollars. We cut coupons for everything we needed from milk to shampoo to whatever else. My first bra was purchased from a salvation army thrift shop.
Last week I ordered take out lunch from a random Sichuan restaurant in midtown. I learned over the weekend that what I thought was a "random" Sichuan restaurant actually has a Michelin Star! How things have changed over the last few decades!
They had "a perfect guy" for me. He lived in India and was the only son from "a good family" which is code for super conservative family that treats women like unpaid laborers. His family had more money than we did when we lived in India.
This nosey neighbor decided it was their 'responsibility' to tell her parents that their daughter is talking to boys on the street in broad daylight. SCANDALOUS!!
Hey there, random guy attempting to intimidate my husband
@gauravsabnis
,
You clearly don't know him so let me give you some advice. You're going to have to try a lot harder if you want to scare him. In fact, you sound more scared of him in the voicemail you left. 1/4
She would have to clean 8 room (I think) everyday for free every day so we could stay there. If she cleaned more rooms she would get paid something like $2.50 per room + tips. Except, the manager would always go to the rooms and steal the tips.
One day after school, my parents told me that they're going to arrange my marriage to this guy. I was a senior in high school and couldn't wait to go off to college. Get my freedom. I couldn't wait to stay in dorms, away from all the traditional crap expected of me every day
Well, one fine day a neighbor saw, from a distance, someone who looked kinda like her wearing an outfit that looked kinda like the one she had. This adult woman was talking to a boy.
When my mom came home that day her parents yelled at her, told her she can't go to college anymore. What will people say if this news about her talking to boys got out?? No boy from a decent family will want to marry her.
Seriously, if he tried hard enough, he just might find pictures of us kissing!! Now that's a real scandal. Husband and wife *KISSING* and putting pics online! I mean that's definitely something 21 year old undergrad students in NJ have NEVER seen before in their lives. The horror
In high school I started to push back. None of my friends were Indian. Suddenly my parents realized I was losing my culture and becoming "too American". Something needed to be done before it was too late. So at the age of 17, my parents decided it was time to marry me off.
Is he under the impression that undergrad students in NJ have never heard of married couple being intimate or people having sex in general? I mean what's he gonna do if he found out that 21 yr old students might have actually participated in consensual adult activities themselves
And this is the first pic we took together (I think). This was in March 2007. Who knew that a random guy I met online would make feel calm about EVERYTHING 🥰
These fictional families that treat women like objects are held as examples of how things should actually be. If women living abroad in western countries can follow the traditional value then all women should give up all their expectations and just do what the men tell them
After the visit, I asked mom if she really thought that was her definition of a perfect guy? That I was going to be happy with a guy who treats me like a maid? A guy who couldn't even get up when his own child stared to cry? He just yelled at his wife to take care of the baby.
If he gives me permission then I can go. If he said no, then I won't go to college.
I told my parents I'm not ok with it. I do not agree to this arranged marriage. I want to go to college. I have good grades. I know I'll get into a good school and I'll get enough scholarships
I didn't want to get married to anyone. I wanted to go to college and have fun. I wanted to get an education so I can take care of myself. I wanted to figure out who I was and what I wanted.
But that didn't matter. Mom went to India, intent on showing my pic to that family
He didn't care who he married as long as the girl's family was able to buy him and his family "gifts" they wanted. As long as everything on the list was purchased, he didn't care. He had zero interest in her, who she was, her likes and dislikes, her personality. It was irrelevant
What were some really DUMB lies your parents told you growing up?
I'll start.
I was told that if I cut my nails at night a sparrow loses its beak. I didn't cut my nails at night for the longest time.
Absolutely insane. But I believed it for a lot longer than I should have.
Mom was going to visit India. She's taking my pic with her to show him and his family. And if all goes well, I'll be married off to this guy before my 18th birthday. Whether I go to college or not will depend on him. He'll decide what happens to my future.
We argued for weeks but I was becoming too independent. I wasn't "traditional" enough so this had to happen. I told them I'm won't go through with it so don't make a promise on my behalf.
First time going to desi salon aunty in 5 months and she tells me "I remember you from February. You look a lot darker now than you did before COVID. But you are also less chubby than used to be." How does one respond to this?! 🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽
#DesiAunties
Me: umm yes, you do. They’re called *contact* lenses for a reason. You need to be able to touch your eyes to put them in AND take them out.
Pt: well, aren't there contact lenses that don't touch your eyes?
Now I really need to take a deep breath & a few seconds before responding
As I get closer and closer to my big 40th b'day, I find myself remembering and thinking of the only birthday party I had as a kid. I think it was my 8th birthday. We never threw birthday parties because we couldn't afford it. It was the one year I was allowed to have a party.
He had a beer belly even though he didn't drink. He looked like he hadn't showered in days. Meanwhile his wife was taking care of a crying baby, cook, clean for his whole family &guests (us). He couldn't even be bothered to get off his lazy ass and help take care of his own child
Moral of the story is that if you are a parent trying to teach your child a basic survival skill, try not to make it all about pleasing some man. Instead, make it about being independent.
Me: you can't sleep in contact lenses you need to know how to take them out at the end of the day.
Pt: ohh, you can't sleep in them?
Me: no. You cannot.
Pt: I can't touch my eyes. Do you really have to touch your eyes to use contacts?
*I have take a second before responding
This pic is from my first trips to India in 2004 after immigrating to California in 1993. I left India at the age of 11 and returned for the first time as a 22 yr old adult. My family in India is very conservative and I was scared/nervous about visiting.
Spending my birthday weekend in our fav Ulster County. As wonderful as this County is,
@gauravsabnis
is the best chef in at least 50 mile radius so he's hard at work on my multi course birthday dinner. Starting w/Tomatoes & mozzarella drizzled w/olive oil & local Sourdough bread
@gauravsabnis
One more reason for me is this:
You love cooking and I HATE it.
Growing up in a traditional family where I was told "what man will want to marry a girl who can't cook?" this was a very important factor. I'd put that towards the top of the list 😍
I'm always so lost when I get asked what relevant skills, knowledge, and experience I bring. I don't even know where to begin.
Talking myself up always feels weird and unnatural. Does anyone else feel the same way?
Sometimes I feel like my friends don't know me at all.
Her: Hey Rupal, can I ask u cooking questions about tikka masala?
Me: umm... you can ask but I'm not sure if I'll be able to answer. You do know I don't really cook, right
Her: I guess what I meant was, is Gaurav around?
🤣
I had a German patient today
Me: ohh where in Germany are you from?
Him: Hamburg
Me: I've visited Munich
*before I could say anything else...
Him (in a very matter of fact voice): that doesn't count
He said it so factually that I had the urge to change topic
@complexityist
3 yrs ago, I signed up to be a poll worker. Polls workers are usually retired people doing their civic duty. Because of COVID, they decided to stay at home. The call went out to get younger people to become poll workers. I signed up. I studied. I showed up at 5 am on election day