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Palmer Report

@PalmerReport

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Political analysis ahead of the curve.

Los Angeles, CA
Joined June 2008
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@PalmerReport
Palmer Report
5 years
Bill Nye has fucking had it.
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@PalmerReport
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4 years
@realDonaldTrump It's not a the "Chinese Virus" you fucking racist dickhead!
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4 years
Linkin Park just got Donald Trump’s campaign video removed for copying violation. Good for Linkin Park. RIP Chester Bennington. Fuck Trump.
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@PalmerReport
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4 years
Donald Trump just tweeted "thank you President Trump." What kind of dickhead thanks himself in the third person?
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5 years
Donald Trump currently has: - No National Security Adviser - No Homeland Security Director - No ICE Director - No Air Force Secretary - No FEMA Director - No UN Ambassador - No White House Chief of Staff - No clue
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2 years
Elon Musk has publicly attacked two high ranking Twitter employees today, putting him in violation of the disparagement clause in his buyout agreement. It's unclear if he's just unraveling in general, or if he's purposely trying to get the buyout deal voided.
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5 years
Fuck the El Paso shooter. Fuck white supremacists. Fuck the NRA. Fuck the Republican Party. Fuck Donald Trump. And if you're offended by this tweet, fuck you too!
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3 years
Shout out if you never once referred to him as "President Trump"
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1 year
Trump is now claiming he ordered the FBI and U.S. Attorneys to stop the ballot counting in the 2018 Florida Governor race, so DeSantis would narrowly win. Trump, who knows he’s going to prison anyway, is confessing to felonies just to scandalize DeSantis. This is going to be fun.
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@PalmerReport
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4 years
So yeah, 1 Republican in the House just voted "yes" on impeachment and it showed up on the vote tally for a minute, but then that Republican took the vote back and now it's back to 0 Republicans. That's the best summary of Republican cowardice I've seen yet.
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@PalmerReport
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4 years
The sad part is that when you see #DicklessRapist trending, you immediately know it's about the President of the United States.
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4 years
Donald Trump is currently at Walter Reed hospital, presumably to try to get Nancy Pelosi’s shoe removed from his ass.
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3 years
Marjorie Taylor Greene has been locked out of her Twitter account.
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4 years
MSNBC cut off Jared Kushner immediately.
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@PalmerReport
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4 years
Trump’s properties have only been shut down for like two weeks, and he’s already unable to make payments on his Deutsche Bank loans. I told you all along that motherfucker was broke.
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@PalmerReport
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4 years
It's one in the morning, it's the middle of a pandemic, people are dying, hospitals are overloaded, the economy has collapsed, and the President of the United States just tweeted "Congratulations AMERICA!" Fuck this guy.
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4 years
Donald Trump just tweeted “Time for a change! #2020 .” He’s too far gone to realize he just accidentally endorsed Joe Biden.
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2 years
Germany and Italy are now both reportedly ready to remove Russia from the SWIFT banking system. They were the only two known holdouts. If Russia loses access to SWIFT, the financial implosion of Russia will be, ahem, swift. Bring it on!
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4 years
Wait so they arrested CNN’s Omar Jimenez for reporting on the protests, but they still haven’t arrested the cop that murdered a guy?
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11 months
George Santos’ attorney just quit. Rudy Giuliani’s attorney quit yesterday. Donald Trump’s attorney quit the other day. They know what’s coming.
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3 years
CNN has fired Rick Santorum.
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4 years
"Nobody likes me" - actual quote from Donald Trump today
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4 years
If Iran were smart, it would demand America turn over Donald Trump in exchange for no war. Majority of Americans would be all for it.
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4 years
If Donald Trump and Joe Biden were both drowning and you only had time to save one of them, where would you and Joe Biden go for lunch together afterward?
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4 years
Donald Trump just announced that he’s banning TikTok. He clearly has no idea what these TikTok kids are about to do to him in response.
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4 years
Mitt Romney is now marching with Black Lives Matter protesters. Hell has officially frozen over.
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4 years
I don't mean to alarm anyone, but the President of the United States is committing treason.
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4 years
Trump holds a rally for Matt Bevin in Kentucky last week, and Matt Bevin loses. Trump goes to the Alabama football game this weekend, and Alabama loses. Trump tweets his support for Sean Spicer on #DWTS tonight, and Sean Spicer loses. Donald Trump is a loser.
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2 years
China just announced that it respects the sovereignty of Ukraine, after having announced hours ago that it told Putin to negotiate a truce. This is going downhill for Putin fast, China knows it, and doesn’t want to go down with him.
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1 year
People who are older than Joe Biden: - Harrison Ford (just made anther Indiana Jones movie) - Paul McCartney (touring around the world) - Patrick Stewart (still playing Captain Picard) - Mel Brooks (producing a new TV series) We don't need to hear about Biden's age, thanks!
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3 years
Rep. Katie Porter is missing a shoe because it's in Steve Mnuchin's ass
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2 years
CNN says many Republican officials are “stunned” by today’s bombshells about Trump. No. They knew he was every bit this evil. They’re only stunned that the January 6th Committee was this successful at digging it all up.
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3 years
As of tonight Lindsey Graham is no longer Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee.
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5 years
Donald Trump is giving a speech at the Pentagon right now, and he’s talking about how he invited the Taliban to Camp David for 9/11. Seriously, fuck this guy.
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5 years
Donald Trump currently has: - No Secretary of Defense - No Secretary of the Air Force - No FEMA Director - No Secretary of the Interior - No UN Ambassador - No White House Chief of Staff - No White House Communications Director - No clue
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2 years
All these Republicans pretending they support the women of Iran when they don’t even support the women of America
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9 months
The magistrate judge just told defendant Donald Trump that he’ll be locked up until trial if he commits any more crimes along the way, including trying to influence any witnesses or jurors. This judge is not messing around.
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4 years
If Joe Biden becomes President, his most logical Attorney General is Kamala Harris. Or if she’s the running mate, the most logical Attorney General is Adam Schiff. Either one of them will bring criminal charges against Trump and put him in prison.
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5 years
Lindsey Graham's day so far: - Just said "fucking idiot" on live national television - Deranged meltdown about Hillary Clinton's emails - MSNBC had to break into Graham's statement to point out that he's lying - This man belongs in a rubber room - It's still only 10:20am
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2 years
The judge is now demanding that Trump explain why he filed this motion in her district. Trump thought that by filing one county over, and landing a judge he’d appointed, it would work in his favor. Instead the judge is telling Trump to get off her lawn.
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2 years
Zelenskyy told Senator Rick Scott to mute himself today, something that most Americans have been wanting to do for years
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4 years
Congratulations to Donald Trump for being too stupid to realize he’s the punchline of the Larry David video he just tweeted.
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5 years
Make no mistake: Brett Kavanaugh will be indicted for perjury and forced to resign once Trump is gone. People like Susan Collins will lose in 2020 for having installed him to begin with. But this whole thing is fucking disgusting.
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4 years
Melania Trump has done nothing to stop her husband from kidnapping kids and locking them in cages. She doesn’t get to say shit when someone harmlessly mentions Barron’s name in passing. Not a goddamn motherfucking word.
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2 years
Secret Service now claims 1/6 text messages are permanently gone, per WaPo, and National Archives is investigating whether to make criminal referral. This suggests the texts may be so incriminating, they’d rather risk going down for obstruction instead. Scandal just got bigger.
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5 years
Donald Trump’s day so far: - Tells four non-white Congresswomen to “go back” to where they came from - Three of them were born in the United States - Trump is a fucking racist and a fucking idiot - Impeach the motherfucker now! - Put Trump’s ass in prison! - It’s still only 11am
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2 years
Donald Trump announced today that he may not run in 2024 due to his health. After he spends the next year and a half pretending he’s running so he can take in quasi-campaign donations and pocket them, this is the excuse he’ll use for not actually entering the 2024 race.
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11 months
I don't want to hear any of this bullshit about how this is a "dark day in American history." It was a dark day when he took office. It was a dark day when he committed crime after crime. Today is GREAT DAY because he's finally being brought to justice.
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4 years
Donald Trump’s old pal Howard Stern just endorsed Joe Biden.
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1 year
WE'VE WON THE SENATE MAJORITY!
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5 years
This week Donald Trump has condemned: - John McCain - General Motors - New York - Stephen Colbert - France - Hillary Clinton - Immigrants - The FBI - California - China - Jimmy Fallon - Google This week Donald Trump has not condemned: - White supremacist shooters
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3 years
Trump: I’ll have to be dragged out of the White House Everyone: what channel can we watch this on
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4 years
Bill Nye has fucking had it:
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4 years
If we're going to print Donald Trump's name on the relief checks, we should also print Donald Trump's name as the cause of death on the death certificates.
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5 years
Donald Trump is a Category 5 idiot.
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4 years
Donald Trump says he won’t tolerate “lowlifes” at his rally. Does that mean Trump just banned himself from his rally?
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1 year
President Biden just put on his sunglasses and called himself Dark Brandon. Who stands with him?
Tweet media one
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4 years
@realDonaldTrump 1) It's not the "China Virus" you racist jackass. 2) You're months late to the mask party. 3) You're only wearing one now because your poll numbers collapsed. 4 )You'll need a mask when you lose and try to flee the country in disguise. 5) You're no one's favorite President.
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2 years
Russian oligarch Oleg Deripaska is now calling for peace between Russia and Ukraine. Guess he doesn’t like what’s happening to his bank account.
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5 years
Donald Trump just publicly instructed the Department of Justice to target Brett Kavanaugh’s accusers. For this alone, Trump must go to prison for the rest of his fucking life.
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4 years
The Queen managed to give an entire speech today without attacking any reporters, lying about anyone in her government, touting any dangerous miracle cures, or mispronouncing any words. Also she’s 93 years old and she has more stamina than Trump ever will.
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3 years
Donald Trump has just been banned from Reddit. Do you know how badly you have to fuck up in life to get banned from Reddit?
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3 years
Caitlyn Jenner has officially lost the recall race. All three of her voters are said to be disappointed.
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4 years
Retweet this if you think CNN and MSNBC shouldn't air the asshole's press conference today.
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4 years
President: Joe Biden VP: Stacey Abrams Attorney General: Kamala Harris Secretary of Defense: Pete Buttigieg Secretary of State: Amy Klobuchar Senate Finance Committee Chairman: Bernie Secretary of Treasury: Elizabeth Warren If we unite behind Biden now, this can all happen
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2 years
Jamie Raskin now says the 1/6 committee has proof that Trump didn’t just incite the Capitol attack, he was a criminal conspirator in the attack. Buckle up, these public hearings are going to be a sight to see.
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8 months
Donald Trump is not running for President. There is no “Trump 2024” campaign. He never even bothered to hire a campaign manager. He’s going to prison. The media needs to stop parroting Trump’s false claim that he’s running for President. That’s a lie, and the media knows it.
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7 months
Matt Gaetz now says he’ll seek to remove Kevin McCarthy next week. Kevin McCarthy says he’ll seek to remove Matt Gaetz next week. I’ll be over here making popcorn all week.
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1 year
Special Counsel Jack Smith just personally sent a letter to the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals pointing out the lies in Trump’s latest filing. That’s right, the Special Counsel is working on Thanksgiving. Wasting no time! Trump will be indicted soon and it’s going to be glorious.
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4 years
Donald Trump Jr just posted a photo of himself holding an assault weapon with Hillary Clinton's picture on the side of it. I can't wait til that treasonous little motherfucker Donald Trump Jr is in prison.
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5 years
Donald Trump currently has: - No Secretary of Defense - No Secretary of the Air Force - No FEMA Director - No Secretary of the Interior - No UN Ambassador - No White House Chief of Staff - No White House Communications Director - No clue
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8 months
Trump just announced that “I’ll be going to Atlanta, Georgia on Thursday to be ARRESTED” To which the majority of Americans say “Good, pass the POPCORN”
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2 years
President Biden has been three steps ahead of Putin, and one step ahead of the world, the entire time. Biden is the reason all of these worldwide sanctions and consequences have come together behind the scenes. We’re watching Joe Biden’s finest hour.
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1 year
The DOJ managed to subpoena all the evidence, convene a grand jury, put witnesses in front of it, and bring an indictment against George Santos, without us knowing any of it was even happening. We have no idea how many other House Republicans are in the process of being indicted.
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4 years
Trump fucked Stormy Daniels and had to pay $130,000 to keep it quiet. Trump fucked the whole country and only had to pay $750.
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4 years
@realDonaldTrump Holy shit, where do we even start with this? The ramp was NOT steep. Trump's security detail wouldn't have allowed the ramp to remain wet. And if Trump was worried about not looking stupid on camera, why would he purposely waddle like a slow motion duck? Donald Trump is not well.
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4 years
Trump campaigned in Kentucky, and the Republican lost. Trump campaigned in Louisiana, and the republican lost. Trump tweeted support for Sean Spicer on Dancing With The Stars, and Sean Spicer lost. Trump attended an Alabama football game, and Alabama lost. Trump is a loser.
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5 years
Donald Trump currently has: - No Homeland Security Director - No Secret Service Director - No ICE Director - No Secretary of Defense - No Air Force Secretary - No FEMA Director - No Secretary of the Interior - No UN Ambassador - No White House Chief of Staff - No clue
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4 years
@realDonaldTrump You threatened to send in the troops and have them start murdering black protesters, and now you're trying to pretend you meant something else? Nice try, Beavis. Twitter took down your violent threat for a reason. Now resign and report to prison where you belong!
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4 years
After Donald Trump's assets are seized in his eventual criminal trial, the Trump hotel where all these crimes took place will become government property. We should turn it into housing for the homeless, refugees, and immigrants.
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4 years
The police assaulted John Cusack tonight for daring to film them, and the police shot MSNBC's Ali Velshi in the leg with a rubber bullet tonight for daring to report on them, so I'd say we're all pretty fucked right now.
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2 years
As expected, the New York Supreme Court has decided not to intervene, and Donald Trump is now out of appeals. He will be forced to testify to NY AG Letitia James about Trump Organization fraud. Trump’s bad week just keeps getting worse for him.
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4 years
Donald Trump somehow lost the second presidential debate to Savannah Guthrie
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4 years
Eight years ago Mitt Romney was the worst republican. Now he’s the best republican. And he hasn’t even changed. The whole party just got worse than him.
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5 years
Sorry, Joe Scarborough and Mika, you’re wrong. They’re not chanting “Lock him up” at Trump because they think he’s a bad president. They’re chanting it because he’s an actual criminal. There’s literally a grand jury in the process of indicting him in New York. Lock him up indeed.
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5 years
Donald Trump just announced that he's "shortly" going to cure AIDS and childhood cancer. He has no plan for that, no basis for saying it, he's put no funding or effort into this. He's just lying about two horrible diseases that affect a lot of people. Fuck him.
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2 years
When the DOJ is near the end of an investigation and has decided what charges to bring, it often adds a prosecutor to the team with experience in that area. The DOJ just added a prosecutor to the Trump case whose specialty is prosecuting espionage. Here we go.
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4 years
Donald Trump: hey gang, we're committing treason! Mike Pence: I'm in Rex Tillerson: no I'm out, I only commit environmental crimes Mike Pompeo: I'm in John Bolton: I'm out, I only do war crimes Bill Barr: I'm in Rudy Giuliani: way ahead of you Lindsey Graham: I have rabies
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2 years
Just so you understand how these things work. NY AG Letitia James has already publicly stated that she’s found massive Trump Organization fraud. Donald Trump’s deposition was his chance to explain it all away. Instead he pleaded the fifth. The Trump Organization is now a goner.
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4 years
Joe Arpaio has officially lost the Arizona Sheriff's race. Don't let the door hit him in his racist ass.
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2 years
Even though Spotify sided with Joe Rogan over Neil Young, let's be clear: Neil Young still won. He managed to generate major headlines about Spotify's Rogan problem. Now it comes down to how many customers, and additional famous musicians, Spotify will lose in the coming days.
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4 years
Trump doesn't like Yamiche Alcindor's question, screams at her, has her mic cut off. Trump later calls on Jeremy Diamond, who then hands the mic to Yamiche Alcindor. Someone give Jeremy Diamond a medal.
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9 months
Rudy Giuliani is now leaking to the media that Trump has been refusing to pay his legal fees for months. Giuliani is sending a clear signal to Trump that he needs to pay up or Giuliani will flip on him. It means Giuliani is truly scared of what’s happening – and Trump should be.
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3 years
Donald Trump Jr is now calling for Joe Biden to be removed via the 25th Amendment. I don't think he understands how anything works.
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2 years
Rudy Giuliani, Lindsey Graham, and Jenna Ellis now face the impossible task of testifying under oath without knowing what the DA has already obtained from other witnesses.They know that if they try to lie to protect Trump, and the DA catches them, they go to prison for perjury.
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3 years
Hope Hicks has resigned. Good riddance.
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4 years
Donald Trump's campaign just tweeted Trump's head photoshopped onto Greta Thunberg's body. No, really. Trump is the sickest fuck in the history of fucks.
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5 years
Famous presidential quotes: “Four score and seven years ago” - Abraham Lincoln “The only thing we have to fear” - Franklin Roosevelt “I’m fucked” - Donald Trump
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5 years
So far today Donald Trump has attacked: - Mayor of Dayton - Beto O'Rourke - Sherrod Brown - Joe Biden - CNN - Shepard Smith - Fox News - "LameStream media" - New York Times Apparently, Trump's plan to bring the country together is to unite everyone in America against him.
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4 years
We've reached the point where Germany is telling America not to be Nazis, and South Africa is telling America not to be racist
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