the human sadiepede 2 @hell_doe Twitter profile

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

2 years

sorry i got cancelled online for saying that gollum has cum gutters

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

3 years

no thoughts, head empty. just this very pure commentary of garlic cheese bread

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 months

i think about this more often than i should

maya 💿

@untitledvoc

4 months

am i going crazy are these people insane

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 months

may we all approach the new experiences in our life with this much curiosity, sincerity, and gratitude

Microplastics Exploder

@DiabolicalSpuds

7 months

This incredibly sincere white guy trying Indian food for the very first time and having his mind blown is so wholesome

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

me wanting to be loved vs. the mortifying ordeal of being known

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 year

losing my mind laughing at this

Bad 2 Sentence Horror

@bad2sentence

1 year

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 months

happy new year/misato monday

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

3 months

new thing i want to do more than anything in the world just dropped

Palm🏴𓅃

@PerfectlyWeird

3 months

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 months

thinking about the girl who brought me coffee from texas and joked that i would have to ration it out for special occasions. my friend, i do not save my good things. being alive is as special an occasion as it gets

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

2 years

here was the youtube search history for the airbnb where i'm staying

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 months

*beastie boys voice* when up on the ROOF there arose such a CLATTER, i sprang from BED to see what was the MATTER

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

fuck it.... nic cage outfit thread

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 months

can i have $1750? it's an emergency

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 year

david lynch loves living in a world where all men want is the honest shining love of a good woman and all women want is something distant, frightening, and intangible

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 months

literally nothing on earth could have prepared me for how funny this is

Soorin Kim

@SooRinKimm

4 months

You actually hear the Smiths more often than you'd think at 2024 Trump rallies ⬇️ 9/8/2023 SDGOP rally in Rapid City, South Dakota

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

thinking about the dishwasher we hired once who said in his interview that ever since he was a kid his passion was washing dishes. that if he sees a dish on the side of the road he picks it up so he can give it a wash later

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

2 months

i thanked one of the line cooks for breakfast and he said "oh, i'll cook breakfast for you any time." oh brother

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

2 years

shout out to the pilot G2 .07mm. best pen out there by far. just gushy enough. y'all know what i mean

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

if my parents were turned into pigs, i would simply enjoy my new life in a haunted japanese theme park

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

6 months

@on_da_spectrum me, aquariums as a special interest: this guy's ph is going to crash the tank 😞😞😞

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

you can just bump noses with a little cat. it's not illegal

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

10 months

big ass scooby doo sandwiches for family meal today

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 year

the shithole diner is one of the most sacred american institutions

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

7 years

what's my dream career? the guy who bakes chickens and hides them in the walls in castlevania. next question

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

2 months

the nicest thing ever is when you wake up from a nap and see that a cat has joined you for a little sleep company

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 year

i'm sorry, fucking.... what

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

me watching every single day unfold

Simpsons Screens

@simpscreens

4 years

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 year

@bakerbakerbaker crying laughing

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 year

hypnotized by this craigslist posting

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

11 months

please don't ever do theater kid stuff at or around me

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 year

@punished_cait more people should be able to afford to live alone

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 year

my dad just called out of the blue and told me a story about how when i was a kid he came to tuck me into bed and i was terribly quiet. he asked what was going on i said nothing, and when he pulled back the covers there were 4 full sized bullfrogs i smuggled into bed

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

2 years

dude i am so fucking tired of being able to read

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

the jerk store called. they're doing curbside pickup and delivery within a 5 mile radius for $10

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

i try not to romanticize the past very much but it sucks that coffee shops are now just places with majorly uncomfortable seats and clean-cut baristas with letterman jackets, instead of like... janeane garafolo and overstuffed cozy chairs

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 years

look at what a little tiny man he is. capable of everything in the whole world

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

this was such a breathlessly amazing fuck you to the guy who interviewed him who likely asked "why do you want this job" as if the answer was anything but money

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

9 months

my favorite thing about a new apartment is figuring out where to put the pew

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 years

I aspire to be as kind and gentle as this humble cake

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

17 days

they should give us $2000 again

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 months

@CBD42O 10:30 to 4...... who are these hours for

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

11 years

hey it's me, the girl who just googled "chemistry alphabet" when i meant "periodic table"

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

11 months

how it feels to not get a little treat even though you have been so good all day

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 years

what's her @

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

3 months

literally me

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 months

was this book annoying snide bullshit for gen xers.... yes. was this line also scathingly true, yes

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 months

exactly like this

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

3 months

"you at 21" seems to really have a chokehold on the internet at the moment. not me. i won't be releasing that wretched doppelganger from its haunted dominion and giving it light to exist any longer

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

3 months

homie's got the heat in his drafts right now

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

pretty interesting how all chefs ever want to get are knife and whisk tattoos and no one is ever willing to own up and get a 4 quart cambro tattoo as an homage to a real pinnacle of the service industry

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 years

can anyone relate

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 years

seems really fucking bad that people have to publicly share their own personal tragedies and crises in order to humanize what should be basic rights, but what do i know

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

2 years

just told my problematically hot line cook i hated him and with the most confidence i've ever heard out of him (like even more than usual), he responded "no you don't"

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

2 months

endlessly funny to me that the true blood set designers were like "ok, werewolf bar" and werewolf lore lacks any aesthetic so they just went with TV screens featuring pictures of wolves hanging up everywhere

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 years

you: i'm baby me: i'm whatever this guy is

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

6 months

@superloafcat might just start saying "i needs to get in my zone, pimp." it's a really strong phrase

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

2 months

thinking about the time as young impressionable cook, a guy working the omelette station looked at me and asked if he could scramble my eggs. a storied legacy

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 months

hey you forgot your onion

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

idk what we're up to but i wanted to join in

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 year

everyone explaining this is why twitter isn't funny anymore

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

6 months

mad men could never

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 months

eyes wide shut has the funniest premise on earth. i sincerely love this movie. what do you mean you're gonna jack your whole life up just because your wife thought about fucking some other dude one time

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 years

all those mommyblogs from 2012-2014 are starting to all get shut down and now we can enter the second phase of my plan: where i claim the recipes as my own and repost that shit

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

not sure if anyone is having a harder time emotionally than my neighbor who is currently sitting on top of her van, playing a lime green ukelele

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

16 days

why did he stop responding after this

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

3 months

imagine hating me and i'm just at home doing this

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 years

a big 2019 mood???

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

3 years

last year i got this jonathan frakes calendar and the 13th month was frakestober 2020, and to be honest i just kept it up. i agree that this entire year is frakestober 2020

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

12 years

(we smoked some hash) we smoked some monster hash (some monster hash) it was some dank ass trash (some monster hash) we got baked in a flash

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

8 years

tfw u are hoping it's a warm pecan and a cracker

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 years

new bit: go on chopped and fuckin slay but mispronounce literally every ingredient

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

7 years

for christmas i'm surprising my dad with a calendar full of swimsuit babes unhappily posing with carps

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

8 months

can't stop thinking about this meme since i saw it. i can hear it perfectly in my head

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 year

dawg i fucking hate being single

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

3 months

texting with me a few hours from now

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

2 years

y'all consider this a date?

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

8 years

my ex: so yeah, got married, had kids. what have you been up to lately me: did u know doug and the green bully were voiced by the same dude

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

3 months

@littleerik this would work on me

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

3 months

iggy pop was so insanely real for writing "i wanna be your dog," a song about being down the worst someone has ever been

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

7 years

relationship goals

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

3 years

*in a very mortal kombat voice* farmer's market

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

10 years

love this classic quote from heartwarming children's movie, E.T. http://t.co/O5mXy7qdir

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

6 months

@on_da_spectrum people being stressful and weird to animals is a dick move!

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 month

i don't do any of this stuff fyi. i live alone but i'm normal

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

9 years

someone on craigslist is selling an area rug with this picture so i photoshopped it and sent it back to them http://t.co/5GPpDdv4P0

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 year

david lynch is a man who loves love but despises the tedium of relationships

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

here's the last one, perhaps the most important. i don't remember who on twitter posted this but my eternal thanks to you

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

2 years

watching my neighbor begin his transformation from a certain type of summer ohio man (joyful, shirtless) into a different type of cold season ohio man (haunted by something he cannot name)

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

11 years

are you a bad enough dude to tuck me into bed

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

8 years

brunch with my girls!! ✌️✌️

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

1 year

@ecto_fun i think in this same interview he also called thom yorke a boring nerd

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 years

i gave this cat some pettes at the store today and he meowed many times and now i want him. 1 like = 1 convince my boynfrend to get cat

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 months

@pepsislut69 it is my #1 art criticism

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 years

white chocolate is the chocolate's bones

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

4 years

joe biden give me $1200 challenge

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

8 years

roses are red, violets are blue *arnold schwarzenegger voice* tell me who is your daddy and what does he do

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 years

honestly in this wild world where nothing is as it seems, it's nice to know that goth kids off all ages with plaid pleated mini skirts, invader zim shirts, and awkward haircuts still exist

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

5 months

feel like a lot of you would crumble in a situation like this........ not me though i would handle it very normally

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the human sadiepede 2

@hell_doe

6 months

the stuff in saw would never happen because people don't have the drive to build really intense ten part traps anymore. too busy playing on they goddamn phone

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