John Cullen @cullenthecomic Twitter profile | Pikagi

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

10,575

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1,159

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A big-time idiot and small-time comedian. I have three podcasts @blockedpartypod / @thepod_kast / @jeopardypodcast

Calgary, Alberta

https://t.co/xeTh7LJKzM

Joined August 2010

Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.

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@cullenthecomic

John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

23 days

Very, very excited for you to hear this. Two years in the making with an incredible team, it's the niche sports drama of your dreams: curling teams fighting over a broom that's deemed too powerful. I doubt you thought coming into 2024 you would fall in love with a few curlers

@cullenoncurling

John Cullen

@cullenoncurling

23 days

IT'S LAUNCH DAY! Could not be more stoked to bring you Episodes 1 & 2 of Broomgate: A Curling Scandal. It's been a two-year journey and I can't wait for you to hear this story unfold over the next month. Listen and subscribe here:

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@cullenthecomic

John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 years

Getting fired up for Game 4 by remembering the time Kawhi answered the question, “who is Kawhi Leonard?” with “Kawhi Leonard”.

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 months

Emma Stone saying “fuck Celebrity Jeopardy!” is the most queen shit to me

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

Damn kids books just used to hit different. I would punch a kid in the face just to check this out of the library

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John Cullen

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1 year

Arizona: holds predraft workouts, loses 1st rounder New Jersey: signs Ilya Kovalchuk to a contract that was legal at the time, loses 1st rounder Chicago: covers up sexual abuse for a decade, Connor Bedard

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John Cullen

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4 years

Well this absolutely whips ass

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

Whenever someone has a really bad take on here I am just gonna reply with the picture from that medieval cross-sections book of the guy shitting

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

The Jeopardy rules used to be that in case of a tie, the tied contestants would win their cash and get to come back. In 2007, Scott Weiss recognized the possibility of a three-way tie, so instead of bidding $2601, he bid $2600 so they could tie and all win their cash. It ruled.

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

1 year

It’s insanely funny Eric Staal wore a Pride jersey a year ago but won’t now because someone else did it and didn’t get in trouble for it. A true coward’s coward

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

Jonathan Toews out here setting the bar for athlete response, particularly in the white male and hockey player divisions

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John Cullen

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4 years

[Every interview at the Winter Classic ever] REPORTER: Doesn't this just remind you of being a kid and playing hockey outside in the wintertime? PLAYER: Yes

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John Cullen

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3 years

Anyway yeah I wasn’t joking here’s the video of the Peloton instructor who wanted me to think about my dead relatives during a festive spin class

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John Cullen

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1 year

I absolutely love Elon's energy in that video. It's the exact same as someone trying comedy for the first time in their life who had been told by 3 friends they should try it and were SO confident they were going to absolutely crush and they are bombing without abandon

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

Next thing you know shrimp man will claim that he found the podcast idea and name he stole from us in a bag of Cheerios

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 months

Nothing is funnier to me than The Grammys Best Metal Performance award. Every year is either won by Metallica or a live performance of a Black Sabbath song they wrote 50 years ago. This year it was Metallica again for a song no one has ever heard

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

1 month

I love that Jimmy Carr has turned into Ricky Gervais for people who take a briefcase on the train

@jimmycarr

Jimmy Carr

1 month

In advance of the release of my new @NetflixIsAJoke Special: ‘Jimmy Carr: Natural Born Killer’. I’d like to take this opportunity to apologise to (insert aggrieved party name here). Your feelings were hurt / sense of propriety was outraged / you were offended (delete as

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

My favourite part of this is Alex’s “aha!” when he realizes what is happening. He loves his job. Other facts: 1) Scott lost the three-way rematch 2) when asked why he did it, he said that he thought “it would be cool” and that he felt like he got to give away $32,000

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

The Jays giving up 3 runs to tie a game they were up 8-1 on a bloop single and two of their best players getting hurt at the same time is as Toronto sports as you can get. You can’t even write this shit

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

@kathbarbadoro He also has never put ads on the video for “Somebody That I Used to Know” on YouTube and it’s been viewed 1.3B times. At the average of $5,000 per one million views on YouTube, he’s given up roughly $5m just to not have ads play before it

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

Be careful what you tweet, you might just end up with a dang wife from twitter dot com

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

1 year

Connor Bedard would be the biggest hero in Canucks history if he refused to sign with Chicago and insisted he be Lindros’ed to Vancouver

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

[doing a Christmas ride on Peloton. “Hallelujah” starts playing] Me: hm this isn’t a Christmas song Instructor: there might be some empty chairs this Christmas... Me: wait what Her: so let’s do a climb to honour them Me: oh hell no

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

[Massage therapist puts on a New Age playlist] Me, fully lifting my head out of the donut and making eye contact: this song was on the tony hawk 3 soundtrack

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

9 months

@KrangTNelson the "esthetics"....looking forward to seeing how he does the site's nails

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 months

This can still be a beautiful place

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

Every time I walk past a restaurant or pop into one for pickup, I think “wow there are a lot of adults who share a home with 4-8 other people”

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

1 year

Easily the most unhinged car slogan I’ve ever seen

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

Today was a good day. The best day, in fact.

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 months

There have been some very good CJ players, to be fair. Last year’s final was unreal and Ike is a serious player. But this is so cool. It makes me wonder 1) has she not been on because Jeopardy didn’t believe her email address was the real Emma Stone or 2) is her score too weak

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 months

@autogynefiles There were several on Canada’s version of this called Dragon’s Den. One of my fave Dragons of all-time was a guy who owned one(1) restaurant and somehow made it on the show. Went a whole season and invested in 3 companies

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

Sucks to see @brockmclaughlin saying he got the baby yoda tattoo first, I mean I even have the texts from @boring_as_heck to prove it was his idea first

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

Aaron Rodgers should be the permanent host of Jeopardy

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 years

Sportsnet: “it’s so crazy that our ratings for hockey keep dropping” Also Sportsnet: “let’s make people watch Steve D*ngle learn how to play hockey for a second straight year”

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1 year

@vince_nero Every night

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

This might be the funniest nutshot of all time

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

@hello__caitlin This pie is so insane they wrote a book about it

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

1 year

Anyway aside from the individual players being absolute dickheads this is still 100% Bettman’s fault. Just an astonishingly poor commissioner in every facet you could imagine and this whole situation is a perfect microcosm for any success the NHL has had being despite him

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

1 year

Oh my god this is the worst dilemma you could put in front of me. Ken Jennings being a scab vs. Mayim not hosting the show. The Sword of Damocles doth dangle above my head

@EW

Entertainment Weekly

1 year

Mayim Bialik is reportedly declining to host the final week of the current season of 'Jeopardy' in solidarity with the WGA. Her cohost, Ken Jennings, will step in for the remaining episodes.

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

1 year

most people who try standup are absolutely positive they are going to bomb, but when you get the odd one that is sure they are going to do well, it's the best thing to watch in the world. simply could not have imagined that being in an arena in front of thousands, thank u Elon

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

Teachers dealing with the covid variants every single day for the last two months: ................. Canucks dealing with the covid variants for two days: HOW DID WE EVER EVEN LET THEM PLAY HOCKEY WHY DOES NO ONE TREAT THIS DISEASE SERIOUSLY I CANT EVEN BELIEVE WE WOULD ALLOW TH

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

took some kids to disneyland

@ofctimallen

Tim Allen

2 years

Took some kids to Disneyland and overheard a 13 year old boy wondering if he may be pansexual since he loves skillets.

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

@KerithBurke @jjones9 Well my personal opinion is if I am going into a spin class, I would rather my dead relatives not be brought up during the course of the class But hey, whatever works for you

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

6 years

So wait, if someone does a celebration you don’t like, you can just try to score on them? You don’t have to punch them in the head? Big if true

@ByScottPowers

Scott Powers

6 years

Kane on this: "That's like entertainment right there. I wasn't really happy when he did it, so it was nice to get a chance to score and do it back to him.

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

Like...this song should be basically uncoverable. This is absolutely incredible, good god

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

Genuinely thought this would get 10 likes and I could move on with my sunday, now my mentions are just filled with people giving me their opinions on Miley Cyrus without first considering that I absolutely do not give a shit

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

here's my contribution to the discourse: i like kendall, i like peloton, this is objectively very funny and if you think that exercise needs to have some sort of very personal, very connective component, you and i are living in different worlds

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

Seeing a movie in a theatre isn’t a “flex”, that’s where they play them

@duneho

melissa

3 years

What’s your biggest “I watched that movie in theaters” flex? Mine are probably interstellar, raw, and mother

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

1 year

Tired: Eric Staal is so dumb he forgot he wore a Pride jersey two years ago Wired: Eric Staal is so dumb he didn’t understand what all the colours meant

@rinkside

Erin Brown

1 year

#FlaPanthers Eric Staal post-game, when told there is photographic evidence of him wearing a pride jersey in Montreal: “I haven’t before. I never have. … I haven’t worn a pride jersey before.” (Staal wore No. 21 with the Canadiens during the 2020-21 season.)

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

#neverforget

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 years

It's everyone's favourite time of year, when the NHL's Masterton Trophy nominees are announced. Here's the real reasons why.

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

My favourite part of it was when he claimed he didn’t even know that we had a podcast called that and about the same thing even though we had been written up in the AV Club for it multiple times, had written an article in the Atlantic, and he’s followed Stefan for years lmao

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

WrestleMania 35: what if we bring John Cena back to interrupt Elias WrestleMania 36: what if we bring John Cena back to have a match that takes place entirely inside his own psyche

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

I really wish I was the third guy

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 years

It was a broken composite stick followed by a defenceman getting his stick into a shooting lane and deflecting in the winning goal, scored by a European. This might be what finally kills Don Cherry

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

@jemelehill Hey Jemele I know of the perfect place for you to tell that story.... @blockedpartypod

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

29 days

i like how rap diss tracks used to be "i will shoot and kill you for real" and now they're like "what you are doing will not help you in the spotify algorithm" and "i have a suspicion you may be a bad parent"

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

@ColonelTweeto hm well here's the thing: a podcast is intellectual property, one me and my partners have worked very hard on and make a living from. It means something, even if you think this is somehow a joke. Anyway you have 13 followers why am i still typing

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

I will be seeing Jackass Forever tonight with 9 of my friends and I cannot think of a better way to contract the novel coronavirus

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 years

Three of the best minutes of sports broadcasting I've ever seen. Beautifully articulated.

@FirstTake

First Take

5 years

"Everybody's fake acting like they care about KD's best interest when they don't. It's phony to me." — @JalenRose

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

Oh just realized I needed to clarify this tweet since two different bad people stole podcast ideas from us: this was the cameo one lol

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

This is only because the current generation can’t afford a motorcycle as their mid-life crisis vehicle

@nypost

New York Post

2 years

Depressed in midlife? Try skateboarding, study suggests

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

6 years

@megsauce Lol people describe themselves as "rakish"? I would swipe left so hard my finger would break

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

Omg

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

honestly celebrities shouldn't be allowed to have podcasts. it's the medium of the gremlin, talk about how great your life is going on entertainment tonight like your predecessors you freaks

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

Wow is this ever a joy to watch

@mannyfidel

manny

2 years

rest in peace to Gilbert Gottfried who has probably the best sequence in game show history on Hollywood Squares. if you're not an old hag like me who remembers the rules, both contestants needed his square to secure the 5-square win, but he decided to troll both of them

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

"don't steal, obviously" is such a funny line. Why would you even say that? Only a bank robber would answer the question, "where do banks keep the money?" with "in the vault. Don't steal from it, obviously"

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

Just got an email from Cameo and you're telling me these three dudes are different people

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

Anyway he’s done way worse and way larger-scale things to people and so this small part of it genuinely doesn’t matter all that much but hey, at least we’ll have all the memories

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

As some folks know, I’ve been rewatching Entourage in quarantine and one day I was thinking, “what’s Adrian Grenier up to?” and folks, it brings me no joy to report that this is his latest film. It is somehow the third in the “At Graceland” series

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

I don’t know why this is so funny but it’s insanely funny

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 months

Time to take the “Tell Your Wife Her Body is Absolutely Tea” Challenge

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

If you’re a Leafs fan and you think they’re gonna beat Vancouver tonight, then you’re not a Leafs fan

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

@brockmclaughlin @jrhennessy @boring_as_heck I’ve been close friends with Stefan for 5 years and I see him twice a week every week. I know my guy’s arm when I see it, and that is 100% Stefan’s arm

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

@amandapalmer wow I am crying a lot at reading this tweet thank u for sharing it is a good reminder there is lots of love in this world and we just have to remember to find it and let it embrace us just like these very kind people who definitely did this in this very real and true story

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 years

Ray Ferraro just buried this dude

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

[The only exception] REPORTER: You grew up in California, so I bet this is your first time ever playing ice hockey outside ha ha ha ha PLAYER: Yep lol

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

6 years

Paper straws absolutely suck ass, I wish we decided something else was causing climate change like fossil fuels or the deregulation of environmental policies or hell, even plastic cups I dunno

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

@jessesingal @kittypurrzog It's funny because I hadn't heard of either of you before today, when I learned you essentially stole my podcast, and basically the only thing anyone knows about you is that you're two transphobe pieces of shit? Cool legacy

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

Lmaoooooo someone interviewed him about his top 5 tips for starting a podcast and this one is absolutely sending me

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

A play in 4 screenshots

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 months

From the open mic at the laundromat to the golden globes, it’s important for every standup comedian to remember: it’s always someone else’s fault if you bomb

@SpencerAlthouse

Spencer Althouse

@SpencerAlthouse

5 months

Golden Globes host Jo Koy just went off-script after one of his jokes bombed: “I got the gig 10 days ago! You want a perfect monologue? Yo, shut up. You’re kidding me, right? Slow down. I wrote some of these, and they’re the ones you’re laughing at.” #GoldenGlobes2024

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John Cullen

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4 years

This mf on jeopardy tonight wore a blazer over a collared sweater over a collared shirt with a tie This is nerd chaotic energy

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

I'm glad Brendan Lemieux and Tony DeAngelo are starting a podcast. After years of waiting, we can finally hear from conservative white hockey players

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

1 month

I went to great lengths as a kid to collect all of these cans despite never liking Star Wars, assuming they would be worth money. Kept the cans for 15 years, moving them ACROSS CANADA and when I eventually checked eBay in like 2013 the whole set was going for $10

@AlsikkanTV

Chris Alsikkan ™

1 month

can you just imagine slamming an ice cold 25 year old watto pepsi right now

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 months

@KrangTNelson He’s gonna be so shocked when he learns the questions aren’t multiple choice

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

22 days

Someone call the Mothership….curling has defeated Joe Rogan

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

Dear @boring_as_heck I have kidnapped your precious Kiki. She is obviously safe and sound but if you’d like her return, my ask is simple: no Joey for a year. You have 24 hours to respond.

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

Just watched Free Solo and honestly I respect that guy a ton for being very obviously a serial killer but channeling that energy into climbing mountains instead of killing people

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 years

I got a spicy chicken sandwich at Wendy’s in America and the chicken patty was so big that every employee came over to look at it before they served it to me

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

1 year

RIP to Yogesh, possibly the worst anecdotalist in Jeopardy history. He was on the show 4 days and his anecdotes were: I beat James at quizzing in high school I was the “only carbon-based life form” to beat Brad and Ken I tried to meet my Jeopardy hero but she recognized me first

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

The Jeff Foxworthy stuff is not new to comedians. We see older comedians do this all the time, even if they aren't famous. They transcend hack. They haven't engaged with the earth for years. You can't have no day job for 20+ years and engage with people on a regular level

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

A masterclass in joke writing. Nate switches from "I'm on the wrong side of this controversial topic" to "I'm kinda dumb so maybe my opinion shouldn't be trusted" to "actually I'm smart and we're all on the same side" in 55 seconds. "We're almost done" is singularly perfect.

@natebargatze

Nate Bargatze

3 years

I like to think of myself as a spokesman for Earth.

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

1 year

You see an obviously blown opportunity to identify Earl Sweatshirt, I see Mayim once again taking 3 full seconds to identify an incorrect answer

@wrexmason

WREX MASON

1 year

They violated Earl Sweatshirt on Jeopardy just now 😂😂😂

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 years

It’s awful what happened with the Sea-To-Sky gondola and thankfully no one was hurt, but I’m thrilled it led to this sentence being spoken

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

1 year

Had a nice moment in beer league hockey last night. During a scrum: Guy: fuck you Me: what are you gonna do about it? Guy: what are YOU gonna do about it? I could ask you the same question Me: nothing, probably Guy: Good, me neither. Me: Great. Have a good day at work tomorrow

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 years

My girlfriend [28F] said she wants to dump me [33M] because she “can’t see a future with this” after seeing my aged FaceApp photo

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

3 years

oh no this tweet is starting to reach the "i'd like to have a discourse about this" level

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

5 years

An old lady at the grocery store today called my @bransonreese shirt nasty and I’ve never been more thrilled

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

2 years

in a world bereft of good news, finding out that the woman who got spun around a million times in that helicopter rescue also got mad bank is a salve

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Phoenix City Council approves $450K settlement for woman spun in air during helicopter rescue

Katalin Metro was airlifted from Piestewa Peak by a helicopter on June 4, 2019, when the basket she was in began spinning uncontrollably.

www.azcentral.com

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John Cullen

@cullenthecomic

4 years

I’m a white celeb listening to Eminem

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