Branson Reese @bransonreese Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@itsahithii

@winmexel

@averysaveryday

@JamalVania62008

@htfkhk23854

@Tai1381EN

@joemctaggart67

@darbyheartsdnp

@Dom_zuk

@jatcanews

@144_george

@PetraLaiti

@azdemparty

@areg_a11

@YannDalon

@kaufsports

@CluelessMoomin

@pyotrsnet

@FR_Industrie

@zzgab

@LaurindaSh57584

@musclebarbie001

@TheJetMrsV91

@Frank5928

@sakaryauni

@Papyrusesport

@scotsvoyeur

@Jinho_D_Choi

@alwiseman_

@Matt_Morrison

@guyadtr

@gentz_thomas

@VoltageNC

@psoya4

@Web3Wallbanks

@Coachziemba46

Branson Reese

@bransonreese

1 year

This was so beautiful. The perfect expression of the barren, windswept void at the heart of the whole thing. A grift without an ounce of style or even audacity. The kind of scam a calculator would invent. No two organisms have ever had worse chemistry than this.

future canon

@futurecanon

1 year

Exactly one year ago

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

1 year

*looking over to you with a sad but proud look on my face and nodding goodbye before turning back to face the gunman* gree-

faith

@faiththegemini

1 year

Name a color without the letter e in it

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

3 years

Every once in a while people rediscover that this is what the original says and they get so mad at me that they have to go to the hospital

Branson Reese

@bransonreese

8 years

This is the only pure thing I've ever created:

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

2 years

I think a good horror movie death would be a guy is looking through a keyhole and you're like "that eye's toast" but then he gets his dick ripped off through the mail slot

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

1 year

I've seen these signs in person, they're the most playful and harmless stuff imaginable. This is a bald faced attempt to weaponize an actress's fandom against a union. Fuck off with this. Eat shit, in fact.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

4 years

Remembering when the NYPD tried to claim Shake Shack poisoned some milkshakes because two cops got diarrhea. Anyway I’m sure they’re telling the truth now

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

2 years

Made some new pokemon starters in case they run out or something

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

11 months

Happy "THATS THE ORIGINAL??" day to me

Sunderland Global Media (SGM)

@Sunderland_GM

11 months

BREAKING: Graham Moon, 23 of Grindon Lane, a student at the University of Sunderland, has been convicted of possessing indecent images in the form of Bart Simpson being sexually abused by his mother Marge. He has been sentenced to a community order, and will not be placed on the…

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

2 years

I personally think it rocks that the supreme court justices' home addresses and credit card info is all getting leaked online. It's okay if you disagree but I'm ultimately correct to feel this way.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

4 years

One of my favorite moves on here is when you mention that some politician is a straight up war criminal and somebody jumps in like “oh and you’re perfect?”

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

Guy next to me on the train is reading my phone so I google image searched “zootopia orgy” and he just sort of nodded like “big deal” and he’s watching me type this RIGHT NOW and he’s still just nodding and honestly dude hats off to you on this power move; you win, I lose.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

4 years

You have eight hours to eat this (you can pause the clock and the food will stay warm) for 70,000 and if you don’t finish you still get 35,000. Would you accept?

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

2 years

The tall guys who stand in the back at shows so they don't block anybody's view are thought to be a separate offshoot of humanity, more given to empathy and rumored to go to a better heaven upon dying.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

If you fall asleep on the Fourth of July Uncle Sam takes you to hell with him

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

The Person Who Discovered Sharks

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

1 month

Showing this to my doctor instead of paying

President Biden

@POTUS

1 month

On my watch, health care is a right in this country – not a privilege.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

1 month

A Tesla just cut me off and then immediately rear-ended the guy in front of him lmao

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

2 years

This is my big game trophy room

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

4 years

The Taco Bell chihuahua was famous for like two entire years but we’ve already moved on from Cybertruck. The human body was not built for this. We’re headed for a wall I don’t think we’re ready for.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

5 years

There was an Aqua Teen Hunger Force dvd where if you’d select “play all” it would split the screen into like twenty sections and play all of them at once in a horrible cacophony. Extremely good and frustrating joke that I don’t think you were able to bypass.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

These kids took my uniform and now they're taking out ad space to taunt me and the cops won't fucking do anything about it

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

Everybody goes so hard on Elon Musk because if you dunk on, like, Cruz or McConnell nothing happens; they don't care. It's like punching the wind. But if you make fun of Elon Musk, there's at least a 93% chance he'll see it and turn beet red and steam will shoot out of his ears

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

1 year

There was a commercial when I was a kid where Sylvester was nice to Tweety because it was Christmas. It's never been about hunger for Sylvester, it's about hatred. A hatred that bows only to his Christianity.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

3 years

Liked a tweet I didn’t understand. Just dug the vibe.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

3 years

In 2006 Bobby Boris Pickett performed the Monster Mash live and prefaced it by saying "Elvis once called this the dumbest song he ever heard. Well, Elvis. I'm still alive."

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

5 years

I clicked translate on one of the responses to this and it was, like, “Macron you have forgotten the human element. This man soars with no meaning. He is guided by technology while his spirit sits dormant on the ground.”

Emmanuel Macron

@EmmanuelMacron

5 years

Fier de notre armée, moderne et innovante.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

5 years

The most fucked up thing I ever did was in college my roommate got really high so I invited people over and told them he had a big announcement to make

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

3 years

I personally think “abolish the police” is a good slogan. The reason I think this is because it would be extremely good if we abolished the police.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

Mr. Met

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

8 years

This is the only pure thing I've ever created:

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

TGIF (Today Garfield Is Frasier)

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

5 years

Funniest part of Hamlet is when he has a clean shot to revenge kill his uncle but doesn’t do it because his uncle is praying and Hamlet wants him to go to hell when he dies. Gotta respect that.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

3 months

Me, age 7: Joy to the world! Barney's dead! They barbecued his head. What happened to his body? They flushed it down the potty (and round and round it goes) Wil Wheaton, trembling: Appalling. Unforgivable. Despicable.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

9 months

Thirty five year old me, materializing in front of myself in 1997: They're going to have Magic The Gathering Hot Pockets in 2023! Nine year old me: Quiet your foolishness. Stand they still the Towers Twin? How fare they?

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

The Ugly Duckling has the best moral: “everybody has to apologize to you if you get hot”

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

1 year

Something you get from watching hours and hours of Looney Tunes and MST3K at a young age that I wish more people had is the ability to enjoy a joke without necessarily understanding the specific reference being made.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

4 years

Cool photo I took when I woke up right after Joe Camel hit me with his car

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

Xylophone

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

Cat In A Tree

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

2 years

"Essentially, the film has hit its runtime and will no longer continue playing unless you watch it again"

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

3 years

Lucille Bluth is one of the all-time great television performances imo but also objectively.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

Don’t tag me into the conversation if you see somebody talking shit about me. I’m not going to fight them, I don’t care. I’m perfect; I’m more important than the sun.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

4 years

I’m sorry but you gotta be kidding me with Marge Simpson’s hair

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

Jean Jacket

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

5 years

Robert Downey Jr. never has to work another day in his life after Endgame. Dolittle is the passion project he always wanted to make. Everything else was a means to an end. This is the real man, finally unmasked.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

The Little Submarine

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

5 years

Every game should have three mascots: one for each team and a third who roams freely with no allegiances, immune to the laws of man.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

3 years

For me, the perfect breakfast is an enormous cold brew and no food for hours until I finally remember to eat only because I’m in physical agony

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

Star

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

1 year

They hate the honking so bad. It fucks up their meetings and makes it impossible to get most stuff done. Just something to keep in mind if you're driving by and want to do something badass and helpful

Brittani Nichols

@BisHilarious

1 year

Spotted outside of the Warner Bros lot. They don’t like how much people are honking in support of writers. We can’t help that people love us 💁🏾‍♂️ #WGAstrong

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

4 years

Billionaire funded assassin after trying one cell and Ghislaine isn’t in there: ah well, I gave it my best shot

New York Post

@nypost

4 years

Ghislaine Maxwell reportedly moved from 'cell to cell' to avoid assassins

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

1 year

When I was in 2nd grade I got to meet R.L. Stine at the mall and I told him to "stay scary." It was clear my words made a profound impact on the man. I was just happy to give back.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

4 years

People tweet this whenever powerful people miss the point of media that criticizes them. But I don’t think it works because Garfield is a low man, a scoundrel. This sign was put up by the powerful. We delight in Garfield’s obliviousness because it is revolutionary.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

2 years

Hey what's up guys this is Pepsi. Basically nothing new to report, just putting a ton of rat piss into our products

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

2 years

I'm sincerely curious about how you can stand to live like this. I don't think I could do it.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

4 years

Dodger found some porn

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

1 year

Awakecels when it's bedtime

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

You have my word: I will not stop helping the birds in my neighborhood smoke cigarettes

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

RIPKAR

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

@JoeNBC I'm sorry, Joe. I will do better. I promise to go die in a war.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

A Living

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

It's a shame Bela Lugosi didn't live to hear Bela Lugosi's Dead but I understand why it had to happen in that order

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

5 years

adorable child: I would like to survive Dianne Feinstein: you listen to me you little sack of shit. Absolutely not. Fuck you, in fact. I won an election.

Waleed Shahid 🪬

@_waleedshahid

5 years

Everyone needs to watch this video of @SenFeinstein disparaging literal children from @SunriseMvmt calling on her to support @AOC and @SenMarkey ’s Green New Deal.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

3 years

Yes I was 17 in 2005. Yes I am 23 right now. We exist.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

Okay but he’s literally a Republican

Ana Navarro-Cárdenas

@ananavarro

6 years

You are not alone. He’s not Republican. He’s not Democrat. He’s not Libertarian. He’s not Conservative. He is Trump. Government of Trump, by Trump, for Trump.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

Huge respect to the guy in front of me at the bodega who, when I noticed he was buying a Corona and a thing of half & half motioned for me to take off my headphones so he could say “I mix em.”

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

Truth Coming Out Of Her Well To Shame Mankind

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

Bear

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

WHICH M&M ARE YOU? YOU ARE: Yellow You fool, you oaf. You are the worst character in fiction. You will die from eating stones. You will not go to heaven. Your funeral will suffer massive casualties because even your body is somehow too stupid to not explode.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

Watches For Sale

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

So fucking sick of autocomplete thinking I’m searching for “Muppet Christmas Carol” when I search “Muppet Christ”

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

2 years

Feel like we're about to crack this Scorsese/MCU thing. Just a few more posts oughta do it.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

A major structural flaw with The Office is that there’s no way in hell Michael Scott didn’t see and become obsessed with Anchorman

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

1 year

Guy next to me saw me unsuccessfully try to use the code MILITARY to get discounted in-flight wifi and shook his head. Okay buddy, like you're perfect.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

Me: here is the worst picture I could find of Donald Duck some guy who responds to everything: don’t you mean best? Me: Holy shit this guys is shaking things up; playing with the formula in a frankly exciting way.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

Luigi Coming Out Of His Well To Play Tennis With Mankind

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

Im teaching you to draw turtles for @cafedotcom over on Snapchat today.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

2 years

"lmao they blocked me and we never even interacted!!" they probably saw you being annoying

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

"Chief Wiggum Faces Down Homer Simpson Who Has Finally Turned His Son Bart Simpson Into A Car And Gone On A Killing Spree" Digital, 2018

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

Foghorn Leghorn

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

4 years

Damn all these good cops I keep hearing about trying to encourage change from within must fuckin suck at it

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

2 years

They called him up too far. The human body is not supposed to become this big.

MLB

@MLB

2 years

The @Orioles have officially called up MLB’s top prospect, @RutschmanAdley ! 🤩

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

INTERROGATOR: What’d you say, motherfucker? ME: Astrology is real. OTHER INTERROGATOR: You’re looking at life, punk. You wanna try that again? ME: Myers Briggs is also real. FIRST INTERROGATOR: *throws a chair* ME: you have an imbalance of yellow bile, resulting in a choleric tem

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

One of the best ways to explain my dad is that I went to an Orioles game with a friend when I was, like, ten and randomly ran into my dad in line for food and he was like “oh hey you gotta try these hot dogs” and never asked how I got there

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

5 years

I hope the only change is they give him human ears and they double the price of tickets. Fuck you.

Game Informer

@gameinformer

5 years

Sonic the Hedgehog's movie director has heard the feedback and vows to fix the blue blur's design.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

New Car

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

The Sun

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

2 months

To all haters worldwide

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

Hell yeah my boy paul newman bout to have some sex

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

At long last, I've monetized my comic I drew on a napkin that everybody used to rip off:

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

4 years

In high school we had a thing called Ethics Day put on by Chick-Fil-A where they would give out coupons for free chicken sandwiches. My friends and I found the book of all the coupons and stole it. The devils of Ethics Day.

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

Vampire

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

Happy Little Egg

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

6 years

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

7 years

Papa John

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

1 year

I've blocked hundreds of people on here who've never spoken to me simply for the crime of "seeming annoying in somebody else's replies." Only way to do it imo

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese

4 years

Almost every American politician should be booed constantly, grow up

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Branson Reese

@bransonreese