Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22 @chloebadcliffe Twitter profile

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

To commemorate the end of COVID summer, may I present: “Bombing Outdoors”

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Last Seen Profiles

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 months

such a shock when you find out an adult friend is still christian

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Magic the Gathering is standup and D&D is improv

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 months

@NILES100 i turned a laugh into a cough when someone said they couldn’t meet because of good friday

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

holy fuck I am a writer on The Tonight Show

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 years

watch my full Comedy Central @standup set at the link in my biooooo

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 months

for years I didn’t tweet because I felt incompetent at translating my thoughts to twitter voice, so now that the app is fully rotted out seems like a great time for me to go all-in with absolutely zero stakes

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

saw a man on the subway shave his face (electric razor) and then pull out a ziploc of peeled clementines, and buddy, you spent your time at home on the wrong thing

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Aggro deck: offensive crowd work that unfortunately kills Control deck: good on Twitter, bombs on shows Life gain deck: storyteller who puts out a lot of albums because their hour is just 5 long bits Mono red burn deck: roast comic (sorry) Mill deck: one-liners with guitar

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

alien: what is twitter me: a place where you can read about brutal domestic violence and then, with no emotional processing time, seamlessly transition into watching a tiny pig take a bath

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

Hey I got selected for NBC’s late night writer’s workshop! No jokes! Just happy!

NBC Unveils Late Night Writers Workshop Class Of 2019

NBC has chosen the participants for its 2019 Late Night Writers Workshop, the industry’s first initiative for emerging diverse late night and sketch comedy writers.

deadline.com

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

the TSA guy asked me to pull my mask down to check my ID and when he saw my birthmark he physically jumped and what a fun game of peekaboo between two grown adults

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Every time Biden talks my internal monologue is “cmon buddy cmon buddy cmon YES okay we’ll take it I’m proud of you”

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 months

I have spent so long being jealous of comics who get fan art and then I got this, a real careful-what-you-wish-for

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 months

did @midnight and had an amazing time watch it tonight ya dingbats

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

I made this and am proud of it and benefited from the help of dozens of talented people!!

The Tonight Show

@FallonTonight

4 years

Jimmy escapes to his Thinking Tree to ponder random thoughts #FallonAtHome

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

1 month

does it feel like we’re edging the apocalypse

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

My boyfriend just said “oh, craft services is spelled with a C?” which means he’s spent his adult life imagining movie sets absolutely overflowing with mac & cheese

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

Please don’t loot small businesses, I know this one is in a lot of debt :(

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Today at work I grabbed a Swiffer pad from the intern office and said “my period’s really heavy today” and not a single intern laughed

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Open seat in our row and this stranger still sat in the middle next to me the entire flight and I am uncomfortable because of covid etiquette but I am RAGING because of NORMAL AIRPLANE ETIQUETTE

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Weird, the couple in this porn just yelled “VOTE”

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

It’s such an insult that it’s this close even with 230,000 preventable deaths

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 years

it can be exciting to sit next to a cute guy on a 6 hour flight to LA until he starts an episode of Rogan

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 years

My @ComedyCentral set is LIVE and in it I am wearing FAKE NIKES that I bought for $6 in Bogota because do not have STANDARDS (link in bio)

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 years

Taping a set for @ComedyCentral wheeeee!

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Happy Halloween, I’ll never beat my costume from last year

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

7 years

Hard to cut steak with a butter knife? That's why I created, the BetterKnife. Hi folks , I'm drunk at a wedding where I know too many people

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

i headlined a small club and answered the phone bc everyone else was busy. Our convo: HER: who’s the headliner? ME: ha. Chloe Radcliffe. HER: what’s she like? ME: um...very funny. Honestly, amazing. Her: and is it okay if I bring a big group? Me: Chloe would love that.

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 months

@NILES100 everybody go to niles’ screening, Christ would want you to

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

Jan 2020: oh my boyfriend? We’ve been together ten months :) Jan 2021: i have been with this man for 35 years

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

7 years

I rebuffed a man's sexual advance so he called me the cunt with shit on her face and it was the right move NOW I WANT TO FUCK HIM

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

“You’re right,” I think, “I DO deserve credit for just getting through the day.” I click the heart. I close my laptop. I pick up my phone and start a deep dive on someone I went to church camp with.

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

This morning a man complimented my face tattoo!! I love when people notice

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

8 years

It's nice to walk into a coffee shop and still be surrounded by sad liberals even though I'm not currently checking my facebook

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

Sure my college education cost $125,000 but think of all the money I’ll save by using my student ID at museums until I’m 90

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

in the middle of a nightmare world, I got a Minneapolis award that I didn’t know i was nominated for ! Thank you @citypages for rightly placing me between getting flipped off and a man named Meatsauce

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 years

The woman next to me on this flight is wearing nauseating perfume AND put on strong smelling lotion AND opened a pack of bologna so now I’m letting out some silent farts as revenge

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

It sucks that climate change feels nice

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

6 years

I wish I could get stoned out of my mind but when I smoke I just get stoned into my mind

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

today is my one year anniversary in New York, and this is still how I feel most of the time. Come see me on Baby Shower tonight at 8 at Grey Lady, I love this city

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

I took a bunch of nudes this morning and I admiring them on the bus because I’m a dipshit and a man saw and smiled and I think I just harassed myself

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

it’s my twin

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

my mom JUST told me that she had sex at a Bonnie Raitt concert in Boston when she was 17 and it’s like helLOOOOO you can’t KEEP THIS SHIT from me

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

lolololololololol

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

all day I’ve been nursing my sick boyfriend and he JUST admitted it’s a hangover from continuing to drink after I went to bed and now I would like to put all that barf right back in him

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

6 years

[man won’t stop staring at my birthmark] Me: hey buddy *pointing to my cleavage* eyes down here

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Biden officially pulling ahead feels like waiting for ten years but finally becoming hotter than the popular kids

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

@alexcollyard crying on the toilet !

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

In my neighborhood, car speakers are usually blasting hip hop, but right now there is a car blasting Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours.” This is proof that gentrification hurts people.

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

sometimes I see a funny tweet that I enjoy and then I see that it isn’t viral and I’m like oh then this doesn’t deserve my like

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

“W-wha...what should we do now” “Um. Write something on that folder”

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

6 years

Hey I live in New York now! Come see me on @TheFancyShow tomorrow night!

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Please inject bleach please inject bleach please inject bleach

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

7 years

It feels like a personal insult when a hot person is also in a happy healthy relationship

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

even if your tl stopped paying attention to protests, we’re still out here in the rain !!

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

It’s just such a bummer that I’m the only person who wants this pandemic to be over and no one else gets it

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

21 days

sorry that i had this idea a day late, but: met gala looks as Pokemon, a 🧵:

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

6 years

me and bodak yellow both made it onto best of 2017 lists

City Pages

@citypages

6 years

The year in comedy: 2017's new faces, new venues, and Chappelle

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

Nothing better than walking through dry leaves, breathing crisp air, and knowing you don’t have a child to take care of

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Is there any way to be reimbursed for all the office snacks we’ve missed out on over the last 6 months

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

absofuckinglutely but now it’s hollywood garbage

Mike Abrusci

@mikeabrusci

4 years

@chloe_radcliffe Are you still gonna eat out of the garbage

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

30 days

finally made my outsides match my insides

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

Halloween is that special time of year when I get to watch a man in a Jason mask stare at my tits

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

Have there ever been wild hamsters

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

6 years

cop for sure

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

Last night a man hit on me and I nicely said I have boyfriend and he said “well I’m bi, leaning gay” and walked away, and it’s nice to know that whatever your sexuality, you can still be a big defensive baby

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Mine in McSweeney’s today! Ignore how annoying the emails are and donate to downballot progressives!!! (AND MOTHERFUCKING VOTE DEMOCRAT)

Timothy McSweeney

@mcsweeneys

4 years

“The stakes are higher than ever. Higher than when we emailed you 45 minutes ago saying they were higher than ever. This is BIG time, for REAL, no more JOSHIN’ AROUND.”

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

I found a bunch of hot models on my bf’s ig explore page and I’m like what, I’m not enough for you? as I sit in the same sweatshirt I’ve slept in for two weeks, pouring hot chocolate powder over my peanut butter

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

This is only for the small crossover between fans of the NFL and fans of “Sleigh Ride”

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

I told my dad that I’m going to sell birthmark stickers as merch and he said “I don’t like that. What about mousepads”

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

6 years

When I tell a conservative, “I wish you the best,” I mean, “I hope you have liberal children”

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

I’m at my rich friends’ apartment and goodness gracious I forgot what two-ply toilet paper feels like

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 years

MINNESOTA!! I am headlining one of the 35 incredible shows from @10khaha festival THIS FRIDAY, OCTOBER 7th. Tickets are already low…if this show sells out then I’ll tell you where else you can see me 😎link in bio

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

my timeline: -impeachment analysis -standup show promotion -bi visibility announcement -poll “do u eat pussy”

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

If this election goes smoothly, it will be the least 2020 thing to happen all year

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

Remember in March when we felt smart telling our friends, “I mean I think this might last a full month”

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

I was today years old when I found out that the “crunchy sock” thing means boys use a sock as a rag, NOT that they goof INTO said sock !!???

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

So much sexual tension between you and the person at the next gas pump

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 years

I hate Halloween because I feel like I’m supposed to be better at coming up with funny costumes, so this year I gave up and went as everyone’s fallback, Lady With Tits

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 years

Wagon Wheel Is An Excellent Song And It’s Not My Fault These Douchebags Ruined It: An Exposé

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

this morning I made my ex-boyfriend a beautiful strawberry banana smoothie and he said it looked like I blended up deli meat and that is why he is now my ex-boyfriend

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

6 years

I let a car with Trump and NRA stickers merge in front of me, so you’re welcome, I’ve healed the political divide

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

Has anyone tried comparing social media to drugs? Seems apt

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Sorry Jeff, my true valentine is the woman on the train with chipped nail polish and a cracked phone screen who is expertly applying eyeliner by feel

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Hey I wrote this! Woooooo!

The New Yorker Humor

@newyorkerhumor

4 years

Things You Are Allowed to Do Now That You Use Paper Straws (you saint, you!) @chloe_radcliffe @tomchitty

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

Sick of staring at your computer all day?? Close that laptop! Come out to the living room! Sit with your roommates and stare at a different screen!

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

JFL callback tonight! Gonna talk about my boobs!

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

I wanna see him get his second shot from a woman

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 months

I look like the grinch I look like Jonah hill it’s the hardest I’ve laughed in months

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

3 years

How did none of you bastards tell me roaches can fucking FLY

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

6 years

Opening for @attell all weekend at @AcmeComedyCo ! Even if you don’t want to watch any of the comedy, come say hi to my mom

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

every summer is the summer I’m gonna lose weight, but this time it’s different. this time, NEXT summer is the summer im gonna lose weight.

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

5 years

My mom is using a turkey carver my ex got her, and she loves the carver so much that she is currently just chanting my ex’s full name over and over

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

6 years

We should stop lying to audiences, they haven’t been great

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

4 years

Do you think Howard Dean spends every debate with a whiskey in his hand quietly muttering “byahh, I just said byahh”

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Chloe Radcliffe - LA 5/15 & 5/22

@chloebadcliffe

2 months

NYC I am bringing my solo show CHEAT back to nyc for ONE NIGHT ONLY on 4/18 @UnionHallNY this photo is from the past but you better believe this is what you gonna be lookin at again if you don’t get your tickets now link in biooo