two bird carl @barstoolcarl Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

1st ballot HOF middle finger:

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Who the fuck schedules a #1 seed against a 100 year old nun on a Sunday

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

5 years

FUCK CODY

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

What the fuck guys

two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Morning guys. Let’s have a nice day.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

You know the pizza’s legit when they serve the coke in this beauty

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

17 days

My car dealership quoted me $2,500 for a new key. That seemed like a lot of money so I called a locksmith from Oswego. Jim programmed a new key in my driveway and charged me $125. Why can't the car dealership be more like Jim? Jim rocks.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

Dogs are the best

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 months

The simulator was gifted from a Korean company that’s expanding to the US. The domestic sales rep just asked it be used in content. Nothing serious. Few weeks later and now that sales rep has to explain Jersey Jerry to a room full of South Korean marketing executives. Amazing.

Barstool Sports

@barstoolsports

4 months

HE DID IT!! SHOT 2627! THE IMPOSSIBLE HAS HAPPENED @JerryTheKid21 @JerryAfterDark #LegenJerry

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

Holy fuck does Carmen Electra still have her fastball

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Please like this tweet if you’re drinking a beer tonight. I’m doing an experiment

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

“Sorry your house burned down. Here’s an umbrella.” - ABC

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

I’ve been more excited for a bears first down

Barstool Sports

@barstoolsports

3 years

THE ATLANTA BRAVES ARE WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

9 months

Classic cheap shot

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

This is my new favorite interview of all time

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Can’t believe the mic picked me up here. We suck.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

Big Cat’s “get ready for game 6 tomorrow” almost killed me

Jared Carrabis

@Jared_Carrabis

4 years

YOUUUU HAAAATE TO SEEEE IT.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Have you ever seen anything so beautiful

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

1 year

This guy Bill just fell off a cliff and almost died. I had to reach down and pull him up like a scene from mission impossible. He’a going to the hospital. His wife was so pissed. He fell approximately 70 feet, mostly sharp and steep rock formation. All he wants is a beer

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Do not trade for Carson Wentz @ChicagoBears Do not trade for Carson Wentz @ChicagoBears Do not trade for Carson Wentz @ChicagoBears Do not trade for Carson Wentz @ChicagoBears Do not trade for Carson Wentz @ChicagoBears Do not trade for Carson Wentz @ChicagoBears

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

5 years

The Korean Pop band at soldier field is setting the Guinness WR for longest fucking concert of my life. 48 hours and still going. Some Live Aid shit. 930 on a Sunday with no end in sight #ClubDub

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Now apologize to Mitch @ChicagoBears

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Hank gives maybe my favorite look in recorded history here. It’s a look of victory. A look from a better future that lies ahead. The face of a man with total confidence alongside the complete opposite. What a goddamn look

Barstool Sports

@barstoolsports

2 years

It's marriage or bust for @martymush and he's okay with those options. New @DavePortnoyShow out now:

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

Bears Lions preview with Susanna - tune in tomorrow for the tailgate video

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Dear Tom Ricketts Everyone is so disappointed in you. Apologize publicly. Take responsibility. Someone has to, and it’s you. Signed, EVERYONE

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

The last thing you ever do is leave your girl on the range with Phil Mickelson. Phil is so dangerous.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Never thought I’d see this at a CWS game but the NC State catcher can’t take his leg guards off with two outs because they literally don’t have anyone else to warm up the pitcher. You stop doing this in little league. Such a baseball guy move.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

1 year

Trash organization with no values

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

I think about this game all the time

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

It’s national championship season boys

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Caleb and Rone catching a storm in Colorado after being denied a storm in Arkansas earlier today is now a top 10-15 moment for me in Barstool Sports history.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

Kirk Herbstreidt has 2 kids on Clemson and a lot of you are just learning this right now because he’s so professionally unbiased no joke

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

Midway juices are flowing

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Little Caesars deserves way more credit for maintaining a $5 price point for over 16 years. They don’t care about inflation. Probably the smartest finance pizza guys out there. Little Caesars. Good for them

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Absolute nightmare text to get from the groom heading into the wedding

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

5 years

If you’re one of the 25,000 random people that have been talking a relentless amount of shit to me on the internet then I want you to get a good look at what an 85mph 2-seamer looks like from an average Big Ten reliever. Tell me I suck now.

Illinois Baseball

@IlliniBaseball

5 years

@barstoolcarl Confirmed athlete. When you get that kind of action it's even hard for the umps to keep up.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

SAVE SMALL BUSINESS Donate here -

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

Maybe not the time, but the 1st Saturday night at the bars after all this shit ends will be the best night of our lives. Im talking complete takeover. Every drink is a double. Cigs inside. Sex in the streets. Illegal fireworks from Indiana. Live music. Give me everything you got.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

I had my parents over for brunch and now we’re drinking in my buddy’s garage. This is Chicago. I love it.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

6 years

Mickey Mantle was always wasted

Howard Cole

@Howard_Cole

6 years

Can anyone name a player in any sport who is as wasted as Trout is in Anaheim? Ever?

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

5 years

You guys thought I was pissed ...

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

I am literally at the Zoo

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Please like this tweet if you know Lyrical Lemonade. I’m doing an experiment.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Like this tweet if you think @stoolpresidente should come to game 3

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

Imagine Lebron doubling home the game tying run for the Dodgers. You can’t because he sucks and MJ is the best to ever do it

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

There’s a new variant called The Chicago Bulls

BNO News

@BNOFeed

2 years

CDC now shows every U.S. state as having high levels of COVID-19 transmission

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

17 days

Go ahead and poor shame me. I don't care. $2,500 is too much for a new car key for a 2015 Subaru Legacy in my house and that will never change.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

I launched a show today with my favorite Cubs player of all time. The guy who broke the 108 year curse and completely changed the vibes and tone around Wrigley. I can’t even wrap my head around this journey. And all people will remember from today is Marty Mush’s dick. Legit LOL.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Just absolutely lost it on a clubhouse. What the fuck. Seriously. What a disrespectful move for the Bears. Disrespectful to all of us. The fans. The players. The people who clean the porta potties in the South Lot. Even Mitch. Just a complete slap in the face to sign Dalton.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

instead of chess piece, why not use him as qb?

Adam Hoge

@AdamHoge

3 years

Matt Nagy says Justin Fields “provides a lot of value” as a chess piece in the #Bears ’ game plan.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Robbie Gould taking out Aaron Rodgers would be the most beautiful thing

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

Absolute textbook Houdini from this guy

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS @NFL

Andrew Carter

@AC_TwoCircles

2 years

THIS REF FLOPPED INTO MARSH TO THROW THE FLAG ‼️‼️‼️ #Bears #Steelers

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Mask mandate lifted in Chicago today. Sucks to be super ugly today. The last couple years have been a nice change of pace. But now you’re back to being ugly all the time. As a bald guy this would be like mandating hats. Same thing but different. Good luck to my ugly guys today.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

How to order at McDonald’s (Updated)

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Imagine talking shit about Mitch in a press conference and then signing Dalton in free agency. You’d have to literally be the biggest asshole in the universe to do that.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Congratulations to my mom on her retirement. 44+ years taking the Rock Island Metra from Beverly to the Loop. Joyce love a big glass of wine and playing 18. Keeps score at baseball games, screams at the Bears and loves getting mad at the Cubs. God bless this woman. CONGRATS MOM

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

2021 NFL Draft grades Chicago Bears: A+

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

I would honestly rather be dead than wear one of these hats in public

Champs Sports

@champssports

2 years

Show off your team pride with the New Era MLB 59Fifty Dueling Fitted Cap 💯 Buy |

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Rate these new Illinois baseball baby blue uniforms

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Hashtag BACK

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

My buddy just hit a hole in one and we just won this car I’m not joking

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

Bears and Patriots both fail to go to the Super Bowl this year. First time since 2016 a SB will be played without either team.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Eberflus says he won't call the defense. Says it's not the job of the head coach. That's the coordinator's job. WHAT A CONCEPT

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

5 years

Sorry I’m passionate about what I love. Sorry you’re not. PS fuck you

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

7 months

Whoever started the standing ovation for Trea Turner two months ago should be inducted into the Phillies Hall of Fame

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

The Omaha Zoo would beat the shit out of your zoo. Yes even you San Diego

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Can we do this to Aaron Rodgers @nfl ?

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

BEARS MAKE PLAYOFFS

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

I miss Anthony Rizzo

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Joc Pederson tells a humble fan to Shut The Fuck Up. What a moment

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Give me 9 Kyle Schwarbers and we’ll conquer the world

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

This Bulls team is singlehandedly resurrecting the entire city of Chicago. There’s so much Red right now it’s actually blinding

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

5 years

I could do without this video being on the internet today

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

This is a real life picture

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Jonny Gomes. My favorite baseball player of all time.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

I feel like Mitch is about to sit down to a nice pasta dinner. Maybe even a lasagna. Carbo load then a small taste of film and a quality 10 hours in bed. Maybe stretch the hamstrings and say a few Our Fathers but otherwise I think he’s ready. Green Bay is fucked.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

5 years

I’m not leaving

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

League leaders

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

LETS GO BEARS

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Dear Chicago Bears….

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

5 years

Robbie Gould in Lake Forest from 43 Yards I cannot take it

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

Like this tweet if you think Grayson Allen should go to prison for the rest of his life

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Im overwhelmed. I might cry. 11 days in Omaha for work. Get to see the whole tournament through. Never in a thousand years thought this is how we’d pay the bills in the Carl house. About to burn Omaha down with the State faithful. I’m the luckiest non Mississippi State guy here.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

January 3rd Bears vs Packers. Biggest day of our lives. Lets Go Bears. Lets Go Mitch.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

This is such a good clean take on Justin Fields

Kyle Brandt

@KyleBrandt

3 years

My thoughts on Justin Fields of the Chicago Bears.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Mitch to the Bills. Good luck. Buffalo you will love him

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

Might fuck around and have red Gatorade in a can tonight

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

This is a preposterous 10.0

CB

@cbrandt83

3 years

@barstoolcarl How about my old mans backyard, who despite having zero kids at home, still mows a baseball field into the yard.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

I woke up seeing red. It’s officially a Chicago Bulls year. Nobody talk about the Bears or the Blackhawks

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

3 years

It means everyone around here was full of shit

NBC Chicago

@nbcchicago

3 years

Chicago, Suburban Cook County Can Resume Indoor Dining. Here's What That Means

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

Chicago can officially disown AD now

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

6 years

Meet my new dog, Mr. Scottie Pippen. He is lean, athletic and at one point In his life, he was extremely undervalued. No more my sweet prince. Welcome home.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

I’m basically the poster boy for democracy

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

Mitch will wake up tomorrow undefeated. One of the other guys will be a loser. Advantage: Mitch.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

A play about American democracy in 3 acts

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

2 years

It’s kills me that George McCaskey has spent his life owning the Bears with no other purpose than running the Bears and HE STILL says shit like “I don’t know football. I’m not an expert. I’m just a fan.” Dude you’re the blood of George Halas. All you should know is football.

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

BEARS HOT TUB LINEUP PREVIEW WITH CRYSTAL

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two bird carl

@barstoolcarl

4 years

This is so bad ass

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