Letter From a Burning Man Jail @ThomasAwful Twitter profile

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

1 year

Roast Beef. 2010-2023. My best friend in the entire world. You are my entire heart. We love you so much. After thirteen years I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without you. Thank you for making me a better person. Thank you for choosing me.

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Last Seen Profiles

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

8 years

America's slow but very real decline into a fascist state as told by the Milwaukee Bucks logo

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@ThomasAwful

1 year

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

Name a celebrity (A-list to D-list) that has been kind to you. No long stories. Just a name.

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@ThomasAwful

2 years

Happy Birthday to the Kwisatz Haderach of tweets.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

Nobody has a crush on anybody the way men born in the 80s have a crush on Marisa Tomei.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

His Churchill was fine, but I've always been most impressed with Gary Oldman's portrayal of Johnny Depp. A massively underrated performance.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

1 year

Benioff and Weiss when they read about Ser Arthur Dayne, known as the Sword of the Morning due to his famous, one-of-a-kind sword forged from a fallen star: HOW ABOUT WE GIVE HIM TWO NORMAL SWORDS

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

7 years

The best thing about Mike Pence is the stupid place his mind went after watching Mulan.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

7 years

2016: David Bowie and Prince died 2017: everyone else dies

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

1 year

The best ever portrayal of the Devil

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

8 years

Trump is fucking done in Iowa, mate

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

3 years

So close to finally hanging with the fellas again

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

This is the funniest moment in television history.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

9 days

Indie rock NBA names. I’ll start. Dinosaur JR Smith

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

Andrew Wiggins has no idea how fucking twisted Stephen Jackson really is

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

4 years

"Green Room" but the band is the Mighty Mighty Bosstones.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

Here is a picture of Will Smith being kind to me in the forest.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

3 years

My mom died yesterday. Never stopped believing in me despite all my idiocy and failure and bad grades and my horrible sense of humor. She was fierce. She protected me always. And I wish there were more pictures of us together. Linda Ellen Siquig. Mom.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

What Mr. Bezos has done today is not only enormously important for me because he didn't personally hunt me in the forest and then eat me, it could be a shot heard around the world. I urge corporate leaders around the country to follow Mr. Bezos' lead and not hunt and then eat me.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

You honestly don't see the resemblance?

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

1 month

Happy to see this. Rich people needed a win.

Guardian news

@guardiannews

1 month

Taylor Swift among 141 new billionaires in ‘amazing year for rich people’

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

Thinking about which members of the Wu-Tang Clan survived Infinity War. Probably U-God.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

"Kid A" wasn't nearly the end of thinking outside the box for Thom

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@ThomasAwful

5 years

@StephenKing @vondoviak Stephen, you've been mentioned nearly as often as Neil Gaiman and Sean Astin. Kudos.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

2 years

@silvcrwings I like when Tyrion wakes up Pod and says "Bronn" and Pod is like "You want me to go get him?" and Tyrion is like "No, I thought we could discuss how he dresses."

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

3 years

Reservoir Dogs 2021 opening scene 1) discuss hidden meaning of "Hit Me Baby One More Time" 2) radio has been playing the super sounds of the mid-90s (Fastball, New Radicals, Harvey Danger) 3) "What the fuck do you mean you don't tip 20%?" 4) suit color matches their names

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 months

Apartheid state.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

11 months

Honestly, and we've had our differences in the past, but I only trust one man to personally go down there right this instant and rescue that submarine

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

2 years

These NBA Finals are largely a referendum on this man and this man alone

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

7 years

and you guys say Jonathan Franzen isn't a hero

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

Best thing about France

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

Watched the game at the bar. 95% of the people there were I don't want to say Raptors fans per se, but sort of Grand Coalition anti-Warriors partisans. When Durant went down they all lustily cheered. It was gross and weird and I'm rethinking sports.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

8 years

Bernie Sanders can't win because he's a jump-shooter and he doesn't have a scoring big man who he can throw the ball to for easy buckets.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

1 year

Happy International Women's Day!

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

1 year

My feeling is rich people don't care about things.

douglas greenwood

@douglasgrnwd

1 year

No beef but I’m struggling to understand why Beyoncé, who has half a billion dollars, would accept 20 million dollars to make her debut performance of the Renaissance album, a record which lifts heavily from queer culture, in Dubai, a country where LGBT rights aren’t recognised.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

When you have not lost your fucking mind.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

8 years

Hey Charlton Heston! The apes are speaking ENGLISH! You are not on another fucking planet, dude! I mean, seriously god damn

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

Trump is wild. I knew he was a piece of shit rich guy, but no one mentioned he could subvert reality itself through sheer moronic obstinance. Say what you will about him, but I'd like to see YOU annihilate perceived meaning every day basically just by being awake.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

I kind of feel bad for Dinesh D'Souza. He's really, really fucking dumb. That's gotta be a major bummer for a guy with glasses.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

I am always saying this.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

4 years

what does "JUST IN" mean exactly

The Hill

@thehill

4 years

JUST IN: Trump says he thinks Sanders is a communist

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

Hey friends, I very cleverly waited a few days for all the #Klay content to slow to a trickle, so I could get mad emotional about how unique and lovely the Lesser Splash Brother is

Klay Thompson Just Gets It

Basketball is his job, but chilling and enjoying being alive is his passion. Alex Siquig on the Warriors' most relatable superstar.

www.gq.com

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

Okay, Justice League spoilers so avert your eyes if you care: 1. they got Aquaman's accent all wrong 2. Aquaman would never fart without saying "Oopsie!" 3. Aquaman DOESN'T cry when he has sex 4. It's not canon that Aquaman calls doggystyle "the fish way" 5. His balls are CGI

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

4 years

If Mayor Pete wins Iowa then Iowa should be forced to vote last for 48 years, then get promoted to voting second-to-last for another 48 years.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

7 years

Next year James Harden is going to cure cancer and get the Palestinians their own state by halftime and still come in second in MVP votes

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

8 years

Charles Barkley truly believes the only way to defeat ISIS is with a low-post scoring big. Small ball only emboldens the terrorists.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

I refuse to stop thinking about the E.T. novelization every night.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

3 years

Bob Myers actually waits until he is legally allowed to negotiate deals. Fucking loser.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

3 years

Had a job interview go bad once and both I and the interviewer knew so at the end she was like, well, okay, you remember how to get out of the building right and I was like uh, the door? and she looked at me and said, yes. The door.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

3 years

Duuuude a Dennis Nedry rookie card

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

When you try to warn the people that a killer walks among us

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

8 years

The Wind That Drakes The Barley

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

Famous people usually suck and are mean, is the thing.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

@sagtnt @AlbinNilsonn No, I just want Obama personally to investigate it. I want him to go to Libya and look around. Like a detective. I will accept his findings. He is a man of honor.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

1 year

First picture. Last picture. Love you. Love you. Love you.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

7 years

ah yes the night of broken glass ceiling

The Atlantic

@TheAtlantic

7 years

Can Marine Le Pen overcome France’s glass ceiling? @YasmeenSerhan asks

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

2 years

@Ark_Tor I'm pro-life and take no pleasure in hearing that

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

Here's your fucking civility

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

The Warriors are unfair and also not actually that good and also a cheat code and also overrated and also they have four All-Stars but three of them wouldn't be that good on other teams and are complimentary talents and the one that is actually good is a coward.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

7 years

Thinking about cutting my coffee intake to maybe four cups per day. Gets in the way of the only good part of my day which is sleeping.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

White people's priorities: 1) getting Shkreli's wu-tang album 2) personally not being a racist 3) catching up on riverdale 4) trip to iceland 5) universal healthcare

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

8 years

What I like about Scottish cows is that they only listen to Atreyu and Killswitch Engage

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

3 years

Oh no they’re crushing the life out of Lucky (who is an immigrant)

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

3 years

We lost Tommy today. He made our lives so good. He gave us so much. He was a fucking legend. He was my best friend, writing partner, Star Trek co-pilot. Please pour one out for our beautiful baby boy, who gets to rest now. I'll love you forever, Tom. I'll think of you always.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

@theseantcollins sick of these fucking poors not wearing hair shirts and whipping themselves with cat o' nine tails every second until they make more money. and what's with the iphone? do they think they are human beings?

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

As if you needed any other evidence that Lance Stephenson is a sick man

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

I'll go first. John Vanderslice.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

4 years

Everything else in history turned out to be bullshit (Columbus, Viking helmets, let them eat cake, Nero fiddling) so I am now wondering if there's ever actually been a cool sword fight or if every sword fight ever was totally boring and stupid.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

7 years

Kevin Durant sounds like my first wife whenever we boned

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

7 years

Choose a starting 5 of people that have the same birthday as you: PG: Me SG: Hawksley Workman SF: Rick Perry PF: Draymond Green C: Vivaldi

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

Celebrities (A-list to D-list), name a non-celebrity that has been kind to you. No long stories. Just a name or actually, since you are famous and don't have time to get our names usually, a description of this kindly pleb.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

4 years

Nuggets would win this by 20 if it wasn't for Jill Stein.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

4 years

One part of "The Irishman" we don't talk about enough is when Jimmy didn't even want those amazing chili dogs that Frank picked up for him so Frank is just sitting there eating chili dogs alone like some kind of chili dog loving loser. Incredible scene.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

Biggest mood.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

Writers are depressed, drunk, and angry. They wear bad clothes. Editors are chill and love to have fun. They wear nice clothes. 100% good looking.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

1 year

No man ever had half as much dog in him as Charlie Utter.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

3 years

@deadeyebrakeman "today we made enough cash for 1000 more giant, flavorless meatballs and we can finally redo the bathrooms with even trashier art!"

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

8 years

Wes Anderson films ranked: Rushmore, Clerks, Clerks 2, the Brothers McMullen, Solaris (original), Royal Tenenbaums, Species 2, Bound.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

1 year

@mrfishtopher hey Fishtopher! Can we amplify this King (Mr. Mom) who took care of kittens that weren't even his!

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

2 years

Of course that's your contention. You're a first year grad student. That's gonna last until next year -- you're gonna be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood, talkin' about, you know, the Pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

8 years

Why does Lil B refuse to curse ISIS

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

4 years

Okay, so we've heard Warren's side and Bernie's side, next up is Toshiro Mifune and then if I remember correctly a ghost

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

@chrislhayes @charles_kinbote I'm pro-choice so Steve Bannon not being executed upsets me

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

7 years

Only man in the FBI I trust

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

Thing is, it's bigger than just Raptors. The team has: - A Dilophosaurus - A washed-up Styracosaurus - A Brit - An Ankylosaurus - Two very different members of the Hadrosauridae family - A Dimetrodon GM (not actually a dinosaur) This wasn't just Jurassic. It was Mesozoic.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

4 months

@BrandyLJensen Sorry, this isn’t allowed.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

9 months

1) be racist 2) lose the war

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

This is what sex with me is like

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 months

@BrandyLJensen each bean is an ingredient

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

2 years

New Covid just dropped

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

2 years

Replace music, the best thing humanity has to offer, with podcasts, the absolute worst thing we have.

John Pompliano

@JohnPompliano

2 years

Replace Netflix with books. Replace music with podcasts. Replace excuses with action.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

6 years

@theshrillest Strength in Numbers, baby

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

Fucking rolling on the floor laughing my ass off thinking about Benioff and Weiss solemnly doing their little episode explainers for Confederate

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

@JasonIsbell Jason, could you do me a huge favor and tell my boss Emma that I apologize, but I might be late for work tomorrow. She's a huge fan of you and Bruce. Literally just you and Bruce. Thanks.

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Letter From a Burning Man Jail

@ThomasAwful

5 years

The four stages of logging on