Dave @MrDOThompson Twitter profile

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Little high. All went OK

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

@iam_edh @charliekirk11 What pisses me off is that nobody stepped in and at least one person is filming it. Disgusting.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Seems some people have a problem with the word 'fucking' in my cool people post. I get it, not everyone swears. I apologise to those people. I do have to point out I'm from New Zealand, and swearing is in my DNA, so sometimes I do.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

If 70% of the earth is water, and virtually none of it is carbonated, then the earth is, in fact, flat.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

Finally got a haircut. Feeling cute, might delete later. I'm kidding, I never felt cute and I ain't deleting anything.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

I just have to say, for the record, there are some really, really fucking cool people on this platform. You know who you are. Yes, you know it's you.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

At the local supermarket and bumped into a guy I recognised. He was my woodworking teacher from school in 1974. He is very old, but I introduced myself and told him his classes and guidance changed my life. I thanked him and told him that because of him, I've made cars and…

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

10 months

@MelissaJeanSays @Rainmaker1973 I've always done that, I hated them.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

I scrub up alright for an old guy.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

My gracious and lovely brother in law Josip died last night. I am bereft. What a beautiful and gentle man.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

7 months

To all those lovely people (you know who you are) who sent me messages of love and support, I love you all. To all those who unfollowed and blocked me simply for taking a break; fuck you, that's why I'm leaving. See the rest of you around.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

10 months

@MadScientistFF Wanker

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

Ever go to reply to a tweet because you have experience and a voice but then just think, what the fuck am I doing and cancel it? Just me?

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Nothing's made to last these days. This broke after just 40 years.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

Is it rude on dating sites to ask for a picture with them holding a copy of today's newspaper??

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

This will be my last post for a while. See you around.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

@Juliejtm @ask_aubry Because they are feckless, ineffective men. Not all of us are like this.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

3 years

@LozzaFox Jeez Laurence, the knives are out for you. Good on you for sticking your head above the parapet and just remember that plenty are with you....

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

Let's cheer things up on here by finding a photo in your album and posting it. Barnaby looking splendid!

Lord Haydock

@MarkHaydock5

8 months

Let's cheer things up on here by finding a photo in your album and posting it. I'll start with a swan having a bath.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

I have to say, some people take my joke posts way to seriously. I rarely post anything too serious, so please, before responding, read carefully and take in context. Pedantically pointing out some element of a joke to me is not what I post them for. Thanks for understanding.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

So selfies are only for the young? Youth is so wasted on them. And people over 40, especially women, are by far the best.

Dr Lucy Chalice Author

@LucyChalice

9 months

Oh yeah - because selfies are only for the 20-somethings according to some men. 🤦🏼‍♀️😬 Krys is stunningly beautiful irrespective of her age. Here’s my 42-year-old face (again 👀😂) to piss off the haters. Women over 40 rock. ❤️

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

3 years

My mother is dying; she's 81, just had major gut surgery and can't fight off an infection that's sprung up. I'm not a religious man, but she's a God-fearing woman. If any of you spiritual people feel like praying for a miracle for my mum Joy, I'd be grateful...

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

To all those kind men who sent pictures of boobs to me after I complained about a lack of them showing up in my timeline, thank you, I really appreciate the gesture. But I actually much prefer women's boobs. Thank you for your understanding.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

@Yorkslass72 @Ash_Pro1 Disgusting. Should be banned.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Anyone else do this, put bread in with the bacon to soak up the greases and toast it?

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

This little bird we call our one-eyed friend. We put sultanas out for her every day and she comes and has her fill. She's nesting in the eaves. She's small and bullied by other birds but she knows now where I hide the fruit for her. Beautiful.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

1 year

@Yorkslass72 Crazy! I saw these ones from above earlier.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

Haircut, smell good, feeling cute.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

To all those concerned about my wife and marriage jokes, they are just that. Jokes to put a smile on someone's face. I mean no harm to anyone and love everyone who engages with me here, you know who you are.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Type your name in the GIF bar. That's your Halloween costume this year.

Sophie Penhaligon

@sophpen

9 months

Type your name in the GIF bar. That's your Halloween costume this year.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better, but I'm wondering... do I just keep the letters?

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

@VeteranIrish Awesome.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Oh, one more thing, all those accounts I follow, like your posts and send witty replies to that you never answer or even acknowledge? I'm fucking unfollowing you.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

@rickygervais She is fucking brilliant, so against type and just amazingly funny and tragic. Thanks!

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Oh god no.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

The look of a man about be be rodgered with a camera the size of an omnibus.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

That feeling you get when someone close dies, but the world just carries on. I really, really fucking hate that.. I hate it...

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

So I did a thing. New barbie for this year....

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Out my bedroom window just now, this morning. This camera doesn't do this double bow justice! Stunning.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Doctor: your wife is in the hospital Me: Is she OK? Doc: she's critical Me: Oh, you'll soon get used to that.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

Barnaby is back. Big love...

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

@HeidiOlsonJone2 @EM_RESUS I was going to say that too!

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

That feeling you get when someone follows you and you just know that as soon as you hit the follow button back, you'll get a dm from them selling you some worthless bullshit.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Unfollowing people who never interact, post horrible crap, talk religion or politics or who generally piss me off. Feel free to unfollow me back.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

To all those people who tell me my jokes and responses are puerile and immature, thank you so much!

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

1 year

Anyone else get tired of liking and commenting on people's tweets but never get any kind of feedback or acknowledgement from those people? Me too. I'm unfollowing them.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

@historyrock_ Oh FFS!! Is this even a real question? Freddie is lightyears ahead of that other guy.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

3 years

@suggardaddy_ When you hit your 30s you'll understand that everyone was like this in their 20s. It's a tough time, but you'll mature and get through it.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

I asked my wife why she never lets me know when she's having an orgasm. She told me she doesn't want to call me at work.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

1 year

Why are people so fixated on followers? Do you get paid per follower or what? If someone has 4000 followers and 10 leave, what's the panic? I couldn't care less who follows me and who doesn't. I don't even know how many I have, and it makes no difference to me at all.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

Half the strawberry patch done and planted. Dug through with strawberry blended potting mix and all our berries for that half planted. The other half is also dug through but we ran out of berries to plant. Sharp eyes will see garlic planted between them. Keeps bugs away.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't really help much, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

@ItsSamG Like a husband? Only with less sex?

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

How come everyone on here looks feckin' perfect and like a model, yet in my selfies I look like Mother Tereasa's left testicle?

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Just went to lunch, and my waitress asked me if I had any questions about the menu. I asked her: what font is this??

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

Downer day Monday, uncle-in-law in Aussie died overnight of cancer and a very good friend of mine is struggling and I can't do a damned thing about either from here in the arse end of the world. I know there's nothing anyone else can do either. Life sucks a really big knob today.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

Anyone else find it weird that the news starts with "Good evening." Then they go on to tell us why it isn't??

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

That feeling when you find one tweet you absolutely know the answer to and could help a lot, then as you go to answer it, notice there's already 422 replies. I quietly discard and carry on.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

@Mike_M_Klotz Suzuki Jimny?

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving really isn't for you.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

I was told that giving birth is so painful that women can almost imagine what it feels like for a man when he has a cold.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Good morning to a chilly Wednesday here in Christchurch. A huge thank you to everyone who wished me well yesterday, I think I've answered everyone but if I haven't, my apologies. Feeling better after a good night's sleep and ready to get over today! Much love to everyone.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

1 year

A huge thanks to all those keeping me company on this flight. What an amazing bunch of people.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Helped a long-time client over the phone with a computer problem, and she wanted to pay me. I said no, she's fine. She just dropped off this. People are cool. Pegasus Bay is not cheap!

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

Got a DM today from "bored housewife 33", and her bio says she is looking for some action! I've sent her my laundry and ironing, that should keep her busy.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

2 years

@KingofChads15 @ThatEricAlper My wife bought me a copy of the Kama Sutra, put me in a very awkward position.....

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

It's a little-known fact that if you hold your ear up to a strangers leg, you can actually hear them saying "what the fuck are you doing?"

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

@RuthieR No, it makes you a sensible and loving daughter.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Yikes, just discovered I've been blocked by one of the people I really respected here. That stings a bit, but they must have their reasons. I was never nasty to them. Damn...

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

10 months

Haircut this morning, always makes me feel better.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

Just learned my brother in law in Croatia, Josip, who was ill when we were there, has lung cancer. Fuck.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

Why don't I do politics or religion? Because people who want to ram their religious or political ideologies down my throat almost universally don't want me to share mine with them.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Seems some people with sticks up their arses don't like my innuendo posts. Fine, I don't expect a million people to adore me (I do actually) but I'm telling jokes, and for those folks to take up their precious time to stop scrolling and be enraged enough to message me is really…

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

It's a beautiful Friday morning here in Christchurch. Wish you all were here, but we just don't have enough wine glasses to go around. Hope your day was filled with laughter and fun. Or maybe you read my posts instead! Be cool everyone! Yes, even you in the Nirvana t-shirt!

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

@Allie_Belle1231 That is terrible. If that's modern dating I'm going back to the old ways of being a gentleman.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Bacon sarnie anyone?

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

Just got a severe wind warning. It is pretty blustery outside.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

1 year

Home, shattered, weird like this is an air bnb. Cold.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

I hate goodbyes, so nobody leaves, OK? Deal?

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

If a woman starts a sentence with: "I just find it funny how..." There's almost 100% chance she did not find it funny at all..

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

@rickygervais I have, this resonated. Loved you dad..

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she'd been with. She said yes, the others were all 9s and 10s.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

David McCallum dead at 90. Damn, long career.

‘NCIS’ star David McCallum dead at 90 | CNN

Actor David McCallum, known for his role on the long-running CBS procedural “NCIS,” has died, the network said in a statement. He was 90.

edition.cnn.com

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

@WonderW97800751 Seinfeld. Actively unfunny.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

Apparently, smoking pot can affect short-term memory. If that's the case, imagine what smoking pot could do!

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

My banking career was very short-lived, on my first day, a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over...

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

My uncle was crushed by a piano. His funeral was very low key...

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

8 months

Doesn't look like much, but 2 hours and 31 potatos planted.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Fred's wee feet. What a love.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Morning you miscreants, lovers and wastrels. Monday and a mild morning here in Christchurch. Fasting day for me; I have a colonoscopy first thing tomorrow, which also means bowel prep, starting at midday. Lovely. Have a great day/evening/night!

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

2 years

@ReturnofR Coldplay. Bed-wetter's music....

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

10 months

There are some amazingly beautiful people on this platform. Just saying. (No, I'm not one, but maybe one day...)

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

3 years

My mum died last night. Thanks for all the kind thoughts beamed this way for her in the last few days. She was a good woman. Joy Ellen Thompson NZOM, 20 July 1940 - 9 March 2021.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

11 months

People telling me I should stop making sexual innuendos. But it's so hard...

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

4 years

@Yadadadida1 @realDonaldTrump Could trigger a civil war, but why not? He did apparently get more votes, but that's the process I guess. Same thing happened here a while back and we ended up with a leader NOBODY voted in... WTF??

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

I know it's a trope, but getting old is fucking horrible. My advice? Don't get old.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Good morning all you rock stars. A sunny Sunday here in Christchurch NZ. I hope your day/evening/night is filled with fun, laughter and good banter with someone you love.

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Everyone has a pair of Napoleon socks, right? Right??

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

Earl Grey, hot. #iykyk

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Dave

@MrDOThompson

9 months

@LunaEmpath89 It's fucking dangerous, but not a relapse or bust. If you had more, got pissed, then yes. A sip is testing the water with your elbow. A dangerous game. I wouldn't. Like me having just a little heroin to see if I still like it. Answer? Of course I fucking do! I can't use, ever.

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