Kevvy Disco Machine @Kmort22 Twitter profile

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

8 months

When the pub has a setup like this you know the Banter with the fellas is gonna be unreal

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@Kmort22

3 months

No we have the dude bench, and we sit around and name random running backs for fun

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

7 years

@yeetztweetz *Uses portrait mode once* NYC✈️MIA✈️LA

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

7 years

@KFCBarstool Shoulda JJO’ed

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@Kmort22

5 years

@KFCBarstool YO ITS YA BOY KFC AND WE COMIN AT YOU THIS WEEK WITH OPINIONS NO ONE CARE’S ABOUT FROM CRIMINALLY UNFUNNY PERSONALITIES. IM SUPER INSECURE ABOUT EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE AND ITS BROUGHT TO YOU BY FUEGO BOX

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

1 year

Anheuser Busch only shot at recovering their brand is if they bring this can back

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

8 years

@PFTCommenter @BarstoolBigCat The Brazzers do do do sound you made when Rachel said "lets get serious" is on Mt Rushmore of PMT moments

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

8 months

My favorite part of this is all the dudes rocking replying and quoting “holy shit I wanna be here for 8 hours with the lads naming running backs”

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

3 years

Bad day to be your 3rd cheapest bottle of wine

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

1 year

Omg you’re drinking a Guinness? That’s so filling!

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

Very bodega thing that just happened is I put 12 pack of White Claw and 2 6’ers on the counter he rings it up and it’s $53.99 I go hey let me take one back I only have $50 (cash only). He just takes 2 beers off one of the 6’ers and rings it up as $49.99

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

8 years

@BarstoolBigCat @PFTCommenter Her: thought you didn't have work today!? Me: there's a new PMT with Rappaport!

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

6 years

@nopoweradeinusa Darth Jar Jar

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

6 years

I’m honored to say my ex has me blocked on LinkedIn

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

3 years

Absolutely no one: Guys in their 20’s: Yoooo we should setup stadium seating in the living room

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

2 years

What a targeted ad. I just ordered one of these bad boys for my 1 bedroom apartment

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

2 years

TLDR: Boomers would drink 3 Martinis at Smith & Wollensky and sexually harass their interns and laugh it off

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

8 months

@TheBestPoaster The fellas be yapping

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

Bout to post this on my LinkedIn story with the caption “Imagine rising but not grinding 😤”

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

@M_MiracleMan @wyshynski An avi like this

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

Can’t wait to take everyones guns and melt them into a statue of Hilary Clinton

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

2 years

Not nearly enough of my enemies are rueing the day

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

Last labor day weekend I was blacked out and I ran into my now gf when she was with her ex bf and was sloppily trying to flirt with her, she recorded this vid of me ripping one of my fav dance moves - the cello at a random Block Party in Long Beach. Never give up on your dreams

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

2 years

Modern dating

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

To everyone online right now

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

3 years

College kids in their group chats rn: *insert hometown bar* ain’t ready for us tn 😈

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

Holy shit this kid sucks lmfao

Dana Beers

@danabeers

5 years

Okay @Friday_Beers . I’ll buy a 30 and you can come to the Wheel House aka the Fuck Shack and we can put this all behind us. If not, I’m convinced you guys don’t actually drink beers

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

2 years

Men will literally play knockout instead of going to therapy

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

My 2010s: 2010: Graduated HS 2011: College, someone be my friend 2012: almost transferred 2013: I LOVE INDIANA 2014: DONT MAKE ME LEAVE 2015: Chicago is tight but I hate my job 2016: Chicago is tight and I love my job 2017: Moved back to NY 2018: someone date me 2019: gf

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

6 years

@bobby Hi can you sign this form granting me permission to flirt

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

10 months

@skanks17 The chick moved to LA and got sucked into getting Botox and lip filler and regrets it and I’m sad for her

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

Hi @instagram I stopped seeing this one girl like over a month ago can you swap her spot on the top of my instagram story views with the new girl I am romantically interested in?

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

8 years

I feel you Caila this is why I don't do group dates anymore

Caila Quinn

@CailaQuinn

8 years

In group dates no one feels special... by this time it's no longer a game 🥀 #thebachelor

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

Shut the fuck up loser

Alex Ramos

@realalexramos

5 years

If you work a 9-5, are broke and coming home every night to watch Netflix, you deserve to stay broke. Every night you should be coming home and selling something, creating something, learning something, etc. You should be constantly leveling yourself up. Netflix won’t do that.

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

I regret to inform everyone I posted my first TikTok. especially sorry to those who followed me during my Vine days.

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

Food $200 Data $150 Rent $800 Crewneck Sweaters $3,600 Utility $150 someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

3 months

This was the peak of social media

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

6 years

“Anyone wanna hit 13th step tonight for a beer pong tourney? I got an open bar deal on me”

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

7 years

@kenkenhall @RobbieBarstool @LindseyPelas Underrated that Robbie got dragged into this and labeled as a mysogynist***** @RiggsBarstool

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

Trying to stick to my usual routine

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

2 years

“NYC gives you access to endless options for bars & restaurants” *Only goes to a blue Haven, common ground, palace, and Bounce*

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

Been waiting to dunk on Chris D’elia forever since his obnoxious vines era

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

Who gives a flying fuck how Chrissy Teigan grieves, imagine having so much hate in your body that you have to go out of your way to try and shame someone for how they process such a terrible event, the saddest most miserable people

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

6 years

@llw902 Going to be using “respectfully horny” to describe things a lot more going forward, thanks.

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

3 years

@connor_dew Bad day and no twee was the straw that broke the camels back

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

The Cab Sav and the Guinness in my stomach together

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

6 years

@kbnoswag R/ im14andthisisdeep

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

When @Bobaganoush takes an addy and logs onto twitter on a Friday

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

How bout the glow up from the titty sucking anti vaxxer kid from the Vale

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

6 years

I have a thought: Rachel Bilson (Summer from the OC) as a celebrity crush is a gateway drug to Mila Kunks as a celebrity crush

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

3 years

Same energy @connor_dew

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

Picture this: You’re 31. You just married your soulmate and you are on your way to your honeymoon. You get into the hotel room, your soulmate pulls out a bluetooth speaker and starts playing music from apple music. You dump them immediately and never talk to them again

bumpus jones

@oc312

5 years

@Kmort22 Apple Music released their wrap ups weeks ago. Once again Apple Music>>>

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

A 22 year old analyst at Credit Suisse is gonna die of heat exhaustion one day cause he can’t help himself but wear his patagonia vest on an 83 degree day in Manhattan

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

Rona has gone too far

The Onion

@TheOnion

4 years

WHO Warns Covid-19 Could Mean End To Blowing Water Through Pool Noodle Into Friends’ Faces

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@Kmort22

4 years

Going on a date Saturday

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

Thinkin about how Buster the bunny’s dad from Arthur is just a human with bunny ears

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

3 years

On a date, cute guy, kinda nervous

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

2 years

I’m gonna eat so much mf chipotle on this couch

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

3 years

Can we trade a three nice days in August for two nice day’s this weekend? Also will throw in a 1st round pick for summer 2022 and cash considerations

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

This stimulus package is awesome!

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

@Turn_Rake13 Hartzell instagramming a screenshot of some 18 year old tweeting expletives at him with the caption “Monday Motivation”

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

6 months

keep big Jenga out of NY

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

6 years

“Maybe next week!” Is the kiss of death response when asking someone out 💀💀💀

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

3 years

What if we kissed at the Popeyes outdoor seating 🥰

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

6 years

@25_male_nyc Sex with my guns by Kenny Chicken Rice Band got me through my first divorce

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

The app is literally named Robinhood

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

1. Doing Bits 2. Working remote on a Friday at the destination of a weekend trip so you dont have to burn a PTO day 3. Coming back to bedroom that has had Window AC pumping 4. Hot sauce and ranch on chicken club 5. Anticipation of a Monster Weekend #Top5FavoriteThings @babyjooj

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

3 years

Aye yo Ock can I get a Johnny Bravo thanks g

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

2 years

Hot take for the “It could’ve been an email” crowd. Nah we can turn a week long email back and forth into a 5 minute phone call and be done with the issue

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

Thanks Suzannah! I will definitely be sharing this with my LinkedIn Network

Suzannah Weiss

@suzannahweiss

5 years

Ask consent for all sexual encounters, yes, even sexting. I just came up with this script that you're all welcome to borrow!

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

8 years

Cousin had to let everyone at the wedding reception know what Saturday's are for #SAFTB @FeitsBarstool @mbrlz

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

3 years

In my bag right now

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

5 years

I get mad online a lot but the fucking idiots out there that keep chalking it up as “media hysteria” drives me crazy. Major businesses cancelling billion dollar events and disrupting their business is not a result of them watching too much of the news

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

2 years

This is the only day of the year you can wear this crewneck

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

2 months

Dude what is my FYP timeline algo?? @elonmusk

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

3 years

Anyone else having rough side affects from 2nd Pfizer shot? Feverish, aches, small dick, chills?

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

9 months

@Turn_Rake13 Whenever MSG shows the Rangers fan man caves I have the same realization

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

8 months

@joey_batts4 The fuckin lads, nothing better

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

Currently hanging out with John B

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

6 years

@callmeshitto @25_male_nyc It’s the only way to reach transcendent status as a defined by Maslowe’s model

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

6 years

I drunkenly ordered two 100 level Rangers tickets off seatgeek and they delivered them to my old apartment in Chicago, I got my old roommate to mail them to me, I gave him the wrong address...I am really smart

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Kevvy Disco Machine

@Kmort22

4 years

Zoomers would never understand how this song smacked in a gross ass college basement highlighter party