Burner @BurnerWjp Twitter profile

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

6 months

Just added hoodies and crew necks for the tap in logo!

Burner

@BurnerWjp

6 months

MERCH + MVB is here! 7 new designs are here for all our cute followers! Get yours now they will 100% get you laid Use code “smokey” for 10% off your order!

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

15 days

Me if having 15 beers and talking to 0 chicks with the boys was illegal

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

Mr. Beast should do a video where he gets me out of this DUI

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

2 months

There’s gay porn less gay than this

NFC North News

@NFCNorthNewss

2 months

🚨🚨BREAKING: U.S. Bank Stadium plans to be a completely “Kill Free” stadium by switching entirely to plant based meat by September of this year. 🤯🤯🤯 It will also be replacing all ice cream, cheese, and condiments with dairy free options instead. Minnesota would be the

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

5 months

Hit literally looks like a tub of empty tooth paste

Malibu Barbie

@tradwifebarbie

5 months

Average twitter relationship

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

2 months

Handy from her would rip my shit clean off

Spinnin Backfist

@SpinninBackfist

2 months

Kayla Harrison MAKES WEIGHT for her debut #UFC300

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

3 months

Me looking at my keys after closing down the bar

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

5 months

What does it mean if i do them both at the same time?

Daily Loud

@DailyLoud

5 months

New studies show drinking Jägerbombs could be just as harmful as taking Cocaine

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

6 months

Bartender: “Alright who was next?” My buddy:

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

6 months

“Sir he’s deposited into fan duel again”

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

12 days

Not guilty

Barstool Sports

@barstoolsports

12 days

Things Continue To Get Stickier For Tennis Player/Lingerie Model Camila Giorgi - It's Been Reported She Committed Tax Fraud, Skipped Out On Six Months Rent, Stole Almost $100K Worth Of Furniture, And Fled The Country

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

12 miller lites + my keys

Tatsuki Thomas

@TatsukiThomas

1 year

Book + Train Name a better combo…

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

10 months

Boys night

eye contact through the gap in the bathroom stall

@websiteidi0t

10 months

I love art

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

9 months

Operating heavy machinery on the job site

Weed Porn

@WeedPorns

9 months

This weed gummy bear is 2,500mg, wyd after eating it?

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

3 months

Me and the boys in about an hour

James Bouknight

@traplordmittens

3 months

@heatdaddy69420 told my sister to tap into her drink. she’s still learning

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

6 months

This hangover would kill a pilgrim in 7 minutes

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

2 months

@JoseCanseco @PFTCommenter Like this internet kid?

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

5 months

BREAKING: Santa was just booked on sexual assault charges in Atlanta Per @CNN

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

“He was too drunk at the pregame!” “No way he can drive here!” Me asf:

Giannis Antetokounmpo

@Giannis_An34

1 year

I’m tired of the disrespect. I’m coming.

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

4 months

Yes we can go to brunch pookie just let me drink 5-6 beers to get rid of the shaking

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

7 months

“Dad how did you and your buddies used to get home from the bar?” Me:

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

5 months

Hanks about to get the CRAZIEST head tonight i just know it

Tiffany Gomas

@Tiffany_Gomas

5 months

Here we go @hen_ease

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

7 months

My keys after 6 beers

❒

@RlCKYRAGE

7 months

what would have to be on the other side for you to cross this?

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

25 days

Me and the bad bitch i pulled by tweeting about drunk driving

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 month

All of this when i’m already in the closet is crazy

Science girl

@gunsnrosesgirl3

1 month

What’s the first thing you do in a hotel room?

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

5 months

Me to the bouncer who just kicked me out after ditching my hoodie around the corner:

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

4 months

The bag in my wallet checking up on me after 1.3 drinks

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

10 months

My boy telling the chick across the bar that i’m the one interested

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

18 days

If you like shrimp I have GREAT news for you

g brazy

@gbrazybaby

19 days

POV: you have a shellfish allergy and i rub it in your face that i don’t

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

6 months

Just upper decked the toilet at work (I work from home)

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

4 months

@rileycollins__ Some lucky guy is getting the toothiest BJ that night

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

5 months

“Dad can you tell me about Chet Hanks white boy summer?”

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

3 months

Mood today:

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

3 months

I mean come on @cracknetsov

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

3 months

This hangover would kill St. Patrick himself

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

8 months

Shit happened to me yesterday almost made me spill my damn beer

basil

@youngfishgod

8 months

Stop honking at me on the freeway man I'm fucking texting

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

11 months

Whispering “Don’t be a hero” to the TSA agent before i walk through security.

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

List of Things I Love 1. Boobs 2. Saturdays 3. A bag with the fellas 4. Driving home after a few 5. Playoff hockey 6. Top 7. Drunk cigarettes 8. Cold beer on a friday night 9. Pair of jeans that fit just right 10. Lisa Ann

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

4 months

I was born in the right generation

beer.sponge

@scrotus_minimus

4 months

No flying cars or universal healthcare but what a time to be alive!

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

13 days

Me after 2 domestic light beers

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

11 months

I am the Michael Jordan of drinking for 13 hours straight while talking to 0 chicks

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

6 months

They should invent a cocaine that doesn’t make you jerk off 6 times the next day

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

Not driving home after 12 miller lites

𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗻𝘆🫧💚

@beyoncegarden

1 year

name something harder than this😭

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

11 months

This is how drunk i’m getting tonight

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

11 months

Friday night stat line: Chicks acknowledged: 0 Miller lites: 8 Rumplemintz shots: 4 Bacardi and diets: 11 Lines taken: 9 Dudes met: 13 Miles driven drunk: 6.9 Celebrities dm’d: 17 Times jerked off: 3

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

2 years

Alcoholics don’t run in my family we drive

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

3 months

Somethings up with all these porn stars being found dead I mean, where are they even keeping their bodies? Like specifically what location are they at?

DramaAlert

@DramaAlert

3 months

Adult star Sophia Leone was found unresponsive in her room & pronounced dead at 26 years old. 🕊️

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

8 months

“Bro you GOTTA meet my buddy Ethan!” Meanwhile it’s just this dude:

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

2 months

Before beers existed what do you think people did while driving?

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

6 months

Not guilty.

Wrestle Ops

@WrestleOps

6 months

WWE star Liv Morgan was arrested yesterday in Sumter County, Florida after a traffic stop. Morgan was arrested for possession of marijuana (not more than 20 grams) and posession of drugs, possibly synthetic cannabinoid. Morgan has already bonded out. — PWInsider

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

6 months

I admire 21 savage for hanging out on a yacht with 10 freaky girls cause that would've been way too overwhelming for me

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

2 months

If a chicks grandpa just died is it fair play to crank it to her VSCO tonight?

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 month

I’m not saying Darren Waller is right, but I get it.

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

9 months

Me if talking to 0 chicks from Friday-Sunday was illegal

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

17 days

Oh no how will a 6’6”, $51 million athlete, who lives in NY ever recover?

Mark Jackson’s Burner

@casualtakeking

18 days

Darren Waller’s biggest fumble:

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

When a woman gives birth she experiences only 10% of the pain a man feels when he misses a night out with the boys

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

2 years

Apologies to the chick who gave me her number at the bar last night that i texted 73 times at 5am. The night got away from me. Hand up this one’s on me.

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

This kinda night

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

3 months

every male friend group has - guy who drive drunk - guy who drive drunk - guy who drive drunk - guy who drive drunk - guy who drive drunk - guy who drive drunk - guy who drive drunk

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

10 months

The bouncer kicking me out of the bar even tho i’m putting up an unreal stat line

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

Friday Agenda 1. Crack a beer 2. Blast One Kiss by Dua Lipa 3. Pick an ex to text 4. Crack 2 more beers 5. Drive to the bar with my shirt off 6. Dbl rum & diets until i can’t stand 7. Throw ice at the band 8. Get dragged out 9. Drive to taco bell and fall asleep in parking lot

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

2 months

RIP OJ Simpson, most famously known for being the first @NFL Running Back to rush for over 2000 yards in a single season.

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

11 days

All that just for her to say “Thanks my boyfriend would be so disappointed if the dog died!”

Kevin Dalton

@TheKevinDalton

12 days

While most guys are wasting time on dating apps, this dude is out meeting ladies the old fashioned way… Jumping into the Hudson River to rescue her dog.

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

8 months

Hotties of the Galaxy

@Naturee_Galaxy

8 months

Jennifer Lawrence, Scarlett Johansson, Megan Fox and Emma Watson ❤️‍🔥

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

I am “casually seeing” the light pole with my car tonight at 4am and am also hoping to keep it “low key.”

Entertainment Tonight

@etnow

1 year

Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet are "casually seeing each other," but trying to keep it "low key." A source tells ET that "Timothée loves that Kylie is such a hands-on mom and a boss. He appreciates her confidence."

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

11 months

few more beers and i should be good to drive home

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

9 months

Me walking into the bar that kicked me out last night

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

Gordon Bombay getting a DUI then being court mandated to be around a bunch of kids and then banging one of the kids moms

B/R Open Ice

@BR_OpenIce

1 year

First thing that comes to mind when you see this logo… GO ⬇️

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

7 months

This may be the best burner piss video of all time

fadeaway j

@joevertime

7 months

Paranormal activity @BurnerWjp @chickentenderl5 @heatdaddy69420

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

4 months

The Boston Bruins have signed Carter Hart, Dillon Dube, Alex Formenton, Michael Mcleod, and Cal Foote to multi year deals. Per @FriedgeHNIC

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

6 months

Fascinating

@fasc1nate

6 months

A woman is ticketed for wearing a bikini, 1957.

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

7 months

@DailyLoud Shits a 2005 toyota corolla that’s been totaled 3 times

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

11 months

So hungover I might need a seatbelt for my morning poop

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

7 months

Selena Gomez India

@SelenaGmzIN

8 months

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the name 'Selena Gomez'?

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

28 days

@IanKennedyCK Ian my 8 month old saw this tweet and said “Daddy why is Ian lying online for clicks? And why hasn’t he reported on the sexist, racist, and homophobic story from harvard women’s hockey. And does someone else really fuck his wife in front of him?” I feel to my knees and had to

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

Me and the boys deciding who’s driving home from the bar

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

9 months

Your “baby on board” sticker looks like a green light to me after 14 cold ones fyi

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

7 months

I wish this was a joke

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

She’s probably just working a 41 hour shift

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

tossing my buddy his keys right in front of the bouncer

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

1 year

“Dude i’m literally irish and it’s St. Paddy’s day relax” State Trooper: Sir out of the vehicle now

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

8 months

I’m so fucking sick of this guy. No one is holding a gun to your head forcing you to play in the NBA. If you want to go jerk horses off all day back home, go do it. Quit acting like you getting paid 55 Million dollars a year to play a sport is the end of the world. Jesus fuck.

Bleacher Report

@BleacherReport

8 months

Jokic says this summer was the opposite of fun 🤣

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

6 months

I am the Michael Jordan of cranking stick in my living room

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

2 years

Friday night statline double rum and cokes: 13 miller lites: 4 words attempted to chicks: 43 words successfully spoken to chicks: 7 beds pissed: 1.5 miles drove while drunk: 4.2 times telling security to “secure this” while grabbing my balls: 1

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Burner

@BurnerWjp

11 months

Yeah 7 missed lay ups in a row is real must watch television