xanax in cinnabon (ali) @xanabon Twitter profile

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

1 year

I like these side by side 🙂

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

parents when you mention your mental illness might have something to do with how you were raised

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

i love when my cat pushes open the bathroom door the same way a cowboy would bust open the doors to a saloon

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

we stan an undiagnosed adhd queen

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

you want me to go to a meeting? the thing that killed Julius Caesar?

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

How did Chris Pratt get famous with the personality of a youth pastor and the aesthetic of a game stop employee

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

a girl boss never forgets her roots

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

if you ask me to go on a walk with you I will always say yes. I am an absolute glutton for a strut, literally obsessed with going on a little fucking stroll and lollygagging about! I’m always on the prowl for a promenade! a slut for a saunter and ambling around like a fool!

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

sorry I can’t hang I have to Sit In The House and Feel Weird

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

Comedians in cars picking up their girlfriends from algebra 2

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

1 year

I’m sorry WHAT??

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

Airbnb landlords are like “how come no one wants to book my house??” maybe it’s bc you evicted a family of 4, converted their home into a shoddy duplex, filled it with clearance bin TJ Maxx decor, and charge guests $200 for a cleaning fee, all bc you don’t feel like getting a job

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

why does a tire company decide the best places to eat

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

happy anniversary to the Princess Diana Revenge Dress, for those who celebrate

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

they’re both right

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

one day you wore a lacy cami under a graphic hollister tshirt for the very last time and you didn’t even know it

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

Hot Ones but instead of wings it’s increasingly terrifying dabs

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

I went to the total sweetie pie convention and everyone knew you

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

when my kitties flaunt their b-holes in the air I push their tail down and say “subscribers only!!!”

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

“You’re not like other girls” actually I’m exactly like other girls. I love pink and lip gloss and iced lattes. I would literally die for hello kitty. when I hear Motion Sickness by Phoebe Bridgers my period automatically syncs up with all the girls nearby.

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

“I’m a manic pixie dream girl” my sister in Christ you are 35

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

British reality shows: here in a meadow, 12 jolly bakers compete to bake the tastiest sticky toffee pudding American reality shows: if Bill can survive 10 days in the wilderness with nothing but some hotdogs and a gun, we promise to pay for his daughter’s insulin

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

(depressed Italian guy voice) ayyy I’m sulkin’ here

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

(tiktok robot girl voice) sending the prosecution two years worth of incriminating evidence against my client

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

happy international women’s month to her

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

changing my name to crypto so men see long term potential in an objectively unstable prospect

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

1 year

“yOu ReALlY dIdN’T kNoW tHiS???” No beautiful princess university doesn’t teach the lore of football family dynasties

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

11 months

me every summer since 2016

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

George Costanza identifies as an empath

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

1 year

tell me a Vine you’ve never been able to get out of your head

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

the masculine urge to learn therapy speak just enough to weaponize it

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

A Steely Dan McDonald’s meal would just be divorce papers and a bag of cocaine

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

“hot girls get a tummy ache” is the new “touch my butt and buy me pizza” no I will not elaborate

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

what dead famous person would you smoke a blunt with and why is it princess diana

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

airports should have an obstacle course for those times when you’re stuck for too long and get the zoomies

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

We used to be a country. A proper country.

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

1 year

@outhousehermit You don’t even follow me leave me alone lol

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

4 years

if you stay in Pittsburgh long enough eventually you’ll watch every place you love turn into a UPMC building

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

Happy snoopy day ily little guy 🫡

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

4 months

being bored at a low-stress 6 figure job is a skill issue if I’ve ever heard one

Blair Dulder CPA™ 🧃

@runaway_vol

4 months

a fake email job is not all that desirable. you'll work 1h a day and be bored out of your mind for $150k a year. it's like premium unemployment

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

@MaxMcAdams Exactly!!! You either actually have covid or uh the worst cold of your life so please stay away???

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

Also, sorry to belabor my point, but it’s actually hilarious for these wealthy property hoarders to wonder publicly why no one wants to stay in a $400/night room in Cincinnati during a major economic downturn. Just a complete failure to read the room.

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

adding street porta potty to the pittsburgh hall of fame

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

I think I read that the Michelin star is awarded to restaurants that are worth putting miles on your tires for … which is a sick compliment I guess, but why do we have to bring cars into this?

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

1 year

I can’t tell if so many people liked this because they also didn’t know this information or because they’re amused by my never knowing this, despite having Yinzer in my bio 😭

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

@RaxKingIsDead exactly!!! I don’t want the sinus thing or the panic and doubt that comes with “the sinus thing”!

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

you don’t hear “butt munch” these days

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

They all go to Pilates and make matcha smoothies and for what???? I would be a renaissance woman and my neighbors would lament my hesitancy to run for city council

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

@queerbigan2 Completely different story. we want to know about that

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

1 month

thinking about how my apartment is over 100 years old and has a built- in area just for smoking and yapping

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

23 days

I sincerely believe this woman would benefit from people telling her “no”

𖤐 𝗖𝗛𝗥𝗜𝗦 𝗚𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗘 𖤐

@ghostijn

23 days

y’all..😭 there are so many wrong things about this

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

watching the sopranos isn’t enough for me I need to wear a tracksuit and get hit with a RICO charge

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

honoring the father figures in my life by punching dry wall

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

6 days

they done packed Cinnamoroll like a brick of cocaine

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

11 months

how it feels to put your shoes on and collect your bags at TSA

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

the CDC says it’s officially safe to open up the dirty window and let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

this was more of a rhetorical question but thank you

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

isn’t it funny how a man can understand how a computer mines crypto but not the consequences of his actions

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

A tire company choosing the best chefs, what’s next, dogs electing the president? astronauts choosing the winner of American idol?

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

I love how Dolly Parton’s “why’d you come in here lookin like that” is about a cowboy who’s so hot it’s infuriating

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

“did it hurt? when the ducks left?”

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

8 months

@ElyKreimendahl I knew a woman who worked part time retail in skincare just for discounts and time out of the house. She was a stay at home wife, and I also think about her every day.

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

@arbysmozzstick sorry your toilet is busted enjoy this wall hanging with “spiritual gangster” written in girlboss font

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

no way there are 30 year old Catholics?? we’re still doing this???

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

1 year

here are mine: “You can’t fuck with meeeeeee. Nobody can fuck with meeeee” “More like hurricane tortilllaaaaa” “What the FUCK IS UP KYLE” I think of “road work ahead, I sure hope it does” every day of my life

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

1 year

starting to believe I missed out on the American Dream by not doing PPP fraud or causing an economic disaster

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

Never dropped $5 at a flea market so fast

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

1 year

hope you left out milk and cookies for her

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

imagine marrying the love of your life and one day you discover he isn’t even weed

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

put him in charge of fixing inflation

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

huge “this down ain’t big enough for the two of us” energy, from a tiny little cat

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

1 year

I love watching people’s reactions when they realize the writer of White Lotus is Ned Schneebly from School of Rock

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

@dsjj251 This has nothing to do with body shaming and a joke explaining he looks like someone you would see in a mall. Relax. Let comedy exist. Please.

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

@cathasach4bikes I haven’t booked one since covid because hosts use the pandemic as an excuse to charge guests for what? … using bleach? what were you doing before??

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

those “I was born in the wrong generation” people are insane to me. have you ever tried a Crunchwrap supreme? have you ever taken a xanax and watched the great british baking show?

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

4 months

ᥫ᭡

@lilmissboujeee

4 months

what does it even mean when a man says “i got alot going on”?

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

when I finally leave the house and wear one of my little outfits

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

some strains of pop punk are so strange. like why are you, as a 35 year old man with alimony and mortgage payments, writing songs about sneaking out of the house to tell a girl how you feel?

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

you should be able to email somebody a lasagna

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

i hit it off with a girl in the bathroom of a bar and when she asked me where my under 21 wristband was,I was like, “oh! I’m 28”and she replied, “oh my god! I’m ten years younger than you!” and I said, “you’re younger than the Iraq war??”and then I became her adoptive mother

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

yeah I read theory

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

I thought going goblin mode was when you got up on all fours to run up the stairs

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

“hike up your skirt a little more and show your world to me” is one of the worst lyrics of all time

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

@Kittenfish817 No, with the only exception being the day man / night man episode of it’s always Sunny

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

load-bearing walls? you mean the uterus?

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

the beach boys were right. it would be nice.

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

as expected some of you are being very obnoxious about a joke

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

men don’t sit you down and play you a song on the harmonica like they used to

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

asking me to share 3 fun facts about myself is a HIPAA violation

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

I’m all for letting people enjoy things, unless that thing is that hobby where you make your car louder

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

french covid got me coughing like hon hon hon

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

5 months

inside of you there are two little guys

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

here are the little cowboys in question

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

being a girl is all about hyping up your birthday week and then spending your actual birthday like this

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

(guy who only posts about how horny he is) okay here’s my take on Ukraine

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

can we get a little commotion for the boots

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 months

that’s right we’re gonna change it to They/Themsylvania. because of woke.

Acyn

@Acyn

3 months

Trump says if he doesn’t win the election, Pennsylvania will cease to exist because ‘they’ will change the name

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

3 years

when my beautiful friends with gigantic brains and hearts of gold start apologizing for talking too much

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

my not-so-hot take is Sean Evans from Hot Ones is a far better journalist and interviewer than any late night personality and should be slated to replace Fallon

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xanax in cinnabon (ali)

@xanabon

2 years

conservatives be like “this is our daughter Reighgynn”

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