Ikea Monkey Coat @the_veriest_ Twitter profile

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Ikea Monkey Coat

8 months

In my mind palace, Ed and Izzy had their dramatic conversation and Izzy said “there he is” and Ed got to pretty cry for a minute and then Izzy said “I got shot on the left, you melodramatic twat” and they bandage him up and he’s fine.

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Last Seen Profiles

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@Lisa_peony_0601

Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

Stede Bonnet be like

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

clare

@sadderlizards

8 months

your golden retriever boyfriend seems to have contracted rabies i’m so sorry but he has to be put down

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

It is a RICH TEXT to me that Stede’s vision of himself is as a swashbuckler, a swordsman good enough to defeat Izzy, a manly man with a beard, and Ed’s vision of Stede is a sparkly happy loving little goldfish man. This is very important to me actually! #ofmds2spoilers

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

This is just who I am as a person! 🙃

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

3 months

@LaComtesseJamie It is unfortunately both raspberries and blackberries in my house 😮‍💨

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

OFMD fandom to GO fandom today

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

10 days

@HannahPosted This is my answer when people ask how I have time to knit and crochet and read 10 books a month. The answer is ignoring my other responsibilities, hope that helps!

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

Our Flag Means Death (2022)

sentient dumpster fire

@CharlieJSnicket

2 years

It worked for Moby Dick.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

I’ve been watching OFMD with my cishet husband. We just finished episode 8. For science, I asked him if he thought Ed and Stede were in love or just friends. “Come on, they’re in love. He stayed up all night with the telescope.”

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

Jim and Archie hooking up in some corner of the ship and they hear Ed crying and wailing Stede’s name. Jim says “should we stop? Is this weird?” And Archie says “Nah mate, he’s just having a grank. Y’know, a grief wank.” #ofmds2spoilers

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

So I don’t actually think Stede was flirting w Anne or w Hellkat Maggie, I think he’s the same with everybody and his schtick really works on some people. And those people are crazy bitches. Because let’s think about who it works on: Anne, Hellkat Maggie, and…Ed. #ofmds2spoilers

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

Do you think next week Ed will think he’s hooked a huge fish but it’s actually just his leathers because WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE?! You can’t just throw your old self, your trauma, your history away! You have to deal with it! #ofmds2spoilers

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

When the strike ends and the cast can do press again, I need everybody to prepare themselves for the fact that however they actually feel about the season, they’re going to say positive things about it in public. They’re professionals.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

10 months

clay ⛷️

@hanfjob

10 months

really cool boobs do you wanna get married

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

There should be a robot to clean the bathrooms while I write fanfic but instead there is a robot that writes while I clean the bathrooms. What kind of nonsense future is this.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

Overheard at ECCC: “There are a lot of people dressed up as Rhys Darby and Taika Waititi from that show”

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

SCREM I’ve truly made it in fandom now

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Doing my part to get the show canceled by *checks notes* being too sad to watch it anymore.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

So like…what was the problem with Thor Love and Thunder exactly. Too much fun?

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

But also

GAM

@purveyorofsouls

1 year

I’m sick of nice autistic representation. Some of us kill people

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

A fic where Ed absolutely melts when Stede speaks French, but it doesn’t matter what he says, so Stede can just whisper “où est la bibliothèque” and Ed just whips his pants off and bends over the railing

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

The feed today: wall to wall snails

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Izzy and the crew

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

Can we please not ruin a hilarious boner joke with discourse please I’m begging you

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

RIP Stede Bonnet you would’ve loved decorative gourd season. RIP Ed Teach you would’ve loved shouting “IT’S DECORATIVE GOURD SEASON, MOTHERFUCKER” at Stede every time he came home with a new decorative gourd.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

Izzy was always wife coded and they really did what they always do to women and make them instruments for a man’s character development.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

I gotta say, for people who are watching a show about deconstructing various types of masculinity and the trauma caused by toxic masculinity, some people are REALLY missing the point.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

How can two humans be so perfect 😭

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

9 months

He’s not depressed he’s doing great

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Actually it would be really funny if Ed went to Ye Olde Therapy, like he rows over to Nassau once a week to meet with his therapist, a grizzled old retired pirate who somehow knows all modern therapy techniques.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

Me drowning in fic and asking for the link to another fic

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

Stede to Ed:

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

Hey, OFMD fic writers, I have a favor to ask. Overall this fandom seems to be extremely kind and conscientious of tagging for potential triggers in fan works. That said, twice now I’ve read fics that included stillbirths. Having lost a child to stillbirth, this is a trigger 🧵

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

TW suicide So it actually changes things a lot, I think, it Izzy actually intended to pull the trigger but the gun misfired or he was too weak to shoot straight and fainted vs if he changed his mind at the last second and that’s why he only grazed his temple #ofmds2spoilers

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Here’s why Izzy’s disability is different than those of other disabled characters: because the narrative treats it differently. End of discussion.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

God imagine if Izzy had lived and sailed away as the captain and as they lost view of Ed and Stede on the shore HE said “that’s that.” This came to me in a dream and now I’m making it everyone’s problem.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

True internet friendship is when you find some incredible tentacle porn and immediately think of all the monsterfucker friends you need to send it to.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Aside from the Izzy of it all, I don’t think I can ever watch the finale again because I won’t survive the rage flooding my body when Stede tells Zheng “things usually work out just fine for me” and then she has to save his mediocre ass 100 times.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Wow if people are mad at the idea that Edward Teach might commit domestic violence they’re really going to hate season 2 of Our Flag Means Death where he does exactly that. Because once again you fucking ding dongs, DV is not reserved for romantic partners.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

9 months

oH eDwArD cAn’T i JuSt SeNd ThE bOyS

evil sam

@limelacowboy

9 months

this is the dude people will try to convince u isn’t a bitchy jilted wife btw

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Anyway I live here today

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

My son: mom, why do you have a shirt with a picture of George Washington?

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

5 months

Girl Ed

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

I haven’t even seen people complaining but just the idea that people are upset about a sweet romantic fade to black while Roach sets off fireworks and Izzy serenades them with La Vie En FUCKING Rose is making my blood pressure spike what’s wrong with you people #ofmds2spoilers

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

Keanu Reeves and Carl Marotte in “Wolfboy” giving absolutely impeccable young EdIzzy vibes

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

clare

@sadderlizards

8 months

i let your golden retriever boyfriend outside and he killed like three birds and a squirrel

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

11 months

Adriana Porter Felt

@__apf__

11 months

my husband has been taking sailing lessons and instead of putting it on our calendar like a normal person he prefers to stand up abruptly, stare out the window, and proclaim "I must go to the sea!"

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

Hey guys is it normal to homoerotically choke your dad and for your dad to be jealous when you have sex with your boyfriend for the first time asking for a friend

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

Okay Stizzy aficionados are we all writing this alternate ending to episode 7

Thos 👨🏻‍❤️‍👨🏻 sethhead 👩🏼‍❤️‍👨🏻

@snl2OO8

8 months

You really can physically see him consider the pros and cons of rebound sex in his eyes here

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Anyway I’m thinking about my alternate “I got shot on the left you melodramatic twat” ending and expanding on it. Izzy and the crew sail away. “Don’t go too far,” he tells Frenchie, who has inexplicably been made captain. 🧵

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Izzy and the crew

animals going goblin mode

@mischiefanimals

7 months

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

OFMD twt reacting to Coladas Mary realizing her husband will never love her: oh, sad 😞 OFMD twt reacting to Olivia the fax machine being replaced: NOOOOOOO OLIVIA I WISH GOD TOOK ME INSTEAD 😫 #pinacoladas

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

Is this a joke to you David

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

That budget meme except it’s $10000 on waxing the old man to apply lashing scars we never even saw on screen and never got a backstory for

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

11 months

@madisontayt_ The way people in the replies can see how she’s dressed and the room she’s in and believe that her family actually is poor now just because Wikipedia says they lost their wealth…

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

6 months

They massacred my boy 😩 really thought this show had something different to say about masculinity but apparently not

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

9 months

💙Mihri💜

@SassCatte

9 months

“Kill them with kindness” wrong. Shove.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

Stede would like a full performance review after sex and he has a rubric.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

Wow can’t believe David Jenkins is a gentlebeardie

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

Took a nap earlier and fell asleep thinking about young Annie Bonny and Eddie Teach sexually terrorizing rich people in order to steal their wallets and jewelry. And occasionally committing arson.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

For how unhinged and horny this fandom is I’m honestly shocked so many of you DIDN’T know what docking was before today.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

9 months

That’s our dad 🥹

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

A poem from Ed to Stede

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

9 months

bunt chugley

@fangfilet

9 months

“kill them with kindness” wrong. saw trap

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Yeah this show is not getting renewed

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

Well I and this entire fandom have been read for filth.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

So when @V_Vico_Ortiz asked me my pronouns, my brain kind of short-circuited? I genuinely did not know how to answer and I said “she/her for now?” And since then I’ve been thinking and thinking and THINKING and I’m going to give this a try and see how it feels.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

This is it. They love the idea of each other. They don’t KNOW each other. They didn’t talk, they barely even touched. The relationship I loved and was so excited to see develop was gone. But hey at least they kissed a couple of times.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Hello this is your annual reminder that modern AU Calico Jack burned his arm in a deep fryer turducken incident

US Consumer Product Safety Commission

@USCPSC

7 months

Cook the turkey, not your home.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

I hope people understand that when I saw I’m mad at Ed this is shorthand for “I’m mad at how Ed was written” because he is fictional. I’m angry at the choices that were made by real people to portray him the way they did.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Thinking about when Stede accidentally lets it slip to Ed that he has kids. How do we think that will go, I think it will go poorly.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Left your wife twice, left your kids twice, left your boyfriend once, but sure let’s go live together in an abandoned shack.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

6 months

Poll creator: this is a silly no stakes internet poll and voter fraud is encouraged Canyon: haha we’re committing voter fraud, we have fun here Some people: THEY RUINED THIS VERY SCIENTIFIC POLL WITH THEIR CRIMES, CALL THE FBI, JAIL FOR 1000 YEARS

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

9 months

@diannaeanderson Well let’s subtract 18 from 24 because you know they’ll stick with the story that nothing happened until she turned 18 (the grooming beforehand doesn’t count)

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

10 months

So funny when ppl r surprised there’s overlap btwn OFMD and GO fans. Like yes ppl who like this show about a lanky goth baddie closet romantic who falls in love with a ridiculous blond cream puff ALSO like the other show where that same thing happens.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

𓆉

@Ioveletter2u

1 year

my wife is a bitch and i like her so much

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

Jack works at Waffle House, Izzy manages the pirate bar, they meet in the parking lot breaking up a fight

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

Sex is great but have you ever gotten a glowing comment on your fic from a writer you admire?! Because that’s even better.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

@danidraper18 Ed is gonna try to stay mad at him but he will not be able to withstand the FULL FORCE WOOING coming his way

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

I just don’t get how you can consume media about how trauma changes you and also about the redemptive power of love and kindness and be like “yeah everybody deserves love and kindness and forgiveness EXCEPT THAT GUY.”

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

Hi I’m still on my La Vie En Rose bullshit. When I was watching I thought it sounded like Izzy was singing different words over the end credits and @perlsinc confirmed it. He’s singing “moi pour toi, toi pour moi” to the crew and then they SING IT WITH HIM #OFMDs2spoilers

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

Okay but what if I made Vico a hat with tiny knives that said Them Fatale what then

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

Is the meticulously crafted narrative in the room with us right now

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

And they’re not wrong

Melody Ko | NYC & FMTY

@MeetMelKo

1 year

Which celebrities do you get compared to? I get Rashida Jones frequently. I’ve also gotten Audrey Hepburn and Meg Tilly. ✨

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

#NewProfilePic

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

5 months

The only version of Stede Bonnet I acknowledge

Kym Deyn 🔮

@shortestwitch

5 months

unfortunately, i am neither femme nor butch. I'm a dandy. I'm performing masculinity terribly on purpose. velvet? with those breeches? i keep buying cravats off of etsy. i need a fainting couch.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

Can someone erase the whole “it’s about kindness” thing from my brain entirely because then I think I would feel better about the show as a whole. Because it isn’t. It wasn’t safe or kind. Which is fine, just don’t lie to me.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 months

“This show that has explicit queer sex in the very first episode and is entirely driven by queer people’s rage and pain against a society that is trying to punish and exclude them isn’t overtly queer enough for me” like okay what do you want then, when would it be queer enough

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

I wish I could talk to a GB liker who also likes Izzy who feels as bad about this season and the character assassination of our special princess meow meow but do they exist and/or have they already muted me so they can’t see this.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

1 year

I don’t care how hot you are, I’m not drinking carbonated mushroom tea.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

Look, I’m monogamous and I don’t really know anything about polyamory or relationship anarchy but it seems like what Jim and Olu have is the definition of it? Regardless of if it’s stated in canon? They are each others anchors. They’re family. Who sometimes fuck. #OFMDs2spoilers

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

IzZy FaNs ArE tRyInG tO—shut up. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Go outside.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

4 months

FURTHER breaking news from insider industry sources, a judge has ruled that Ed and Stede cannot have invented love because Ed and Izzy invented it 30 years ago and hold the patent

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

8 months

Does it work on Mary (either one), or Zheng, or Jackie? No. They have no time for his shit (affectionate). They see right thru him. Stede can pull crazy bad bitches ONLY. #ofmds2spoilers

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

A really insightful and important thread and also to add on: Ed didn’t just abuse Izzy. He abused everyone on that ship. When I say he was written as a domestic abuser, that’s what I mean. He was their boss that they also lived with. They had no escape. He had all the power.

Izzy's neomarxist nipple piercing, actual human!

@IzzysNplPiercin

7 months

Lol since some jackass made a burner to yell at people for calling what happened between Ed and Izzy domestic violence, let's chat. Domestic violence is often used to refer to intimate partner violence but that's not all it refers to--Ed and Izzy cohabitate. The ship is home.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

2 years

I’m just going to say this and then really move on with my life: I don’t think we should let our individual discomfort inform what art other people are allowed to create. That’s a very dangerous road to go down.

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Ikea Monkey Coat

@the_veriest_

7 months

“Go rate the show and all the episodes 10/10” whoa whoa whoa do you want me to LIE to the good people of IMDb

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