ringworm @prawn_meat Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

ringworm

@prawn_meat

3 years

There should be a guy

34

665

4K

Last Seen Profiles

@pengen_stw

@718_kin

@JeseniaWhyte

@MkayUokay

@KimHak18532016

@DonnaHo89396203

@bALhashmi

@turbanlisever69

@anggitori

@YUJULUVINA

@lcngrz

@golbin

@AlexDonald91912

@Kraftful

@KKang_1111

@BBC_LoveIt

@718_kin

@HolubievaOksana

@MSD_UK

@michaelsharper1

@BriannaJoh64842

@kkpapua1

@S5Ndw

@TheCryptoZay

@daisukipi5_

@KSenanu

@Kristinattv

@LadyWonkaJill

@IcarisTemporis

@sk4thgenleader

@MonaQueen__

@pengen_stw

@718_kin

@Vanplive

@tristanleavitt

@_Srdio_

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

my son (2 years old) is telling me about a creature which "eats bones to cool down". he says it's "real". can anyone corroborate this

2K

5K

162K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

they should give all the college debt to one guy. everyone else clear, one guy 2 trillion in the hole. but no loophole for the guy. his punishments should be real and meaningful

785

5K

103K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

1 year

just opened threads. it's basically a fake app from a tv show that a teenage girl uses right before being murdered by cyberbullies. not doing that again

70

6K

67K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

bought a second hand kindle from the pawn shop and would love to get in touch with the previous owner to discuss their interests 👍

492

4K

61K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

11 months

it's insane when old people just do nothing. sitting near an old guy at the airport who's just sitting. no book no phone no music. not even looking around. just staring straight ahead

444

2K

58K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

7 months

brushing one's teeth... a farewell to treats. good night, sweet delicacies, my mouth knows only tooth paste now. perhaps tomorrow we will meet again

28

7K

56K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

when a horrid little flesh tube straight from hell pops his disgusting face on to the dock you give him a spoonful of meat. very very simple transaction.

215

9K

45K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

@ArmAndUnionize i'm just verifying his claims. if they don't stand up to scrutiny they shouldn't be propagated.

48

171

33K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

my year in a nut shell!

42

7K

30K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

my boys and i the INSTANT we are seated at brunch

62

5K

27K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

just saw a boomer use an ipad to take a photo of a cafe menu, then zoom in on the photo and order from it

498

1K

18K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

4 months

jump into the depths of rock music. we hear you like rock. we hear you like rock

19

891

18K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

7 years

(a bell rings, reminding me of previous times i have eaten) these memories are so good... might as well salivate. it's my choice.

30

5K

18K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

just saw a guy on the train open the spotify search bar, stare at it for 30-40 seconds and type "leonord choen" in very slowly

85

2K

16K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

1 year

apparently in the new legend of zelda game, zelda is a girl - breaking the series long-held tradition of zelda being the small boy in green hat. further eveidence that nintendo has "gone woke".

45

2K

16K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

dude can you turn the bus around... i left my eggs at the stop. yes all of them. please turn the bus around so i can get my eggs

48

2K

15K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

4 years

"pontifex" sounds like the name the pope made up for himself when he was 14 and just getting into online gaming

45

972

14K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

7 months

the full quote is so much worse

TIME

@TIME

7 months

Taylor Swift on re-recording her old albums: “I’m collecting horcruxes. I’m collecting infinity stones. Gandalf’s voice is in my head every time I put out a new one. For me, it is a movie now”

878

3K

19K

213

959

14K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

8 months

it's so beautiful how cops instinctively protect whichever protest group is the most fascist. like how albatrosses can instantly identify their partners after a year at sea

15

1K

14K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

8 months

cobblers probably thought their profession would never die out. "people will wear shoes forever". true bitch but you did not account for other factors

47

632

14K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

1 year

waited patiently to ask the lady at the markets what these are because i have a curious nature and when i did she said "it's not for you" and moved on to the next person

118

372

12K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

9 months

has anyone seen my sharp rock? i left it in the river for 100 years for safe keeping and now i can't find it. its many uneven edges have sentimental significance

18

1K

12K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

monkeypox... great name for a virus. sick of acronym viruses. sars, covid, who cares. i want the mystery. intrigue me with the monkey

16

477

11K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

4 months

someone inside this tunnel calling my name softly. gonna go in and check out what's up 👍

56

653

10K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

donkey kong being a villain in industrial settings and a hero in jungle settings is a perfect illustration of what the unabomber was talking about

19

1K

9K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

1 month

snow leopard. perfect name for them. tells me what they look like and which element they wield.

9

631

10K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

10 months

can anyone who knows cars tell me if this is a good deal

84

692

9K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

4 months

honey do you need this extra tv? i'm going to hang it on the balcony to spread pro-esperanto messages featuring my buddies. pro-esperanto, yeah. with my buddies i said. on the balcony

30

637

9K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

a jurassic park scenario is every dinosaur park owner's worst nightmare

32

934

9K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

10 years

me: what a lovely day! even the flowers are singing! flowers (singing): the sins of our forefathers bind us to the dirt

23

4K

8K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

10 months

no country for old men is a laugh-out-loud, triumphant romp through the american southwest, if you assume anton chigurh is the hero and his actions are righteous. which i do. and also if you replace the soundtrack with something else

34

507

8K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

@Rezuaq it's an efficient model... make it one guy's problem and then take him out. boom problem solved

5

93

8K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

it's a busy day at the skate park but everyone stops what they're doing as i climb to the top of the half pipe with my board under my arm. i solemnly adjust the straps on my helmet and place the board on the edge. as i'm about to drop in a huge bird flies into my dick, killing me

30

1K

7K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

10 years

the thousand injuries of fortunato i had borne as i best could, but when he ventured upon insult i vowed revenge http://t.co/gIHCBBiVdt

94

5K

7K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

3 years

imagine if mr bean put on the mask from the mask. i actually don't even want to imagine this

35

633

7K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

first nap you had after waking up from a coma would be a nail biter. you'd be wondering

4

361

7K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

moby dick is a great reminder that hunting a rare whale can be challenging at times

9

786

7K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

let's get one thing clear. im not here to look at your jpgs. i'm not here to learn your username or understand your opinions. i'm here to read the time stamps of your tweets to make sure i'm progressing forwards in time

12

1K

7K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

if a show wins best writing but doesn't win best show it means the actors fucked up

19

422

6K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

i met the queer eye guys and they hired me. i'm gonna be the sixth one and whenever they do a makeover i will be the one to go through the guy's steam library and tell him which games suck

13

640

6K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 months

you have gained my attention, merchant. produce the item. i will judge it for myself

13

381

7K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

11 years

Hey fellas. first time in jail. I gotta ask: where is the exit

21

1K

6K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

@broggyb thanks. i'll keep an eye out

6

5K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

@drbrby really making me think i just bought lee's jacking off kindle

12

23

5K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

7 months

whenever one of my buddies gets some new garb we stand around chanting "don it. don it. don it" until he dons the garb

15

601

5K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

pennywise the clown taps into the deep rooted fear we all have that the clown who lives in our sewer turns out to be murderous

11

547

5K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

3 months

her lips were as red as hot dogs... her skin, as white as a slice of white bread. she'd been crying, and it made her eyes and cheeks as pink as a skinless hot dog

13

366

5K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

wow! just found out you don't have to eat the stick in the middle of the ice cream

16

773

5K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

7 years

women love it when you replace every board of a ship with a new board, raising philosophical questions about whether it remains the same ship

21

921

4K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

@rubyinnes twitter is supposed to be a place where like minded philosophers can share ideas and knowledge freely. i hope you change your attitude.

6

34

4K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

@StallmansBeard i showed this to my son and he said "that is not the creature's face, father"

34

15

4K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

when mother finds me in the butler's pantry with a fig biscuit in each hand when i had promised her i wouldn't eat any until after supper

7

229

4K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

1 month

made some bumper stickers 👍

11

301

4K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

7 years

millennials are entering fewer sinister hedge mazes, putting the wizened fauns who plant and tend them under financial strain

12

1K

4K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

classic rock fans absolutely owe it to themselves to check out led zeppelin

45

448

4K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

8 years

if you get caught speeding and a cop asks you "where's the fire" you can just make up an address. they don't have a list of current fires.

20

908

4K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

(eleanor rigby voice) lady doritos / crunch with your teeth with a drastic reduction in noise / not for the boys

13

933

4K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

3 years

when he says "warm touching warm... reaching out... touching me, touching you" in sweet caroline... it's some shit koko the gorilla would say in sign language

12

412

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

hooking my dog's electric shock collar up to the dow jones so it goes off every time stocks fall by more than 0.5% to teach it about the economy

8

306

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

i'm imagining all the dead musicians jamming out together in heaven. it sounds like shit! there are too many of them singing. the voices sound bad together. terrible! glad they're dead so we don't have to hear it!

10

343

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

4 years

christmas is when jesus was born, and easter is when he died. in between is when he did various baby crimes bad enough to warrant capital punishment at 3 months old. very bad baby

14

488

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

9 years

"obviously, we have a lot of problems we need to address", i say, referring to one specific problem, which i created, alone

4

1K

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

4 years

you can call any man named richard "dick" and they can't do anything about. incredible loophole. zero consequences. madness they haven't shut this down

16

316

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 months

(confidently) no, that's a self-tolling bell. it tolls automatically, signifying nothing for the hearer. why

4

348

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

real diners know what these are

30

100

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

7 years

stopped to clean his star on the walk of fame. nothing but respect for my president.

8

456

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

"i'm cutting down on plastic by using a reusable metal straw" are you mother fucker. i'm doing it by raising my drinking vessel to my lips

18

346

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

archduke franz ferdinand was a nasty little thottie and he died from making it clap on instagram, starting world war 1

11

378

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

3 years

something weird happens to the pumpkins around halloween time. their ghoulish expressions... it's almost frightening

5

191

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

1 year

Bereketeab

@sir_benedictx

1 year

Favorite tweet of your own?

1K

654

9K

4

108

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

nobody: guys who just got halfway up mount everest and realised they forgot all their ropes: ah! the ropes

5

195

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 months

jeopardy question: it's the "dribbling sound" beloved by NBA fans everywhere. me: what is donk donk donk. sport noises for $800

2

217

3K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

7 years

do you like the yellow bag, pig? yellow bag bitch? yellow motherfucker? buy a blue one. that's all you get

10

435

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

1 year

insanely rich french guy who owns the palace of versailles and who will be killed by a league of assassins if he doesn't kill john wick: my budget for killing john wick tops out at $20 million

19

150

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

i am so fucking sick of people talking about no talent celebrities like otzi the ice man who are only famous for being mummified on the austrian-italian border around 5000 years ago

11

392

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

lots of people replying to this to say "he's nice and smol leave him alone". i don't care. i was there you weren't. the dickhead was fucked

12

92

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

kevin mccallister you have 24 hours to prepare your home. my name is john wick... and i am goign to fucking kill you

6

260

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

band names are fucking stupid. "me and my friends have a special name for when we hang out together. you have to call us the rolling stones" no i don't. fuck off

12

193

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

11 months

a lot of people saying they do this because they have inner peace. if you come near me i will take off my shirt and whip you with it

4

33

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

kiss guys: ok chaim witz. it's time to pick a cool rock name. you can pick any name. chaim: ok. i pick "gene simmons"

8

219

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

10 years

pro tip: it's not just cicadas who can burrow out of the ground and scream for their whole lives and then die

4

663

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

5 years

the sistine chapel ceiling... very cool but as more of a "wall guy" i can't help but wonder how much cooler the painting would look if it was on the walls

8

162

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

2 years

some weird shit happens to water when i displace it... hard to describe but it basically gets taller

5

116

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

1 year

there's probably so many cool vintage north face jackets in that one mount everest crevasse that everyone dies in. but the living may not get them...

8

164

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

1 year

you can't sell groceries you found or crafted back to the supermarket. that's one thing video games got wrong

11

190

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

10 years

dating tip: keep an eye out for small gems on the ground. a single ruby found on a restaurant floor can cover the cost of the entire date

9

655

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

7 years

dude can you turn down the wifi... your wifi is too strong. it's my beliefs that your computer gets hurt if the wifi is up too high

3

291

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

3 years

if dracula was alive today he would probably have an "only fangs"

18

125

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

9 years

here's what would be cool: if at the olympics the people on the podium got a saxophone hung around their neck instead of medal. that's what.

10

750

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

10 years

the furby makes tortured noises because its beak is suited to eating seeds & nuts while its programming commands it eat flesh

6

611

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

3 months

it's insulting that a text document is like 170kb. text documents should be between 600mb-5gb, out of respect for the weighty ideas they contain

9

161

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

7 years

wow i can't believe taylor swift's new song is literally the dead kennedys song california uber alles and her only change to it is she says "i agree with this unironically" at the start

8

267

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

breaking news: prince philip, the dad from the royal family, is a nasty little thottie. and he just died from making it clap on instagram

7

1K

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

3 years

"saw" really was the perfect name for the movie. because you "saw" it

14

122

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

more and more people are turning to sparkling water to deliver the bubbles that still water simply can't - or won't

4

247

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

4 years

the song "everybody hurts" by rem is about a time all three members of rem got tangled up in a briar patch on the way to the studio

7

118

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

6 years

tried a delicious "coffee" this morning. a type of rich chowder made of beans. similar to japanese miso, with an intriguing flavour of wood

4

266

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

3 years

(whispering to the flight attendant) fantastic... very helpful. i've noticed you're wearing the same clothing as several other people... why is that

3

121

2K

ringworm

@prawn_meat

10 years

as a cartoon fisherman i'm contractually obliged to act chagrined when i reel in an old boot. truth is, i love the boots

6

451

2K