t.j. miller @nottjmiller Twitter profile

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

2 months

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@TonyAguilarOfi

@h_mmj88

@OsembeKE

@WCAnimated

@stw_pdg

@S_M_Connolly

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@versarimusic

@CoachBooth_CSM

@AltMagOnline

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@Dmarkham

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@TURINGBITCOIN

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@SkyDigg4

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@braveshoops

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@hiddennay__

@Gratefvl_

@ZombieOne1337

@AndyZhu280517

@GonzagaBaseball

t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

2 years

Wow will smith! Now we KNOW you’re a man and not a cuck who’s wife was fucking a random wannabe rapper. So yeah. Can’t wait to watch after earth for the never time not at all.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

I drink mucinex socially.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

5 years

I just said hi to a dog. I’ve become my wife. 😔

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

2 years

Well ⁦ @SchittsCreek ⁩ you’ve done it. This is in Nashville. On a MAZDA!

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

4 years

The president is a fuckwad. I don’t care about your politics. He is a garbage bin dimwit of fuck nut shit whistles.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

6 years

The internet has turned the world into high school.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

My parent have stopped talking to me because of #TheEmojiMovie

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

5 years

Here’s a little tip about approaching celebrities in public- if they are on the phone with their sick mother on the way to get medicine for their sick wife, & they say “sorry, I can’t talk I’m on the phone with my sick mother” don’t say “WELL I’M SORRY YOURE SUCH A DICK.” Thx❤️🛏

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

5 years

I deleted facéboök only to tweet about it.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Just had some bros recognize me and they yelled "T.J."! and I said "fuck YOU, bros!" They yelled "fuck yeah! Yes!" So that works I guess.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

6 years

We will look back at social media in 15 years the way we now look at smoking cigarettes. Mark. My. Words.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

I'm fine.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

Also, farewell to #GravityFalls , hooray to @_AlexHirsch good to see @JasonRitter & missed @kristenschaaled #GF4eva

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Men are not funny.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

I am sad that the mastermind @_AlexHirsch is letting go of #GravityFalls but #gravityfallslives on on the hearts of those who loved it. #RIP

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

watching a girl eat a banana sexy is one of the sexiest things until she bites into the banana, tearing the tip of it off and chewing it.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

Everyone must vote. For @HillaryClinton No one must be happy about it We can change everything in 4yrs, what Trump would do is irreversible.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

It is bitter. It is sweet. It is sorrow. It ends two days after tomorrow.

Tatered

@tatered

7 years

Here are all the times Jian-Yang totally owned Erlich Bachman on @SiliconHBO .

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Our president is a coke head. Cocaine.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Be the person that doesn't set the alarm to the quarter hour. Set it to 9:01. Fuck it. Your life, you're the fucking boss.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Don't get it twisted. The world gets better the more we empower our literal better half. Women ARE FUNNY, against odds that men don't face.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

I'm an adult. I can have thanksgiving dinner whenever I want.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

9 years

Sup #NYCC ? 3,098 miles & several responsible @SmirnoffUS drinks later we’re here. And #Paid #ExclusivelyForEverybody

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

6 years

I fucking love that movie. So wacky- an R rated version would be awesome- nice followers- Thoughts?

DJ Mellowkid91

@KidCubby

6 years

What if the Mask was remade? Especially into a dark humor in the standards of now & not the 90s. Have it rated R & cast @nottjmiller as Stanley Ipkiss. Thoughts???

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Do you understand that I'm in The Emoji Movie?

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? By Her name! Any damn thing She wants, by a nickname She likes, we shouldn't even be discussing this!

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Work harder. Work harder for the life you want or work hard to be happier with the life you have.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Wow, I wish I followed more @realDonaldTrump voters because then I could not understand what the fuck is wrong with them more.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

I love this. I am currently in 3 movies and shooting #Deadpool2 as we speak- but it looks like I'm cursed. Oh @PageSix you're always right.

Page Six

@PageSix

7 years

These cocky celebs left their hit TV shows...

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

Trust me. I'm working harder than you can imagine to figure this out and WE will. We will. Tomorrow I'll reveal the three contingency plans.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

9 years

So yeah-- @Middleditch & I are going to #NYCC2015 the 8th & filming the road trip. #ExclusivelyForEverybody #Paid

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Pretty sure you regret that profile picture you fucking piece of shit.

Andy Kleinman

@andykleinman

7 years

I really think @nottjmiller is really going to regret leaving Silicon Valley...

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

On a more serious note. D minor.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

You guys Ready Player One is going to be like totally tubular, Bueller.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

GREAT picture.

99.1 PLR

@991PLRFM

7 years

One of the biggest break out comics comes to @FoxwoodsCT ! Already, you have a reason to get tix for @NotTJMiller :

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

6 years

💙.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

Life is a tug of war you never win because you're on both sides of the rope.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

6 years

Happy belated thanksgiving to all of you, my followers, for being somehow strange enough to be interested in my even stranger comedy stylings- I hope 🤞 you know how much I love you, that the emoji movie was the most important thing I have done, & that I love & appreciate you.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Hashtag truth.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

@kumailn Love you too @kumailn . Gonna miss you-- but #TheBigSick is a near perfect movie! Everyone go see it!

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

What are they doing? Don't they know what I've done for this movie? I gave everything to Yogi Bear 3D. Everything.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

6 years

Anyone lost all hope today?

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Fuck you Harvey Weinstein. Fuck you forever. You’re just what we never needed. Go away permanently. Thank you.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

I'm an acquired taste. You have to have acquired bad taste.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

New slogan: "AMERICA: having a rough go of it!"

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

2 years

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is one of the greatest movies ever made.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

I want to prepare you all. I'm not in @deadpoolmovie a whole bunch, but it's one of the best movies I've ever seen (maybe because of that).

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

10 years

A thousand reasons everyone misses Robin Williams, but one reason it fucks us up, it forces us to recognize that it ends. #andthatsokay

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

Trust us, your entertainers-- we WILL work harder for you than ever before. I promise.

Tegan and Sara

@teganandsara

8 years

We're heartbroken. But tomorrow I promise that we will keep fighting for every single one of you who lost something profound tonight.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

The thing is I don't have any friends. Like any. It's like going to college at 36. Like none. I know people, but I don't have any friends.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

5 years

FEDERAL EMPLOYEES if you are furloughed or affected by the shutdown: I AM OFFERING FREE TICKETS TO ALL OF MY SHOWS for anyone showing proof of gov employment during the shutdown. Until the shutdown ends, the laughs won’t stop. FREE 🎫s- ❤️🙏🤡🙏❤️:

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Frame-by-frame analysis of Emoji Movie Trailer I don't know how this exists, or what is going on with hit. I like it

Frame-by-frame analysis of The Emoji Movie Trailer

This is the film that will save cinemaSubscribe ► http://bit.ly/SubscribeJacksfilmsMerch ► https://crowdmade.com/collections/jacksfilmsTwitter ► http://bit.l...

www.youtube.com

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

5 years

Talk about suicide. Joke about suicide. Approach people who are depressed and tell them you care about them. Help us make it a topic not associated with shame, fucking talk about it. Talk about it. Talk about it.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

You know what youth is good for? Irritating people of experience.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

Today most of my day was spent doing or saying something & receiving these looks from @batemanjason & @oliviamunn

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

6 years

I think we like cats and dogs and animals because they are like us- they don’t quite know what’s going on and don’t know what’s what exactly because all of it is so scary, often lonely and whether they are aware or not, will die. Like us. Confused and scared, likely.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

I'm not religious. I'm litigious. And all this shit is, Ridiculous.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

6 years

Bread is raw toast? Thoughts please.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Fucking badass. The beginning of the turning of the tide? Much love not only to trans people but all people, being anyone is hard-celebrate!

Laura Bassett

@LEBassett

7 years

The man who wrote the anti-trans bathroom bill just lost the election to a trans woman. Let that sink in.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Good. Call. Her name is Kate Miller, or @rosepetalpistol when she's making art that'll contradict this headline - you'll see #oncebroken

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

Well, @deadpoolmovie is banned in China. Proving yet again, that we are the funnier more fun side of the earth.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

Guys, today remember-- they have suicide nets in Chinese factories. You're doing a okay today.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

You do realize I have hidden clues/codes in everything I have written that lead to a gold Dubloon so rare there's only 4 others in existence

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

HEY! Go see @deadpoolmovie ! I promised to and @VancityReynolds kissed me! (Actually I had bacon on my face)

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

NO FISH. IN THE SINK.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

What?

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

I've fallen into a deep deep depression upon hearing Ringling Brother's circus is shutting down I almost went to college there. I'm serious.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

Guys we are losing get to the polls we can not lose GUYS. WOMEN!!!!!!!

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

3 years

Why can’t we leave a video message if someone doesn’t answer a FaceTime call. DO WE LIVE IN THE FUCKING DARK AGES???

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Yeah, this is a bad situation.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

I keep making fun of all these people with earmuffs on and they can't hear a goddamn word I say.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Breaking news @VancityReynolds is hysterical per usual #joshbrolin is considerably funnier than you'd have ever imagined. #stillscaryintense

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Please everyone take a moment to know that Hitler suppressed the press, and called it dishonest jewish shit that didn't reflect Germany. eh.

Seth Rogen

@Sethrogen

7 years

. @realDonaldTrump is trying to embargo the press. If you make movies, you know the only reason to do that is if your shit sucks.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

8 years

This is the last time I'll ever fly to New York City to do @ConanOBrien until he asks me to again. Because he is our Johnny Carson. He is.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

best bad tweet review so far....

Eric Nathan

@BarstoolNate

7 years

@BarstoolTrent @CharlieWisco TJ Miller searching for positive tweets about his comedy special

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

9 years

SCIENCE YEAH!!! #oscarsdisruptions

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Sort of love this picture.

MP 🇺🇸🌎⚖️

@fritchee

7 years

Piece of Sh

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

6 years

Overheard in New York City “I put my dick in a wood chipper. It wasn’t on, but the danger of it you know- wow man.” Wow. Man.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Must be so many veterans today, who I venerate as men who fight for honor not money, looking at the trump White House going "god dammit."

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Yeah so absolutely I understand everything going on right now in America.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

5 years

Hi everyone who waits for me at the airport for signatures and photographs. I appreciate it. However, it’s already strange that you’re there. Don’t be weird and ask for a boomerang and to “do something funny!” It makes me want to kill myself, just a tiny bit each time.

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t.j. miller

@nottjmiller

7 years

Occasionally, all the time now, I want to kill myself.