michael @michael_mcmach Twitter profile

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 years

#spoingus

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

me- gets hit by car rezz- omg so sad. I am NEVER going to cross the road

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 months

@TeeHallums he’s a farmer with a hick accent ofc he’s tan he only goes inside to eat

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Oh nice it's #HeterosexualPrideDay finally a day where I, a straight white male, can express myself freely. What a nice change of pace.

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michael

@michael_mcmach

2 years

just saw this, lmao that is soooo crazy !!

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michael

@michael_mcmach

2 years

90 degrees? the sun must’ve gone to college for a loooong time 🤯

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

when local twitter finds ur account and begins cesspooling ur mentions up

emma

@emma_____weaver

6 years

yikes

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michael

@michael_mcmach

3 years

hi twitty i hope u all are well

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michael

@michael_mcmach

2 years

I don’t really think I get having a type tbh, I like all fine ppl

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michael

@michael_mcmach

3 years

wanna slurp some pussy up like a gogurt 😩

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

Like this tweet for a michael macher personalized acronym of your name

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 years

got any games on your phone ?

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

🐱💕💕

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

new sword who dis

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

For each like this tweet gets I'll tell a dope ass dank ass work story

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michael

@michael_mcmach

7 years

McDonalds is supposed to be 24 hours but it's always closed past 12am bruh like wtf is that

Name cannot be blank

@FinesseKKing

7 years

Speak tf up for what you believe in

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 years

moots lms if you want me to do this for you I’ll be mean :)

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Like this tweet and I will write a haiku about you. 🆒🆒🆒

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

🐱/👽

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

Some things never change http://t.co/zTMBVLEorh

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

Happy birthday to the mans @zak_simon , illegal costa rican immigrant...but glad he’s here and building the relations between our two great countries! Happy 21st you savvy humanitarian scholar. 🇺🇸🎉🎉🎉2️⃣1️⃣🎉🎉🎉🇺🇸

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

Going to apply to be a substitute teacher at adrian so I can make everyone's shitty days better or worse on a whim

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 years

i no longer want “top” i want beyblades and beyblade accessories

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michael

@michael_mcmach

3 years

#NewProfilePic 😼

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michael

@michael_mcmach

10 years

I can't believe there's another confessions account. People just have way too much time on their hands.

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 years

POV you’re food that’s been dropped on the floor being investigated by my cat

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michael

@michael_mcmach

7 years

The 70's called and said they miss Nixon

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

want someone to suck all my past trauma out thru my dick

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Mexican drug lord & his rabid associate flee from police on motorcycle in a violet pursuit (colored, circa 1926)

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michael

@michael_mcmach

7 years

2018 ain’t so bad 😌🦎

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michael

@michael_mcmach

5 years

so many men willing to get a vasectomy, not nearly enough willing to get a lobotomy

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michael

@michael_mcmach

7 years

MJR

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michael

@michael_mcmach

10 years

I hope I get leid tomorrow! Get it? Hawaiian day? Anybody?

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michael

@michael_mcmach

2 years

hey everyone, does anyone think I’m cool? I hope so, I’m depressed

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Palms are clammy Mom's pajamy

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michael

@michael_mcmach

10 years

I MADE THE COURT! MICHAEL MACHER FOR HOMECOMING KING!!!!

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michael

@michael_mcmach

5 years

I may be ugly, and I may be unlikable, but don’t forget- I’m also stupid

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

I'm doing this because I want to be like holly

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

What do u see when u die? Probably this http://t.co/WbAJ1IV3vs

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 years

her name is ivy 🌿💗

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Hello, it's me, Uncle Mike.

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

I ate mcdonalds in a bathroom stall today to avoid a scolding from my manager. New all time low?

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michael

@michael_mcmach

2 years

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 years

make fun of my ugly beard or hair & u can catch a block, make fun of my dogs & u can catch these hands 😤

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michael

@michael_mcmach

10 years

No friend November am I right

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michael

@michael_mcmach

7 years

My mom and I just chased a possum out of our garage and I just learned I am mildly afraid of possums

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

I told zak to take this picture of me because I felt cool ⚡️

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

This is Rusty. He’s a very good dog :)

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michael

@michael_mcmach

7 years

Whys it called menstruation if only girls do it??? Shouldn't it be womenstruation???

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 years

#NewProfilePic like or else 😠

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

i am man i hate woman this tweet make me wah wah

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michael

@michael_mcmach

10 years

I don't know if I should be happy about this or not http://t.co/OVX57MUTUk

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

Chocolate bunnies may create cavities in your teeth, but they fill the cavities in your heart and soul. Happy Easter

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Sometimes I force my friends to like my tweets so I don't seem like such a failure. Which, in a way, makes me more of a failure. Pls like.

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michael

@michael_mcmach

10 years

I hope @SamVickers2 gets a soul for his birthday

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michael

@michael_mcmach

10 years

I can't afford a Halloween costume so I think I'll dress up as a disappointment to my parents. Should be pretty easy.

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michael

@michael_mcmach

3 years

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michael

@michael_mcmach

3 years

I hate trying to be/thinking I’m being funny and in reality just being annoying. It happens a lot and I’m sorry if this has been your experience with me, I’m good at ruining potential friendships or anything else with my obnoxiousness. I apologize

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 years

amazing to me how i, an idiot, find people stupider and more irritating than me on twitter every single day

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

I fractured my neck

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michael

@michael_mcmach

3 years

🎆 happy new year 🎆

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

Make sure you cherish all of your friends while you can, no matter how much or little you see them.

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michael

@michael_mcmach

7 years

Pregnant ladies' belly buttons are fucking weird and I don't like it

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

Planning out my next haircut. Rt for mohawk, fav for mullet

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michael

@michael_mcmach

10 years

Typical Zak Simon http://t.co/08czZu1jbW

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Apparently on Thursday at work, my supervisor and alleged friend Zak Simon asked a coworker if she would ever have sex with me. Please stop.

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michael

@michael_mcmach

7 years

We need a Disney princess who spits in another Disney princess’s mouth

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Torn bc girls have cooties but also nice booties

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michael

@michael_mcmach

7 years

That’s a cult

AP Images

@AP_Images

7 years

Worshippers clutching AR-15 rifles and some wearing bullet crowns, participated in a commitment ceremony today at World Peace and Unification Sanctuary, in Newfoundland, Pa. The event led a nearby school to cancel classes for the day. Photos @jacquelinelarma

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

When ur friends don't want pineapple on the pizza

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

8 years

SEE YOU IN COURT, THE SECURITY OF OUR NATION IS AT STAKE!

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michael

@michael_mcmach

10 years

Currently taking prom date applicants. Requirements: -Female (preferably) -Goes to Adrian -Younger than 45 -Can name 3 Pokemon -Not Zak

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Christmas is my favorite holiday. The presents. The joy. The unspoken anger and resentment festering within everyone. The snow.

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

Ur fav graduates 🎉 http://t.co/D6dUUXhoWF

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

See "Logan" in theaters now

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

Who do you want for president? rt for Donald Trump fav for Sonic the Hedgehog

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

being ugly and stupid isn’t easy but a bitch gotta live u feel

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

My coworker is trying to nickname me pop tart because I always eat pop tarts, but despite his ingenuity it feels like a homophobic slur

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

Can we talk about the elephant in the room? It's worldwide elephant day There's a joke in there somewhere

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michael

@michael_mcmach

7 years

Me: eats a salad My problems: don’t disappear Me:wtf

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Like this tweet for an accurate Halloween name to use for the month of October (presumably better than "zak the ripper")

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

If you actually cannot afford a car then you are not nearly mature or responsible enough to drive in the first place

Matt Walsh

@MattWalshBlog

8 years

If you actually cannot afford birth control then you are not nearly mature or responsible enough to be having sex in the first place

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 years

he’s mad

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

Zak and I went on a date today. Brianne better watch her back.

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Call me Garfield cuz I hate mondays, love lasagna, and am an overweight orange cat

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

asap rocky: fuck (and I can’t stress this enough) my ass

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

if yall dont like this vid im gonna take it down bc you rat bastards really ain’t deserve this in the first place

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

They call pop music soda music in the south. Obviously.

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Split was ok, but by golly, I tell ya what, it's no monster trucks

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michael

@michael_mcmach

7 years

#NewProfilePic 🐈

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Date a girl who sends you pics of Steve Buscemi without you asking

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 years

like this tweet if you give one singular fuck about me

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

Another fun story from the theater, I said "what if zak's name was snack" and my manager laughed at me and said "you're so gay" smh come on

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michael

@michael_mcmach

4 years

😭😭😭 dweeb 😭😭😭

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michael

@michael_mcmach

6 years

I keep seeing this & idk I think I have a crush on her

ABC 27

@abc27

6 years

FSU student arrested for throwing chocolate milk on Republican volunteer>>

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michael

@michael_mcmach

7 years

We’ve got the tv, dvds, over here, main attraction; sump pump. Mmhmm 🤷🏻‍♂️👍

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michael

@michael_mcmach

8 years

I got groceries at meijer but forgot something so I went back out to walmart so as to not be embarrassed

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

Dear @verified , I deserve to be verified due to my sheer awesomeness resulting in not one, but two fan accounts. Thanks.

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

I can't believe it's already Christmas

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

It's a real slap in the face when you get slapped in the face

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michael

@michael_mcmach

9 years

It's good to reassure yourself you're alive. For example, I like to stupidly go on spontaneous runs and almost vomit 12 times. Life is good.

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