why do i feel like an edtwt meetup
would lowkey be hell… a bunch of ppl awkwardly standing around with nothing to do! u can’t go out for food bc duh, nobody has a personality bc of malnutrition, nobody has interests other than their ed, you can’t even walk around
“life isn’t about being skinny” okay and life also isn’t about wanting to bash ur head into a brick wall 24/7 because you can viscerally sense the fat on your body but here we are ?
me when i was almost bmi 16 and thought i was fat but then when i decided to try high res i upped my intake too fast and developed extreme hunger and gained all the way back to bmi 23.5 aka 1kg away from my sw.
holy shit i just saw someone on here at bmi 22.9 and ?????????? i feel like i look so much smaller which makes zero sense bc we’re basically the same bmi? now i’m terrified i have reverse body dysmorphia oh no oh fuck. here’s me for reference
chance to get it. i have now gained past my sw again within less than six months. that’s over 18kg gained. i know it’s annoying when people say “oh you’ll just gain everything back if you restrict” BUT IT IS FUCKING TRUE. it is true and it’s built into your body to do so.
i was, in fact, not. your body quite simply CANNOT sustain that, and it WILL bite you in the ass later on. hard. the! second!! you up your intake, extreme hunger will come down on you with full force. and there’s literally nothing you can do to stop it.
your body is literally not capable of continuing to exist in the same way it has been after long periods of extreme restriction. i too thought i was built different. However.
with binging, it’s often a mental issue. reactive eating, however, is entirely different. you are STARVED, and your body will immediately, on raw instinct, make you consume everything in sight. because again, you need nutrition and it doesn’t know if or when it will have another
ngl on the lowest of keys i don’t even care that much if ppl r fatphobic like ok whatever. the REAL problem i have with it is that for some reason all of you are SO FUCKING CRINGE LIKE COME ONNN. “starbe piggy😈” BOOO TOMATO ur absolutely embarrassing urself rn
bc mfs will start getting all competitive with steps and cals burned, and i don’t even think i need to mention this but i will anyway, the PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE of comparing urself to everyone else while knowing they’re also disordered is enough to keep me away😵💫😵💫😵💫
school passes in a blur. your friends attempt to engage in conversation with you at lunch, but you’re too focused on their food. are they really eating all that? wait, no, they’re your friends. stop judging, you’re a terrible person. it’s probably jealousy anyway.
you slowly gain consciousness as your mum stands over you, informing you of how late you’ve woken up. it feels like you haven’t slept in months. as you drag yourself out of bed, your joints crack and ache in protest.
in the past six months, i have gained from 44kg up to 62kg. i want to get back down to my lw (hopefully even lower) and this thread is the plan for how i am going to do it.
you undress, then spend a solid 15 minutes in front of the mirror, inspecting every centimetre of your body from every possible angle and position. you eventually get dressed, shamefully. you need to fast today, clearly the 700 you ate yesterday was too much.
when you attempt to stand up, you realise your feet have gone completely numb. you sit on the floor and massage them to try and get some blood flowing again, then hobble to the bathroom.
on average, my intake across these months was about 700. i varied between high and low res, for a few months i stayed under 350kcal, only going over once. somehow, i almost never binged with a lower intake. high intake, my binges were maybe 3x per month and never over 1.5k
@Mewssick
@SwimmingBirdss
do you think there’s no difference between a minor masturbating privately and a minor posting about masturbating on a public internet page for thousands of ppl to see? like genuinely?
second, exercise genuinely helps. as long as you’re not doing it excessively or to the point of burnout/exhaustion, it not only helps you lose weight but also can make you look and FEEL so. much. better.
i have a checkup with my paed every year (i’m not THAT young, i need him for my vyvanse lol), and he has to take my weight and height etc. in late 2022 i weighed in at 65-66kg (bmi 25). and when i tell u that singular moment was the turning point of my ed, i mean it.
you’re just going to get angry with them again, but at the same time you crave their comfort. you’re so pathetic. you eventually take your sleeping pills, and somehow fall asleep. it’s a restless night, but not your worst. you wake up the next day, ready to repeat all over.
this happens often. it’s like you teleport through time itself, blacking out and coming to in a completely different location, with only a vague recollection of what happened. you try not to think about the implications of that. you have a busy day ahead.
if there’s one thing i can’t stand, it is the idea that i am normal. average. boring. i wanted to turn heads, to worry my loved ones, to shock the doctors when they saw my body. really, it was a scream for help, to get someone to notice how awful i felt. (sui/depression)
it’s so obvious you’ve gained. and your school uniform only makes you look even bigger. you forego brushing your teeth, you’re late after all (it’s been a week). you go to the kitchen, pack your bag. now, a heavy rock of dread settles into the pit of your stomach.
controversial opinion, but i believe intake doesn’t mean shit if you don’t burn anything or exercise. i mean look at exercise bulimics lol. first of all, it doesn’t matter how much you eat, if you burn enough calories it will not matter.
you can’t go to school - not today. you try to convince your mum of illness, but she is not persuaded. she tells you, “eat something, you’re probably just hungry. it’ll help.” hello? how dare she. you snap back at her, it escalates, and suddenly you’re now on the bus, crying.