🎓 Roseville High School, Class of 2013
🌿Sierra College, Class of 2016
✨️University of California, Los Angeles Class of 2018
🕊 PGSP-Stanford Psy.D. Consortium, Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences, Stanford School of Medicine, Palo Alto University, Class of 2023
I…
Today, as an Indigenous clinical psychology intern, I was told that my Indigeneity and existence is "too much" for those in power over me, that my existence made them uncomfortable, that my story was too tiring, and that I am not allowed to speak authentically, it upsets others,
This, after having received feedback earlier in the year, that I "do not bring enough of myself" to the room. That I am too silent.
This, after having many people of color that are not in these positions of power hear my story and relate to it, feel empowered by it,
Today, I have been offered a seat at the table, to share my story with someone in high power. This is 72hrs after standing firm in my self advocacy, as an Indigenous psychology intern. Please send me strength, so both my spirit and voice can remain strong—unwavering.
My fellow doctoral psychology interns brought me gluten free donuts today on account of it being my first day back. I just have to survive until July 31, 2023 and then I'm free 🕊 the future is already looking a little brighter each day ✨️☀️🌿
This, after having multiple staff of color and allies that are not in these positions of power hear my story and relate to it, feel empowered by it, and share that they are inspired by me
Today, I will be stepping away from my APA internship site for 2-weeks. This pause, is my resistance. Universities will continue to not let Indigenous, or other POC rest, until we force them, to see us at rest. Western systems want us to do all the work. They will watch me—rest.
This, after working 60hr weeks, navigating personal health concerns and 2 surgeries, having a relative in the ICU for 3 months straight, after being called to work 3 days after surgery and not being told if I am allowed to take the week off per the recommendations of my Dr.,
My graduation regalia is coming together from some extraordinary California Medicine Peoples' and I'm so blessed that I come from such strong, loving peoples', pesak'tuk 🤎✊🏼
For those of you who have been following my journey this year, including my uphill battle fighting systemic racism and oppression at my internship site, this past weekend I walked the stage for my doctorate degree in clinical psychology. Mi'we lutakmu for giving me strength.
This, after showing up consistently for my patients, caring for many high risk clients, completing hospitalizations, completing ADHD assessments, running 2 groups, working triage and doing outreach events, this after not having any trainings on indigeneity,
This after being told by people people in power that they do not know who the "maidu and miwok" people are, but their children learned about me in a classroom,
@a_wiglesworth
This experience is so real for Native peoples' in professional spaces. It is such an isolating experience, and really for me can also feel dehumanizing particularly when working with psychologists, who are my closest colleagues and those who hold power in the field.
Congratulations to
@a_wiglesworth
for being honored this year at the Society of Indian Psychologists Conference for all of her work in suicide prevention, research and practice for AIANs as a graduate student. Mi'we lu takmu for all you do for our community. ❤️
This morning, I found out that my former doctoral internship site responded to some of my requests in the letter I wrote last year regarding my harmful experiences at the site as an Indigenous intern. This morning, they are having an Indigenous ethics training. This is progress.
After the experiences I had this year on internship, I will not be pursuing a license after earning my doctorate degree in Clinical Psychology. There is no way for me to operate within the licensing policies as they are written as they were never designed for Indigenous people.
I am no longer providing therapy services to anyone.
I sent my clients an email telling them I am switching to coaching and they can continue to work with me if they want to.
This may not be a good fit for all of them because they may still need therapy. So they are receiving…
@mitchprinstein
Thank you so much for this powerful message! This is the strength and community I needed this morning, community allyship like this keeps me grounded and I dream of a day when this community coexists in balance and harmony for future generations of psychologists and clients 🙏🏼
I was supposed to go to AnimeLA in January, but I was attending to my family member in the hospital + my own chronic illness'. I still have my costume ready though, and I truly just want to play in pink dresses again. Where are the other academic cosplayers, please check-in 🥰
Per the complaint of a colleague(s), I was told today that I dress unprofessionally, conduct myself unprofessionally, misrepresent my title/degree and do not respect boundaries, as a survivor of rape and an Indigenous woman.
It is hard to write, but critical to name, that my APA internship this year brought me as close to suicide, as my last attempt more than a decade ago. I did a lot of healing during that time and I have actively chosen to live a meaningful life every single day since,
Today, as an Indigenous clinical psychology intern, I was told that my Indigeneity and existence is "too much" for those in power over me, that my existence made them uncomfortable, that my story was too tiring, and that I am not allowed to speak authentically, it upsets others,
Part of my experience earning my doctorate degree is that I fell more and more out of touch with the parts of myself that make me—me. I am getting back into art, dance, music, language and being around my Tribal community and I have already noticed a huge improvement in mood.
I am very excited to announce that I will be joining as one of 15 California Indigenous Traditional Healers to form the Guiding Coalition of Traditional Healers and Knowledge Keepers (GC) within the
@UCLASemel
,
@UCLA_ISAP
Tribal program this year. The coalition aims to address…
I see
#psychedelics
is trending on Twitter and I have so many mixed feelings. To summarize: Indigenous peoples' globally have used altered states of consciousness as regular parts of their traditional healing practices well before Western medicine was invented. As a traditional…
@finalfantasyvii
Once I graduate with my doctorate degree this June, I am so excited to get back into reading for pleasure 💗 this is top of the list!! 🎉🎆
Yesterday, I had the greatest honor of meeting and speaking with
@UCLASunny
, Director of
@UCLAEsports
and coordinator of all things gaming
@UCLA
. Thank you Sunny, for all you do to promote gaming as a positive tool for student retention, recruitment, healing, and success!! 💙💛🎮
I forgot that I am not serving my clients, I am serving the patriarchy and colonial systems of power based on evaluation by peers and colleagues of my competency to become a psychologist, based on my appearance and their subjective view/evaluation of my body/personality.
Never give up the things you love for a degree. Never give up your uniqueness, your passions, your joy, your fire for a piece of paper that evaluates whether or not you are qualified or educated.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being a part of my village. I met with my Tribal Nation today and have many good news to share in the future— today, I just needed to be surrounded by community love and support. That is such a huge gift, to me 🤎🛖
I am working on some exciting things over the next year for the college which sits on my peoples' historical village site, which went from 0 classes on Native Americans, to recognition and teaching about my own people, our culture, stories, and traditions. More to come in 2024 🌿
This is so important. It's always been hard for me to describe my gender identity, as this isn't what we would've called it in my language, I'm not sure that we had a term as we inherently didn't view gender in a binary at all, everyone would have been "genderfluid" so to speak.
just a note that "two-spirit" is not the Indigenous version of trans. two-spirit is an umbrella term coined in the 90s by Native activists to describe the wide-ranging systems of genders and sexualities that exist across Native Nations. mini 🧵
I am so honored to be back in my traditional homelands to give a speech to Native peoples' achieving success through the Los Rios Community College District. As a young Indigenous woman from the Auburn, Rancheria, I am, and always will be community-made, community-built, and…
Yoo'ko tule'ni, wennim ok'ypem huchump (morning relatives, it's a good day to be Indigenous). Thank you for continuing to send my spirit love in many ways, it's felt deeply within my heart 💗🫶🏼
Me, an Indigenous academic, as I submit for 3 different special issue call for papers at one time. 😇 it's like they generated these issues all at once because they knew, someone (it's me) had a lot of something to say. 📝
@WhoIs_Jayce
I spoke to two different licensed psychologists of color yesterday who told me a very similar narrative of their experience as interns/postdocs and it made my heart hurt. This cannot keep happening to our people, the pain and harm is the only "too much."
I ran out of my lupus medication a couple of days ago, and then ended up crying in a parking lot last night after being told by the 3rd pharmacy in a row that they couldn't fill it for several days. I finally got it filled today though, so things are looking up 😎
#winning
This hits deeply. I often wonder if I'll ever have enough for one. I always wanted to be a mother, but after raising all my siblings, and helping heal my own parents/family from trauma of boarding school/genocide, my capacity feels faded. I think I need to be loved, first.
Ever feel like you don’t have enough love for more than one child? As 40 gets closer, I want a 2nd baby. But I literally have to heal 3 generations of broken love to get there. Why? Grandma, mom, & I all went to Indian Boarding Schools. Don’t tell me colonization was in the past.
Today, I would like to start with a gratitude. Medicine 💊⚕️ looks many different ways, though there is nothing quite the same as my peoples' traditional healing methods, ceremony, prayer, and connection the 🏞. Thank you
@FoxRollin
for sending me our traditional medicine, 🌿🤎
I have a big update:❗️❗️ I spoke to my Tribal Council on the phone and they said— we can have a BIG ndn rancheria party 🥳 🎉🌿 I'm so ready for all those bologna sandwiches 🥪 what a gift my people are to me 🐎🪶🎉 oh up to creator 🥹
Preferred isn't the right word though since it's just my real name!!! My grandma named me in our language when it was still illegal in the United States to have a Native name. My parents had to name me in English by law until the American Indian Religious Freedom Act (1978)
In 5 years, I have never once had a client complaint about the way I dress or act. In 5 years, I have never had a client report inadequate or unhelpful treatment with me.
I still wish I was born a male, but today I realize what I really need is power and protection in this society, irregardless of my sex assignment, intersectional identities, physical appearance or values and beliefs.
I don't want the power to control or harm others, and it sucks coming to terms with the fact that clinical psychology was founded on just that, and still perpetuates exactly that, in 2023.
Last night, I did a lot of grieving. For the ancestors, who survived genocide, for all my relatives who have been dehumanized and traumatized in mental health treatment settings, for myself and my harmful misdiagnoses/treatment, and for those who lost their lives as a result
Wouldn't it be such a better life if I could just dress like this and sit in a castle. 😪 An idea 💡: therapy, but we are both in costume and use role-play strategically as a protective shield to unpack our cl's inner most workings and deepest experiences, in character.
Since I was a young girl, I wished I was born a sex assigned male. I experienced a lot of body dysphoria around this until I started college. This was worsened in my upbrigning, after multiple experiences of significant sexual and intimate partner violence.
It is real when I say that each and every one of your thoughts, comments, likes, or engagements, helped save my life as an Indigenous Woman this week. One day, I hope that the mental health system will be a place that is safe for me and honors all my humanity, and protects
#MeToo
I want to personally thank each and every single one of you who saw my message and uplifted my spirit over the past few days. This is nation-building.
Nik'i hon winno, mi'we lu'takmu 🌿❤️ —Hunja Pulba
Honored to have been able to participate in a very cool project w/
@BruinLife
. Stay tuned for more updates on the Body is Beautiful photo project and the art gallery that will open
@UCLA
this fall. 👏🏼🤍
Sacramento bound for the Los Rios Native American Graduation!!! Excited to see all the graduates tomorrow and share some words of wisdom as a former community college student. But first, I must eat this super delicious taco salad 🥗 😋
Today I was invited to do a guest lecture on Tribalography and the power of storytelling to influence our self narratives & mental well-being for a former undergraduate English professor's class. This is the work that fills me up. 🥰
Living wildly, fully,
#phenomenallyindigenous
, thank you for the healing voice you provided and empowered Native youth with at the Annual American Indian Youth Conference & Basketball Tournament
@CircaKiGordon
your words are powerful, healing medicine 🤎✊🏼
Thank you all for your support, truly, I can't say it enough. Being in these experiences alone is isolating, traumatic, and highly upsetting. Waking up today though after all of your wonderful words, support, and community aid, I am feeling much more hopeful. <3
I'm in favor of vibe check-ins at the start of therapy sessions. What are we vibing with today: childhood trauma, heartbreak, the emotional labor and pain of systematic racism and colonial power hierarchies. I must understand the vibe to facilitate the session accordingly.
I just heard a student describe “preliminary analysis” as a “vibe check”
😂 Then instead of conclusions, “what is it giving?”
Talk about making research accessible lol
Every step feels like a mile as an Indigeous woman from a rural, CA Tribe, as a first-gen transfer student, a first-gen working professional, a first-gen healing 100+ years of genocide, as a caregiver, a human with chronic health conditions, as a WOC caught in the system...✊🏼
but I am only human, at the end of the day, my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health should matter to my supervisors' in a mental health setting, they should matter to a mental health system. I am here to say that as of 2023, they do not matter,
Updates!
The good: no more ulcers
The unknown: I have to wait a week for biopsy results to find out if I have tx resistant celiac.
Brb while I distract myself with work, research, and hopefully some video games, b/c this is NOT the fun waiting game 🙃
Yesterday, I started an open dialogue— speaking from a place of truth-seeking, authenticity, and historical trauma. I led with the ancestors' voices, who never had a chance to speak, or grieve. I spoke from a place of healing, deep pain, and desire for reconciliation and repair.
My APA clinical psychology internship site this year wasn't prepared to meet a good problem & I have/will continue to show up in all my fullness, all my Indigeneity, and all my authentic self, because this is the best problem this system can have.
It's been 3 years and I am still advocating forward each day ✊🏼🌿 each moment, is a new opportunity for change even when it lands us 7 steps back before 3 steps forward. I remain hopeful that healing is possible for our world— thank you to everyone doing the work too
@CCCP_UCLA
It has been 1 decade today since I left my Tribal Nation at age 16 y/o to pursue a better future for my people. I have been raised by Western institutions of higher education. I am so tired, of being forced to fit these spaces and be quiet.
I also have received and felt the allied love of many, of many people in the building who were willing to listen to my voice. Including my fellow interns, several leadership members, and staff psychologists who are all psychologists of color at my site.
Somewhere out there is a Native American who has long hair, reveres the natural world, and adheres to tradition. Also out there is a Native American with short hair who loves video games who knows nothing about tradition. Both are equally Indigenous. Colonialism shouldn’t dictate
This is why I had to leave Academia. I will always be a wildly, Indigenous woman, and it is not possible to serve my people the way that I need to from within a colonial system or institution.
Decolonization is not a conference presentation, nor is it yet another article or book publication.
It’s about dismantling everything that prevents us from living with dignity in our own lands.
I will preparing abstracts for special paper calls, to hopefully use my voice and advocacy to speak for Native people more. I do not have time to service both clinical training, and myself, or my people. I do not want to be forced again to choose.
@CDCgov
shows continued upward trend in
#suiciderates
post-pandemic, with the sharpest impact continuing to fall on American Indians/Alaska Natives. I pray for a day when the first peoples' of this land/nation are able to choose to live in it,
@TWLOHA
Pesak' tuk tuleni ❤️ here's to many more adventures and continuing to hold each other through this tough work of being at the forefront of Indigenous mental health and healing ✊🏼
So much joy in being with these two in person! I am so grateful for all that has happened to bring
@littledoverey
@kawennison
and I together. I am a stronger woman for knowing you two 💕
As an Indigenous clinician, I have casually observed that it is actually my international college students who are most accepting and receptive to my Indigeneity. Which leaves me feeling hopeful and honored to continue working with this population 🌿💓
I'm curious, NON-Natives what age were you when you found out the Beringia land theory (aka the Bering Strait Theory/Land Bridge Theory) was debunked & is an anti-Indigenous racist myth commonly used to denounce Indigenous people as the original inhabitants of this land?
Setting my intentions this morning to continue being wholly me, in all that I am— I am not a commodity to be packaged for the pleasure and comfort of others. 🌿 I am full, and alive, constantly shifting shape from one season into the next. Spring feels good on my growth 🌾