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kurtis conner Profile
kurtis conner

@kurtisconner

1,057,167
Followers
4,208
Following
4,259
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Statuses

comedian / kurtisconnerbiz @gmail .com /

he/him
Joined April 2009
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 months
St. Bulges Day is now streaming on Crave in Canada ☘️🇨🇦 I play Luke he’s kind of epic 😅
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
yo imagine being in your 30’s and having “drama” with someone lol
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
saying “running errands” - dumb - normie - ok boomer saying “doing side quests" - wicked - tight as fuck - sounds like ur a lvl. 50 paladin or something and that’s wicked and tight as fuck
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
happy one year anniversary to the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life 💙
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
cops: use chemical weapons and shoot rubber bullets point blank at innocent people’s faces also cops: they threw a apple 🥺
@PortlandPolice
Portland Police
4 years
More items recovered that were thrown at officers: Full beverage cans, bricks, bottles, rocks, food.
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
hands down funniest comment I’ve ever seen holy shit
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
I can’t even enjoy the last of us cuz whenever that pedro guy is on screen I start giggling blushing kicking my feet and twirling my hair
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
what the fuck does this mean
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
crazy how some people could hear “cops should be punished if they murder someone” and their response is “whoa let’s not get political” like HUH DUDE??
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
10 months
I can’t believe this video is actually real hahaha who the fuck told her this was a good idea at all hahaha holy shit dude
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
bitches really be in they car crying to Falling by Harry Styles at 1PM 😂😂 it’s me I’m bitches
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
5 years
no exaggeration dude this is the worst video I have ever watched
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
call me crazy but hey maybe don’t make fan edits and compilations about this?? what the hell
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
do NOT show this to Shane Dawson
@TranslatedCats
translated cats
2 years
The bottom is beautiful.
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
please stop vaping just smoke cigarettes I’m begging u
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
normalize asking bartenders if they’ve “heard any rumours lately” so they can give you a fun little side quest
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
actually so wild that people are going to Disney World right now when they can just simply not do that
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
10 months
I was invited 111 years ago to ride the titanic, I said no. Kind of scary that I could have been on it
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
my girlfriend did my makeup and took a bunch of cool photos and tbh I’m about to act up 😳 I’m gon make me do somethin 😏 ( @timedoesnotexisthere on IG)
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
a notes app apology for pedophilia damn 2020 is truly something else
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
things that would immediately kill a victorian child — a thread
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
james corden seems like the type of guy to repeat a joke you said to him much louder so everybody else thinks he came up with it
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
the bachelor is a bad show but if they made a friendship version where a dude hangs out with 20 different guys to pick a new best bud holy shit I would watch it every single day
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
people say blue lives matter like mfs are born with blue skin and the doctors like “aww congratulations it’s a cop”
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
why do I even open this fuckin app
@Vianextdoor
Via
1 year
Yo I found @kurtisconner
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
JK Rowling’s an idiot I could’ve written those stupid books in my sleep
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
*my dad saying his vows to my mom* me in the crowd: bro’s the rizzler 💀
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
why would you want to be the main character in life when you could be the confused extra that accidentally looks at the camera
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
please vote this year!!!! holy shit!! and not for trump obviously!!!
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
lots of angry Beatles fans in my DMs tonight 🙄
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
11 months
this is an insane headline but I thought this mf was blowing a huge bubble
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
ezra miller trying to order a coffee without punching the barista in the throat
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
landlords when they break their legs
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
everybody’s freaking out over dream’s face reveal when I literally did a face reveal the day I was BORN 🙄
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
5 years
Bill Nye’s full name is Bill New Year’s Eve
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
the most stressful 79 minutes of my life
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
I’m not crying bro my eyes are just cumming
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
11 months
honestly same
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
why the fuck did they use this picture of me
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
so outta pocket to tweet this hahaha
@DiscussingFilm
DiscussingFilm
2 years
Dear Evan Hansen has received 0 Oscar Nominations. Read out ⭐️ review:
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
there is literally nothing funnier than this picture I think about it 100 times a day
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
I’m sorry for ever doubting the existence of god! he is real and he is great 😍
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
4 years
Tonight, @FLOTUS and I tested positive for COVID-19. We will begin our quarantine and recovery process immediately. We will get through this TOGETHER!
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
why tf are people doing shein hauls like haven’t you shein haul this global warming going on?
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
TIME TO CHANGE THAT BIO 🤪
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
ME 😈
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
if I put helium up my ass would my farts be high pitched??? please this is urgent
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
*people carrying a dead body* “omg I wonder which celebrity is in there 😮”
@ThePopTingz
Pop Tingz
1 year
A secret celebrity was carried and on her way to the #MetGala Who do you think it is?
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
hope u can forgive me ❤️
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
5 years
don’t mind me I’m just practicing for the day that I get to be on a red carpet!!! 🤩 and I’m learning from the best 😊😍
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
smoked weed with my grandpa call that family tree
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
10 months
damn I predicted the colleen ballinger apology video 3 years ago
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
very interesting...I post this photo a few days ago and look what this guy wears 🙄 lol fan behaviour 😴
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 months
this is the recommended method of watching my videos btw
@hateshack
Danny Dearest ⚦
3 months
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
11 months
there’s a really good YouTube video about this movie 🤭
@brettxcx
𝔹𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕥 💛 || RU-POP ERA
11 months
SHE GOT HANGED???? WHAT KIDS MOVIE IS THIS HUHHH
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
5 years
“hey bro u wanna come over and lip sync in my bathroom?” “bro absolutely I do”
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
where was this little freak’s Barbie poster?????
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
idk probably “I have a sword kink”
@EdoVibeQueen
EdoQueen🌹
1 year
What sex opinion would have you like this?
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
“using goofy sound effects = pedophilia” is a take I thought I’d never see
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 months
u think u the jizz? ur not even the balls 😜
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
11 months
Changed my body from the way God made it, It reflects my altered mind.
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@Grimezsz
𝖦𝗋𝗂𝗆𝖾𝗌 ⏳
11 months
Changed my body from the way God made it, It reflects my altered mind.
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
I hope TanaCon doesn’t get cancelled
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
my fyp is giving me both ends of the spectrum lmao
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
yo is that me in the bottom left wtf
@jeremysmiles
Jeremy Kaplowitz
1 year
i cannot believe this image of elon musk at the world cup is real
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
“recovering” lol that’s a boo-boo
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
7 months
me in highschool when my friends wanted to smoke weed
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
a little snack for all the people who don’t let their dogs sleep on the bed with them
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
5 years
ah yes my favourite movie...Book
@Julian_Epp
Jules
5 years
This says a lot about society
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
aww quit your job ❤️
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
deer when they see a car speeding towards them at full speed
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
I do this all the time dude this isn’t newsworthy
@YahooEnt
Yahoo Entertainment
2 years
Chris Pratt went to bed 'upset' and 'depressed' following social media backlash
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
explain this atheists
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
7 years
omg I love their new logo 😍🤤
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
“stop crying it’s just a movie” the movie:
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
found out I’m allergic to white tattoo ink after I got it tattooed into my fuckin skin 😎 yall got any tips on the best way to rip ur skin off
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
POV: ur an actor on Riverdale being forced to say the dumbest shit of all time
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
5 years
was feeling sick yesterday but Harry Styles has cured me I feel better than I ever have
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
a popular coffee shop chain I used to work at made me throw out perfectly good food instead of giving it to a homeless man because they said if people saw a homeless person eating Starbucks it would be a “bad look for the company” 🙃
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
PLEASE VOTE BIDEN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I JUST WATCHED TRUMP’S 60 MINUTES INTERVIEW AND I WANT TO RIP MY HAIR OUT HE SUCKS SO HARD
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
gonna get this girls face tattooed on my left asscheek
@GKuhlenschmidt
Ms. Grace Kuhlenschmidt
4 years
what is the purpose of a tattoo?
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
weird...I got a notification that someone followed me but when I go to my notifications I can’t see anything 🤔
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
all men do is lie
@_literallyleah
leah 👻
1 year
thinking about how i gave @kurtisconner my cowboy hat and he promised it would be safe… then the tour bus burnt down the next week 😭 rip pink beauty
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
two in the pink 😜
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
now that the queen is dead you’re allowed to say “omg queen behaviour” whenever somebody dies
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
tf is this guy’s deal?
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
are germs even real I have never seen one
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
2 years
me when I have a little tummy ache
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
can we normalize being perfect and handsome and flawless I’m tired of feeling ashamed of it 😅
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
1 year
*grandma dies in hospital* doctor: I’m so sorry for your loss *flatline sound* charlie puth: that’s a b flat :(
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
someone told me to listen to Corpse so I went to a graveyard and put my mf ear to the ground 😂 shit was lowkey fire 😅
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
how my friends and family look at me:
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
LETS FUCKING GOOOOO
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
no exaggeration this is the funniest tweet I have ever seen in my life
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
on all levels except physical I am a girlboss
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
getting ready for my big day tomorrow ☺️
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
they should just make mascara-proof water
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
wow just found out billionaire is short for williamionaire
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
4 years
can lightning mcqueen get drunk without getting a DUI
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
5 years
it’s November 2nd do they just dress like this now
@KimKardashian
Kim Kardashian
5 years
West Worms 🐛 🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛
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@kurtisconner
kurtis conner
3 years
apparently I am neither fresh nor fit 😥
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