Harris Alterman @harrisalterman Twitter profile

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

2 months

We asked couples "What's your partner's least attractive feature?"

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@Julia_J_Evans

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@hidoriMK2

Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

3 months

asking New Yorkers what they would do with 1 million dollars

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

27 days

We asked men to read other men’s deepest secrets

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

3 months

people read the last text from their ex

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

What's your favorite holiday?

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

2 months

This is important

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

5 months

Comedian destroys guy from LicoriceTown

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

2 months

asking New Yorkers if they've ever cheated

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

2 months

Asking New Yorkers “what’s your favorite childhood memory?”

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

3 months

asking New Yorkers “ what’s a news story people aren’t talking about enough?

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

2 months

We asked liberals and conservatives to read each other their poems about glue.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

2 months

these facts will blow your mind

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

11 months

Airbnbs vs. Hotels vs. Dr.Dinkie's Baby Dungeon

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

4 months

Comedian roasts ENTIRE CROWD

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

3 months

missed connection reunited after 10 years

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

4 months

asking New Yorkers if they want Trump or Biden in 2024

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

3 months

afraid of turning 30? Watch this.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

3 months

. @this_is_alon plays woman in the park her favorite song

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

the guys who make reality TV for women

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 month

America is healing

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

4 months

Comedian vs Thomas Jefferson

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

4 months

guess who my boyfriend is

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

4 months

asking New Yorkers their favorite holiday

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

3 months

$10 Hearing Aid Pie vs $100 Hearing Aid Pie

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

I have obtained leaked footage of @elonmusk 's first meeting at Twitter.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

Does money make you happy?

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

5 months

If Wonka was on Epstein's list

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

4 months

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

9 days

Hollywood pitch rooms in 2024

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

Where do you take someone on a first date?

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

I MADE CONTENT

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 month

You ask a dumb question on a job application you're gonna get a dumb answer.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

Hey what are you listening to? @Imaginedragons

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

How long do you last?

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

I like to listen to my dad's last fart before he died.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

asking strangers if they've ever cheated

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

I broke down the top 4 corners in a room.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

What's the best restaurant in NYC?

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

11 months

Famous musician: Yea I can’t even read music. I don’t even know what a guitar IS. I’ve never heard anything or said anything. I’m not even a person, I’m a gas.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

Oh god, what did Draymond do now?

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

10 months

At my funeral I want them to read off something I never accomplished followed by YouTube videos I watched over the course of my life. Harris never learned Spanish. Michael Cera Breaks Down His Most Iconic Characters.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

23 days

@weirddalle Hey man if you're gonna repost my video the least you can do is tag me. #StolenContent

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

If you want to be successful you have to ignore those negative voices in your head.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

I'm a trick shot guy now

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

I deleted all my social media!

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

11 months

A real man’s CVS shopping list: Shampoo that comes in a bottle that looks like Jack Daniels. Whitening strips that come in a box but the box is a firm handshake. Prep H that comes out of a gun. The gun is loaded and there is no prep H in it.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

My old account got hacked. This is my new account.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

The more job titles someone has the more unemployed they are. "Yea I’m an entrepreneur, writer, musician, actor, and life coach." "Well hang in there man you’ll find something soon."

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

3 months

@this_is_alon @PamNotAnderson @salinas_pedro @kenicemobley @mrgrahamkay

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

If I was a tattoo artist and someone asked me for a swastika I’d be like “for sure” then draw Barbara Streisand lighting a menorah.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

My favorite thing is walking around Manhattan wearing a fanny pack, holding a big map and asking people, “EXCUSE ME, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO GET TO MANHATTAN?”

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 month

@cyn0phobia YES

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

3 months

@ImaniAndromeda yes. he did.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

11 months

@shrimpJAJ @sagaftra Wow this might be the best impression i've ever seen

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

@bryanyang @this_is_alon @PamNotAnderson @RazorLou @bassamshawl @MiaFaithHammond

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

Couples ketamine therapy

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

@davetotheross @lelandcomedy1 @katieboylecomic @PamNotAnderson @this_is_alon

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

11 months

Oh shit, if you delete Threads it deletes your family.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

I opened my eyes after meditating and a rat ran past my window. New York City baby!!!

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

@maxfine_ I immediately regret this

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

@JennyGorelick , @this_is_alon , @JoeyDardano , @ChaseDuRousseau , @RealErikScott , @BoswellDavidson

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

2 months

@this_is_alon @maxfine_

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

Just heard an ad for acoustic wave therapy for ED and I really hope it's just a guy who makes weird noises at your penis.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

11 months

@this_is_alon @JoeNunnink @PatrickHastie

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

@this_is_alon @PatrickHastie @JoeNunnink @maxfine_

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

@nuggets AHHHHHH!!!!!!

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

Me at the beginning of a zoom call: Hey everybody! Happy Tuesday! Phil, I'm liking that new haircut! Me 2 hours into a zoom call: We deserved 9/11.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

@this_is_alon @bryanyang @bassamshawl @RazorLou @PamNotAnderson @MiaFaithHammond

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 year

Cannot believe Fox News fired Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Lee Jones is where I get my news. Good for Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Lee Jones is gonna have a podcast bigger than Joe Rogan. Tommy Lee Jones.

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 month

@BASEDringo thanks!

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Harris Alterman

@harrisalterman

1 month

@CaytonHolland it's fucking sad