max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8 @maxfine_ Twitter profile

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 month

Here is my standup album: Here is a 10 minute standup video with a joke about anal: I hope you enjoy them both

I Like His Style

Max Fine · Album · 2023 · 20 songs.

open.spotify.com

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

Last night at the bar, a woman pulled her boobs out. I pretended like it wasn’t a big deal but in my head I thought “this is VERY cool”

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

It's hard to explain to people in NYC that I've had better fried chicken in a gas station than their friend's restaurant in Bushwick

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

Won $70 as the guy next to me busted out on blackjack and he said “eat shit” to me. About 5 minutes ago, he told me how excited he was that he got a free ticket to the comedy show tonight. He does not know who is performing.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

Seeing my parents for the first time in a year and a half this week. If this gets 1,000 likes, I’ll show up on acid

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

I’ll give y’all a hint

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 years

All my tattoos could have just been t-shirts

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

If you really want to impress me, cook chicken next to a bottle of motor oil

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

@bensbryant We had a nice conversation prior and I believe it will end in him buying merch

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

I am up $100

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

Up $50

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

I don't need to see The Whale to know that Brendan Fraser is a great actor. That's what George of the Jungle was for.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Someone at work just slacked me my own viral tweet and said "lol, this guy has the same name as you!"

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

If you don't like doing standup, you don't have to do standup

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 years

Boxer working from home

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

I get locked down, but I get up again

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 years

Tomi Lahren spells both of her names wrong

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 month

More Phish shit

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

@rivardless ...good on you, dude!

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Me, receiving a compliment

EHA News

@eha_news

2 years

🤖 A robot trying to replicate human emotions.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 months

Had a panic attack at the bodega. They threw a cup of water at my face if you want to know the difference between a grocery store and a bodega.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

5 months

On mushrooms at a concert. Is Henry Kissinger really dead?

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

@KevinMcCaff It was very passive and we were having a pleasant time right before!

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

Considering doing a lobster fest but it’s just me letting 24 lobsters loose in my apartment

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

5 months

I don’t really know what to say other than I love this guy and so does everyone else. Such a horrific loss. I’ve got some stories that I’ll share with people in private so as not sully the man’s name (or hairline), but do yourself a favor and laugh at this joke.

Melissa Jean

@MelissaJeanSays

5 months

Stand-Up Comedy: Kenny DeForest Generalized Anxiety Disorder 😳 😆🤣

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

"I'm not going to sugarcoat this for you"-original maker of Advil seconds before being fired

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 years

Lol, the start of the pandemic was so much fun

max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 years

Boxer working from home

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

5 months

Tell ya what. If you're gonna lose a friend- it rips when the hang in the waiting room is so good and full of comics that the hospital police step in to say "this looks like a party"

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 months

I have no idea who this man is. I have no idea what he has been accused of. I am 100% positive he is guilty.

Rolling Stone

@RollingStone

4 months

French Prosecutors Dismiss Gerard Depardieu Sexual Assault Complaint More:

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Stand up comedy is just playing two truths and a lie for like 10 minutes at a time. It's very easy.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

Water should taste better if it's gonna be this important

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 years

We are all going to die.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

@cromulon5 Nope. Chester's is fine, but I'm specifically thinking of a BP on Hill and MLK in Atlanta

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

5 years ago, I found the saddest infographic of all time

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Went viral yesterday. Didn't bring my wife back.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

My best friend is on The Tonight Show tomorrow. He's the funniest comic I know and I am so overwhelmingly proud of him. Tits out for the boys. Fuck, this rocks so hard.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Top Gun was so good that I’m willing to give Scientology another shot

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

Walked by two apartments I used to live in, and I can’t stress this enough- you do not need to live in Bushwick when you move to NYC

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

You can always tell how cool someone is by how many of their friends are dead

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

I want to make it clear that I was not at the Shrek Rave on Tuesday. I have never been to a Shrek Rave. No matter what the pictures show, I was not and have never even heard of a Shrek Rave. My friends are not Shrek cosplayers. I do not know where the Shrek Rave tonight is.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

In an Airbnb, you watch movies. In a hotel room, the remote has a plastic lock and the TV only shows Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives at life-threatening volume.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

You want me to join Hive? The thing that killed Macauly Culkin in My Girl?

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

The best open mic I’ve ever been to was the one I used to host in Atlanta. Every week, the bar gave me $100, a meal, and unlimited alcohol. No one ever did well.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

Also, just to be clear. There's no way I'm showing up to meet my parents on acid. I will wait until we sit down for dinner like a good son.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 years

Comics laughing at Kanye like they haven’t had a meltdown at an open mic before

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

@benwassertweet I was so chill

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

I guess you could say I'm "not afraid to do the big work"

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

The most embarrassing part of NYC is telling every visiting comic "look, I can't help you get shows. I can't get myself on shows. I'm about ready to quit comedy and start farming. Can I borrow 10 bucks?"

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

This is my cat, Philip Cheesesteak. He’s dumber than piss.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

Ok, my mom has seen this and she is not happy about it

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 months

Sappy post, but it’s important to keep things in perspective. Depression can be a real motherfucker. I know it, you know it, but it’s so crucial to remember that you do not have to take an improv class.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

The last time I confused a taser and a gun, I wound up tasing my left temple

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 years

“This shit is called COVID-19, man. You smoke this shit and you won’t leave the house for a month.”

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

5 months

See previous tweet

Josh Gondelman

@joshgondelman

5 months

If you have the chance to tell your friend that Henry Kissinger has died just before that friend tells you that he’s on mushrooms, I can say from experience that you should take it.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

Right, I’m supposed to tag people to follow. @MaxFine12

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

7 years ago, my roommate came home from a party to watch the Super Bowl. He was pretty drunk and immediately fell asleep on our couch. The rest, as they say, is history.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Last night, without realizing there was industry at the show I was on, I confidently (while wearing sweatpants) opened a set with "Hey gang, answer me this. Why'd they only circumcize one of my dicks?"

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

@realDANYANG Your dividend is in the mail

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

10 months

Look at this pic @JordanAshleighF took of me and my dad

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

I'm Jewish, Kanye. Could you milk me?

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Someone got really deep and vulnerable talking to me tonight and at the end they hugged me and said “Thanks, Scott. I really needed that.”

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

I hate all of you, but mostly myself

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

8 months

*big gulp* You can pre-order my album right now. It comes out October 13th. The vinyl sounds better.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

God, grant me the confidence of someone who started comedy in New York

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

We’ll get him the next next time

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 years

When your boys agree to be your wingman for the evening

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

There is nowhere I would rather pee than this bathroom in North Carolina

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Me, doing comedy in my 30s with absolutely no modicum of success: "Yeah, I should keep doing this for sure"

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Every time I get on a plane, I look at the person next to me and say "time ain't the only thing flying today, huh?" They all hate it.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

The Supreme Court was like "you know what doesn't feel dangerous enough? Open mics in Manhattan"

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

This is my worst nightmare. Went to use the bathroom at the gym and as soon as I sat on the toilet, an entire group of youth basketball players came in to change. I cannot leave and they are all making fun of me through the door

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

Garth Brooks just hugged four presidents while not wearing a mask

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

Colin Powell once took a shit at the Dunkin’ Donuts I worked at and we had to close down for the day

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

I did not expect my penis to get bigger when I got covid, but here we are. Just me and my big penis.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

A lot of people think I look bad for my age, but here I am at 23 in 1976

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

11 months

I'm recording an album in Brooklyn one week from today. Would be really cool if you came through. No worries, if you can't.

CYSK Presents: Max Fine Album Recording

The hilarious Max Fine tapes his debut special LIVE at the Gutter!

www.eventbrite.com

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

5 months

Alright, I won't make Kenny's passing about me, I just want to say that he had a lot of fun seeing Phish with me this Summer and said "I will absolutely do this again." I think you should all respect that.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Christ

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

When I was a kid, I thought I'd be dead by 30. Now that I'm 30, I'm afraid I'm going to live forever

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

10 months

You know the deal. If you need help- ask. I’m around.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Breakups in your 20s: I don’t know who I am anymore Breakups in your 30s: Oh no, someone out there knows who I really am

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

When I quit drinking, I got really into smoking weed. When I quit smoking weed, I got really into Kratom. Anyways, I'm doing cocaine again.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

11 months

It has been 700 days since I was drunk. I will absolutely utilize this to direct traffic to this website:

CYSK Presents: Max Fine Album Recording

The hilarious Max Fine tapes his debut special LIVE at the Gutter!

www.eventbrite.com

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

Ok, new twitter verification is getting scary

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

I have a new monthly comedy show starting soon. Now would be a good time to earn some good will by offering spots.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Get you a mom that can do both (smoke weed in the back of a comedy show and miss your set but immediately say “great job”)

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

I (very briefly) hosted a fight club outside of my high school that mostly devolved into dudes realizing they were into each other

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

Goddammit. It finally happened. I’m the oldest guy at the open mic.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 years

Oh damn, just saw Chris D’Elia is a piece of shit. Really makes you think, how many other completely visible, in plain sight, and not subtle at all cases of creeps there are out there, huh?

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

Jesus Christ. Dave Matthews Band fucks so hard

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

2 years

Here are 5 albums I'm listening to this week, send me yours. 1. Michael 2. Rowland 3. On 4. Fallon 5. Tonight Watch it or you're dead to me.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

5 months

Feeling the most confident I have ever felt. Asked the bodega guy to put a hash brown patty on my sandwich and he said “for you, I can do that.”

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

4 months

I hosted an open mic in Atlanta once and a guy asked me to introduce him as "a headliner from New York." He subsequently bombed. 3 hours later, I picked him and his wife up in an Uber and drove them a few miles home to the house they lived in with their kids.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

3 years

Tonight, I've elected to take mushrooms and go see Space Jam in a theater. Not sure if it's a good idea, but I have packed more mushrooms in case I'm asked to leave.

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_

1 year

Sent a comedy club avails and they responded by adding me to their marketing email list 15 times

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max fine | columbus, oh jun 6-8

@maxfine_